Writing is Cathartic... and so are much needed goodbyes.
I am ridding myself of several unwanted, psychologially and emotionally draining relationships. There are three people on the "no more, you're cut off from all avoidable contact" list.
The first is a person I have been the friend of (but not always the other way around) for over six years. She is conditional in her friendship, but I have never wavered from her. I have pulled guns, razors, and on one strange occasion, a felt-tip marker away from her to keep her among the living. I have cried, and bled with her, but we have been drifting for years, because I am growing and healing, and she won't let go of her pain. She has held on to the same pain, unwilling to part with it for much too long, and she loves it much more than she could ever love anything or anyone else. She and I have nothing to speak about anymore, are completly different from eachother now, and I believe it is time to let go, for both of our sakes. (mine for the helplessness feeling that comes with being unable to help, hers from the frustration and fear of change.) Goodbye, and I hope you will finally find happiness in life.
The second is more of a memory than a relationship, but still someone I have held onto for much too long, in an unhealthy manner. I've loved him, hated him, cried for him, and yearned for him, and finally left his life, but not his memory. I need to leave that behind as well now. I cannot help but think back on how much time and energy I wasted trying to make someone love me, when I needed to realize, that love is the ONE emotion that cannot be perposfully instigated. You can make someone angry, happy, hurt and sad, hell, if you try hard enough you can even make someone hate you, but you cannot ever force love. It was not his, nor my fault that he did not love me, no matter how good for him I was, it's just sometimes like that. life's funny that way. So, Goodbye J.W.S.T., I hope you find someone to love who's good to you.
The third is not nearly as long of a friendship, but I am more in need of ridding myself of this one than the others. I cannot and will not accept thinly veiled insult, and open arrogance as any type of advice. I also will not associate with people who are self involved enough to use statments like "the reason you're co-workers like you so much is because I visit you" and "he was only nice to us because I'm cute". I dislike arrogance, and self-involment, and people who pretend that their's is the only and worst pain in the world. I beleive very firmly in the fact, that no matter how bad you think you've got it, there is always someone out there who's seen more, and been hurt more than you have, and is dealing with it better. I cannot get this through to this person, and really see no point in trying anymore. I do not like people who call you up for the sole reason to get drunk, and bitch about the same things over and over again. if you refuse to heal and get over your issues, don't bring them up to me, I don't care about it, if you don't wanna heal and get better. And I also hate when people give completly misinformed, and unwanted advice, if I don't ask you, I really don't want your opinion. And I REALLY don't want YOUR opinion, at all. Ever. So goodbye, little girl, I hope you can learn to grow up someday. you might actually be a decent person if you do. But you're not yet.
Ah... I feel better now. I have, in one fell swoop, rid myself of most of my external relationship/friendship type stress. (the two people that I've cut contact with are aware of the fact that I do not intend to persue any further contact, so it's not as if I'm just dropping them without notice.)
The first is a person I have been the friend of (but not always the other way around) for over six years. She is conditional in her friendship, but I have never wavered from her. I have pulled guns, razors, and on one strange occasion, a felt-tip marker away from her to keep her among the living. I have cried, and bled with her, but we have been drifting for years, because I am growing and healing, and she won't let go of her pain. She has held on to the same pain, unwilling to part with it for much too long, and she loves it much more than she could ever love anything or anyone else. She and I have nothing to speak about anymore, are completly different from eachother now, and I believe it is time to let go, for both of our sakes. (mine for the helplessness feeling that comes with being unable to help, hers from the frustration and fear of change.) Goodbye, and I hope you will finally find happiness in life.
The second is more of a memory than a relationship, but still someone I have held onto for much too long, in an unhealthy manner. I've loved him, hated him, cried for him, and yearned for him, and finally left his life, but not his memory. I need to leave that behind as well now. I cannot help but think back on how much time and energy I wasted trying to make someone love me, when I needed to realize, that love is the ONE emotion that cannot be perposfully instigated. You can make someone angry, happy, hurt and sad, hell, if you try hard enough you can even make someone hate you, but you cannot ever force love. It was not his, nor my fault that he did not love me, no matter how good for him I was, it's just sometimes like that. life's funny that way. So, Goodbye J.W.S.T., I hope you find someone to love who's good to you.
The third is not nearly as long of a friendship, but I am more in need of ridding myself of this one than the others. I cannot and will not accept thinly veiled insult, and open arrogance as any type of advice. I also will not associate with people who are self involved enough to use statments like "the reason you're co-workers like you so much is because I visit you" and "he was only nice to us because I'm cute". I dislike arrogance, and self-involment, and people who pretend that their's is the only and worst pain in the world. I beleive very firmly in the fact, that no matter how bad you think you've got it, there is always someone out there who's seen more, and been hurt more than you have, and is dealing with it better. I cannot get this through to this person, and really see no point in trying anymore. I do not like people who call you up for the sole reason to get drunk, and bitch about the same things over and over again. if you refuse to heal and get over your issues, don't bring them up to me, I don't care about it, if you don't wanna heal and get better. And I also hate when people give completly misinformed, and unwanted advice, if I don't ask you, I really don't want your opinion. And I REALLY don't want YOUR opinion, at all. Ever. So goodbye, little girl, I hope you can learn to grow up someday. you might actually be a decent person if you do. But you're not yet.
Ah... I feel better now. I have, in one fell swoop, rid myself of most of my external relationship/friendship type stress. (the two people that I've cut contact with are aware of the fact that I do not intend to persue any further contact, so it's not as if I'm just dropping them without notice.)