(no subject)
Why hello everyone. It's been a few days since I've had a chance to update, not that I really have a lot to say anyways. Life can be pretty dull here, after all, we just go to PT in the morning (that's the part where they make us run and stuff), go to class, and then come back and chill at the barracks while pretending to study. So, I think I will ramble a little bit. I may be coming to terms with the fact that I'm in the army. When i went home over memorial day weekend, I realized that I have no desire to go back to the life I used to have. I miss everyone so much, and I miss my freedom, but I can't imagine being a civilian again. This really feels more like home than my home back in california does. That makes me a little sad, but since I enlisted for six years, i guess feeling at home here is a good thing. It also makes me feel as though I've lost something that i can't quite put my finger on. It would be too cliche to say that it's innocence, because i didn't come here as a child, I came as an adult and that isn't really something that should have changed. I do feel like I've lost a part of what made me who I was. It's as if the life I used to lead was not my own, as if I was watching someone else do all the things I have done. It's like karma i suppose, looking back on your own life and judging what you have not accomplished. That can be a hard realization also, that I had not done much in the way of making my mark on the world before I got here. It is made more difficult by the knowledge that we may all be sent to Iraq within the next year, and many of us will not be coming back. What am I leaving behind? Friends, family, yes, but no contributions besides a life given up in a vain pursuit of someone elses goals.