A pretty real update...
Yesterday was really a great day.
It was my step dads birthday yesterday, wew 46!
Yea, so, in the morning I snuck in an hour and a half of last minute Art Camp volunteering. Amy was late so when she came in and everything was set up she really appreciated me and stuff - I like making people happy.
After that I babysat for a few hours, which was very calm, yey! Easiness!
And then after that I bussed to UVIC, riding with an old friend Leah, and met up with Troy, we both hung out with Tyler and went to his show. I love Tyler, he's soo cute... *sigh* he reminds me of my sister mostly but sometimes I just wanna shake him cause he acts like me. lol. Yea. He worries me. I know I should stop trying to save the world cause it's not my business, but I really dont know what it is. But I cant. I just cant. I care about everyone and moreso the people like Troy and Tyler and Alex and NUMEROUS others that have made an impact on my way of life - I've never told anyone this but before my birthday (and dating Troy) Jessica K. told me about Troy and Tyler not getting involved in alcohol and drugs and such, and it was realizing there were people liek that in the world that made me stop. So in a way I wouldnt have stopped drinking if it werent for them becomming my friends. And I propably wouldnt still have 2 bottles of whiskey, rum and weed in my dresser right now that I havent touched since my birthday.
Well we all bussed out to Jess' party. OMG I saw soooo many people I missed soooo much! AHH! Donna especially. Hah, she gave me the biggest hug - then grabbed my ass..... mm hmmm. I also met a bunch of people and over all I had a blast. It was a struggle not to drink though. Like, It sucks when you have depended sooo much on alcohol to wash away the hurt and pain for years (yes I also did pot and E) so to quit prety much cold turkey on my birthday I really kind of think of the fact I was growing up and my parents would actually LET me go to parties now. So here I am, totally surrounded by alcohol and I cant have it cause I made a promise to myself. It messed me up soo bad in the past. But having other people like Troy and Tyler and Mike and Elise and Ben - I cant remember if there were other non drinkers - around me helped me not break my promise. I felt sooooo unbelievably good when Troy told me that he was peoud of me for not drinking. I mean my dads side of the family is like "lives revolve around alcohol/beer", just look at my uncle Mike - he created/owns Lighthouse breweries. Hes a big beer drinker, and as germans we all expect each other to be. I feel like such a rebel by not drinking. Then again I thank that I didnt because Jess' water pipe burst and I helped a lot to clean up and I got Kevin to tell Ian how to fix the water problem by calling Langford or something. It was also pretty damn hard watching Kate drink as I am exactly exactly like her but probably 4 times as worse... Like I dance and run and I kiss EVERYONE regardless of my relationship and I just let it all loose. So she reminded me a lot like me. But she praised my strength and it really made me feel good. I feel really... I dont know, um similar and more connected to Kaitlyn now. I want to hang out with her more cause she seems to really understand and has been through similar shit in her life. Mmmhmm. *sigh* I didnt want to leave. Jess is soo cute, Troy didnt say it was HER house we were going to, I love her!
I got home at 2:30, i still havent eaten anything (for a week and a half I have been eating only a small dinner with an occasional hot chocolate that Amy would buy me when volunteering). My tummy is soo empty but when I tried to eat this morning I totally threw it up. I dont know what is up with me. I want to eat but I cant. I feel totally full at the same time. *sigh* I think the last time I looked at the clock it was 3 am and I woke up this morning at 6am. 3 hours sleep.
Today I get to g work on a project with Anna and then hang out with Troy again. I love him. Like he cares for me soo much, I just wan to explode. Not a good idea mind you, eww. Yeeep! sooo Im off to try to eat again and do dishes/some other chores, have a shower to get all the beer and alcohol off me, And then leave.
I loved my St Patricks Day...
It was my step dads birthday yesterday, wew 46!
Yea, so, in the morning I snuck in an hour and a half of last minute Art Camp volunteering. Amy was late so when she came in and everything was set up she really appreciated me and stuff - I like making people happy.
After that I babysat for a few hours, which was very calm, yey! Easiness!
And then after that I bussed to UVIC, riding with an old friend Leah, and met up with Troy, we both hung out with Tyler and went to his show. I love Tyler, he's soo cute... *sigh* he reminds me of my sister mostly but sometimes I just wanna shake him cause he acts like me. lol. Yea. He worries me. I know I should stop trying to save the world cause it's not my business, but I really dont know what it is. But I cant. I just cant. I care about everyone and moreso the people like Troy and Tyler and Alex and NUMEROUS others that have made an impact on my way of life - I've never told anyone this but before my birthday (and dating Troy) Jessica K. told me about Troy and Tyler not getting involved in alcohol and drugs and such, and it was realizing there were people liek that in the world that made me stop. So in a way I wouldnt have stopped drinking if it werent for them becomming my friends. And I propably wouldnt still have 2 bottles of whiskey, rum and weed in my dresser right now that I havent touched since my birthday.
Well we all bussed out to Jess' party. OMG I saw soooo many people I missed soooo much! AHH! Donna especially. Hah, she gave me the biggest hug - then grabbed my ass..... mm hmmm. I also met a bunch of people and over all I had a blast. It was a struggle not to drink though. Like, It sucks when you have depended sooo much on alcohol to wash away the hurt and pain for years (yes I also did pot and E) so to quit prety much cold turkey on my birthday I really kind of think of the fact I was growing up and my parents would actually LET me go to parties now. So here I am, totally surrounded by alcohol and I cant have it cause I made a promise to myself. It messed me up soo bad in the past. But having other people like Troy and Tyler and Mike and Elise and Ben - I cant remember if there were other non drinkers - around me helped me not break my promise. I felt sooooo unbelievably good when Troy told me that he was peoud of me for not drinking. I mean my dads side of the family is like "lives revolve around alcohol/beer", just look at my uncle Mike - he created/owns Lighthouse breweries. Hes a big beer drinker, and as germans we all expect each other to be. I feel like such a rebel by not drinking. Then again I thank that I didnt because Jess' water pipe burst and I helped a lot to clean up and I got Kevin to tell Ian how to fix the water problem by calling Langford or something. It was also pretty damn hard watching Kate drink as I am exactly exactly like her but probably 4 times as worse... Like I dance and run and I kiss EVERYONE regardless of my relationship and I just let it all loose. So she reminded me a lot like me. But she praised my strength and it really made me feel good. I feel really... I dont know, um similar and more connected to Kaitlyn now. I want to hang out with her more cause she seems to really understand and has been through similar shit in her life. Mmmhmm. *sigh* I didnt want to leave. Jess is soo cute, Troy didnt say it was HER house we were going to, I love her!
I got home at 2:30, i still havent eaten anything (for a week and a half I have been eating only a small dinner with an occasional hot chocolate that Amy would buy me when volunteering). My tummy is soo empty but when I tried to eat this morning I totally threw it up. I dont know what is up with me. I want to eat but I cant. I feel totally full at the same time. *sigh* I think the last time I looked at the clock it was 3 am and I woke up this morning at 6am. 3 hours sleep.
Today I get to g work on a project with Anna and then hang out with Troy again. I love him. Like he cares for me soo much, I just wan to explode. Not a good idea mind you, eww. Yeeep! sooo Im off to try to eat again and do dishes/some other chores, have a shower to get all the beer and alcohol off me, And then leave.
I loved my St Patricks Day...