new
i feel like im starting a whole new life. Its so strange waking up alone ever morning after so many months of either waking up next to someone or being woken up to be told goodbye as they leave for work.it seems like sch a perfect fairy tale like exactly what i wanted so where did it all go wrong when did i suddenly say im not ready for this and why did it take me so long to realize it. Ive always been more mature then people my own age for the most part i thinki grew up to fast adn i was around people older than me so i always felt i was being left behind when they were gettign married and having babies and i wasnt i wanted to be a mom with a hubby and a happy little home, and i still do but not right now im not ready and its amazing to me how hard it was to tell myself that. Im in a time in my life where i should be enjoying being young not worring aout being married and haveing a family, and then when i tell myself that i think of my medical issues and the things ive been told by my various dr.s and it makes me want to jump right back in it. Its been so odd to to go places and be single i dont even know how to act in single life i feel like i have terets or something im noticing being hit on alot more latly and im also noticeing how quick i am to jump down peoples throats for it and be a bitch and then i think what can it hurt it wont go anywhere at least he can buy me drinks, but on the other hand its still so new i feel like im cheating. Anyways im off to go bowling and then go back to work to see if i can make myself sicker than i already am.