my headphones, they saved my life
i've never felt so strongly before, despite fighting back my usual urges to just let my heart float free ...just worry as i go along without thinking till i get hurt.
i'm also feeling like this time, that isn't needed. unless of course this is too good to be true...in which case i'll just want to die anyway so what's the point of worrying. ha.
oh i feel so much, and this time it's not hurting in the least. sure there's risk and distance, i'm more aware of that now than ever.. but there's just so much that's worth it. i already feel like i thought i'd never feel, and i haven't even let go yet. it's almost worth relishing, just this part. the part when you're floating in midair as you jump, knowing you'll be caught gently.
and at this point, i don't fear like i did before. the only thing i fear is letting him down in some way i haven't yet foreseen. not fitting in, i don't care about that. giving too much? ha he deserves it all. money? i'd spend it all to be with him if this all works out. getting hurt? he doesnt hide things from me. will i cry? just from happiness, like i feel like doing now.
in my mind i just analyze scenarios, and i can't find an unhappy one. in my heart, i look for possible shortcomings, and i can't find any--in fact, the more i look, the better things seem.
he said he can't stop thinking about me, and that he never would want to. i know exactly how he feels. the world has regained vibrance and colour. i feel closer to myself even, beautiful and worth it all. the more i think about him, the more certain i feel.
i feel like thanking every last person who has lead me to this man, repeatedly.
i feel like apologizing to him for fearing this could all be one big lie up til now.
i feel like jumping up and down and doing odd things in my cubicle at work for as long as it takes til i'm in his arms.
i feel like i'm finally breathing.
it's never been so sweet.
i'm also feeling like this time, that isn't needed. unless of course this is too good to be true...in which case i'll just want to die anyway so what's the point of worrying. ha.
oh i feel so much, and this time it's not hurting in the least. sure there's risk and distance, i'm more aware of that now than ever.. but there's just so much that's worth it. i already feel like i thought i'd never feel, and i haven't even let go yet. it's almost worth relishing, just this part. the part when you're floating in midair as you jump, knowing you'll be caught gently.
and at this point, i don't fear like i did before. the only thing i fear is letting him down in some way i haven't yet foreseen. not fitting in, i don't care about that. giving too much? ha he deserves it all. money? i'd spend it all to be with him if this all works out. getting hurt? he doesnt hide things from me. will i cry? just from happiness, like i feel like doing now.
in my mind i just analyze scenarios, and i can't find an unhappy one. in my heart, i look for possible shortcomings, and i can't find any--in fact, the more i look, the better things seem.
he said he can't stop thinking about me, and that he never would want to. i know exactly how he feels. the world has regained vibrance and colour. i feel closer to myself even, beautiful and worth it all. the more i think about him, the more certain i feel.
i feel like thanking every last person who has lead me to this man, repeatedly.
i feel like apologizing to him for fearing this could all be one big lie up til now.
i feel like jumping up and down and doing odd things in my cubicle at work for as long as it takes til i'm in his arms.
i feel like i'm finally breathing.
it's never been so sweet.