Magnum XL
From a recent issue of The Omaha Pulp:
"It used to be enough to boost my self-esteem that I had a reason to buy condoms at all. I’d plop the Trojans down on the rotator hidden between my Ben & Jerry’s and a bundle of broccoli (a strategic sleight to let the hot cashier know that I was both sensible and dangerous). Then I’d walk away having been validated as a man. The bigger condoms were there as a purchasing option, but relatively inconspicuous among the ribbed and sheepskins.
Now, the roomier rubbers are in these bigger, more obnoxious Magnums boxes, and when I have to pass them by to grab the regulars, I feel like I did when I showered after gym class next to Nick, the horse-man eighth-grader from my St. Cecilia days. And to boot, there’s like a thousand varieties of Magnums in every flavor and texture. Are there really that many more humongo-dicks in my neighborhood than there used to be? Sell these bratwurst skins somewhere else, like at the Big & Tall store, because if I have to endure another consoling smile that looks like 'there you go, little man' from the cashier, I’m gonna get a vasectomy."
~ Buck Christensen
"It used to be enough to boost my self-esteem that I had a reason to buy condoms at all. I’d plop the Trojans down on the rotator hidden between my Ben & Jerry’s and a bundle of broccoli (a strategic sleight to let the hot cashier know that I was both sensible and dangerous). Then I’d walk away having been validated as a man. The bigger condoms were there as a purchasing option, but relatively inconspicuous among the ribbed and sheepskins.
Now, the roomier rubbers are in these bigger, more obnoxious Magnums boxes, and when I have to pass them by to grab the regulars, I feel like I did when I showered after gym class next to Nick, the horse-man eighth-grader from my St. Cecilia days. And to boot, there’s like a thousand varieties of Magnums in every flavor and texture. Are there really that many more humongo-dicks in my neighborhood than there used to be? Sell these bratwurst skins somewhere else, like at the Big & Tall store, because if I have to endure another consoling smile that looks like 'there you go, little man' from the cashier, I’m gonna get a vasectomy."
~ Buck Christensen