Today's the day the kids go back to school, apparently
My bandmate Nick and I had a massive fight last night. About mascara and whether old men should be allowed to wear it. I was firmly in favor of mascara-wearing for the geriatrics. Come on, just cos they're old doesn't mean they're not allowed to try and look good anymore. Nick on the other hand is convinced that mascara should only be worn by pubescent boys who don't know any better, and drag queens. Oh and girls too.
It was fierce, it raged for hours, but eventually I won. We settled it by wrestling in the dirt, civilized boys that we are. Nick's heavier than me, so technically he should have won. I admit he crushed my hand. But I fought back with as much bravery as David fighting Goliath, and I won by sneakily directing Nick's foot onto a particularly slippery piece of shit. I don't think it really was shit, but it looked (and oh god smelled) like it. And so did he afterwards.
So there you have it. It was a tough fight but I won. Trouble is I'm not so sure old men should wear mascara anymore. No really. I'm not being ageist or anything. I suppose it could look quite eye-catching if an elderly octogenarian was wearing waterproof mascara in Electric Blue or Powerful Purple Passion.
Anyway the main point of this post was to ponder over something Nick said. He called me an 'ass-wank'. How does that work? It's not like a penis wank. That I get. Asses? Do people use fingers or dildoes? Vegetables? Do they use condoms to protect themselves from carrots and cucumbers?
I realize I am madly veering off the path of decency. So I'll shut up and let you ponder this yourself. Oh, and we're touring England. It's been great, but tiring. What do you expect? The shows are nearly back to back. But it's good to see them all again.