In which I bitch about my husband
So I was an hour later to work today than I wanted to be today, thanks to a minor fight with my husband. A lot of you don't know this, but I work for the State contractually, meaning I have no paid leave of any kind - no holiday, no vacation, no sick. Basically, if I don't work, I don't get paid, period. My husband, on the other hand, has a normal job with paid leave. For the past two years I have waited for the nanny in the mornings because Will worked over an hour away from the house, and in an area that would back up with traffic significantly if he didn't leave very early. So he got to get up and get ready without any children under foot, get to work at a predictable and early time every day, and be home by 4:00 pm. I, on the other hand, had to wait for the nanny (so if she was 15 minutes late, so was I), possibly get stuck in crazy traffic (I work 30 minutes from home without any traffic - it usually takes me anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour to get here), often get to work later than I wanted, and get home around 5:30 - 5:45...just in time to start dinner and feed everyone. There were days I didn't even get to change out of my work clothes before launching into the evening festivities. Nothing like making tacos in a business suit, let me tell you. There were also many days that I didn't work my 8 hours, meaning I either had to work from home to make up the time, or just not get paid for it, which is obviously not ideal. Will got at least 8 hours every. single. day. Who has the better end of the deal here? It certainly isn't me.
Fast forward to now, where my husband is on a new project and works, literally, 3 minutes from the house. So lately he's been waiting for the nanny, because even if she's 10 minutes late, that means he's only 15 minutes late. He's been waiting for her (most days) and getting home in the afternoon at 4:00 too. I am greatful for this, however, I guess I don't see it as much of a sacrifice for him (and some days he acts like it is). He drives for 5 MINUTES. And works his 8 hours. And drives 5 minutes home. Seriously, dude, wtf are you complaining about??
So this morning, I ask if he can get the cash out to pay the nanny. He looks at me all irritated and says "well then I have to leave work early." And it's just like the last straw for me. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO? He can take leave time for the extra half hour he would need to leave work to get out money. I can't. If I leave early, we have to just not get paid for the time, and then he bitches that my check was lower than it was supposed to be. Let's also remember that for the past 6 weeks he has been gone Monday - Wednesday with work, so I've had the girls by myself morning, evening and overnight for all that time. This morning he also said that I "could get up at 5:00 am and go to work if I wanted to." Well yes, after nursing the baby 4 times between 12:30 pm and 5:00 am, that is exactly what I feel like doing. It's real easy to tell me when I should get up when he gets a full 7 hours of unbroken sleep every night and when he's not boxed in by when he can leave and come home because his presence is depended on sustaining the life of our 4 month old. Bitch please.
I'm just so done with the selfishness. I have thought of and bought practically every single Christmas gift we are giving to everyone this year, including Maddy's preschool teacher, the food for her preschool Christmas party, the mitten tree gift at her school, the presents for the VA Christmas party last weekend, and the mitten tree gifts for church. He is going out Saturday to buy my presents, because so far he hasn't gotten me anything. I have designed, ordered, and am now in the process of addressing all the Christmas cards. I will most likely wrap most of the gifts, plus figure out and make whatever we're bringing to our parent's houses this year. I have busted my ass to keep the stairs clean, the kitchen clean, the living room clean, and clean the girls rooms. I will do the bathrooms over the weekend, because I swear to God I could not cleaning for a FUCKING YEAR and he would still not touch them (his excuse? "I don't like to clean them," Yes, because it is just my most FAVORITE thing to do.)
I love my husband. He's a good guy, he loves me, he loves his girls, and he really does try. I've know him for 17 years and we've been together for the past 9, and most of the time, things are great. We're just not always on the same wavelength with regards to where the priorities are. And I know he just finished his thesis, and I know that was a shit ton of work, but let's not act like not having him around 3 days a week while he was traveling, plus not feeling like I have any help because of his damn thesis for the past 8 weeks was a fucking walk in the park for me.
And this sounds selfish. And I don't care.
//end rant
Fast forward to now, where my husband is on a new project and works, literally, 3 minutes from the house. So lately he's been waiting for the nanny, because even if she's 10 minutes late, that means he's only 15 minutes late. He's been waiting for her (most days) and getting home in the afternoon at 4:00 too. I am greatful for this, however, I guess I don't see it as much of a sacrifice for him (and some days he acts like it is). He drives for 5 MINUTES. And works his 8 hours. And drives 5 minutes home. Seriously, dude, wtf are you complaining about??
So this morning, I ask if he can get the cash out to pay the nanny. He looks at me all irritated and says "well then I have to leave work early." And it's just like the last straw for me. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO HAVE TO DO? He can take leave time for the extra half hour he would need to leave work to get out money. I can't. If I leave early, we have to just not get paid for the time, and then he bitches that my check was lower than it was supposed to be. Let's also remember that for the past 6 weeks he has been gone Monday - Wednesday with work, so I've had the girls by myself morning, evening and overnight for all that time. This morning he also said that I "could get up at 5:00 am and go to work if I wanted to." Well yes, after nursing the baby 4 times between 12:30 pm and 5:00 am, that is exactly what I feel like doing. It's real easy to tell me when I should get up when he gets a full 7 hours of unbroken sleep every night and when he's not boxed in by when he can leave and come home because his presence is depended on sustaining the life of our 4 month old. Bitch please.
I'm just so done with the selfishness. I have thought of and bought practically every single Christmas gift we are giving to everyone this year, including Maddy's preschool teacher, the food for her preschool Christmas party, the mitten tree gift at her school, the presents for the VA Christmas party last weekend, and the mitten tree gifts for church. He is going out Saturday to buy my presents, because so far he hasn't gotten me anything. I have designed, ordered, and am now in the process of addressing all the Christmas cards. I will most likely wrap most of the gifts, plus figure out and make whatever we're bringing to our parent's houses this year. I have busted my ass to keep the stairs clean, the kitchen clean, the living room clean, and clean the girls rooms. I will do the bathrooms over the weekend, because I swear to God I could not cleaning for a FUCKING YEAR and he would still not touch them (his excuse? "I don't like to clean them," Yes, because it is just my most FAVORITE thing to do.)
I love my husband. He's a good guy, he loves me, he loves his girls, and he really does try. I've know him for 17 years and we've been together for the past 9, and most of the time, things are great. We're just not always on the same wavelength with regards to where the priorities are. And I know he just finished his thesis, and I know that was a shit ton of work, but let's not act like not having him around 3 days a week while he was traveling, plus not feeling like I have any help because of his damn thesis for the past 8 weeks was a fucking walk in the park for me.
And this sounds selfish. And I don't care.
//end rant