TM Prompt 210: Crystal Ball
If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about any one thing you wished -- concerning yourself, your life, the future, or anything else -- what would you want to know?
I'd want to know how people do it. Live, that is. Everyone always tells me, "it's just something you do, Willard" as if it was obvious. But it's not obvious, is it? The way that I want to live, the way I do live... It's never got me anywhere. It's as if I'm not living at all.
My mother and Mr. Martin thought that you had to be loud and rude to get anywhere, to be someone. My father always taught me to be polite. After all, it's better to say nothing and be thought a fool than... Well, you know. I don't suppose I'm that smart, not that stupid either. Never wanted to be a neurosurgeon. Never really wanted to do anything. I've never had any ambition. And that's my problem. That's why I'm not living. I'm just existing.
But how do you get ambition? Do you get forced into it? Most people don't, do they? Not everyone, anyway. Joan's not ambitious. Well. I don't know. Maybe she is. Not ambitious like Mr. Martin, though. I guess she wants to find a guy and settle down and have babies. And that's okay. But I've never really felt driven to do that either. Never felt driven to do anything, at least until I met Queenie and Socrates and Ben.
I was talking to Joan about it. About Socrates, really, but not about him. I didn't say it was him, is what I mean. I told her how differently I felt now. That I'm not afraid. It's like there was a huge black cloak weighing down on me, stopping me from seeing things, and now it's lifted. I can see things outside of that little world of the house and work. I can see myself getting a better job, making some friends, doing better. Maybe even...
Well. I don't know. But it's interesting, because Joan listened to me talking about Socrates and she asked me who the girl was. And I was really confused until she said, "oh, Will... sounds like you're in love." I got really embarrassed after that and I couldn't think of anything to say. I've never been in love, so I don't know what she meant. But it did get me thinking.
I guess if I had that crystal ball, I'd like to know what Socrates really thinks of me. I mean, it's not like I can't tell. But... I wonder, you know?
I'd want to know how people do it. Live, that is. Everyone always tells me, "it's just something you do, Willard" as if it was obvious. But it's not obvious, is it? The way that I want to live, the way I do live... It's never got me anywhere. It's as if I'm not living at all.
My mother and Mr. Martin thought that you had to be loud and rude to get anywhere, to be someone. My father always taught me to be polite. After all, it's better to say nothing and be thought a fool than... Well, you know. I don't suppose I'm that smart, not that stupid either. Never wanted to be a neurosurgeon. Never really wanted to do anything. I've never had any ambition. And that's my problem. That's why I'm not living. I'm just existing.
But how do you get ambition? Do you get forced into it? Most people don't, do they? Not everyone, anyway. Joan's not ambitious. Well. I don't know. Maybe she is. Not ambitious like Mr. Martin, though. I guess she wants to find a guy and settle down and have babies. And that's okay. But I've never really felt driven to do that either. Never felt driven to do anything, at least until I met Queenie and Socrates and Ben.
I was talking to Joan about it. About Socrates, really, but not about him. I didn't say it was him, is what I mean. I told her how differently I felt now. That I'm not afraid. It's like there was a huge black cloak weighing down on me, stopping me from seeing things, and now it's lifted. I can see things outside of that little world of the house and work. I can see myself getting a better job, making some friends, doing better. Maybe even...
Well. I don't know. But it's interesting, because Joan listened to me talking about Socrates and she asked me who the girl was. And I was really confused until she said, "oh, Will... sounds like you're in love." I got really embarrassed after that and I couldn't think of anything to say. I've never been in love, so I don't know what she meant. But it did get me thinking.
I guess if I had that crystal ball, I'd like to know what Socrates really thinks of me. I mean, it's not like I can't tell. But... I wonder, you know?