Marriage is a Virus
I've been wanting to post about Marriage Works for a while now. I spend most Sunday nights out at Best Beloved's place, and on Monday morning I take the Metro to work (and today was the last day I will ever do this, because on Friday we are MOVING IN TOGETHER, yay!). The Metro station I get off at has for a few weeks been sporting these very scary billboards -- some featuring a smarmy white bride and groom, others featuring a slightly less unattractive African-American bride and groom (because apparently although Marriage Works, Miscegenation Does Not). Most of them say "Marriage Works." A couple of the ones featuring the African-American couple say "Married People Earn More Money." Get me to the church on time, baby. How romantic.
Anyway, today I finally decided to research where these billboards come from. Googled "Marriage Works" and came up with the link above. Turns out these are from some scary people calling themselves "Campaign for our Children," purveyors of abstinence-only education and now of creepy marriage-promoting billboards. I'm pushing for the next billboard to say "Anal Doesn't Count," or something of that nature, since that seems to be the take-home message for many graduates of these programs. Or how about, "Don't Bother Using Condoms, Because They Don't Work and HIV is in Sweat and Tears, Anyway." Sheesh.
In other marriage news, on Saturday afternoon I had kind of an extreme Freudian slip. BB and I spent the afternoon at my place preparing our contributions to Saturday night's semi-potluck seder. I was going back and forth between the apartment and the basement, doing my laundry. I had just come back from the laundry room, and BB said something, or did something, I can't even remember what, that reminded me what a fantastic girlfriend she is. I said, "You're the best girlfriend ever. That's why I'm going to marry you." As soon as I heard the words come out of my mouth I stopped dead. My jaw dropped, my chest tightened and my heart pounded in my ears as I realized what I had just said. I sank into a chair, babbling "Um, um, that's not what I meant, I meant that's why I'm going to move in with you." BB: "I was wondering if you'd had some kind of epiphany while you were in the laundry room." She laughed and told me to keep breathing. I felt terrified.
When X dumped me (less than 2 years ago!) I told everyone who would listen that marriage was a fraud, a racket, toxic, and I was never doing it again. I moved out of the place I shared with X and in with the Wonder-Roomate and was thrilled to have my own room with a door I could close behind me. I next told everyone who would listen how much I loved living with the W-R, how fantastic it was to have my own room, and that I didn't know whether I would ever live with a lover again since this was so nice. I even told BB all of that (both the marriage part and the living together part) when we first got together, and was so convincing she wondered whether things could work out between us, since she knew she eventually wanted to live with a partner.
In about a year and a half I've gone from not knowing whether I would ever live with a partner again, to knowing I wanted to live with BB eventually but not feeling ready, to knowing it was time, to finding a place with her and packing for this Friday's move. Now I seem to have gone from being sure I would never, ever get married again, to at least some part of my subconscious brain thinking it's a good idea. I don't think it can be the pernicious influence of those posters -- if it is, this is a terrific illustration of unintended consequences and I should write the Marriage Works people a nice letter about it. Watch this space for further developments -- I know I will.