(no subject)
Rigt now I am feeling so bad. My stomach is killing me. I just so upset I didnt talk more on the phone as I should. I had a lot of stuff to talk about. but when My bestfriend called my mind went blank. It happens all the time people I really care for. Now I am paying.
For 7 years I felt for noone in a loving way. No pain NO guilt and no worries. Yes my ex-wife made my life so bad that I never wanted to get invovled again. No seven years later. Now its tearing me up. But I can't intervein in another ones life other than if its to help with problems or a physical protection.
Its more than the phone call oviously, but I cannot talk about it. I don't want to upset anyone. Just want my bestfriend to be happy. Thats all I want. I know I shouldn't be spilling this, becuase my bestfriend will worry. but please don't.
I started playing the lottery more often but ain't like I will ever win. the odds are against me. I don't really care about money. Its not really important. but I just want to get out of the work race. I just tired of working for companies that don't care about their employees. they think your life should revolve around them. Ya right, fuck them.
But If I ever did win(I know a pipe dream). It will be split in thirds. Me, my son, and my best friend. I couldn't be happy living the rest of my life with ease and my bestfriend ain't. I know don't send me no money. but if I win over 50 million dollars. I couldn't spend it in my life with even the third. don't have that much wants. But I know its not going to happen anyhow.
I like to party, but I have to cut out for a while. My friends I party with says I am in much pain and I really act out. Not violently, just emotionally. I just keep so much inside and don't speak. I know I am probably developing an ulcer from all this. but theres really nothing I can say to anyone. Most of the people here take everything I say as a joke and that just pisses me off. I am usually an easy going guy and I don't like trouble. I don't know if anyone will understand what I am going through. I feel if they take me as a joke, they are disrespecting my best friendship and that is a big mistake. whats really bad is my family don't care. Mom just ignores me, my dad is so rapped up in his dream world(compulsive lier)and my sister acts if she cares, but really don't. I have noone but one that understands me and cares. but its back to, I can't interfer. so I can't talk. but I wish her and her boyfriend well and hope everything turns out for the better.
I better go before I talk anymore than I am. I hope she don't get mad. I know I upseted her once and I really don't want to do it again.
Best wishes everyone. sorry for all the stress relief but nowhere else to spill things out.
For 7 years I felt for noone in a loving way. No pain NO guilt and no worries. Yes my ex-wife made my life so bad that I never wanted to get invovled again. No seven years later. Now its tearing me up. But I can't intervein in another ones life other than if its to help with problems or a physical protection.
Its more than the phone call oviously, but I cannot talk about it. I don't want to upset anyone. Just want my bestfriend to be happy. Thats all I want. I know I shouldn't be spilling this, becuase my bestfriend will worry. but please don't.
I started playing the lottery more often but ain't like I will ever win. the odds are against me. I don't really care about money. Its not really important. but I just want to get out of the work race. I just tired of working for companies that don't care about their employees. they think your life should revolve around them. Ya right, fuck them.
But If I ever did win(I know a pipe dream). It will be split in thirds. Me, my son, and my best friend. I couldn't be happy living the rest of my life with ease and my bestfriend ain't. I know don't send me no money. but if I win over 50 million dollars. I couldn't spend it in my life with even the third. don't have that much wants. But I know its not going to happen anyhow.
I like to party, but I have to cut out for a while. My friends I party with says I am in much pain and I really act out. Not violently, just emotionally. I just keep so much inside and don't speak. I know I am probably developing an ulcer from all this. but theres really nothing I can say to anyone. Most of the people here take everything I say as a joke and that just pisses me off. I am usually an easy going guy and I don't like trouble. I don't know if anyone will understand what I am going through. I feel if they take me as a joke, they are disrespecting my best friendship and that is a big mistake. whats really bad is my family don't care. Mom just ignores me, my dad is so rapped up in his dream world(compulsive lier)and my sister acts if she cares, but really don't. I have noone but one that understands me and cares. but its back to, I can't interfer. so I can't talk. but I wish her and her boyfriend well and hope everything turns out for the better.
I better go before I talk anymore than I am. I hope she don't get mad. I know I upseted her once and I really don't want to do it again.
Best wishes everyone. sorry for all the stress relief but nowhere else to spill things out.