Severlock and Watsimon!
You may have read this mock-script about a year and a half ago when I first posted it. I just got around to writing another section of it!
[Scene from Animal Planet drama series starring Severlock Holmes and Dr. Watsimon]
SETTING: Kitchen and television room. Kitchen has tall counters and an empty green kibble bowl. Floor is linoleum. Door upstage leads to another room, off-set. Left side of kitchen opens into television room. In the carpeted television room there is a worn gray couch, a green chair, two plants beneath a window stage right, and a fireplace downstage with two porcelain dolls are set up as though having a tea party. One person sits in the green chair, one on the floor next to the green chair, and one on the couch. WATSIMON is lying before the empty kibble bowl, paw outstreched and dangling just inside. His chin rests on the ground, his tail curls behind him, and he looks utterly morose. SEVERLOCK bounds in from door upstage.
SEVERLOCK: [slides to an elegant black halt next to kibble bowl] Watsimon! The game's afoot!
WATSIMON: [twitches tail] It never takes them this long to notice that I'm famished. I think I'm dying. If I can't eat soon....
SEVERLOCK: Never mind that! [bats at WATSIMON's tail] We've got work to do! I've uncovered another clue about the orange felid!
WATSIMON: Not this again. Can't you just let it rest?
SEVERLOCK: Never! Get up; time is wasting!
WATSIMON: [rolls over, pushes up on front legs, hefts bulk upright] [mutters] My time is wasting.
[SEVERLOCK slinks towards television room along the sideboards; WATSIMON meanders forward straight towards the room, tail raised in a question mark]
SEVERLOCK: We don't want to arouse suspicion. We should enter separately. Keep your nose to the floor; there's a difference in the air. I can practically smell her. The people know where the Orange Felid is, Watsimon. Soon, we will too.
WATSIMON: [pauses where linoleum meets carpet] Of course they know where the felid...where TigerSpice is. Didn't I tell you before that she is being kept next door?
SEVERLOCK: [slows his advance; tail twitches dreamily] Ah, Miss Peaches. If there were only a case where I could use my investigative skills next door, so I could win her calico heart. When I see her through the window, singing to me, it makes me yearn to touch noses with her.
WATSIMON: It isn't singing. She hates you; Mom says so. If you went next door, Peaches would tear you a new ear-flap.
SEVERLOCK: [sniffs contemptuously] All females play hard-to-get, my dear Watsimon. It is in their nature.
WATSIMON: If that's hard to get, I've got a hairball to sell you.
SEVERLOCK: I've not had a problem with them myself recently. Have you thought perhaps that you should ease off the kibble?
WATSIMON: [stares at him incredulously; tail lashes twice and his ears twitch back]
SEVERLOCK: Well, it was just a thought.
WATSIMON: [opens mouth to speak; movement in television room catches his attention. Pan to living room; there is a stuffed-looking orange cat with three legs behind the two dolls at the tea party before the fireplace. WATSIMON hunkers down, draws head back, and thwaps tail on ground three times.]
SEVERLOCK: [leaps over WATSIMON] Why stop so suddenly? [his nose twitches, his head goes erect, and his tail juts straight upward] Do you smell that??
WATSIMON: [low voice, almost a growl] I can't smell anything else.
SEVERLOCK: Watsimon, we've been out-maneuvered. She's been here. Present in our midst! She has defiled our sanctuary! [slinks into room, nose to carpet, following a trail close to the couch]
WATSIMON: [still hunkering low, eyes locked on the fireplace, he creeps forward] What are you doing?
SEVERLOCK: Quiet! I'm tracking her.
WATSIMON: Why?
SEVERLOCK: To know where she has been so I can predict where she will go.
WATSIMON: [half-turns towards SEVERLOCK, ears back, tail a question mark] What do you need to predict for?
SEVERLOCK: So we can stop her!
WATSIMON: [looks back towards fireplace; freezes. Orange three-legged cat is nowhere to be seen]
SEVERLOCK: [taps one large black paw at the ground] Look at this, Watsimon! I have found one of her tracks on the carpet. The pattern is more sure; she's moving more quickly in spite of the lost limb. Judging by the size of this, she is very small and might be easy to overlook. Be vigilant.
WATSIMON: [scans room; eyes come to rest on an orange and brown blanket bunched up on the floor. There is a tufted orange ear poking up behind the blanket.] Severlock....
SEVERLOCK: [bats the mark on the floor and hisses] Not right now, Watsimon.
WATSIMON: I think you should....
SEVERLOCK: Not right now! [sniffs along in front of plants by window, nears blanket, then angles away towards fireplace. Comes to a halt in front of the dolls and teaset.] Something doesn't smell right, here.
WATSIMON: [creeps across floor, belly low, eyes still locked on blanket] If you'd use your eyes instead of your nose....
SEVERLOCK: Watsimon, what have I told you? We can neglect NONE of our senses in a case like this! [turns back on blanket and green chair, looking towards the television.] If I could get up high enough, I could take a look and see....
WATSIMON: [glances over] Don't do that. You remember what happened last time?
SEVERLOCK: [lashes tail side to side] A minor inconvenience, nothing more. Besides; I wanted to be in my carrier for the evening.
WATSIMON: [looks back towards blanket, hisses. The ear has vanished. There is now a fluffy orange pillow tucked in the green chair next to the person.]
HUMAN VOICE, FEMALE: Simon, NO.
SEVERLOCK: [glances around] What did she say?
WATSIMON: [does not answer, but stops hissing; tail continues to lash side to side]
SEVERLOCK: [follows the trail around behind the television, crawls up onto the cable box, sniffing the air deeply] In the dust, Watsimon! I see her pawprints. She has been here! She may still be in this very room.
WATSIMON: No doubt.
SEVERLOCK: [creeps out from under TV, follows scent across the room to blanket, stops and looks up. The orange cat has poked her small head up from over the arm of the green chair. They lock eyes.]
TIGERSPICE: 'Allo, guv'nor.
SEVERLOCK: [leaps backwards, scuttles behind TV and onto cable box, hissing wildly] Watsimon! I've discovered her!
WATSIMON: I know. She's been on Mom's lap for a while. I tried to tell you....
SEVERLOCK: [interrupts him] Brace yourself; she may be a threat. We don't know what they've taught her at the Vet's. [ears drop] Did you say you'd seen her?
WATSIMON: I saw her when we entered the room. Don't take your eyes off her, though. She's tricky.
[SEVERLOCK and WATSIMON share a glance. Both direct their eyes back towards the green chair, but the orange cat has vanished.]
SEVERLOCK: Curses! Foiled again!
WATSIMON: [flops over on floor, rolls on back and stretches] Does this look suitably pitiful? Do I look starving enough?
SEVERLOCK: [glances over, thwaps floor with tail in disgust] Is food all you can think about?
WATSIMON: [rolls over, saunters back to kitchen] Never mind; I'll get it myself. [crashing sound, and the clattering of kibble across the floor.]
SEVERLOCK: [begins to groom, pouting].
FINIS
[Scene from Animal Planet drama series starring Severlock Holmes and Dr. Watsimon]
SETTING: Kitchen and television room. Kitchen has tall counters and an empty green kibble bowl. Floor is linoleum. Door upstage leads to another room, off-set. Left side of kitchen opens into television room. In the carpeted television room there is a worn gray couch, a green chair, two plants beneath a window stage right, and a fireplace downstage with two porcelain dolls are set up as though having a tea party. One person sits in the green chair, one on the floor next to the green chair, and one on the couch. WATSIMON is lying before the empty kibble bowl, paw outstreched and dangling just inside. His chin rests on the ground, his tail curls behind him, and he looks utterly morose. SEVERLOCK bounds in from door upstage.
SEVERLOCK: [slides to an elegant black halt next to kibble bowl] Watsimon! The game's afoot!
WATSIMON: [twitches tail] It never takes them this long to notice that I'm famished. I think I'm dying. If I can't eat soon....
SEVERLOCK: Never mind that! [bats at WATSIMON's tail] We've got work to do! I've uncovered another clue about the orange felid!
WATSIMON: Not this again. Can't you just let it rest?
SEVERLOCK: Never! Get up; time is wasting!
WATSIMON: [rolls over, pushes up on front legs, hefts bulk upright] [mutters] My time is wasting.
[SEVERLOCK slinks towards television room along the sideboards; WATSIMON meanders forward straight towards the room, tail raised in a question mark]
SEVERLOCK: We don't want to arouse suspicion. We should enter separately. Keep your nose to the floor; there's a difference in the air. I can practically smell her. The people know where the Orange Felid is, Watsimon. Soon, we will too.
WATSIMON: [pauses where linoleum meets carpet] Of course they know where the felid...where TigerSpice is. Didn't I tell you before that she is being kept next door?
SEVERLOCK: [slows his advance; tail twitches dreamily] Ah, Miss Peaches. If there were only a case where I could use my investigative skills next door, so I could win her calico heart. When I see her through the window, singing to me, it makes me yearn to touch noses with her.
WATSIMON: It isn't singing. She hates you; Mom says so. If you went next door, Peaches would tear you a new ear-flap.
SEVERLOCK: [sniffs contemptuously] All females play hard-to-get, my dear Watsimon. It is in their nature.
WATSIMON: If that's hard to get, I've got a hairball to sell you.
SEVERLOCK: I've not had a problem with them myself recently. Have you thought perhaps that you should ease off the kibble?
WATSIMON: [stares at him incredulously; tail lashes twice and his ears twitch back]
SEVERLOCK: Well, it was just a thought.
WATSIMON: [opens mouth to speak; movement in television room catches his attention. Pan to living room; there is a stuffed-looking orange cat with three legs behind the two dolls at the tea party before the fireplace. WATSIMON hunkers down, draws head back, and thwaps tail on ground three times.]
SEVERLOCK: [leaps over WATSIMON] Why stop so suddenly? [his nose twitches, his head goes erect, and his tail juts straight upward] Do you smell that??
WATSIMON: [low voice, almost a growl] I can't smell anything else.
SEVERLOCK: Watsimon, we've been out-maneuvered. She's been here. Present in our midst! She has defiled our sanctuary! [slinks into room, nose to carpet, following a trail close to the couch]
WATSIMON: [still hunkering low, eyes locked on the fireplace, he creeps forward] What are you doing?
SEVERLOCK: Quiet! I'm tracking her.
WATSIMON: Why?
SEVERLOCK: To know where she has been so I can predict where she will go.
WATSIMON: [half-turns towards SEVERLOCK, ears back, tail a question mark] What do you need to predict for?
SEVERLOCK: So we can stop her!
WATSIMON: [looks back towards fireplace; freezes. Orange three-legged cat is nowhere to be seen]
SEVERLOCK: [taps one large black paw at the ground] Look at this, Watsimon! I have found one of her tracks on the carpet. The pattern is more sure; she's moving more quickly in spite of the lost limb. Judging by the size of this, she is very small and might be easy to overlook. Be vigilant.
WATSIMON: [scans room; eyes come to rest on an orange and brown blanket bunched up on the floor. There is a tufted orange ear poking up behind the blanket.] Severlock....
SEVERLOCK: [bats the mark on the floor and hisses] Not right now, Watsimon.
WATSIMON: I think you should....
SEVERLOCK: Not right now! [sniffs along in front of plants by window, nears blanket, then angles away towards fireplace. Comes to a halt in front of the dolls and teaset.] Something doesn't smell right, here.
WATSIMON: [creeps across floor, belly low, eyes still locked on blanket] If you'd use your eyes instead of your nose....
SEVERLOCK: Watsimon, what have I told you? We can neglect NONE of our senses in a case like this! [turns back on blanket and green chair, looking towards the television.] If I could get up high enough, I could take a look and see....
WATSIMON: [glances over] Don't do that. You remember what happened last time?
SEVERLOCK: [lashes tail side to side] A minor inconvenience, nothing more. Besides; I wanted to be in my carrier for the evening.
WATSIMON: [looks back towards blanket, hisses. The ear has vanished. There is now a fluffy orange pillow tucked in the green chair next to the person.]
HUMAN VOICE, FEMALE: Simon, NO.
SEVERLOCK: [glances around] What did she say?
WATSIMON: [does not answer, but stops hissing; tail continues to lash side to side]
SEVERLOCK: [follows the trail around behind the television, crawls up onto the cable box, sniffing the air deeply] In the dust, Watsimon! I see her pawprints. She has been here! She may still be in this very room.
WATSIMON: No doubt.
SEVERLOCK: [creeps out from under TV, follows scent across the room to blanket, stops and looks up. The orange cat has poked her small head up from over the arm of the green chair. They lock eyes.]
TIGERSPICE: 'Allo, guv'nor.
SEVERLOCK: [leaps backwards, scuttles behind TV and onto cable box, hissing wildly] Watsimon! I've discovered her!
WATSIMON: I know. She's been on Mom's lap for a while. I tried to tell you....
SEVERLOCK: [interrupts him] Brace yourself; she may be a threat. We don't know what they've taught her at the Vet's. [ears drop] Did you say you'd seen her?
WATSIMON: I saw her when we entered the room. Don't take your eyes off her, though. She's tricky.
[SEVERLOCK and WATSIMON share a glance. Both direct their eyes back towards the green chair, but the orange cat has vanished.]
SEVERLOCK: Curses! Foiled again!
WATSIMON: [flops over on floor, rolls on back and stretches] Does this look suitably pitiful? Do I look starving enough?
SEVERLOCK: [glances over, thwaps floor with tail in disgust] Is food all you can think about?
WATSIMON: [rolls over, saunters back to kitchen] Never mind; I'll get it myself. [crashing sound, and the clattering of kibble across the floor.]
SEVERLOCK: [begins to groom, pouting].
FINIS