[fic] Imperfect
Title: Imperfect
Wordcount: 6600
Pairing: Mai/Zuko
Summary: It's been years since they last met, and many things have changed...some more so than others, and none in the way she expected.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This begins immediately after the events in "Crossroads of Destiny." Written for rawles, in an attempt to help her spread the Mai Love around. [repost note: I've combined the original three chapters into one story, as they weren't particularly long! If you want to read the other stories in this series, you can do so with the [universe] imperfect tag. :D ]
Imperfect
oOoOo
Mai barely remembered anything about the first time they saw each other again. Partly because she hadn't expected it. She and Ty Lee had been put in charge of the palace while Azula led the Dai Li into the caves beneath them, and very little had happened afterward. Yes, the Avatar's friends and the Earth King had escaped, but Mai was glad to see the bear go, at least, and she knew Azula wouldn't hold it against them. She wanted the throne and the city, not its puppet king.
She had just finished prying Ty Lee's hands and feet out of the floor when Azula returned. She straightened, tucking her knife back into her sleeve as Ty Lee scowled and rubbed her wrists. But a droll comment about playing in the dirt died on her lips when Zuko stepped through the doorway.
She almost didn't recognize him. He was dressed in the tattered remains of a commoner's finery, his hair cropped and shaggy, his face bowed toward the floor as Azula strutted up the dais and settled herself on the throne. Curious, Ty Lee cartwheeled over to him, ending in a backbend with her face directly in his line of sight.
"Zuzu!" she cried, flipping upright again.
"Don't call me that," he said dully. Looking up and past her, his eyes connected with Mai's across the room.
"Hello, Zuko," said Mai, her voice soft and low. "You look good."
Zuko barked out a single laugh, harsh and mirthless. It echoed in the high-ceilinged chamber.
She hadn't seen him since before the duel with his father. And while Azula had later described it to her with relish, and she had seen the wanted posters at every crossroads since leaving "New Ozai," neither of these things had prepared her for the reality of his fate.
Zuko had long fascinated her because of his imperfections. There were many, to be certain, and they had kept him on the fringes of palace life. Where Azula was a shining blade cast in her father's image, cold and polished and deadly, Zuko's edge was dulled by his shortcomings. It was hard to imagine him seated on the throne someday, larger than life behind a curtain of flame. Always struggling, always awkward, never giving up but never quite succeeding, Zuko was thoroughly human. And that was why Mai liked him.
In fact, the only thing about him that she had found disappointing was his face. Smooth, pale, flawless, regal....and utterly dull. Though his barely-disguised panic every time he saw his sister had made it a bit more bearable.
Azula had spent many hours since her reunion with Mai and Ty Lee mocking her brother's ugliness. But she had, for once in her life, entirely missed the point. Zuko was broken; had been so ever since his mother had stolen away in the night. But now the damage to his soul showed on his skin as well. And it was hideous...nauseating...shameful...
Beautiful.
***
For the first week after the battle with the Avatar, Zuko was like a ghost. He ate meals in his room, practiced firebending alone in the courtyard at night, answered all questions as briefly as possible and left all audiences with his sister as quickly as he could. The only reason Mai saw him at all was because Azula never tired of torturing him.
"I haven't played with darling Zuzu since yesterday," she purred one afternoon, lounging on the throne as she examined her nails in the lamplight. "I think it would do him good to get some exercise, don't you?"
"Do you want me to find him for you, Azula?" Ty Lee chirped.
"No." Azula turned to Mai and smiled. "I'm sure he'd prefer your company."
"No doubt," said Mai drily, though her heart quickened at the thought of being alone with him.
"Tell him to meet me in the courtyard in an hour," said Azula, rising gracefully to her feet. "You can do what you like with him until then."
Mai's face burned as she ducked out of throne room, and she spent most of the long walk to Zuko's chambers regaining her composure. He hadn't spoken a word to her since his return, his single bark of laughter the only response to anything she'd said. She had watched him cautiously from afar, noted the heaviness of his walk and the sallow cast to his skin, but assumed he was merely depressed about Iroh's betrayal. A weakness for flawed companions was something she could sympathize with, so she'd left him to his thoughts.
But now the choice had been taken away from her. Such was the way of things when Azula was involved.
Mai stood in front of his door for almost a minute before she raised her hand and rapped it with her knuckles. There was no answer. She was trying to decide if she should knock again when the door swung open. Zuko had changed into Dai Li robes and slicked back his hair in the Fire Nation style, but his face was just as she remembered. It took most of her considerable willpower not to stare.
"Azula wants you in the courtyard," Mai drawled, stepping aside to let him pass with a sarcastic flourish. "Hope that outfit's fire proof."
"Nothing is Azula-proof," Zuko muttered. He stalked down the hall ahead of her, and though she was careful not to be obvious about it she had to jog to catch up.
"I haven't been out of the palace in weeks," she moaned conversationally, noting how stiff his shoulders were as he walked. "It's so dull that my brain's starting to leak out my ears."
"Don't worry," said Zuko flatly. "It won't last long. Nothing does with her."
"I know, isn't it great?" Mai chuckled, a rare smile on her lips. "Now that the Dai Li's in Azula's pocket, we can set up a new government and ditch this place. As long as we don't have to wear those tacky Kyoshi outfits anymore-"
She nearly ran into him when he stopped abruptly in the middle of the corridor. He turned to face her, his fists clenched at his sides. "You don't get it, do you?" he spat, yellow eyes boring into her own.
Mai choked on her words. When they were children, Zuko had been annoyed, or petulant, or embarrassed...sometimes, he'd even been angry. But only with Azula. Around Mai, it had always been shyness and hesitant smiles. He had never looked at her, spoken to her, like this.
"You're just...upset about your uncle," she said, averting her eyes. "Don't take it out on me, it's not my-"
"You don't understand anything," Zuko hissed. "You think this is fun? Running around with Azula, playing at conquerer, watching the commoners grovel at your feet?"
"A little groveling never hurt anyone," she muttered, taking a chance on levity.
Zuko's scowl deepened, his nostrils flaring. She could feel the air grow hot between them. "This isn't a GAME, Mai," he snarled. "These are people's LIVES. Azula's insane-"
"I know that," said Mai quietly. "I'm not an idiot."
"Azula's insane," Zuko repeated, as if she hadn't spoken. "But I'd expected more of you."
"Like you're any better!" Mai snapped, shocked into real anger. "I don't see YOU doing anything to stop her."
"You're right," Zuko muttered. He turned to walk away, his soft shoes silent on the marble floors. "You don't see."
oOoOo
Mai waited quietly in the corridor for the shock to leave her features, willing her mouth to relax, her eyes to narrow, her breath to slow. Azula would pounce on any hint of emotion, and this was not a topic Mai wanted to discuss with her. The princess seemed to find Mai's childhood affection for her brother to be riotously entertaining, but love wasn't an emotion she had much interest in or understanding of. She teased Mai because she thought that was all it was: a crush nearly a decade old, now little more than fodder for her amusement. Cloaked in a cool detachment woven from years at the Royal Fire Academy, Mai would not give her a reason to think otherwise.
By the time Mai stepped out into the sunlit courtyard, the afternoon's training had begun. Azula stood near the northern wall, silently and methodically bending waves of flame toward her brother. Her poise was perfect, her pale skin gleaming in the sun as she gracefully cycled from one position to the next. Mai remembered this exercise, and knew it would continue for hours until Zuko's stance was broken.
In the shadow of the southern wall, Zuko squatted low to the ground, bare feet planted far apart on the packed earth. Naked from the waist up and shining with sweat, he tore through sheets of fire with his hands. On previous afternoons, Zuko had been sullen and quiet, putting forth just enough effort to stay upright and not seeming to care, particularly, when his legs finally gave out. Today, he met each wave with a roar of fury, his jaw set and the veins on his neck bulging as he cast the flames aside. Azula smiled.
"Getting tired of this game, Zuzu?" she purred without breaking her rhythm. "Too bad for you that you're as much of a coward as Uncle." Zuko caught the next wave in his hands, compacting it into a ball and hurling it back across the courtyard. Azula stepped lightly aside, just far enough to be out of range as the blast hit the wall behind her.
"Better," she said with what might have been genuine warmth. "We can't have a Fire Lord who's afraid of his little sister, can we?" She picked up his discarded clothing and tossed it over to him. "But work on thickening your skin. You can't lose control of yourself every time someone insults you. Words are weapons, just like anything else -- keep your guard up."
Zuko nodded silently as he slipped on his tunic. Azula turned to her friend with a smirk. "Sorry, Mai. Show's over."
There were many things that Azula didn't understand.
oOoOo
Mai watched Zuko very closely after that. While she had lived with her parents in the Fire Nation capital she'd alleviated her boredom by spying on others, imagining she was tailing assassins and saboteurs instead of courtiers and servants. Occasionally she would discover something worthwhile -- a hidden love affair, a petty theft, a secret cache of commoners' treasures -- but she never made use of her gathered knowledge. The chase intrigued her, not the prize. It was a childish habit, she knew, yet it had kept her footsteps light and her eyes sharp. For that, at least, she was grateful.
Wary, antisocial and prone to insomnia, Zuko proved a challenging target. But Mai was more than usually determined. "You don't see," he had said, so now she saw everything. Half-lidded eyes followed him as he trained with his sister, spent long afternoons walking the halls of the palace, practiced swordplay in cavernous ballrooms against invisible foes, read ponderous military histories in the library by candlelight. Hidden in dark corners, behind columns, between shelves, she was free to study his ruined face and unfamiliar profile, his too-short hair and broad shoulders and sharp jaw. She remembered the softer lines of a young prince, and the man she had imagined he would become, smiling and confident and well past the awkwardness of childhood. She decided she preferred him like this.
Days passed, and the rhythm of Mai's life at the palace matched itself to his. She ate when he ate, slept when he slept, and woke before dawn to watch his sleeping face. Each time she did this, she edged a bit closer, intruding further and further into his room, until she was sitting on the floor beside his bed as his slow breath stirred her hair.
One morning she found his room empty, and waited out of sight behind a screen until he crept back along the corridor, his expression unfathomable in the pale light of sunrise. She followed him the next night as he roamed the streets of the upper ring, and watched as he sat for hours on the steps of a shuttered tea house, his face in his hands.
When he finally rose to his feet, Mai tucked herself more deeply into her shadowed doorway, timing her breaths to match his footsteps. He walked straight toward her, his eyes on the cobblestones as he passed within inches of her hiding place, then stopped a few steps beyond it.
"Coming?" he asked softly. Cursing her own recklessness, Mai hesitated a moment before abandoning all pretense of secrecy and joining him in the street.
They walked together in silence for some time, following the road past sumptuous apartments and luxury storefronts. Mai had never left the palace grounds before, and read the gilded wooden signs with mild interest, wondering how long it would be before wealthy merchants were replaced by Fire Navy officers. A rebellion had caused delays in New Ozai, but the people here were accustomed to having their lives controlled by others. To a shopkeeper, Fire Nation soldiers and Dai Li agents were all cut from the same cloth.
Mai was vaguely aware of moving down to a lower ring of the city, and some time later they reached a large square with a fountain, the light of countless paper lanterns sparkling on the water. Zuko sat on the fountain's edge, his hands folded in his lap, and Mai joined him wordlessly. The marble was cold beneath her, and she wondered what she thought she was doing.
When Zuko spoke, his voice was rough with disuse. "Uncle wanted us to start a new life here," he said. "We were going to run his tea shop together, forget about the avatar...wait for the war to be over..."
"Sounds awful," said Mai.
"Maybe," said Zuko softly. "But we'd been running for so long...peace and quiet were starting to sound pretty good."
"'Peace' and 'quiet' are just polite words for 'dull' and 'pointless,'" said Mai. She fingered a small knife concealed in her sleeve. "That can't have been what you really wanted."
"He told me it was time that I made my own choices," Zuko continued. "And I was tired. I was so incredibly tired of struggling and hunting and honor and..." He breathed deeply, his eyes closed. "I thought that if I could just stop caring about any of it, maybe I could forget. Maybe I could be happy if I stopped wanting things that I was never going to have."
"It doesn't need to be that way anymore, you know," said Mai. "Azula's serious about the Fire Lord forgiving you. You made the right choice, for once."
"Did I?" he asked faintly.
"He was helping the Avatar!" Mai snapped with a rare edge of anger. "He obviously doesn't have any loyalty to you, why should you have any to him?"
"You weren't there," said Zuko. "You didn't see the look on his face when I..." His voice broke. "He must have had a reason..."
"I can't think of a reason good enough for what he did," she said bitterly.
Zuko looked up at her, then, their eyes meeting for the first time. "You've changed," he said simply.
Mai bristled. "What are you talking about?"
"Patriotism doesn't really suit you."
"This doesn't have anything to do with patriotism," said Mai with a dismissive wave of her hand. "You think I'm here because my heart beats with love for the Fire Nation? I came because Azula asked me to and I owe her. I'm mad at your uncle because you trusted him and he turned on you. That's all."
"You know it's not that simple," said Zuko. "Thousands of people are going to die because we decided to help Azula. Doesn't that mean something do you? Don't you care about anything?"
I care about you, you fucking idiot, she thought. Aloud, she said, "Don't let her hear you say things like that."
Zuko's eyes returned to his hands, long fingers twining nervously in his lap. "Mai...how long have you been following me?"
"Long enough to know you're all talk," Mai drawled. "You drop ominous hints of some master plan to take Azula down, but all you've actually done is sulk around the palace feeling sorry for yourself."
Zuko hunched forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair. "I....I've been reading," he said slowly, his voice muffled. "About the avatar. About Roku and Kyoshi and his other past lives, and what the world was like before the war. The books they have here...they're very different than the ones at home."
"Earth Kingdom propaganda," said Mai automatically.
"Maybe," said Zuko. "But...I've been thinking. About the things Uncle said, and what the Avatar and his friends have told me...Mai, I'm really not sure that they're wrong. I think....I think I've made a mistake-"
"You need to stop right now," said Mai severely, on her feet in a moment. Her eyes scanned the empty square, searching darkened windows for any hint of movement. "We can't know who's listening, out in the open like this."
Zuko raised his eyes again, and in them was so much uncertainty and remorse that she relented, her anger softening into fond annoyance. She leaned down until their heads were level, her lips brushing against his ear. "Wait for me in your room tomorrow night," she whispered. Zuko stiffened, his pulse fluttering in the hollow of his neck. He smelled of soap and burnt wool. "Then you can tell me what the hell you've been up to."
She straightened reluctantly and watched as he rubbed his good eye with his palm, ran his fingers back through his hair, exhaled, then pushed himself to his feet. "Thank you," he said abruptly, avoiding her gaze.
Mai blinked in uncharacteristic surprise. "For what?"
"Not telling Azula about any of this."
"How do you know I didn't?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
He chuckled softly, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. "Because I wouldn't be here if you had."
oOoOo
In the corner of Zuko's room was a small altar, unadorned except for three tall candles and a red silk cloth. When Mai arrived he was sitting in front of it on the floor, the flames waxing and waning in time with his breath. He didn't look up at the sound of her footsteps, so she perched on the edge of his mattress and waited. The air was warm and close, and the soft, flickering light made her eyelids heavy. It had been days since she'd slept through the night, weeks since the sleep she did manage had actually been restful. There had been a lot on her mind.
She woke with Zuko hovering over her, his hand gently squeezing her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I lost track of the time," he said. His scent mingled with beeswax and incense. "If you're tired, this can wait until-"
"I'm fine," said Mai irritably, and he jerked his hand away as she sat up. Her shoulder felt cold without it, which only annoyed her further. "I guess I was just overwhelmed by your firebending prowess. I mean, three candles at once? My heart's all aflutter."
Zuko scowled. "I was meditating," he said. "It helps me concentrate."
She sighed. It was no fun needling someone so single-mindedly earnest. "All right, then...let's hear this traitorous plan of yours."
He didn't answer right away, his brow furrowed and his fingertips digging into the bedspread. It was one thing to indulge in vague talk about morality, and another entirely to propose putting it into action. She knew he was deciding whether or not to trust her, and she couldn't hold that against him -- even now, sitting next to him on his bed as she fished for incriminating details, she wasn't entirely sure she trusted herself.
"I want to help Uncle escape," he said finally, handing his life to her with words. "It's my fault that he's here, and my father will kill him if Azula brings him home with her."
"No doubt," said Mai quietly. She turned to face him, and when he glanced up her eyes held his gaze. "Tell me exactly what you've done."
"I've paid attention," said Zuko. "I know when and how the Dai Li patrol the grounds. I know eight different ways of leaving the palace undetected, and fifteen routes down through the upper ring and into the rest of the city. I know of an ostrich horse in the stable that no one would miss for two days. I've packed a bag with enough food and water to last a week, but..." He faltered. "I don't know where she's keeping him."
"Conveniently enough, I do," said Mai.
oOoOo
They walked together through the empty halls, wordlessly altering their route from time to time to avoid guards and servants. After so many nights of following behind him, it was strange to find herself at his side for the second time in two days. The second time in her life, really, as they had never done this as children. His sister would never let them hear the end of it.
Zuko had insisted on bringing his swords, and his knuckles were white as he gripped their hilts in his fist. Most firebenders were disdainful of weapons, and Mai wondered what made him different. She could understand an affection for razor edges and polished steel, but suspected there was more to it than that. Perhaps life in Azula's shadow had led him to seek out whatever advantages he could find, beneath his status or not.
Green marble gave way to granite as they descended, the air growing chilly and damp. But when they reached the iron door to the dungeons, Zuko stopped short.
"I can't do this," he rasped. "I can't face him after everything I've done."
"Don't be such a drama queen," said Mai, peering into the lock. She inserted a long, thin dagger, and a short while later there was a soft click as the mechanism turned over. "Your uncle is inhumanly cheerful. Just give him a cup of tea and he'll forget it ever happened."
Zuko didn't look convinced, but he followed her into the dungeons all the same. Mai had run enough errands for Azula down there to navigate the maze of identical corridors, and after several minutes of walking and a half-dozen turns she motioned for Zuko to stop.
"There will be two guards," she muttered. "We'll have to knock them out from behind and lock them in one of the cells. That'll give us time to free your uncle and get him out of the palace."
Zuko gaped at her. "We're breaking him out tonight?!" he hissed.
"What did you think? We'd socialize for an hour or so and then drop in again tomorrow?" Mai rolled her eyes. "Of course we're doing it tonight. Azula would move him to another cell and triple his guard before we got another chance."
Before he could protest further, Mai slipped around the final bend and crept along the wall, her eyes on the pair of Dai Li guards. They sat on either side of a low table, intent on their game of Pai Sho. She could feel Zuko's warmth behind her.
"I'm telling you, it's a classic example of the Pan Luan gambit," insisted a gravelly voice from within the cell. "You should cut your losses now and retreat to the southeast."
"When I want help I'll ask for it, old man," snarled one of the guards. "Just shut up and-"
Mai interrupted him with a sharp blow to the head.
"Who's there?" Iroh asked as the guard crumpled. He peered through the bars, but only Mai was in his line of sight. He smiled. "To what do I owe this honor, my lady?"
Zuko looked up from the unconscious guard at his feet, his face ashen.
"Apparently the dungeon's overcrowded," said Mai. She removed a set of keys from her victim's belt and examined them in turn. "We're going to have to give your cell to someone else."
"I suppose I'll manage somehow," said Iroh gravely. "Though it saddens me to leave such fine accommodations."
Mai smirked and selected a key from the ring. "I hear there's still plenty of room outside the city," she said. The door swung open, and as soon as Iroh was clear of it he leaned down to place a tile on the board. Only then did he look up, his satisfied smile evaporating when he saw Zuko in the hall.
"Nephew..?" he rasped.
"Hello, Uncle," Zuko murmured.
For a long moment, they stared at each other in silence. Then, with an abruptness that made Mai jump, Iroh stumbled forward and crushed his nephew into a hug.
"I'm so sorry," he said thickly, his face buried against Zuko's chest. "If I'd had any other choice..."
Zuko patted him awkwardly on the back. "Uncle, what are you talking about? I...this is my..." He shook his head in confusion. "I'm the one who betrayed you-"
"It's wasn't your fault," Iroh rumbled, pushing away so he could look his nephew in the eye. "I was reckless. I asked too much of you, too quickly." His voice faltered as tears slid down his cheeks and into his tangled beard. "You're like a son to me, Zuko, and I gave up on you when you needed me most."
"You did what you had to," said Zuko, his own eyes brimming over. "I know that, now...I'm just...I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."
"The past is the past," said Iroh. "What matters now are the choices we make today."
Deciding she'd had about as much sincerity as she could stomach in one night, Mai stooped down and grabbed the guards by their collars. She could hear Iroh and Zuko talking as she dragged the unconscious men into a neighboring cell, but their words blurred together in the echoy stone hall. By the time she had bound and gagged her prisoners and locked the cell door, Iroh and Zuko were seated at the Pai Sho table deep in conversation.
"We should go," said Mai, hanging the keys on the door handle. "It's almost dawn, and these two will be missed before long."
Zuko leapt to his feet. "Everything we need is in the stables," he said, and the three of them ran from the dungeons as quickly and quietly as they could. Watching Iroh from the corner of her eye, Mai was astonished by how so large a man could make so little sound. She found herself regretting that she wouldn't have a chance to spend more time with him.
It wasn't until that moment that she admitted to herself what was actually going to happen. She had avoided thinking about it for days, but now that she'd gone this far the truth was impossible ignore. She was helping a traitor to escape, and neither he nor his equally traitorous nephew would be able to return to Ozai's good graces. Zuko was leaving, had packed his supplies and planned his route and collected his uncle, the only thing that really tied him to Ba Sing Se. If he manged to stay away from his sister Mai was never going to see him again.
When Zuko had first been sent into exile, she had sat in her room with her back to the ocean, refusing to watch his sad little ship disappear over the horizon. And now, in a distant moonlit city of green shadows and unfamiliar faces, it was happening again. Only this time she was old enough to understand what she was about to lose, and how lucky she had been to have a second chance to win him in the first place. A chance she had squandered on spying and sneaking and cowardly denial.
She watched him run, strong arms pumping as sweat ran down the back of his neck and beaded on his forehead, the scarred side of his face betraying no emotion. These were their last moments together, and all she could do was look on in mute despair as her carefully constructed facade began to crumble.
They reached the stables. Zuko glanced over at her, his shoulders heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Iroh reached out for her hand. "Mai, I can't thank you enough for what you've done tonight," he whispered.
Mai stared helplessly at the two of them, her own lungs burning as her mind raced through niceties and platitudes. She knew that she should say something, but what was there to say? She didn't want goodbyes. She wasn't interested in tears or hugs or promises to write. If they weren't going to stay, then she wanted them gone.
"I'll keep Azula busy as long as I can," she said. And before either of them could answer she turned and ran back toward the palace.
oOoOo
Mai was late to breakfast the next morning. She sat in front of her mirror for over an hour, furiously stamping out all traces of what had happened. She would not give Azula the satisfaction of seeing her like this. She would be perfectly blank, distant and cool and unconcerned. When the redness had left her eyes, when her hair was in place and her breathing was even and her furrowed brow had smoothed, Mai changed into a crisp, clean dress and set out for the dining room.
Ty Lee was alone at the table, humming cheerfully to herself as she spooned honey into her porridge. "Good morning, Mai!" she said when she noticed her friend. "Sleep well?"
"Sure," said Mai. She sat across from the other girl and began to fill her plate. It was easier to stay calm when she had something to do with her hands.
"Are you busy this afternoon?" asked Ty Lee. "Because I really haven't seen that much of you lately, and I think it'd be fun to do some...you know...girl things! Did you know there's a hot spring underneath the palace? And a sauna? Maybe we could get one of those cute Dai Li guys to give us a massage!"
"Maybe," said Mai. She poured herself a cup of tea, willing the pot not to rattle in her grip.
Ty Lee giggled, grinning playfully. "Maybe if you asked him nicely, a certain someone would go with us?"
The teapot hit the table with a bang just as the door to the dining room flew open. Palace servants scrambled out of the way as Azula stormed past them, the air around her crackling with electricity. She strode down the table to where Mai was sitting and leaned forward until their faces were level, her palms flat on the polished wood.
"Where's Zuko?" she asked sharply.
Mai took her time looking up from her breakfast. "How should I know? I haven't seen him since yesterday."
Azula's fist hit the table, rattling porcelain and silver. "Uncle is gone, and I want to know where my brother is." She's noticed, then, Mai thought, forcing herself to take a bite of eggs.
"Maybe he's just sleeping in?" Ty Lee chirped hopefully. "You've been working him pretty hard lately-"
"Don't you think his room was the first place I looked?" Azula snapped.
"Wasn't your uncle in the dungeons?" Mai wondered. Another bite.
"Apparently, someone knocked out the guards and helped him escape." She could feel Azula's eyes boring into her, but she didn't stop eating. At least the nausea gave her something else to think about.
"Any idea who?" asked Ty Lee with a small frown of worry.
"Well, that's an interesting question," Azula sneered poisonously. "I wonder, who has easy access to the palace and a reason to turn traitor for Zuko's benefit?"
Mai cut a small potato in half, speared it on her fork, and chewed it in a thoughtful manner before she answered. "What makes you so sure that he's gone? Maybe he freed his uncle and then hid from you. I wouldn't blame him."
Azula's fists clenched on the tabletop. "I don't care how many years we've known each other," she hissed. "If I find out that you had anything to do with this-"
"Anything to do with what?"
Mai choked. With as much dignity and calm as she could muster, she dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a napkin before turning to look, her eyes watering as she forced herself not to cough, to appear slow and unconcerned.
He was dressed in a soft, brown tunic, his hair disheveled as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Sunlight streamed through tall, narrow windows, making his skin glow and his scar burn red. He sought her out across the room, his good eye watching her from under dark lashes, and the corners of his mouth twitched. Then he stifled a yawn, and Mai remembered to breathe again.
"You've got a lot of explaining to do," Azula growled.
For once, Mai could not agree with her more.
oOoOo
By some mutual, unspoken consensus, Mai and Zuko avoided each other entirely for the next week. She suspected there were at least two Dai Li agents following her, and it seemed unwise to give them anything worthwhile to report. She spent her days in Ty Lee's company, which she had genuinely missed, and her nights alone in her own room, counting the tiles on her ceiling while she waited for sleep to come. Eventually, however, Azula's thunderous mood began to ease. And once it was clear that Iroh was not going to try and retake the city single-handedly, her attention fully returned to managing palace affairs and preparing for their journey home.
Mai was out of reasons to stay away from Zuko, but was unclear on what to do with herself now that the danger had passed. She was desperate to know what had happened, to find out why he'd stayed behind and where his uncle had gone, but the questions that kept her up until morning seemed too foolish to actually ask. Secretly, she was terrified that he would refuse to answer her even if she did. So she sought out ways to distract herself and waited for the right moment to come.
She was sitting on the floor of the library, surrounded by books and scrolls, when he found her. Absorbed by an account of the construction of Ba Sing Se's outer wall, she didn't notice that he'd sat down beside her until he spoke.
"Earth Kingdom propaganda, huh?" he asked.
"Know thy enemy," she said loftily, marking her place before snapping the book shut. "Or Azula's enemy, anyway, now that I'm a professional traitor."
Zuko smirked. "Doesn't 'professional' imply that you're getting paid?"
"You're still here, aren't you?" said Mai before she could think better of it. "That's enough compensation, I think."
He didn't answer for a long time, and Mai spent the minutes of silence wishing she could melt into the floor.
"It's been...nice..." he said awkwardly. "Spending time with you, I mean. It...it'd been a long time."
Mai nodded, swallowing hard as her heart pounded in her ears. "I didn't think I was going to see you again," she said. "After everything you told me, I was sure....I thought you were going to go with him."
Zuko bit his lip, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Part of me wanted to," he said. "But I couldn't...there's still too much left to do. Uncle can train the avatar without my help. It's time that I faced my father again...time that I stopped running."
He may as well have slapped her across the face. She knew it was ridiculous to be angry that he hadn't stayed behind because of her, but she was, and the humiliation only made her angrier. "You just sent your uncle to help the avatar, and now you want to go home and make nice with your dad?" she scoffed bitterly. "Great plan, Zuko. He's the reason we're all trying to capture the avatar in the first place."
"No one knows that better than I do," said Zuko quietly, his fingers brushing against his scarred cheek as the bottom dropped out of her stomach. "That's why I'm going to change his mind."
"Then Azula's not the only crazy one in your family," said Mai. She was past the point of caring how much of an ass she made of herself. "Arrow-head and his friends want to destroy the Fire Nation. Why would your father do anything but try and stop them?"
She was baiting him, she knew, but his temper didn't flare. "Uncle told me that the avatar's purpose is to restore balance to the four nations," he said, contemplative and a little sad. "To keep people like Zhao from throwing the world into chaos. They don't want to destroy us, Mai...they just want for us not to destroy them."
"Which is a little difficult, seeing as we're at war."
"We won the war when we captured Ba Sing Se," said Zuko. "We have all the riches of the Earth Kingdom before us, colonies throughout the continent and more than enough men to hold our new borders. There's no reason for this to go any further. If I can make Father see that, maybe he'll leave the avatar alone."
"And if you can't?" she asked. It was more of a challenge than a question.
Zuko surprised her with a chuckle. "I guess that depends on how traitorous we're feeling, doesn't it?"
"This isn't funny," she snapped, on her feet and shoving books back onto their shelves. "If you're planning to leave then just tell me instead of jerking me around."
He stood and came up beside her. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"
"Of course it is, you idiot," she spat as she crammed a scroll into an empty corner.
"I'd..." Zuko paused, and when she glanced at him she saw that his unmarked cheek was flushed. "Actually, I'd just...assumed that you would go with me..."
Mai stopped shelving. "That's a pretty big assumption," she said quietly.
"Well..." He rubbed the back of his neck, his face crimson. "Would you?"
Mai turned toward him, her arms crossed and her mouth a thin line. He looked terrified but determined, and so handsome that Mai wished she'd kept her eyes on the shelf. "Is that really want you want?" she asked.
He straightened a little, shoulders back and arms straight at his sides. "Yes."
"Then this is entirely your fault," she said, and kissed him full on the mouth.
Her first thought, as their lips met and her eyes fluttered closed, was that she had put this off for entirely too long. She held his face in her hands, his scar smooth and warm beneath her fingertips, his mouth hot and eager and tasting of salt and citrus. His arms circled her waist, fingers tracing the curve of her spine, and waves of heat flowed over her as he pressed her body against him.
Finally she pulled back, resting her forehead against his as she caught her breath. "I want to know everything," she whispered. "I want to know what's happened to you since the Fire Lord sent you away."
Zuko's hold on her tightened. "There are parts of it that aren't....pleasant," he said. "Things you might not want to hear."
"There's nothing about you that I don't want to hear," she said, and she knew she would always be following him. That she would never turn her back on him again.
Not that she intended to admit as much to him or anyone else. She still had her dignity, after all.
oOoOo
End
oOoOo
(continued in Necessary Research)
Wordcount: 6600
Pairing: Mai/Zuko
Summary: It's been years since they last met, and many things have changed...some more so than others, and none in the way she expected.
Rating: PG-13
Notes: This begins immediately after the events in "Crossroads of Destiny." Written for rawles, in an attempt to help her spread the Mai Love around. [repost note: I've combined the original three chapters into one story, as they weren't particularly long! If you want to read the other stories in this series, you can do so with the [universe] imperfect tag. :D ]
Imperfect
oOoOo
Mai barely remembered anything about the first time they saw each other again. Partly because she hadn't expected it. She and Ty Lee had been put in charge of the palace while Azula led the Dai Li into the caves beneath them, and very little had happened afterward. Yes, the Avatar's friends and the Earth King had escaped, but Mai was glad to see the bear go, at least, and she knew Azula wouldn't hold it against them. She wanted the throne and the city, not its puppet king.
She had just finished prying Ty Lee's hands and feet out of the floor when Azula returned. She straightened, tucking her knife back into her sleeve as Ty Lee scowled and rubbed her wrists. But a droll comment about playing in the dirt died on her lips when Zuko stepped through the doorway.
She almost didn't recognize him. He was dressed in the tattered remains of a commoner's finery, his hair cropped and shaggy, his face bowed toward the floor as Azula strutted up the dais and settled herself on the throne. Curious, Ty Lee cartwheeled over to him, ending in a backbend with her face directly in his line of sight.
"Zuzu!" she cried, flipping upright again.
"Don't call me that," he said dully. Looking up and past her, his eyes connected with Mai's across the room.
"Hello, Zuko," said Mai, her voice soft and low. "You look good."
Zuko barked out a single laugh, harsh and mirthless. It echoed in the high-ceilinged chamber.
She hadn't seen him since before the duel with his father. And while Azula had later described it to her with relish, and she had seen the wanted posters at every crossroads since leaving "New Ozai," neither of these things had prepared her for the reality of his fate.
Zuko had long fascinated her because of his imperfections. There were many, to be certain, and they had kept him on the fringes of palace life. Where Azula was a shining blade cast in her father's image, cold and polished and deadly, Zuko's edge was dulled by his shortcomings. It was hard to imagine him seated on the throne someday, larger than life behind a curtain of flame. Always struggling, always awkward, never giving up but never quite succeeding, Zuko was thoroughly human. And that was why Mai liked him.
In fact, the only thing about him that she had found disappointing was his face. Smooth, pale, flawless, regal....and utterly dull. Though his barely-disguised panic every time he saw his sister had made it a bit more bearable.
Azula had spent many hours since her reunion with Mai and Ty Lee mocking her brother's ugliness. But she had, for once in her life, entirely missed the point. Zuko was broken; had been so ever since his mother had stolen away in the night. But now the damage to his soul showed on his skin as well. And it was hideous...nauseating...shameful...
Beautiful.
***
For the first week after the battle with the Avatar, Zuko was like a ghost. He ate meals in his room, practiced firebending alone in the courtyard at night, answered all questions as briefly as possible and left all audiences with his sister as quickly as he could. The only reason Mai saw him at all was because Azula never tired of torturing him.
"I haven't played with darling Zuzu since yesterday," she purred one afternoon, lounging on the throne as she examined her nails in the lamplight. "I think it would do him good to get some exercise, don't you?"
"Do you want me to find him for you, Azula?" Ty Lee chirped.
"No." Azula turned to Mai and smiled. "I'm sure he'd prefer your company."
"No doubt," said Mai drily, though her heart quickened at the thought of being alone with him.
"Tell him to meet me in the courtyard in an hour," said Azula, rising gracefully to her feet. "You can do what you like with him until then."
Mai's face burned as she ducked out of throne room, and she spent most of the long walk to Zuko's chambers regaining her composure. He hadn't spoken a word to her since his return, his single bark of laughter the only response to anything she'd said. She had watched him cautiously from afar, noted the heaviness of his walk and the sallow cast to his skin, but assumed he was merely depressed about Iroh's betrayal. A weakness for flawed companions was something she could sympathize with, so she'd left him to his thoughts.
But now the choice had been taken away from her. Such was the way of things when Azula was involved.
Mai stood in front of his door for almost a minute before she raised her hand and rapped it with her knuckles. There was no answer. She was trying to decide if she should knock again when the door swung open. Zuko had changed into Dai Li robes and slicked back his hair in the Fire Nation style, but his face was just as she remembered. It took most of her considerable willpower not to stare.
"Azula wants you in the courtyard," Mai drawled, stepping aside to let him pass with a sarcastic flourish. "Hope that outfit's fire proof."
"Nothing is Azula-proof," Zuko muttered. He stalked down the hall ahead of her, and though she was careful not to be obvious about it she had to jog to catch up.
"I haven't been out of the palace in weeks," she moaned conversationally, noting how stiff his shoulders were as he walked. "It's so dull that my brain's starting to leak out my ears."
"Don't worry," said Zuko flatly. "It won't last long. Nothing does with her."
"I know, isn't it great?" Mai chuckled, a rare smile on her lips. "Now that the Dai Li's in Azula's pocket, we can set up a new government and ditch this place. As long as we don't have to wear those tacky Kyoshi outfits anymore-"
She nearly ran into him when he stopped abruptly in the middle of the corridor. He turned to face her, his fists clenched at his sides. "You don't get it, do you?" he spat, yellow eyes boring into her own.
Mai choked on her words. When they were children, Zuko had been annoyed, or petulant, or embarrassed...sometimes, he'd even been angry. But only with Azula. Around Mai, it had always been shyness and hesitant smiles. He had never looked at her, spoken to her, like this.
"You're just...upset about your uncle," she said, averting her eyes. "Don't take it out on me, it's not my-"
"You don't understand anything," Zuko hissed. "You think this is fun? Running around with Azula, playing at conquerer, watching the commoners grovel at your feet?"
"A little groveling never hurt anyone," she muttered, taking a chance on levity.
Zuko's scowl deepened, his nostrils flaring. She could feel the air grow hot between them. "This isn't a GAME, Mai," he snarled. "These are people's LIVES. Azula's insane-"
"I know that," said Mai quietly. "I'm not an idiot."
"Azula's insane," Zuko repeated, as if she hadn't spoken. "But I'd expected more of you."
"Like you're any better!" Mai snapped, shocked into real anger. "I don't see YOU doing anything to stop her."
"You're right," Zuko muttered. He turned to walk away, his soft shoes silent on the marble floors. "You don't see."
oOoOo
Mai waited quietly in the corridor for the shock to leave her features, willing her mouth to relax, her eyes to narrow, her breath to slow. Azula would pounce on any hint of emotion, and this was not a topic Mai wanted to discuss with her. The princess seemed to find Mai's childhood affection for her brother to be riotously entertaining, but love wasn't an emotion she had much interest in or understanding of. She teased Mai because she thought that was all it was: a crush nearly a decade old, now little more than fodder for her amusement. Cloaked in a cool detachment woven from years at the Royal Fire Academy, Mai would not give her a reason to think otherwise.
By the time Mai stepped out into the sunlit courtyard, the afternoon's training had begun. Azula stood near the northern wall, silently and methodically bending waves of flame toward her brother. Her poise was perfect, her pale skin gleaming in the sun as she gracefully cycled from one position to the next. Mai remembered this exercise, and knew it would continue for hours until Zuko's stance was broken.
In the shadow of the southern wall, Zuko squatted low to the ground, bare feet planted far apart on the packed earth. Naked from the waist up and shining with sweat, he tore through sheets of fire with his hands. On previous afternoons, Zuko had been sullen and quiet, putting forth just enough effort to stay upright and not seeming to care, particularly, when his legs finally gave out. Today, he met each wave with a roar of fury, his jaw set and the veins on his neck bulging as he cast the flames aside. Azula smiled.
"Getting tired of this game, Zuzu?" she purred without breaking her rhythm. "Too bad for you that you're as much of a coward as Uncle." Zuko caught the next wave in his hands, compacting it into a ball and hurling it back across the courtyard. Azula stepped lightly aside, just far enough to be out of range as the blast hit the wall behind her.
"Better," she said with what might have been genuine warmth. "We can't have a Fire Lord who's afraid of his little sister, can we?" She picked up his discarded clothing and tossed it over to him. "But work on thickening your skin. You can't lose control of yourself every time someone insults you. Words are weapons, just like anything else -- keep your guard up."
Zuko nodded silently as he slipped on his tunic. Azula turned to her friend with a smirk. "Sorry, Mai. Show's over."
There were many things that Azula didn't understand.
oOoOo
Mai watched Zuko very closely after that. While she had lived with her parents in the Fire Nation capital she'd alleviated her boredom by spying on others, imagining she was tailing assassins and saboteurs instead of courtiers and servants. Occasionally she would discover something worthwhile -- a hidden love affair, a petty theft, a secret cache of commoners' treasures -- but she never made use of her gathered knowledge. The chase intrigued her, not the prize. It was a childish habit, she knew, yet it had kept her footsteps light and her eyes sharp. For that, at least, she was grateful.
Wary, antisocial and prone to insomnia, Zuko proved a challenging target. But Mai was more than usually determined. "You don't see," he had said, so now she saw everything. Half-lidded eyes followed him as he trained with his sister, spent long afternoons walking the halls of the palace, practiced swordplay in cavernous ballrooms against invisible foes, read ponderous military histories in the library by candlelight. Hidden in dark corners, behind columns, between shelves, she was free to study his ruined face and unfamiliar profile, his too-short hair and broad shoulders and sharp jaw. She remembered the softer lines of a young prince, and the man she had imagined he would become, smiling and confident and well past the awkwardness of childhood. She decided she preferred him like this.
Days passed, and the rhythm of Mai's life at the palace matched itself to his. She ate when he ate, slept when he slept, and woke before dawn to watch his sleeping face. Each time she did this, she edged a bit closer, intruding further and further into his room, until she was sitting on the floor beside his bed as his slow breath stirred her hair.
One morning she found his room empty, and waited out of sight behind a screen until he crept back along the corridor, his expression unfathomable in the pale light of sunrise. She followed him the next night as he roamed the streets of the upper ring, and watched as he sat for hours on the steps of a shuttered tea house, his face in his hands.
When he finally rose to his feet, Mai tucked herself more deeply into her shadowed doorway, timing her breaths to match his footsteps. He walked straight toward her, his eyes on the cobblestones as he passed within inches of her hiding place, then stopped a few steps beyond it.
"Coming?" he asked softly. Cursing her own recklessness, Mai hesitated a moment before abandoning all pretense of secrecy and joining him in the street.
They walked together in silence for some time, following the road past sumptuous apartments and luxury storefronts. Mai had never left the palace grounds before, and read the gilded wooden signs with mild interest, wondering how long it would be before wealthy merchants were replaced by Fire Navy officers. A rebellion had caused delays in New Ozai, but the people here were accustomed to having their lives controlled by others. To a shopkeeper, Fire Nation soldiers and Dai Li agents were all cut from the same cloth.
Mai was vaguely aware of moving down to a lower ring of the city, and some time later they reached a large square with a fountain, the light of countless paper lanterns sparkling on the water. Zuko sat on the fountain's edge, his hands folded in his lap, and Mai joined him wordlessly. The marble was cold beneath her, and she wondered what she thought she was doing.
When Zuko spoke, his voice was rough with disuse. "Uncle wanted us to start a new life here," he said. "We were going to run his tea shop together, forget about the avatar...wait for the war to be over..."
"Sounds awful," said Mai.
"Maybe," said Zuko softly. "But we'd been running for so long...peace and quiet were starting to sound pretty good."
"'Peace' and 'quiet' are just polite words for 'dull' and 'pointless,'" said Mai. She fingered a small knife concealed in her sleeve. "That can't have been what you really wanted."
"He told me it was time that I made my own choices," Zuko continued. "And I was tired. I was so incredibly tired of struggling and hunting and honor and..." He breathed deeply, his eyes closed. "I thought that if I could just stop caring about any of it, maybe I could forget. Maybe I could be happy if I stopped wanting things that I was never going to have."
"It doesn't need to be that way anymore, you know," said Mai. "Azula's serious about the Fire Lord forgiving you. You made the right choice, for once."
"Did I?" he asked faintly.
"He was helping the Avatar!" Mai snapped with a rare edge of anger. "He obviously doesn't have any loyalty to you, why should you have any to him?"
"You weren't there," said Zuko. "You didn't see the look on his face when I..." His voice broke. "He must have had a reason..."
"I can't think of a reason good enough for what he did," she said bitterly.
Zuko looked up at her, then, their eyes meeting for the first time. "You've changed," he said simply.
Mai bristled. "What are you talking about?"
"Patriotism doesn't really suit you."
"This doesn't have anything to do with patriotism," said Mai with a dismissive wave of her hand. "You think I'm here because my heart beats with love for the Fire Nation? I came because Azula asked me to and I owe her. I'm mad at your uncle because you trusted him and he turned on you. That's all."
"You know it's not that simple," said Zuko. "Thousands of people are going to die because we decided to help Azula. Doesn't that mean something do you? Don't you care about anything?"
I care about you, you fucking idiot, she thought. Aloud, she said, "Don't let her hear you say things like that."
Zuko's eyes returned to his hands, long fingers twining nervously in his lap. "Mai...how long have you been following me?"
"Long enough to know you're all talk," Mai drawled. "You drop ominous hints of some master plan to take Azula down, but all you've actually done is sulk around the palace feeling sorry for yourself."
Zuko hunched forward, his elbows on his knees and his hands in his hair. "I....I've been reading," he said slowly, his voice muffled. "About the avatar. About Roku and Kyoshi and his other past lives, and what the world was like before the war. The books they have here...they're very different than the ones at home."
"Earth Kingdom propaganda," said Mai automatically.
"Maybe," said Zuko. "But...I've been thinking. About the things Uncle said, and what the Avatar and his friends have told me...Mai, I'm really not sure that they're wrong. I think....I think I've made a mistake-"
"You need to stop right now," said Mai severely, on her feet in a moment. Her eyes scanned the empty square, searching darkened windows for any hint of movement. "We can't know who's listening, out in the open like this."
Zuko raised his eyes again, and in them was so much uncertainty and remorse that she relented, her anger softening into fond annoyance. She leaned down until their heads were level, her lips brushing against his ear. "Wait for me in your room tomorrow night," she whispered. Zuko stiffened, his pulse fluttering in the hollow of his neck. He smelled of soap and burnt wool. "Then you can tell me what the hell you've been up to."
She straightened reluctantly and watched as he rubbed his good eye with his palm, ran his fingers back through his hair, exhaled, then pushed himself to his feet. "Thank you," he said abruptly, avoiding her gaze.
Mai blinked in uncharacteristic surprise. "For what?"
"Not telling Azula about any of this."
"How do you know I didn't?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
He chuckled softly, the barest hint of a smile on his lips. "Because I wouldn't be here if you had."
oOoOo
In the corner of Zuko's room was a small altar, unadorned except for three tall candles and a red silk cloth. When Mai arrived he was sitting in front of it on the floor, the flames waxing and waning in time with his breath. He didn't look up at the sound of her footsteps, so she perched on the edge of his mattress and waited. The air was warm and close, and the soft, flickering light made her eyelids heavy. It had been days since she'd slept through the night, weeks since the sleep she did manage had actually been restful. There had been a lot on her mind.
She woke with Zuko hovering over her, his hand gently squeezing her shoulder. "I'm sorry, I lost track of the time," he said. His scent mingled with beeswax and incense. "If you're tired, this can wait until-"
"I'm fine," said Mai irritably, and he jerked his hand away as she sat up. Her shoulder felt cold without it, which only annoyed her further. "I guess I was just overwhelmed by your firebending prowess. I mean, three candles at once? My heart's all aflutter."
Zuko scowled. "I was meditating," he said. "It helps me concentrate."
She sighed. It was no fun needling someone so single-mindedly earnest. "All right, then...let's hear this traitorous plan of yours."
He didn't answer right away, his brow furrowed and his fingertips digging into the bedspread. It was one thing to indulge in vague talk about morality, and another entirely to propose putting it into action. She knew he was deciding whether or not to trust her, and she couldn't hold that against him -- even now, sitting next to him on his bed as she fished for incriminating details, she wasn't entirely sure she trusted herself.
"I want to help Uncle escape," he said finally, handing his life to her with words. "It's my fault that he's here, and my father will kill him if Azula brings him home with her."
"No doubt," said Mai quietly. She turned to face him, and when he glanced up her eyes held his gaze. "Tell me exactly what you've done."
"I've paid attention," said Zuko. "I know when and how the Dai Li patrol the grounds. I know eight different ways of leaving the palace undetected, and fifteen routes down through the upper ring and into the rest of the city. I know of an ostrich horse in the stable that no one would miss for two days. I've packed a bag with enough food and water to last a week, but..." He faltered. "I don't know where she's keeping him."
"Conveniently enough, I do," said Mai.
oOoOo
They walked together through the empty halls, wordlessly altering their route from time to time to avoid guards and servants. After so many nights of following behind him, it was strange to find herself at his side for the second time in two days. The second time in her life, really, as they had never done this as children. His sister would never let them hear the end of it.
Zuko had insisted on bringing his swords, and his knuckles were white as he gripped their hilts in his fist. Most firebenders were disdainful of weapons, and Mai wondered what made him different. She could understand an affection for razor edges and polished steel, but suspected there was more to it than that. Perhaps life in Azula's shadow had led him to seek out whatever advantages he could find, beneath his status or not.
Green marble gave way to granite as they descended, the air growing chilly and damp. But when they reached the iron door to the dungeons, Zuko stopped short.
"I can't do this," he rasped. "I can't face him after everything I've done."
"Don't be such a drama queen," said Mai, peering into the lock. She inserted a long, thin dagger, and a short while later there was a soft click as the mechanism turned over. "Your uncle is inhumanly cheerful. Just give him a cup of tea and he'll forget it ever happened."
Zuko didn't look convinced, but he followed her into the dungeons all the same. Mai had run enough errands for Azula down there to navigate the maze of identical corridors, and after several minutes of walking and a half-dozen turns she motioned for Zuko to stop.
"There will be two guards," she muttered. "We'll have to knock them out from behind and lock them in one of the cells. That'll give us time to free your uncle and get him out of the palace."
Zuko gaped at her. "We're breaking him out tonight?!" he hissed.
"What did you think? We'd socialize for an hour or so and then drop in again tomorrow?" Mai rolled her eyes. "Of course we're doing it tonight. Azula would move him to another cell and triple his guard before we got another chance."
Before he could protest further, Mai slipped around the final bend and crept along the wall, her eyes on the pair of Dai Li guards. They sat on either side of a low table, intent on their game of Pai Sho. She could feel Zuko's warmth behind her.
"I'm telling you, it's a classic example of the Pan Luan gambit," insisted a gravelly voice from within the cell. "You should cut your losses now and retreat to the southeast."
"When I want help I'll ask for it, old man," snarled one of the guards. "Just shut up and-"
Mai interrupted him with a sharp blow to the head.
"Who's there?" Iroh asked as the guard crumpled. He peered through the bars, but only Mai was in his line of sight. He smiled. "To what do I owe this honor, my lady?"
Zuko looked up from the unconscious guard at his feet, his face ashen.
"Apparently the dungeon's overcrowded," said Mai. She removed a set of keys from her victim's belt and examined them in turn. "We're going to have to give your cell to someone else."
"I suppose I'll manage somehow," said Iroh gravely. "Though it saddens me to leave such fine accommodations."
Mai smirked and selected a key from the ring. "I hear there's still plenty of room outside the city," she said. The door swung open, and as soon as Iroh was clear of it he leaned down to place a tile on the board. Only then did he look up, his satisfied smile evaporating when he saw Zuko in the hall.
"Nephew..?" he rasped.
"Hello, Uncle," Zuko murmured.
For a long moment, they stared at each other in silence. Then, with an abruptness that made Mai jump, Iroh stumbled forward and crushed his nephew into a hug.
"I'm so sorry," he said thickly, his face buried against Zuko's chest. "If I'd had any other choice..."
Zuko patted him awkwardly on the back. "Uncle, what are you talking about? I...this is my..." He shook his head in confusion. "I'm the one who betrayed you-"
"It's wasn't your fault," Iroh rumbled, pushing away so he could look his nephew in the eye. "I was reckless. I asked too much of you, too quickly." His voice faltered as tears slid down his cheeks and into his tangled beard. "You're like a son to me, Zuko, and I gave up on you when you needed me most."
"You did what you had to," said Zuko, his own eyes brimming over. "I know that, now...I'm just...I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."
"The past is the past," said Iroh. "What matters now are the choices we make today."
Deciding she'd had about as much sincerity as she could stomach in one night, Mai stooped down and grabbed the guards by their collars. She could hear Iroh and Zuko talking as she dragged the unconscious men into a neighboring cell, but their words blurred together in the echoy stone hall. By the time she had bound and gagged her prisoners and locked the cell door, Iroh and Zuko were seated at the Pai Sho table deep in conversation.
"We should go," said Mai, hanging the keys on the door handle. "It's almost dawn, and these two will be missed before long."
Zuko leapt to his feet. "Everything we need is in the stables," he said, and the three of them ran from the dungeons as quickly and quietly as they could. Watching Iroh from the corner of her eye, Mai was astonished by how so large a man could make so little sound. She found herself regretting that she wouldn't have a chance to spend more time with him.
It wasn't until that moment that she admitted to herself what was actually going to happen. She had avoided thinking about it for days, but now that she'd gone this far the truth was impossible ignore. She was helping a traitor to escape, and neither he nor his equally traitorous nephew would be able to return to Ozai's good graces. Zuko was leaving, had packed his supplies and planned his route and collected his uncle, the only thing that really tied him to Ba Sing Se. If he manged to stay away from his sister Mai was never going to see him again.
When Zuko had first been sent into exile, she had sat in her room with her back to the ocean, refusing to watch his sad little ship disappear over the horizon. And now, in a distant moonlit city of green shadows and unfamiliar faces, it was happening again. Only this time she was old enough to understand what she was about to lose, and how lucky she had been to have a second chance to win him in the first place. A chance she had squandered on spying and sneaking and cowardly denial.
She watched him run, strong arms pumping as sweat ran down the back of his neck and beaded on his forehead, the scarred side of his face betraying no emotion. These were their last moments together, and all she could do was look on in mute despair as her carefully constructed facade began to crumble.
They reached the stables. Zuko glanced over at her, his shoulders heaving as he tried to catch his breath. Iroh reached out for her hand. "Mai, I can't thank you enough for what you've done tonight," he whispered.
Mai stared helplessly at the two of them, her own lungs burning as her mind raced through niceties and platitudes. She knew that she should say something, but what was there to say? She didn't want goodbyes. She wasn't interested in tears or hugs or promises to write. If they weren't going to stay, then she wanted them gone.
"I'll keep Azula busy as long as I can," she said. And before either of them could answer she turned and ran back toward the palace.
oOoOo
Mai was late to breakfast the next morning. She sat in front of her mirror for over an hour, furiously stamping out all traces of what had happened. She would not give Azula the satisfaction of seeing her like this. She would be perfectly blank, distant and cool and unconcerned. When the redness had left her eyes, when her hair was in place and her breathing was even and her furrowed brow had smoothed, Mai changed into a crisp, clean dress and set out for the dining room.
Ty Lee was alone at the table, humming cheerfully to herself as she spooned honey into her porridge. "Good morning, Mai!" she said when she noticed her friend. "Sleep well?"
"Sure," said Mai. She sat across from the other girl and began to fill her plate. It was easier to stay calm when she had something to do with her hands.
"Are you busy this afternoon?" asked Ty Lee. "Because I really haven't seen that much of you lately, and I think it'd be fun to do some...you know...girl things! Did you know there's a hot spring underneath the palace? And a sauna? Maybe we could get one of those cute Dai Li guys to give us a massage!"
"Maybe," said Mai. She poured herself a cup of tea, willing the pot not to rattle in her grip.
Ty Lee giggled, grinning playfully. "Maybe if you asked him nicely, a certain someone would go with us?"
The teapot hit the table with a bang just as the door to the dining room flew open. Palace servants scrambled out of the way as Azula stormed past them, the air around her crackling with electricity. She strode down the table to where Mai was sitting and leaned forward until their faces were level, her palms flat on the polished wood.
"Where's Zuko?" she asked sharply.
Mai took her time looking up from her breakfast. "How should I know? I haven't seen him since yesterday."
Azula's fist hit the table, rattling porcelain and silver. "Uncle is gone, and I want to know where my brother is." She's noticed, then, Mai thought, forcing herself to take a bite of eggs.
"Maybe he's just sleeping in?" Ty Lee chirped hopefully. "You've been working him pretty hard lately-"
"Don't you think his room was the first place I looked?" Azula snapped.
"Wasn't your uncle in the dungeons?" Mai wondered. Another bite.
"Apparently, someone knocked out the guards and helped him escape." She could feel Azula's eyes boring into her, but she didn't stop eating. At least the nausea gave her something else to think about.
"Any idea who?" asked Ty Lee with a small frown of worry.
"Well, that's an interesting question," Azula sneered poisonously. "I wonder, who has easy access to the palace and a reason to turn traitor for Zuko's benefit?"
Mai cut a small potato in half, speared it on her fork, and chewed it in a thoughtful manner before she answered. "What makes you so sure that he's gone? Maybe he freed his uncle and then hid from you. I wouldn't blame him."
Azula's fists clenched on the tabletop. "I don't care how many years we've known each other," she hissed. "If I find out that you had anything to do with this-"
"Anything to do with what?"
Mai choked. With as much dignity and calm as she could muster, she dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a napkin before turning to look, her eyes watering as she forced herself not to cough, to appear slow and unconcerned.
He was dressed in a soft, brown tunic, his hair disheveled as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. Sunlight streamed through tall, narrow windows, making his skin glow and his scar burn red. He sought her out across the room, his good eye watching her from under dark lashes, and the corners of his mouth twitched. Then he stifled a yawn, and Mai remembered to breathe again.
"You've got a lot of explaining to do," Azula growled.
For once, Mai could not agree with her more.
oOoOo
By some mutual, unspoken consensus, Mai and Zuko avoided each other entirely for the next week. She suspected there were at least two Dai Li agents following her, and it seemed unwise to give them anything worthwhile to report. She spent her days in Ty Lee's company, which she had genuinely missed, and her nights alone in her own room, counting the tiles on her ceiling while she waited for sleep to come. Eventually, however, Azula's thunderous mood began to ease. And once it was clear that Iroh was not going to try and retake the city single-handedly, her attention fully returned to managing palace affairs and preparing for their journey home.
Mai was out of reasons to stay away from Zuko, but was unclear on what to do with herself now that the danger had passed. She was desperate to know what had happened, to find out why he'd stayed behind and where his uncle had gone, but the questions that kept her up until morning seemed too foolish to actually ask. Secretly, she was terrified that he would refuse to answer her even if she did. So she sought out ways to distract herself and waited for the right moment to come.
She was sitting on the floor of the library, surrounded by books and scrolls, when he found her. Absorbed by an account of the construction of Ba Sing Se's outer wall, she didn't notice that he'd sat down beside her until he spoke.
"Earth Kingdom propaganda, huh?" he asked.
"Know thy enemy," she said loftily, marking her place before snapping the book shut. "Or Azula's enemy, anyway, now that I'm a professional traitor."
Zuko smirked. "Doesn't 'professional' imply that you're getting paid?"
"You're still here, aren't you?" said Mai before she could think better of it. "That's enough compensation, I think."
He didn't answer for a long time, and Mai spent the minutes of silence wishing she could melt into the floor.
"It's been...nice..." he said awkwardly. "Spending time with you, I mean. It...it'd been a long time."
Mai nodded, swallowing hard as her heart pounded in her ears. "I didn't think I was going to see you again," she said. "After everything you told me, I was sure....I thought you were going to go with him."
Zuko bit his lip, wrapping his arms around his knees. "Part of me wanted to," he said. "But I couldn't...there's still too much left to do. Uncle can train the avatar without my help. It's time that I faced my father again...time that I stopped running."
He may as well have slapped her across the face. She knew it was ridiculous to be angry that he hadn't stayed behind because of her, but she was, and the humiliation only made her angrier. "You just sent your uncle to help the avatar, and now you want to go home and make nice with your dad?" she scoffed bitterly. "Great plan, Zuko. He's the reason we're all trying to capture the avatar in the first place."
"No one knows that better than I do," said Zuko quietly, his fingers brushing against his scarred cheek as the bottom dropped out of her stomach. "That's why I'm going to change his mind."
"Then Azula's not the only crazy one in your family," said Mai. She was past the point of caring how much of an ass she made of herself. "Arrow-head and his friends want to destroy the Fire Nation. Why would your father do anything but try and stop them?"
She was baiting him, she knew, but his temper didn't flare. "Uncle told me that the avatar's purpose is to restore balance to the four nations," he said, contemplative and a little sad. "To keep people like Zhao from throwing the world into chaos. They don't want to destroy us, Mai...they just want for us not to destroy them."
"Which is a little difficult, seeing as we're at war."
"We won the war when we captured Ba Sing Se," said Zuko. "We have all the riches of the Earth Kingdom before us, colonies throughout the continent and more than enough men to hold our new borders. There's no reason for this to go any further. If I can make Father see that, maybe he'll leave the avatar alone."
"And if you can't?" she asked. It was more of a challenge than a question.
Zuko surprised her with a chuckle. "I guess that depends on how traitorous we're feeling, doesn't it?"
"This isn't funny," she snapped, on her feet and shoving books back onto their shelves. "If you're planning to leave then just tell me instead of jerking me around."
He stood and came up beside her. "Is that what you think I'm doing?"
"Of course it is, you idiot," she spat as she crammed a scroll into an empty corner.
"I'd..." Zuko paused, and when she glanced at him she saw that his unmarked cheek was flushed. "Actually, I'd just...assumed that you would go with me..."
Mai stopped shelving. "That's a pretty big assumption," she said quietly.
"Well..." He rubbed the back of his neck, his face crimson. "Would you?"
Mai turned toward him, her arms crossed and her mouth a thin line. He looked terrified but determined, and so handsome that Mai wished she'd kept her eyes on the shelf. "Is that really want you want?" she asked.
He straightened a little, shoulders back and arms straight at his sides. "Yes."
"Then this is entirely your fault," she said, and kissed him full on the mouth.
Her first thought, as their lips met and her eyes fluttered closed, was that she had put this off for entirely too long. She held his face in her hands, his scar smooth and warm beneath her fingertips, his mouth hot and eager and tasting of salt and citrus. His arms circled her waist, fingers tracing the curve of her spine, and waves of heat flowed over her as he pressed her body against him.
Finally she pulled back, resting her forehead against his as she caught her breath. "I want to know everything," she whispered. "I want to know what's happened to you since the Fire Lord sent you away."
Zuko's hold on her tightened. "There are parts of it that aren't....pleasant," he said. "Things you might not want to hear."
"There's nothing about you that I don't want to hear," she said, and she knew she would always be following him. That she would never turn her back on him again.
Not that she intended to admit as much to him or anyone else. She still had her dignity, after all.
oOoOo
End
oOoOo
(continued in Necessary Research)