(no subject)
I'm exhausted. I love Indy, I truly do, and I love everyone here. But it occurs to me every trip, after I have spent 4 days here, that I need to go back home. I always get so excited to come home, and I end up sincerely enjoying the first couple of days and then it hits me.
I am so sick of being pulled in 20 different directions when I'm here. Nobody truly understands that if they are asking to spend time with me, chances are, there are five other people who want to spend time with me too. I have very limited time when I'm home, and I spend 98% of it making other people happy. Everyone here seems to forget that this is supposed to be a vacation for me. That I was hoping to get a chance to relax, but I end up getting here, and can't sit down. As soon as I'm done with one thing, I need to call somebody and meet up with them. And nobody wants to do anything together, because my parents can't get along, and Mal and Kourtney can't share me. When I'm with my mom, my dad is hurt. When I'm with my mom, she is bummed I have to leave to spend time with my dad. When I'm with Mal, she doesnt want to share me with Kourt. When I'm with Kourt, she wants to spend all day together. It's never ending. I really do love all of you but I'm EXHAUSTED! I really want to make all of you happy, but none of you seem to be concerned with what I want. I've been trying so hard not to be selfish, but I'm throwing my vacations away, and end up going from a stressed environment at home, to here, to become even more stressed out, only to come home and take on that stress again. I got maybe two hours to myself since I've been home, and I was resented for that. Not one person, this entire trip has asked me what I want to do. I got to do one thing, and that was go paint pottery with Mal. I havent gotten my christmas shopping done, which I was completely set out to do. I havent gotten a winter coat, because I had to spend the two hours I had shopping for other people. I didnt get to go to greenwood park mall. I didn't get to make a new LJ layout. I havent even touched my homework!! I'm so frustrated. And whats sad is that its like this every trip. Every one always ends up pouting at me, and I end up apologizing more than I should have to. I shouldnt be apologizing at all! I end up ditching people on things because I can't keep plans straight. Every one thinks they are getting jipped on time, when in all honesty, I'm doing the best I can at splitting it evenly, and working around everyone elses schedule.
If you all want me to yourself, then come out to Pittsburgh and see me. Because you're all quickly pushing me to not wanting to come home at all anymore. Even though I miss you all dearly.
I am so sick of being pulled in 20 different directions when I'm here. Nobody truly understands that if they are asking to spend time with me, chances are, there are five other people who want to spend time with me too. I have very limited time when I'm home, and I spend 98% of it making other people happy. Everyone here seems to forget that this is supposed to be a vacation for me. That I was hoping to get a chance to relax, but I end up getting here, and can't sit down. As soon as I'm done with one thing, I need to call somebody and meet up with them. And nobody wants to do anything together, because my parents can't get along, and Mal and Kourtney can't share me. When I'm with my mom, my dad is hurt. When I'm with my mom, she is bummed I have to leave to spend time with my dad. When I'm with Mal, she doesnt want to share me with Kourt. When I'm with Kourt, she wants to spend all day together. It's never ending. I really do love all of you but I'm EXHAUSTED! I really want to make all of you happy, but none of you seem to be concerned with what I want. I've been trying so hard not to be selfish, but I'm throwing my vacations away, and end up going from a stressed environment at home, to here, to become even more stressed out, only to come home and take on that stress again. I got maybe two hours to myself since I've been home, and I was resented for that. Not one person, this entire trip has asked me what I want to do. I got to do one thing, and that was go paint pottery with Mal. I havent gotten my christmas shopping done, which I was completely set out to do. I havent gotten a winter coat, because I had to spend the two hours I had shopping for other people. I didnt get to go to greenwood park mall. I didn't get to make a new LJ layout. I havent even touched my homework!! I'm so frustrated. And whats sad is that its like this every trip. Every one always ends up pouting at me, and I end up apologizing more than I should have to. I shouldnt be apologizing at all! I end up ditching people on things because I can't keep plans straight. Every one thinks they are getting jipped on time, when in all honesty, I'm doing the best I can at splitting it evenly, and working around everyone elses schedule.
If you all want me to yourself, then come out to Pittsburgh and see me. Because you're all quickly pushing me to not wanting to come home at all anymore. Even though I miss you all dearly.