Glee fic: "Show Face" (2/3)

[wildejoy]

Title: Show Face (part 2 of 3)
Pairing: Jesse/Rachel
Rating: NC-17 (this chapter)
Word count: 3,316
Summary: This is the story of how Rachel manages to turn Jesse from the Phantom of the Opera into Raoul, and completely without intention. Jesse is dumbfounded.

From Sectionals to Journey (and beyond): this is Glee, from Jesse's point of view.

part one

Comments

[huggle_me]

"When she finally notices him, he resists the urge to tell her that her ninety degree arabesque closer to eighty."
Third section, first paragraph, second sentence. You're missing a word.

"He settles a hand in the small of her back and runs the other through her hair, and she sighs into his mouth, arching her back."
Third section, fifth paragraph, seventh sentence (including the one in brackets, because it is part of it, so I'm counting it, but it's not a big deal anyways, 'cause I copied the sentence (and really, it only matters if you're one of those people who thinks that brackets don't really mean that it's part of the story, even though it is, although there are those people who use them to write side notes and/or author notes, that don't add to the story, but are more of a "oh, and by the way, I forgot to mention... before, and it'd be helpful to know" or the "haha, so I just thought of this while I was writing/typing, and I thought it was funny/interesting, and you have to read my thoughts, because I think it's important that you know that I have a sense of humour/that I can think of this myself.". Not to say there aren't funny notes, but normally those are much better suited for a rant, or review, or other type of writing.)). <- that looks really odd. You used the word 'back' twice; not actually that important, but I do so like to point this stuff out regardless.

Overall, I liked it. Thought it was good. The gelatinous blob absorbed well... or it ate it and got fatter, but I like it fatter. It's kind of like a plump chicken, or a roly-poly puppy with really short legs, and you know how much better they are. I mean the chicken, not the puppy; the puppy just gets really adorable. Until it gets too fat to move. Well, I guess it's still cute in an obese unhealthy way. Story, however, is non-obese, chubby little fluffy puppy in it being great.

First paragraph was win. More than the rest anyways. For me.

Also, Sherlock. Made me laugh. Going to watch it again. Was good.

Also also, formatting. You fixed the cut! I don't know how, but you're amazing. And I don't like LJ formatting. At all.