im not very happy!!!

[wildcrazyfool]

hey all as u can see from my subject im not very happy. im actual upset. i dont know maybe i should just over look this shit. but it helps to write down my feelings i guess. well i found out some rather interesting news this weekend. actual it was last nite while i was watching a movie with my bf. i mean it shouldn't upset me. but i guess im just afraid that he'll act on it. he was tlaking to his dad i think i dont know it doesnt really matter...he was saying that this women that he knows he flirts with her and hes with me. i dont know i guess it just bothers me cuz im afraid he'll act on it. but i dont know it just really hurt me for some reason. its been in my mind the whole time. he said i shouldnt worry about it cuz its innocent but i dont know. What if he flirts with alot of girls and he finds one thats better then me. for all i know she could be better then me fuck i dont know i just dont like it very much. since i had that in my head i kept thinking he didnt really like me for some reason i dont know why but i wish i wasnt thinking this shit. cuz i love him with all my heart. but when i get stupid shit in my head i start thinking things that would never happen or arent happening i just make myself think them. :( god baby im sorry i love u so much i ask chelsea and kara what they thought about this and chelsea said her bf use to flirt with girls in front of her when they first started dating but now he doesnt look at anybody but her. maybe if i was pretty like her....ahhh i dont know he tells im beautiful all the time i really dont think i am i dont just say that to hear him say im beautiful i really think im beautiful. i think im really ugly. not sure why i've had so many bf's i dont get what they see...... i shouldn;t be thinking these things. i tryed to think im with him....he sleeps with me he tells me that he loves me. not her so i dont know why im freaking but i am. i should just look past this and forget about it and just say to myself im his and hes with me for a reason if he didnt like me i dont think he'd still be with me. plus why would he travel 30 mins just to see me and waste gas and money on me....he could a piece of ass in vancouver if that was the case but i dont know....maybe he just needs to know that im feeling this way....i dont know i just needed to write this shit down...cuz its been bothering me since he told me....at least he told me and didnt keep a secret. thats a good thing hahaha i dont know arggg im gonna go now i hope u guys enjoyed this fucking journal entire....u can shoot me anytime u want....be my guest!!!

mike i hope u dont get mad at me for this shit. its just how i feel i cant help how i feel. i love u with all my heart i hope i dont lose u ever. but if i do im sorry and ur the best thing thats ever happened to me...alwayz remember that. i'll love u for the rest of my life!