FIRE ONE [VOICE]

[huptwo]

[the mic clicks on and there are some bird noises in the background- whoever is posting is doing so from the woods]

This is Private First Class Dick Simmons, asking for an update on our current situation. Sarge, sir? Grif? Are either of you out there? Please respond.

[then there's a small pause] Wait, so this is like a walkie? Really? This sucks.

Comments

[wheelwork]

(............
) Holy shit.

[huptwo]

[yeah hi to you too asshole]

Grif? Is that you?

[grenading]

[ AH MAH GAH
] Grif!! Hey!!

[wheelwork]

Oh, god. (HIS LIFE. WHY. how does he get out of this. why isn't donut dead. maybe he IS dead. pause.) Simmons, zombie plan!

[huptwo]

What? Zombie plan?! [SHIIIT] What did Sarge do? Was it nuclear or biological? Am I breathing it in right now?

[wheelwork]

Sarge isn't even here!

But you should stop breathing anyway. Just in case.

[grenading]

[ HEY I'M STILL HERE ] What?? Sarge isn't here??

B-but, this means we can't have an awesome reunion party! Aw, man! I was so excited!!

[huptwo]

Then what the hell are you talking about?! Where are we? What happened to Sarge and the Blues??

[wheelwork]

Forget Sarge and them, we've got bigger problems right now. Donut is one of the living dead! Aren't you listening to him? He wants to round us all up, probably to eat us. Fucking run, dude!

[grenading]

...Living dead? Hey! I'm not a zombie! Zombies smell gross, like rotting flesh and stuff! And I'll have you know I smell as fresh and clean as a crisp spring morning!

[huptwo]

Donut is- [WAIT. WAT.]

Grif, Donut's not dead! Doc got it wrong! ... Again! He's not a zombie, seriously! He hasn't mentioned brains once!

[wheelwork]

But-- (BUT... SARGE SAID...) Ugh. Donut. Just. Stop describing things.

[huptwo]

The guy barely has any medical training. And if Donut were a zombie he would have tried to eat my brains already.

Now what the hell happened? If Sarge isn't here then how'd we get here?

[grenading]

Hey, maybe Church exploded again! You did say he got another body, right?

[wheelwork]

Maybe he doesn't want yours because your brain is full of useless stuff. Like how many dice rolls it takes to kill a gnome or whatever.

(DON'T YOU SASS HIM.) Anyway, I woke up here.

[huptwo]

He can't have exploded! There was no one there to blow him up!

And shut up, asswipe. Like you have room to talk with your Battlestar countdown. Like we even get cable.

[HRM] You did? How long ago?