wahahahah!! i recovered my password!
o_o
... gaawwwd blogging is so ninetiiiies~
Okay so hm. Uppodato:
Therapy, 2 years and 1 ten-day focus group/class thing at the hospital. Ew. Hospital food.
When I "graduated" as they put it, the staff thanked me for helping the rest of the group to smile and open up. I was like uhhh you're welcome? Aren't I supposed to thank YOU for helping ME? I felt kinda awkward, not used to being called the "sunshine" as they put it.
In some environments, I can be myself. That's quickly growing to MOST environments, ashully. But it depends on whom I'm with.
I don't feel compelled to hide anymore.
Like how I was at Sutherland. I could be myself, and, until Adam and I broke up, everyone mostly liked me. Sure, some saw me as the crazy one, that's okay. I don't care what they think. I'm more sound of mind than most "normal" people pretend to be. I was going through a lot while working there, and most of the time I looked forward to being at work than going home. Well, until I was alone at home. That was nice.
I'm moving agaaaiiin... to Wesside. I decided I can't go to Van, my parents need me more than ever now. Things are going to change for my parents, and fast. Mom can't spend more than a day away from dad, she says. We kinda all knew this xmas was prolly the last where dad is actually going to be dad. I'm used to this happening, I hope my brothers are. I laugh a lot with dad, and when he's grumpy because he can't take everything in, I can turn into more giggles. We just have that thing, but I don't know if it will always work in the future. I don't blame him for getting upset, I would be too. Mom said he was sad to see his truck go. He barely got to use it.
They're taking a cruise in March, and my brother is coming to watch the house. For once, I don't have to! Wuu! I love my family, even if we are quiet and distant most of the time.
Oh right, moving. Ha, tangents! My buddy Branny bought a house with a hot tub and everything and I can help pay HIS mortgage instead of some shmuck's. We cook together already, and has funs, and I dislike the odd people here, so off I go on a new adventure! Branny's current roomie and friend (the farty brian guy from forever entries ago) is getting the suite for a few months until his UPS pay kicks into high gear, but I might get it after.
I tried to find my birth mother last year, but even mildly illegal searches my boss at the time made didn't produce anyone. People started telling me she must be dead. Ah well, I know she cared enough to give us up! That's a huge message in itself. I might try Fort Nelson again, though.
I haven't really tried to date much in 2009. I had a couple boyfriends... James, in Spokane. He looked like Trent Reznor only cuter, but he had too many issues for me. One time he missed me so much he tossed a remote and it ended up smashing his new 46" Sony Bravia. Needless to say, I got a call with sobbing coming from the other end that I couldn't make sense of. I actually found I have the strength to hold someone else together when they need me, but I want children, and this guy already had divorced twice with three kids. We text now and again, but it's too emotional to keep in touch. For him.
And then there was Brian, who gave me roses the first week. He's awesome and has a house and a pug, a software designer. But um. He uh. Lacked in some areas where I require...more...stuff. Like wit, and sex. That and I found I'm DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO PUGS!! D: D: D:!!
My friends say I have high standards. I say I have a right to, I paid my dues!
And now, the news.
I'm getting weight-loss surgery. I've been researching it for two years and decided on the duodenal switch. I'm battling congenital problems and a syndrome, along with chemical imbalances and insulin problems. This will help to correct my metabolism. It's been shifting gears, and even though all I like to cook for myself is steamed broccoli and a small portion of low-fat meat, working out 3 days a week, the most I lose in a month can sometimes be 8 lbs. I used to lose that in a week, sometimes two days.
My skin and body can't take anymore of this losing and gaining. PCOS does do this to most women, sometimes less drastically. I have pants and skirts of 3 different size ranges!
Thankfully, my feet are still size four. Yay cheap shoes with no tax!
Anyhoo, in a year or so, I'll be able to be more active (yes, i know i'm hardly at home right now but i mean like ACTIVE active) and pounce people without causing serious trauma to passersby!
Oh, job. Right. No, still don't have a real one. I'm writing articles online and designing fashion prints for fabric. I really like that better than doing freelance crap. Working on my own style so I can do a gallery showing sometime. It keeps changing--SURPRISE--but I think now that I know myself as a whole it's coming together.
I'm thinking of taking a break from all the homework and just getting a simple job I can ditch... once I move. I keep thinking I could apply at shaw, but I need to focus on my art or I'll never reach my goals. I don't mind being poor, ashully.
... gaawwwd blogging is so ninetiiiies~
Okay so hm. Uppodato:
Therapy, 2 years and 1 ten-day focus group/class thing at the hospital. Ew. Hospital food.
When I "graduated" as they put it, the staff thanked me for helping the rest of the group to smile and open up. I was like uhhh you're welcome? Aren't I supposed to thank YOU for helping ME? I felt kinda awkward, not used to being called the "sunshine" as they put it.
In some environments, I can be myself. That's quickly growing to MOST environments, ashully. But it depends on whom I'm with.
I don't feel compelled to hide anymore.
Like how I was at Sutherland. I could be myself, and, until Adam and I broke up, everyone mostly liked me. Sure, some saw me as the crazy one, that's okay. I don't care what they think. I'm more sound of mind than most "normal" people pretend to be. I was going through a lot while working there, and most of the time I looked forward to being at work than going home. Well, until I was alone at home. That was nice.
I'm moving agaaaiiin... to Wesside. I decided I can't go to Van, my parents need me more than ever now. Things are going to change for my parents, and fast. Mom can't spend more than a day away from dad, she says. We kinda all knew this xmas was prolly the last where dad is actually going to be dad. I'm used to this happening, I hope my brothers are. I laugh a lot with dad, and when he's grumpy because he can't take everything in, I can turn into more giggles. We just have that thing, but I don't know if it will always work in the future. I don't blame him for getting upset, I would be too. Mom said he was sad to see his truck go. He barely got to use it.
They're taking a cruise in March, and my brother is coming to watch the house. For once, I don't have to! Wuu! I love my family, even if we are quiet and distant most of the time.
Oh right, moving. Ha, tangents! My buddy Branny bought a house with a hot tub and everything and I can help pay HIS mortgage instead of some shmuck's. We cook together already, and has funs, and I dislike the odd people here, so off I go on a new adventure! Branny's current roomie and friend (the farty brian guy from forever entries ago) is getting the suite for a few months until his UPS pay kicks into high gear, but I might get it after.
I tried to find my birth mother last year, but even mildly illegal searches my boss at the time made didn't produce anyone. People started telling me she must be dead. Ah well, I know she cared enough to give us up! That's a huge message in itself. I might try Fort Nelson again, though.
I haven't really tried to date much in 2009. I had a couple boyfriends... James, in Spokane. He looked like Trent Reznor only cuter, but he had too many issues for me. One time he missed me so much he tossed a remote and it ended up smashing his new 46" Sony Bravia. Needless to say, I got a call with sobbing coming from the other end that I couldn't make sense of. I actually found I have the strength to hold someone else together when they need me, but I want children, and this guy already had divorced twice with three kids. We text now and again, but it's too emotional to keep in touch. For him.
And then there was Brian, who gave me roses the first week. He's awesome and has a house and a pug, a software designer. But um. He uh. Lacked in some areas where I require...more...stuff. Like wit, and sex. That and I found I'm DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO PUGS!! D: D: D:!!
My friends say I have high standards. I say I have a right to, I paid my dues!
And now, the news.
I'm getting weight-loss surgery. I've been researching it for two years and decided on the duodenal switch. I'm battling congenital problems and a syndrome, along with chemical imbalances and insulin problems. This will help to correct my metabolism. It's been shifting gears, and even though all I like to cook for myself is steamed broccoli and a small portion of low-fat meat, working out 3 days a week, the most I lose in a month can sometimes be 8 lbs. I used to lose that in a week, sometimes two days.
My skin and body can't take anymore of this losing and gaining. PCOS does do this to most women, sometimes less drastically. I have pants and skirts of 3 different size ranges!
Thankfully, my feet are still size four. Yay cheap shoes with no tax!
Anyhoo, in a year or so, I'll be able to be more active (yes, i know i'm hardly at home right now but i mean like ACTIVE active) and pounce people without causing serious trauma to passersby!
Oh, job. Right. No, still don't have a real one. I'm writing articles online and designing fashion prints for fabric. I really like that better than doing freelance crap. Working on my own style so I can do a gallery showing sometime. It keeps changing--SURPRISE--but I think now that I know myself as a whole it's coming together.
I'm thinking of taking a break from all the homework and just getting a simple job I can ditch... once I move. I keep thinking I could apply at shaw, but I need to focus on my art or I'll never reach my goals. I don't mind being poor, ashully.