(Untitled)
THE OUTLAND
Genre: AU
Rating: NC-17 for sex scenes and language
Feedback: Any and all is welcome
Disclaimer: These are Annie Proulx's brilliant original characters and her story, and I have treated it and them (and her) with as much respect as I can muster.
This story is for Canstandit, with thanks for her ongoing support and help.
This particular ( Read more... )
Jenny's commentary on Ennis's internal monolog is pertinent, I think, and your response even more so, to the choice of pov and how one constructs the narrative around that choice. I see why you put Ennis's thoughts in second person; in general it works, especially because there have been occasional "flights of fancy" throughout this story where the same question could be asked: would the pov character actually think this way?
Writers do not shape dialogue the way it is actually spoken. We'd lose our readers in a heartbeat! Instead we present an approximation that 1) fulfills the needs of plot advancement and 2) falls into what the readers have been shaped to expect through years of reading fiction. I think the same can certainly be said for internalizations.
I do buy the way you presented this section, though I would have done it differently, less articulately, smoothed down the vocabulary more to Ennis's speaking abilities, because even though it's in second person, which presents a weird kind of mix of author and character speaking, there is more of a tilt in the reader's mind, I think, to the character. But it's a beautiful passage, beautifully expressed with lovely undertones. All your work is so sophisticated, it's such a pleasure to read. I read this chapter twice last night.
Love,
Jenna
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