intimacy

[willowperson]

Hello.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what it is to be a friend. I've been called out recently on making people feel important, but then not treating them as such. This causes me a lot of confusion, so I'd really like some feedback.

Comments

[dragon_mintz]

I personally appreciate the kind of friendship you give. I understand how busy you get; and how many different ways your free time is split, especially because you *are* so good at making people feel appreciated/special/warmandfuzzy. That and you have a huge list of things you find fun and interesting and you (unlike many people) actually take time for those fun and interesting things. I do think that your style of relating is unusual and as such people expect a certain set of 'normal' things that they don't get from you. I don't feel like that's a failing on your part - I think that people who pressure you to relate to them only in the way they expect are failing to appreciate you as the fascinatingly unusual person that you are. This is not to say that they are bad people, or even bad friends. They are just having a bit of a perception fail.

I wouldn't want you to change. I get to see you only rarely, mostly due to distance but also somewhat due to time, and I can't tell you how much I enjoy the time I do spend with you because you are so present to the moment. The converse of that is what you mentioned about not returning texts and such right away. People who want your attention both when you are with them and when you are with other people have unrealistic expectations. And the thing about other peoples expectations is that you are not required to fulfill them, especially when they aren't realistic.

Not everyone will be able to see things from your perspective, and those that can't will always be unsatisfied with how much of you they get. But that isn't something you need to take on as long as you and those few people you are closest to are happy with whatever balance you've struck. If those few are the ones that are unhappy you may have to make a few adjustments in order to keep those relationships healthy. Otherwise, I'd say just keep being you and those who can't understand or accept that will eventually (sadly) fall away.

(feel free to unscreen if you want to respond)

[willowperson]

The being interested in so much stuff might be the thing... for me, 3 hours a week is *huge*. For many people I interact with, it's *nothing*, because they don't fill their time to bursting with other activities... which is fine, but leads to misunderstandings.

Hope to see you soon.