How To Get On In A Grupe Pt II: What Sort of Arsehole Are You
Right so part one of this manual discussed how grupes and teams operate and the basic structure, as well as a general very basic breakdown the Chain of Command which exists to try to prevent people from holding things up by arguing with every order or generally being twats.
Here in part two you get to fill out a quiz to determine what sort of arsehole you are when you are being an arsehole. Then we will move on to discuss how to overcome your natural tendencies when you are in a grupe so that things can operate more efficiently. Also if you take the quiz with friends you can discover what sort of arseholes they are and how to operate in a fashion that will minimise the likelihood of them behaving like arseholes in any given situation. Or conversely, how to use their arsehole qualities to your advantage and the good of the grupe.
Answer all questions honestly cos otherwise this is pointless. Scoring will come after the quiz.
1. You do not have to eat or drink. You are on an expedition with people who do. You have food and water. What do you do with it?
A. Eat/drink it anyway because it is fun, and it is your share.
B. Offer to let the people who need it have your share since you don't need it anyway. Then keep reminding them how you let them have your share.
C. Sell it to the people who need it, or barter/exchange for it in some way.
D. Pour out the water on the ground and laugh when they get upset.
E. Use the water to bathe with or water a plant with because it looked like it needed some and it is a living being with rights just as much as anyone.
2. You have a personal dislike or bias of a specific activity. However, you also happen to be the person in the grupe who is best at this activity. If a situation came up in which the grupe wants you to do the activity do you:
A. Give an explanation for refusing, but still refuse.
B. Agree, but then expect everybody to praise you and treat you like a hero because of it.
C. Reluctantly agree, but only for pay or special favours.
D. Stubbornly refuse, and throw a fit over even being asked.
E. Refuse and suggest that other people need to develop their own skills in the subject for their own good.
3. It looks as if things are utterly hopeless and there's no way out. Do you:
A. Make jokes about how you're all doomed and probably going to die, whilst getting ready to go down fighting.
B. Give one last rallying speech to unify the group to action, and let them know they're probably all going to die, but it's better to go down fighting.
C. Give one last rallying speech to unify the group to action, and not mention that they're all probably going to die.
D. Abandon the group or make a deal with the enemy to save yourself.
E. Have a nervous breakdown and have to be consoled/comforted by the rest of the group.
4. When it comes to taking orders, do you:
A. Always think you have a better plan than the person giving the order and argue with them.
B. Love taking orders and act like the perfect little soldier, going out of your way to help.
C. It depends on your mood at the time/who is giving the order/how it is presented.
D. Get personally insulted and do what you can to undermine them or generally act like a prick.
E. Do your own thing if you think you have a better idea.
5. How should important decisions be made out on the job?
A. There shouldn't be any set way to make decisions, cos every situation is unique so people should use different methods at different times.
B. The group leader should be the one to make them because that is why they are the leader.
C. The person who has the most experience regarding the situation should be the deciding factor, even if they are not the leader.
D. The people who are in disagreement over how to do something should fight it out and the winner gets to have it their way.
E.They should be put to a vote because everything should always be democratic because that will make everything perfect and everybody will be happy.
6. You really don't like one of the people in your grupe because they offend your sensibilities on professional or ethical grounds. Do you:
A. Work with them side by side and treat them like part of the grupe but still insult them and tell them what a git they are.
B. Put their glaring personal deficiencies aside while you're on the job except when they do stupid things that risk your grupe in which case you tell them what an idiot they are.
C. Put the fact they're a complete wanker aside while you're on the job, and just avoid bringing up the things that annoy you.
D. Mentally put them in the role of 'person who can be pushed into the line of fire if necessary' but do not let them know this.
E. Act like they are one of the grupe to their face and work with them, but complain about them and undermine them behind their back to the people in the grupe you do get on with.
7. You and your lover happen to work together on the same team. Do you:
A. Secretly think if things ever got really bad, you and your lover could strike out on your own and let the rest of the grupe fend for themselves.
B. Listen to your lover's advice more than the actual leader of the grupe, if they are not leader/always think your lover should be leader.
C. Talk baby talk to your lover and act all lovey-dovey in front of the other members of the grupe/get into quarrels with your lover and drag other members of the grupe into it.
D. Secretly plan to rally your lover's support to take over the grupe and/or bend them to your will.
E. Get distracted from doing your own job because you are worrying about your lover/ thinking about your lover naked/ Shagging your lover.
8. You are the grupe leader. Do you:
A. Think having a 'boss' is stupid and oppressive and so more or less trust everybody to make their own decisions about things/Think the grupe should be a democracy so put every decision to a vote.
B. Never ask for your subordinates opinions or listen to dissenting viewpoints because that would be showing weakness.
C. Think of the grupe as a family with you as the head of it, with each person knowing their position and you delegating jobs to them according to their skills and strengths, for their own good.
D. Think of the grupe as a bunch of unreliable and dangerously incompetent morons so you have got to more or less do everything yourself without ever delegating anything of consequence to them.
E. Can't be tied down to do things the same way every time because every situation is different- so in some cases, you give direct orders, in others you let people decide for themselves, in other cases you put it to a vote.
9. Somebody makes a glaring error in the field. Everything turns out all right, but it could have been a disaster. Do you:
A. Shout at them then and there, as soon as everybody is safe.
B. Resolve to remember the incident to shout at them later once everybody makes it through all right, and give them the cold shoulder for the rest of the adventure.
C. Ask the person who made the mistake in calm tones to explain themselves, and make them justify their actions in front of everybody before a grupe decision will be made about what to do.
D. Act as though everything is fine but discuss the situation behind their back with the other members of the party and come to a decision about what to do- including possible mutiny if the mistake was made by the leader.
E. Give everybody in the grupe a bollocking and tell them when the adventure is over everybody is going to have to go through loads of extra training.
10. If you are the one who made the glaring error in question 9 do you:
A. Acknowledge you bollocksed up but say that it's pointless to shout at you for it now and it should wait til you all get out alive and can have your follow up meeting.
B. Tell everybody else things they have done that were stupid.
C. Listen to everybody when they are shouting at you, and calmly explain your reasons for doing what you did, without acknowledging what you did was wrong.
D. Lose your temper at being criticised and set fire to a tree/wreck something/hit somebody.
E. Get overwhelmed by your own incompetence and lose faith in all your abilities, and start blubbing and have to be consoled and reassured.
Scoring:
A Answers: 1 pt
B Answers: 2 pts
C Answers: 3 pts
D Answers: 4 pts
E Answers: 5 pts
10-17 pts: Personal freedom and individuality matter a lot to you. You are a bit of a selfish prick. You are an arsehole because you stubbornly hang on to your personal rights even if it isn't the most clever thing to do for the group. However, you are straightforward and you generally aren't actively trying to sabotage people.
17-24 pts: You are a suck up, or teacher's pet. You really like to be recognised and acknowledged by people in charge. You have a tendency to appoint yourself the one to tattle on and lecture other people. You do the right thing in most cases, but you want everybody to know you did it and praise you for it. You are an arsehole because you are a smarmy git. However, somebody has to take on the burden of being the moral authority of the group and you are it.
24-36 pts: You are pragmatic. Some people would call you calculating and stony hearted. You have the courage of your convictions, however that means that you get into arguments a lot and can refuse to compromise. You are an arsehole because you think you are always right and you like to bang on about 'logic' and 'pragmatism' but in the end you're just as likely to get into an argument to try and get your way as anybody.
36-42 pts: You are an unpredictable wanker. You like to have things your own way and are looking out for number one at all times- you. It is a bit unclear why you've joined a grupe in the first place. Are you a hostage waiting for your chance to kill everybody and escape or are you just waiting for an opportunity to kill everybody and steal all their loot at the first opportunity? At best you're just incredibly self centred and impulsive and not deliberately malicious. At worse you're a psycho who is going to wind up probably getting killed until you kill everybody else first. You are an arsehole because of all the reasons I just explained, and many more.
42-50 pts: You are self centred and you like to talk a lot about peoples' 'rights' but when it boils down to it you think people should do what you say because you know better than them. You think you are morally superiour to the other people in the grupe even if you don't actually ever do anything to indicate this. You also probably care more about animals and plants than people. You aren't actually evil or malicious, just bloody annoying. You are an arsehole because you think you know better/are better than everybody else despite having a lack of actual experience or skills and because you alternate between sanctimoniously lecturing people and having crisises of confidence and having to be reassured and built up by everybody else.