A New Year, And a Bit o' Reflection...
Twice a year I tend to look back and consider: New Years and my Birthday, both milestones of a sort, both asking "So hey, how WAS the last year?"
The last year has been interesting. Lots of travel, meeting folk, enjoying life... though it came and went faster than years previous. I wonder if that will continue to happen... each year adding on a bit of speed until they're just zipping past *sigh*
The New Years Eve weekend and a bit was spent in fine company in Cleveland, where I actually got to chat with some people a little more than is usual. Very enjoyable.
Got someone else thinking about why I tend to be socially visible, all over the place, a larger than life [at times] figure and yet I still spend so many 'party nights' at home, reading a book or hanging online.
I think it's the end-game. I don't close the sale. See, I've been 'taught' to never assume that anything fun will come of a date or a night out with company. I've been raised a 'gentleman' and that just stuck too far in the wrong direction, perhaps. I seem to rather assume that at the end of the night I'll get something between a handshake and a kiss, and that'll be the end of it. I never, never figure on ending up naked playing the 'beast with two backs'. Perhaps it comes from a lot of rejection early in life [and not so early]. Perhaps it is sourced from the women I have partnered with... though I've been the dominant one, controlling the 'what' and 'how', they seem to have always been the ones determining the 'if', the 'when' and the 'where'. Add in that I'm shy. Honestly... though I'm very extroverted, extremely social, when it comes down to it... I've no frickin' CLUE how to carry a conversation in a nightclub [where I meet most women these days] beyond "Hi, my name is" and "I have to apologize in advance, I'm about to say something stupid" *chuckle*wink* I don't think like most people so figure I can't converse like most people *shrug* My age and still so much to learn... though I wonder that it's too late.
And I don't know if it's a function of age or of changes in society but... I remember during the 80s and early 90s a LOT more houseparties. Best place to meet people, houseparties... friends bring friends and it's busy, but allows for conversation. I haven't been to a houseparty in... gah, years. Nor do I have friends introducing me to friends very often. Methinks it's because, by my age, all of the 'friends' are coupled up and I know from experience that means couples oriented things... singles are tag-alongs and often ignored JUST enough that they wander off in time. I would consider, in the spring when I move into my own little space, having a house party but... most of the people I know now are couples *laugh*
And in further reflection... saw a picture of an Ex on Facebook today. She and I were afianced... about eight years ago. 'Course I didn't friend her up but... I thought of my other Exs [I still keep in some contact with all of 'em, not as hard as you'd think] and to a one, they are all still damned hot. She'd be... early 30s now, gone blonde and crap, she looks delish. Opened up all sorts of little scars I had thought had been stapled shut years ago.
Early 80s. Yup, I was into my 20s before I had a girlfriend. I'll call her FlowerGirl. Young. But fun. Never had sex but we did a LOT of naked fooling around. A lot of foreplay. We were both inexperienced. Girlfriend. She left me for stupid reasons. Brunette. I know where she is, sorta. We don't talk.
Then AuthorGirl. Lover. She was married when we started fooling around, now and again. She left her husband for a lesbian lover, I was still there infrequently for the sex. Friendship too, but mostly just a lover. Brunette. I know where she is, but there is no contact any more.
Then comes the one I sometimes refer to as THE Redhead. Lover. She was going out with the guy she would eventually marry at the time, but we fooled around monthly or so for years. She taught me a lot, both good and bad. She had a very large impact on who and what I am. Lover. Redhead. We still do dinner, coffee, every few months.
There was another brunette, french girl, girlfriend with whom I never did have sex. Lasted a half dozen months or so. Scared her away, apparently, being such a nice guy *pfeh* Brunette. Girlfriend. No clue where she is.
Shortly after, another Redhead. Lover. Lost track of her too.
Four 'curiousity' fucks. Two brunettes, one blonde and one redhead. One time things over the course of the years.
Another brunette I'll call YoungGirl as she was. Girlfriend for about a year until her family found out. Yeah, I was much older. She's apparently married now. I wonder about her from time to time but only know roughly where she is.
Last girlfriend I'll call SCAGirl. Great in bed but we weren't hugely well matched outside of it. Redhead. I still talk with her now and again, though not often lately. Her husband is a great guy.
Then off to Ottawa.
Girlfriend. Brunette. A year and a bit. Serious self image issues, felt she "didn't deserve me". Fantastic girl. She's married and living in Egypt currently.
Three short term local lovers: two brunettes and a blonde. Three long distance out of town lovers, two brunettes and a blonde *chuckle* All were about the sex. Though in one case... I wish I'd followed it through.
Engaged, redhead, about four years. She's a blonde now. I know where she is, hear about her running into mutual friends from time to time. I changed in ways she wanted me to and... ended up being boring. So we gave it up.
Then back west again.
One brunette lover, short term.
Redhead, girlfriend, engaged... and that has ended leaving me where I am.
So... to total it up...
3 Lovers, Long term [Primarily about sex, more than 6 mos/3 tumbles]
11 Lovers, Short term [only 'bout the sex, curiousity fucks, one time things]
7 Girlfriends, Relationship focussed.
6 Redheads
3 Blondes
12 Brunettes
MMMMMmmmm so... first of all, more sexually based relationships than... relationship based partnerings. Quite contrary to the serial monogamy that apparently is the big thing these days.
And I've not really gone for blondes. Which is strange given that each of the blondes was likely the most spectacular, sexually... *ponder* Strange.
I think I've had enough of redheads for the time being. 'Course, it's likely that I shan't have to worry about that for a while, knowing my luck. It's been one and three-quarters years since I've gotten more than a little [and I do mean, relatively speaking, a little] foreplay.
I wonder what 2008 will hold. Hopefully some fun, naked, sweaty wildness though it's likely I'll just keep assuming it shan't, 'cause I'm kinda stupid that way, apparently...
The last year has been interesting. Lots of travel, meeting folk, enjoying life... though it came and went faster than years previous. I wonder if that will continue to happen... each year adding on a bit of speed until they're just zipping past *sigh*
The New Years Eve weekend and a bit was spent in fine company in Cleveland, where I actually got to chat with some people a little more than is usual. Very enjoyable.
Got someone else thinking about why I tend to be socially visible, all over the place, a larger than life [at times] figure and yet I still spend so many 'party nights' at home, reading a book or hanging online.
I think it's the end-game. I don't close the sale. See, I've been 'taught' to never assume that anything fun will come of a date or a night out with company. I've been raised a 'gentleman' and that just stuck too far in the wrong direction, perhaps. I seem to rather assume that at the end of the night I'll get something between a handshake and a kiss, and that'll be the end of it. I never, never figure on ending up naked playing the 'beast with two backs'. Perhaps it comes from a lot of rejection early in life [and not so early]. Perhaps it is sourced from the women I have partnered with... though I've been the dominant one, controlling the 'what' and 'how', they seem to have always been the ones determining the 'if', the 'when' and the 'where'. Add in that I'm shy. Honestly... though I'm very extroverted, extremely social, when it comes down to it... I've no frickin' CLUE how to carry a conversation in a nightclub [where I meet most women these days] beyond "Hi, my name is" and "I have to apologize in advance, I'm about to say something stupid" *chuckle*wink* I don't think like most people so figure I can't converse like most people *shrug* My age and still so much to learn... though I wonder that it's too late.
And I don't know if it's a function of age or of changes in society but... I remember during the 80s and early 90s a LOT more houseparties. Best place to meet people, houseparties... friends bring friends and it's busy, but allows for conversation. I haven't been to a houseparty in... gah, years. Nor do I have friends introducing me to friends very often. Methinks it's because, by my age, all of the 'friends' are coupled up and I know from experience that means couples oriented things... singles are tag-alongs and often ignored JUST enough that they wander off in time. I would consider, in the spring when I move into my own little space, having a house party but... most of the people I know now are couples *laugh*
And in further reflection... saw a picture of an Ex on Facebook today. She and I were afianced... about eight years ago. 'Course I didn't friend her up but... I thought of my other Exs [I still keep in some contact with all of 'em, not as hard as you'd think] and to a one, they are all still damned hot. She'd be... early 30s now, gone blonde and crap, she looks delish. Opened up all sorts of little scars I had thought had been stapled shut years ago.
Early 80s. Yup, I was into my 20s before I had a girlfriend. I'll call her FlowerGirl. Young. But fun. Never had sex but we did a LOT of naked fooling around. A lot of foreplay. We were both inexperienced. Girlfriend. She left me for stupid reasons. Brunette. I know where she is, sorta. We don't talk.
Then AuthorGirl. Lover. She was married when we started fooling around, now and again. She left her husband for a lesbian lover, I was still there infrequently for the sex. Friendship too, but mostly just a lover. Brunette. I know where she is, but there is no contact any more.
Then comes the one I sometimes refer to as THE Redhead. Lover. She was going out with the guy she would eventually marry at the time, but we fooled around monthly or so for years. She taught me a lot, both good and bad. She had a very large impact on who and what I am. Lover. Redhead. We still do dinner, coffee, every few months.
There was another brunette, french girl, girlfriend with whom I never did have sex. Lasted a half dozen months or so. Scared her away, apparently, being such a nice guy *pfeh* Brunette. Girlfriend. No clue where she is.
Shortly after, another Redhead. Lover. Lost track of her too.
Four 'curiousity' fucks. Two brunettes, one blonde and one redhead. One time things over the course of the years.
Another brunette I'll call YoungGirl as she was. Girlfriend for about a year until her family found out. Yeah, I was much older. She's apparently married now. I wonder about her from time to time but only know roughly where she is.
Last girlfriend I'll call SCAGirl. Great in bed but we weren't hugely well matched outside of it. Redhead. I still talk with her now and again, though not often lately. Her husband is a great guy.
Then off to Ottawa.
Girlfriend. Brunette. A year and a bit. Serious self image issues, felt she "didn't deserve me". Fantastic girl. She's married and living in Egypt currently.
Three short term local lovers: two brunettes and a blonde. Three long distance out of town lovers, two brunettes and a blonde *chuckle* All were about the sex. Though in one case... I wish I'd followed it through.
Engaged, redhead, about four years. She's a blonde now. I know where she is, hear about her running into mutual friends from time to time. I changed in ways she wanted me to and... ended up being boring. So we gave it up.
Then back west again.
One brunette lover, short term.
Redhead, girlfriend, engaged... and that has ended leaving me where I am.
So... to total it up...
3 Lovers, Long term [Primarily about sex, more than 6 mos/3 tumbles]
11 Lovers, Short term [only 'bout the sex, curiousity fucks, one time things]
7 Girlfriends, Relationship focussed.
6 Redheads
3 Blondes
12 Brunettes
MMMMMmmmm so... first of all, more sexually based relationships than... relationship based partnerings. Quite contrary to the serial monogamy that apparently is the big thing these days.
And I've not really gone for blondes. Which is strange given that each of the blondes was likely the most spectacular, sexually... *ponder* Strange.
I think I've had enough of redheads for the time being. 'Course, it's likely that I shan't have to worry about that for a while, knowing my luck. It's been one and three-quarters years since I've gotten more than a little [and I do mean, relatively speaking, a little] foreplay.
I wonder what 2008 will hold. Hopefully some fun, naked, sweaty wildness though it's likely I'll just keep assuming it shan't, 'cause I'm kinda stupid that way, apparently...