together we will float
Today isn't one that I'll want to go back and remember fondly but I need to write about it anyway. Miranda is gone and with her, a big piece of my heart.
When I came home from work yesterday, it was apparent that she hadn't gotten out of her pet bed all day since the blanket I put on her before I left was still in place. I tried to lift her up several times but she always slumped down like the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Finally got her out back to pee where she swayed and had that thousand yard stare going. We sat outside with her while Bruce cooked on the grill but she showed no interest in food though I finally got her to eat by tearing corn tortillas into small bites and hand feeding them to her. Her breathing seemed labored and when she didn't bark at the passing neighbor dog, we both knew it was a real possibility that this would be our last night with her.
After Bruce went to bed, I stayed up a while playing the same Van Morrison song I used to comfort her several years ago during a particularly nasty thunderstorm before carrying her out once more and then down into her pet bed. This morning she didn't seem any better so Bruce made an appt to seek the vet's opinion. Though Dr. Roberts couldn't make our decision for us, he gave us the options and the third one, to end her suffering now, seemed like the kindest thing to do. Once again, he was very patient and compassionate, allowing us all the time we needed and explaining every step thoroughly. She seemed ready as we moved her to a blanket they brought in, her head in my lap just as we've sat on the kitchen floor thousands of times before. He gave her a small tranquilizer first, allowing us about twenty more minutes alone with her as it took effect. He sat on the floor with us for the other, monitoring her heartbeat all the while until at last she was free. I was doing as well as can be expected until I noticed the water that had collected in her eyes before she passed formed a single tear that trickled down her face and onto the ground. Bruce saw it too so I know I'm not crazy. I'd like to think that it was her way of saying that she'll miss us, too. I picked up her single tear and mixed it with mine, of which there were many.
The rest of the day was spent in a haze: we sat on the couch crying, we cleaned, we made lunch. Looking out the window, a Springsteen lyric popped into my head - It's raining but there ain't a cloud in the sky … . Deciding that we couldn't do any of these things anymore, we took a long walk along the river all the way to the "Hi Tree" where the North Omaha Commercial Club donated a stone bench. It was difficult at first because we've hardly been on a walk without four-legged companions in nearly twelve years but the fresh air and sunshine did us a world of good. Everything'll be okay. It will. It's just going to take some time. Again.
I spent a minute or two alone with her before I left the room just as I did with Greta only six weeks ago. I told her to say hi to her sister, Chip, Buck, Ted, Queenie, Rugan and all the other animals in our lives we've loved and lost over the years. Also, if there is such a wonderful place as Rainbow Bridge, she's to wait for me there because she's the first thing I want to see.
And now it really is raining.
When I came home from work yesterday, it was apparent that she hadn't gotten out of her pet bed all day since the blanket I put on her before I left was still in place. I tried to lift her up several times but she always slumped down like the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. Finally got her out back to pee where she swayed and had that thousand yard stare going. We sat outside with her while Bruce cooked on the grill but she showed no interest in food though I finally got her to eat by tearing corn tortillas into small bites and hand feeding them to her. Her breathing seemed labored and when she didn't bark at the passing neighbor dog, we both knew it was a real possibility that this would be our last night with her.
After Bruce went to bed, I stayed up a while playing the same Van Morrison song I used to comfort her several years ago during a particularly nasty thunderstorm before carrying her out once more and then down into her pet bed. This morning she didn't seem any better so Bruce made an appt to seek the vet's opinion. Though Dr. Roberts couldn't make our decision for us, he gave us the options and the third one, to end her suffering now, seemed like the kindest thing to do. Once again, he was very patient and compassionate, allowing us all the time we needed and explaining every step thoroughly. She seemed ready as we moved her to a blanket they brought in, her head in my lap just as we've sat on the kitchen floor thousands of times before. He gave her a small tranquilizer first, allowing us about twenty more minutes alone with her as it took effect. He sat on the floor with us for the other, monitoring her heartbeat all the while until at last she was free. I was doing as well as can be expected until I noticed the water that had collected in her eyes before she passed formed a single tear that trickled down her face and onto the ground. Bruce saw it too so I know I'm not crazy. I'd like to think that it was her way of saying that she'll miss us, too. I picked up her single tear and mixed it with mine, of which there were many.
The rest of the day was spent in a haze: we sat on the couch crying, we cleaned, we made lunch. Looking out the window, a Springsteen lyric popped into my head - It's raining but there ain't a cloud in the sky … . Deciding that we couldn't do any of these things anymore, we took a long walk along the river all the way to the "Hi Tree" where the North Omaha Commercial Club donated a stone bench. It was difficult at first because we've hardly been on a walk without four-legged companions in nearly twelve years but the fresh air and sunshine did us a world of good. Everything'll be okay. It will. It's just going to take some time. Again.
I spent a minute or two alone with her before I left the room just as I did with Greta only six weeks ago. I told her to say hi to her sister, Chip, Buck, Ted, Queenie, Rugan and all the other animals in our lives we've loved and lost over the years. Also, if there is such a wonderful place as Rainbow Bridge, she's to wait for me there because she's the first thing I want to see.
And now it really is raining.