Two weeks of pain...
This was originally gonna be a post about my day yesterday, but to talk about that I need to give a little history...So I'll talk about Wednesday on Friday...hopefully.
So yesterday was a pretty rough day. Actually it's been a pretty rough two weeks. I think it's the medication I'm on, but I have been waking up sleepy. I mean waking up and i can't even rollover because I am so tired. I know I'm getting enough sleep. I get like 10hrs and i only need 5, 6hrs tops. But for the past two weeks I've been having the same debate; do I go to work late (ie half day), do I sleep in, or do I just take a much needed day off? (i've been known to be a workaholic - it's that perfectionist in me) But every day for the past two weeks the answer has been the same or similar; I have to go to work i have a presentaion/meeting/training/project due/etc... Which isn't a problem. After all, I am a perfectionist when it comes to my job, even if i don't like it, sometimes in spite of that fact. However, one thing i can't stand is wasting my time. Which is another reason i don't take a lot of days off, because all i would be doing is sitting at home watching tv and playing video games, basically a bunch of nothing.
So every morning after having this argument with myself, i drag myself out of bed, manage to make myself look decent and professional, except that one day...i was just...i don't even know...anyway, and drag myself to the train to fight with people over a seat that wasn't designed to fit a single adult human being, and arrive to work, not with a smile, but with a look that says, 'i may not kill you today'. All-in-all, a successfull morning. However, as I spend my morning preparing for my presentation/meeting/training/project, the presentation/meeting/training/project has been cancelled/delayed or the presenter/trainer just decided to not show w/o notice/phonecall/email...nothing.
That is what pisses me off and turns my look of 'i may not kill you today' to 'everyone must burn in the firery abyss and their smoldering ashes must be salted and purified to prevent your very essence from rising, resurrecting, or reincarnating, to prevent your very being from spreading and infecting others thus, keeping me from going postal and wiping this city off the face of map and if possible, out of history all together.'
I've denied myself the extra indulgences like sleep and time off to be here, because that is my job, and 2 mins before or worse 30 mins after I've been waiting, it's been cancelled or rescheduled for a later date or even worse you just don't show up at all? So you just pretty much cursed in my face and called me bitch for everyone to hear. Obviously my time isn't important if you can just reschedule a meeting 2 mins before or 30 mins after it's supposed to start you just decide to not show up to the presentation/meeting/training/project (the one were i'm the only other attendee) without any notice and then expect to me to be available for whenever the new time is if there is a new time. The only fucking reason i came in to work today and everyday for the past 2 weeks is because I've had this prior engagement to facilitate or attend and now it's cancelled 2 mins before it starts or you don't have the common sense or upbringing to inform me that you can't make it!!
Then everyone asks me why am i upset, i should be happy, now there is a meeting i don't have to attend. Oh really!?! I should be happy that i just wasted the past 2 days preparing this presentation, or the past hour prepring for this meeting, or the last 45mins preparing to train someone, or the last 4 days(in a row) waiting all day for someone to show up and train me and complete this project and not only did they never show, but i got no work done waiting on this person, but I should be happy because now I have free time. The free time i wanted was this morning while I was lying in bed contemplating on whether or not i should bring my happy ass into work or not!! Can you give me that free time back??
I'll be happy alright...when i make a crater the size of texas as a result from me blowing this mother fucker up.
Summer needs to fucking happen already, cuz this permanent rain cloud over my head is getting on my nerves.
So yesterday was a pretty rough day. Actually it's been a pretty rough two weeks. I think it's the medication I'm on, but I have been waking up sleepy. I mean waking up and i can't even rollover because I am so tired. I know I'm getting enough sleep. I get like 10hrs and i only need 5, 6hrs tops. But for the past two weeks I've been having the same debate; do I go to work late (ie half day), do I sleep in, or do I just take a much needed day off? (i've been known to be a workaholic - it's that perfectionist in me) But every day for the past two weeks the answer has been the same or similar; I have to go to work i have a presentaion/meeting/training/project due/etc... Which isn't a problem. After all, I am a perfectionist when it comes to my job, even if i don't like it, sometimes in spite of that fact. However, one thing i can't stand is wasting my time. Which is another reason i don't take a lot of days off, because all i would be doing is sitting at home watching tv and playing video games, basically a bunch of nothing.
So every morning after having this argument with myself, i drag myself out of bed, manage to make myself look decent and professional, except that one day...i was just...i don't even know...anyway, and drag myself to the train to fight with people over a seat that wasn't designed to fit a single adult human being, and arrive to work, not with a smile, but with a look that says, 'i may not kill you today'. All-in-all, a successfull morning. However, as I spend my morning preparing for my presentation/meeting/training/project, the presentation/meeting/training/project has been cancelled/delayed or the presenter/trainer just decided to not show w/o notice/phonecall/email...nothing.
That is what pisses me off and turns my look of 'i may not kill you today' to 'everyone must burn in the firery abyss and their smoldering ashes must be salted and purified to prevent your very essence from rising, resurrecting, or reincarnating, to prevent your very being from spreading and infecting others thus, keeping me from going postal and wiping this city off the face of map and if possible, out of history all together.'
I've denied myself the extra indulgences like sleep and time off to be here, because that is my job, and 2 mins before or worse 30 mins after I've been waiting, it's been cancelled or rescheduled for a later date or even worse you just don't show up at all? So you just pretty much cursed in my face and called me bitch for everyone to hear. Obviously my time isn't important if you can just reschedule a meeting 2 mins before or 30 mins after it's supposed to start you just decide to not show up to the presentation/meeting/training/project (the one were i'm the only other attendee) without any notice and then expect to me to be available for whenever the new time is if there is a new time. The only fucking reason i came in to work today and everyday for the past 2 weeks is because I've had this prior engagement to facilitate or attend and now it's cancelled 2 mins before it starts or you don't have the common sense or upbringing to inform me that you can't make it!!
Then everyone asks me why am i upset, i should be happy, now there is a meeting i don't have to attend. Oh really!?! I should be happy that i just wasted the past 2 days preparing this presentation, or the past hour prepring for this meeting, or the last 45mins preparing to train someone, or the last 4 days(in a row) waiting all day for someone to show up and train me and complete this project and not only did they never show, but i got no work done waiting on this person, but I should be happy because now I have free time. The free time i wanted was this morning while I was lying in bed contemplating on whether or not i should bring my happy ass into work or not!! Can you give me that free time back??
I'll be happy alright...when i make a crater the size of texas as a result from me blowing this mother fucker up.
Summer needs to fucking happen already, cuz this permanent rain cloud over my head is getting on my nerves.