Getting It Down
I think I'm in serious need of journal time. So many things are changing. I'm afraid if I don't take the time to get it all down, something important might get lost in the shuffle. I'm working my ass off to make sure that I don't end up the lost one.
Oriah has been here for a month now, and to say her arrival has taxed the system, is an understatement. I love this kid, but she is the biggest vampire suck of energy I've ever experienced, and I've known my fair share of energy suckers... she exhausts me. Trying to get her to honor her commitments is like pulling teeth, and I get triggered all over the place, which challenges me and my patience.
Some moments I just feel like fleeing, and then knowing that really isn't a viable option, I look at how I can use it all to change shit that I don't like in my life. It's a bitch being a role model for an 18-year-old who is sure she knows everything about everything but in fact knows little about a lot. Life has not yet bitch-slapped her with a reality check, but based on her actions and behavior in the next few days, I just might find myself standing in.
She calls me mom, and by her actions I can see she considers me a real mom in her life, and with that kind of relationship comes responsibilities on both sides of the coin. I feel responsible for providing her opportunities to learn. There are so many things she has not experienced. I also want her to learn from my experience, my accumulated skills, my wisdom, and my observations. I feel responsible to be totally honest with her. That's hard work.
Being a mom isn't the only thing that taxes the system. Having to uproot the house for another person to feel and have a home is stressful. We have all worked to make the changes, it's like one of those picture puzzles where you need to move one tile at a time to arrange the scene properly. We combined the Altars all into one. I tore down my computer desk and gave it to Oriah for her school work. We put the bench that was the North Altar out on the porch with A's tools inside, now she can work out there more conveniently. We moved the red bookcase of toys to the Temple's West Altar, and placed my desk between the South and West. I feel more functional already. The exerciser is now in my bedroom, but there is still a ton of work left to do in that room.
The truck seems ready to be picked up tomorrow. This truck has been an odyssey that rivals any that Homer encountered, but I'll write more on that later.
Oriah has been here for a month now, and to say her arrival has taxed the system, is an understatement. I love this kid, but she is the biggest vampire suck of energy I've ever experienced, and I've known my fair share of energy suckers... she exhausts me. Trying to get her to honor her commitments is like pulling teeth, and I get triggered all over the place, which challenges me and my patience.
Some moments I just feel like fleeing, and then knowing that really isn't a viable option, I look at how I can use it all to change shit that I don't like in my life. It's a bitch being a role model for an 18-year-old who is sure she knows everything about everything but in fact knows little about a lot. Life has not yet bitch-slapped her with a reality check, but based on her actions and behavior in the next few days, I just might find myself standing in.
She calls me mom, and by her actions I can see she considers me a real mom in her life, and with that kind of relationship comes responsibilities on both sides of the coin. I feel responsible for providing her opportunities to learn. There are so many things she has not experienced. I also want her to learn from my experience, my accumulated skills, my wisdom, and my observations. I feel responsible to be totally honest with her. That's hard work.
Being a mom isn't the only thing that taxes the system. Having to uproot the house for another person to feel and have a home is stressful. We have all worked to make the changes, it's like one of those picture puzzles where you need to move one tile at a time to arrange the scene properly. We combined the Altars all into one. I tore down my computer desk and gave it to Oriah for her school work. We put the bench that was the North Altar out on the porch with A's tools inside, now she can work out there more conveniently. We moved the red bookcase of toys to the Temple's West Altar, and placed my desk between the South and West. I feel more functional already. The exerciser is now in my bedroom, but there is still a ton of work left to do in that room.
The truck seems ready to be picked up tomorrow. This truck has been an odyssey that rivals any that Homer encountered, but I'll write more on that later.