My incredibly sad news...
It is with deep abiding sadness that I must announce the death of our dear friend,
Sienna Zertuche.
Fare Thee Well, Fare Thee Well, I love you more than words can tell..."
-Broke Down Palace, The Grateful Dead-
I really have no words that adequately get this across. Each of us has known the passing of a loved one and will know death personally. It is always fair, taking each in their turn. Sometimes you can really hope for a miracle to postpone this. Sienna was one such time. She was the best a mother can be to her two girls, Emma and Chloe. Loving, giving, and still ready to offer correction to help those girls become the wonderful people they can be. They have lost their guide and center and my heart is breaking for them as never before.
I have written about Sienna and her battle with leukemia before, Here, and the most important entry, Here, where I copied Sienna's comments on her journal about gratitude. I consider it her most important legacy, beside those precious little girls, and will repeat part of it here.
"Hello,
...... I was hoping to wait till I had something great to say but this is just the way it is. I am alive and will keep fighting . This is the hardest thing I have ever done, so if I make through... I will be the strongest ,best me ever. I just want you all to know all your letters and well wishes are not in vain....they really do help. As the summer rolls on do not forget to be thankful...even for the rain, traffic or bugs, you just never know. I am thankful to still be here with a chance.
I love you all....
Sienna"
The news was announced by Sienna's mother, Karen, on her medical Journal, here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sienna1
This is what breaks my heart the most, a mother never wants to write such things about her daughter.
"Sienna slept all day and passed away peacefully...i was there holding her hand and watching her sleep,when she just suddenly stopped...when Scott took the girls in the other room to tell them,you could hear them scream all the way down the hall....they each came in and hugged her good bye several times,but all the nurses were in tears as they watched Emma,who was so devastated climb on her mom and wrap her arms around her neck and rub her head and just lay on her neck crying inconsolably...then Chloe..hard to pry Emma off...that was the absolute hardest for me..was to walk out that door knowing i will never touch her or see her again...to walk away and give her to strangers ...Emma kept saying 'what's going to happen to momma now...where will she go...how do we get her back to the apt...in a wheelchair'?
...she kept crying all the way into this morning...Chloe would cry for a awhile,then become 'logical'..saying she doesn't hurt anymore ...all day they both kept asking 'why did she die?'..they were talking about what a perfect mom she was...she always read to them,played w/them,took them everywhere, played w/them...Emma said mommy's never going to hear me read or see me swim..i told them that their mommy is in a special place locked up in their hearts..that their mommy lives through them and i know they will make her proud always
i found a journal that sienna was strong enough for app 7 days to writ...when i get it in order i will share it w/all of you"
As a student of Buddhism I can only find solace in Dharma teachings that I draw such wisdom from. The first and most important teaching of the Dharma, and the first of the "Four Noble Truths" is that "Life is Suffering". To some who first encounter this teaching it may seem nihilistic, but quite to the contrary, it is positive. It reminds us that all grasping at emotions ultimately prove futile, and that all suffer. The Second Noble Truth is that "Source of Suffering is Attachment". The most fundamental attachment we all feel is the wish for life not to be a place of suffering. To wish that death not come. But this is of course, is not only a waste of energy, but creates more suffering in our hearts.
So I will not rail against the universe, I will not wish it to be different, I will not ask why, when there is no answer.
I will remember my friend for who she was. I will honor her memory by experiencing gratitude each day. I will weep.
I apologize if this journal seems to be filled with woe lately, when really our lives are actually filled with joy. There is so much that we have and even when it is bad, there is beauty. So remember this yourselves. Serve Hope, Wage Peace.
I will remember her with a Native American poem, posted by one of her friends on her journal....
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush.
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight of night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
Sienna Zertuche.
Fare Thee Well, Fare Thee Well, I love you more than words can tell..."
-Broke Down Palace, The Grateful Dead-
I really have no words that adequately get this across. Each of us has known the passing of a loved one and will know death personally. It is always fair, taking each in their turn. Sometimes you can really hope for a miracle to postpone this. Sienna was one such time. She was the best a mother can be to her two girls, Emma and Chloe. Loving, giving, and still ready to offer correction to help those girls become the wonderful people they can be. They have lost their guide and center and my heart is breaking for them as never before.
I have written about Sienna and her battle with leukemia before, Here, and the most important entry, Here, where I copied Sienna's comments on her journal about gratitude. I consider it her most important legacy, beside those precious little girls, and will repeat part of it here.
"Hello,
...... I was hoping to wait till I had something great to say but this is just the way it is. I am alive and will keep fighting . This is the hardest thing I have ever done, so if I make through... I will be the strongest ,best me ever. I just want you all to know all your letters and well wishes are not in vain....they really do help. As the summer rolls on do not forget to be thankful...even for the rain, traffic or bugs, you just never know. I am thankful to still be here with a chance.
I love you all....
Sienna"
The news was announced by Sienna's mother, Karen, on her medical Journal, here: http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/sienna1
This is what breaks my heart the most, a mother never wants to write such things about her daughter.
"Sienna slept all day and passed away peacefully...i was there holding her hand and watching her sleep,when she just suddenly stopped...when Scott took the girls in the other room to tell them,you could hear them scream all the way down the hall....they each came in and hugged her good bye several times,but all the nurses were in tears as they watched Emma,who was so devastated climb on her mom and wrap her arms around her neck and rub her head and just lay on her neck crying inconsolably...then Chloe..hard to pry Emma off...that was the absolute hardest for me..was to walk out that door knowing i will never touch her or see her again...to walk away and give her to strangers ...Emma kept saying 'what's going to happen to momma now...where will she go...how do we get her back to the apt...in a wheelchair'?
...she kept crying all the way into this morning...Chloe would cry for a awhile,then become 'logical'..saying she doesn't hurt anymore ...all day they both kept asking 'why did she die?'..they were talking about what a perfect mom she was...she always read to them,played w/them,took them everywhere, played w/them...Emma said mommy's never going to hear me read or see me swim..i told them that their mommy is in a special place locked up in their hearts..that their mommy lives through them and i know they will make her proud always
i found a journal that sienna was strong enough for app 7 days to writ...when i get it in order i will share it w/all of you"
As a student of Buddhism I can only find solace in Dharma teachings that I draw such wisdom from. The first and most important teaching of the Dharma, and the first of the "Four Noble Truths" is that "Life is Suffering". To some who first encounter this teaching it may seem nihilistic, but quite to the contrary, it is positive. It reminds us that all grasping at emotions ultimately prove futile, and that all suffer. The Second Noble Truth is that "Source of Suffering is Attachment". The most fundamental attachment we all feel is the wish for life not to be a place of suffering. To wish that death not come. But this is of course, is not only a waste of energy, but creates more suffering in our hearts.
So I will not rail against the universe, I will not wish it to be different, I will not ask why, when there is no answer.
I will remember my friend for who she was. I will honor her memory by experiencing gratitude each day. I will weep.
I apologize if this journal seems to be filled with woe lately, when really our lives are actually filled with joy. There is so much that we have and even when it is bad, there is beauty. So remember this yourselves. Serve Hope, Wage Peace.
I will remember her with a Native American poem, posted by one of her friends on her journal....
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you wake in the morning hush.
I am the swift uplifting rush of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight of night.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.