[text]
Insert some crap about being a doctor here. Luckily for everyone on this ogre rickshaw, I can avoid most of the painful questions and introductions with a novel concept called "Frequently Asked Questions", or FAQs for those of you that "frequently" might be too many syllables for.
• Name's Dr. House. You're not allowed to call me "Greg".
• Whatever you've heard about me, good or bad, is probably true.
• Except that there's a sword in my cane. That's not true. Probably.
• If you're particularly delightful, you might see me take a special pill called "Ibuprofen."
• Any questions pertaining to the above bullet will be ignored. Especially if you're a bleeding heart.
• If you have the sniffles or a cut, I'm not actually a doctor.
• Otherwise, hopefully you're not sick enough to require my help.
Any and all other questions can be directed to my roommate, who might relay them to me, which I'll still ignore. Speaking of, your parents had a sick sense of humor, "America." I like them.
Don't everyone get sick at once, now.
P.S.
I won some cigars, booze, and other crap in a game of not-Poker. Now taking bids.
• Name's Dr. House. You're not allowed to call me "Greg".
• Whatever you've heard about me, good or bad, is probably true.
• Except that there's a sword in my cane. That's not true. Probably.
• If you're particularly delightful, you might see me take a special pill called "Ibuprofen."
• Any questions pertaining to the above bullet will be ignored. Especially if you're a bleeding heart.
• If you have the sniffles or a cut, I'm not actually a doctor.
• Otherwise, hopefully you're not sick enough to require my help.
Any and all other questions can be directed to my roommate, who might relay them to me, which I'll still ignore. Speaking of, your parents had a sick sense of humor, "America." I like them.
Don't everyone get sick at once, now.
P.S.
I won some cigars, booze, and other crap in a game of not-Poker. Now taking bids.