Sick for the holidays
Most people probably have never wondered what it would be like to be sick for the holidays until it happens to them and they are living it. I was the unfortunate soul who was sick for Eve, the Day, and today as well and it is pretty bad but it spurred some rather interesting events to occur. My favorite of these events is the following story. Here bygenth my tale.
Upset that I was not going to make it to Christmas Eve mass, a short prayer helped me feel better, and I rose off of my bed and proceeded to get ready for church. I arrive at church with my family rather early to insure a place on the pu where the family is collected together and not squished like all of the other Christians that are respectable to timeliness. First, I must describe the pu. I don't know if pu's are the same in all churches or if they are even called pu's, but pu is another term for a bench with another bench in front of that and so on. On the bench/pu in front of you, the back has a fold down kneeler and books in wooden shelf pockets. The pu's are set up on angles that point towards the alter so the last two-three feet of the pu are in the aisle with no place to kneel. People are welcome to sit there, but it is common practice that you do not sit there unless you are late. If you are late, well that signifies many things such as rudeness in my book. Anyways, back to the story. The church is getting crowded, church carols are being sung, and an old lady is sat next to me because her family has no room for her in their section of the pu. I do not mind because the lady appears to be very quiet and terrified to be left alone so I know she will not squish me. Next, her family member Reno switches seats with her so she can be with the family. Reno is a "Godfather" type character if you catch my drift. I am once again not afraid because people are talking loud behind me about talking Maltese with the old lady that was next to me, hence the "Godfather" character fits into the Maltese heritage, which I know quite well so the fear of death is not a concern for me. Well, he leaves my portion of the pu because he sits somewhere else. Here comes the point where I almost got into an actual physical fight in church, I kid you not. This lady sits down next to me. At first there was nothing wrong with her but I could sense that she would be trouble. Now, I have allergies, plain and simple, my nose is supersonic and can smell practically everything like many have learned lately. The woman smelled like musty old lady (which she was) and cigarettes. So I am already sick and now a smelly lady is sitting next to me clogging up my air tubes. To add to the description, she is wearing this long, gray, sweater dress, with a turtle neck (i just thought of greg ehlert here and is mock neck's, her personality was like his, anyways...). She proceeds to take off her caught and shoves it on the end of the pu and starts rubbing towards me. The woman kept inching closer and closer until our bodies were touching. Now I like my personal space, I hate hugging unless it's a hot guy, and I do not like being near people that smell. The lady kept inching closer and closer and I knew what she wanted and she was not going to get it without a fight; she wanted to squish me and steal my kneeler space. Now I should be in the Christmas givingspirit but this lady just sucked the little bit that I had inside of me until I was dry. She crossed her arms to inch me further into the pu, I crossed mine and leaned further into her, giving up my bubble space, holding my breathe so I couldn't smell her. This persisted for about 10 minutes. My arm was sweating from touching her's and she finally scooted over a little bit away from me. But this did not deviate her from her goal of stealing my pu kneeler space. This old lady let her knees drop out from under her like the sky was falling. She kneeled down so quickly that even me, the young healthy thing, didn't kneel quick enough. I kneeled down, squishing in between her and my brother, put my elbows on the pu (which you are not supposed to do) and I created a stiff frame of my area (which she did not like at all). She also put her elbows on the pu, sort of jabbed into mine(no joke here) so I jabbed her back nice and hard. This lead to my arm with my hands in the prayer position forced against her's that are in the same position. It took all of my might for those 5 minutes to keep my arm strong because she kept pushing into me and I kept pushing back into her. It took so much strength that my hands began to get clamy and my arm muscles were vibrating a little bit, I am not kidding here at all! When it came time to stand and hold hands to say the Our Father with our neighbor, I coughed very sickly into my hands so she would not grab mine and I clasped my hands together to avoid any acknowledgment of her existence. After the prayer, you are supposed to shake your neighbors hand and offer blessings like "peace be with you" and "Merry Christmas" but she turned away from me. And when she turned back towards me, I turned towards my dad and told him that I did not want to shake anybody's hands because I was sick (which was true) but then the hot guy in front of me turned around to shake my hand and I ofcourse obliged. This made the lady not so happy. Soon mass was over and old lady was no longer in my sight and the threat of me being darned to he** for getting into a cat fight in church had ended.
I really wanted to hurt this lady, no joke. She picked the wrong person to sit next to. She probably figured that I was going to squish myself uncomfortably for her to sit down in an already crowded pu, and there were plenty of empty spaces for her to sit in the back but she didn't want to, and she got screwed for it. I put up a magnificient fight, without drawing much attention to myself at all, and I squashed the lady's comfort bubble, no, I popped her bubble everywhere! It was great! I got over the being close to strangers fear and man oh man, it felt great, and plus the look on this lady's face when she realized she had a fight on her hands was priceless!
I do regret not being more Christian like but things happen. I also considered during mass that it was actually the devil sitting next to me in disguise or an angel testing me and then I realized, I was going to not do so well on this test. I apologized to God in my head, and then made the lady upset. Sorry to say this, but it felt great!
Upset that I was not going to make it to Christmas Eve mass, a short prayer helped me feel better, and I rose off of my bed and proceeded to get ready for church. I arrive at church with my family rather early to insure a place on the pu where the family is collected together and not squished like all of the other Christians that are respectable to timeliness. First, I must describe the pu. I don't know if pu's are the same in all churches or if they are even called pu's, but pu is another term for a bench with another bench in front of that and so on. On the bench/pu in front of you, the back has a fold down kneeler and books in wooden shelf pockets. The pu's are set up on angles that point towards the alter so the last two-three feet of the pu are in the aisle with no place to kneel. People are welcome to sit there, but it is common practice that you do not sit there unless you are late. If you are late, well that signifies many things such as rudeness in my book. Anyways, back to the story. The church is getting crowded, church carols are being sung, and an old lady is sat next to me because her family has no room for her in their section of the pu. I do not mind because the lady appears to be very quiet and terrified to be left alone so I know she will not squish me. Next, her family member Reno switches seats with her so she can be with the family. Reno is a "Godfather" type character if you catch my drift. I am once again not afraid because people are talking loud behind me about talking Maltese with the old lady that was next to me, hence the "Godfather" character fits into the Maltese heritage, which I know quite well so the fear of death is not a concern for me. Well, he leaves my portion of the pu because he sits somewhere else. Here comes the point where I almost got into an actual physical fight in church, I kid you not. This lady sits down next to me. At first there was nothing wrong with her but I could sense that she would be trouble. Now, I have allergies, plain and simple, my nose is supersonic and can smell practically everything like many have learned lately. The woman smelled like musty old lady (which she was) and cigarettes. So I am already sick and now a smelly lady is sitting next to me clogging up my air tubes. To add to the description, she is wearing this long, gray, sweater dress, with a turtle neck (i just thought of greg ehlert here and is mock neck's, her personality was like his, anyways...). She proceeds to take off her caught and shoves it on the end of the pu and starts rubbing towards me. The woman kept inching closer and closer until our bodies were touching. Now I like my personal space, I hate hugging unless it's a hot guy, and I do not like being near people that smell. The lady kept inching closer and closer and I knew what she wanted and she was not going to get it without a fight; she wanted to squish me and steal my kneeler space. Now I should be in the Christmas givingspirit but this lady just sucked the little bit that I had inside of me until I was dry. She crossed her arms to inch me further into the pu, I crossed mine and leaned further into her, giving up my bubble space, holding my breathe so I couldn't smell her. This persisted for about 10 minutes. My arm was sweating from touching her's and she finally scooted over a little bit away from me. But this did not deviate her from her goal of stealing my pu kneeler space. This old lady let her knees drop out from under her like the sky was falling. She kneeled down so quickly that even me, the young healthy thing, didn't kneel quick enough. I kneeled down, squishing in between her and my brother, put my elbows on the pu (which you are not supposed to do) and I created a stiff frame of my area (which she did not like at all). She also put her elbows on the pu, sort of jabbed into mine(no joke here) so I jabbed her back nice and hard. This lead to my arm with my hands in the prayer position forced against her's that are in the same position. It took all of my might for those 5 minutes to keep my arm strong because she kept pushing into me and I kept pushing back into her. It took so much strength that my hands began to get clamy and my arm muscles were vibrating a little bit, I am not kidding here at all! When it came time to stand and hold hands to say the Our Father with our neighbor, I coughed very sickly into my hands so she would not grab mine and I clasped my hands together to avoid any acknowledgment of her existence. After the prayer, you are supposed to shake your neighbors hand and offer blessings like "peace be with you" and "Merry Christmas" but she turned away from me. And when she turned back towards me, I turned towards my dad and told him that I did not want to shake anybody's hands because I was sick (which was true) but then the hot guy in front of me turned around to shake my hand and I ofcourse obliged. This made the lady not so happy. Soon mass was over and old lady was no longer in my sight and the threat of me being darned to he** for getting into a cat fight in church had ended.
I really wanted to hurt this lady, no joke. She picked the wrong person to sit next to. She probably figured that I was going to squish myself uncomfortably for her to sit down in an already crowded pu, and there were plenty of empty spaces for her to sit in the back but she didn't want to, and she got screwed for it. I put up a magnificient fight, without drawing much attention to myself at all, and I squashed the lady's comfort bubble, no, I popped her bubble everywhere! It was great! I got over the being close to strangers fear and man oh man, it felt great, and plus the look on this lady's face when she realized she had a fight on her hands was priceless!
I do regret not being more Christian like but things happen. I also considered during mass that it was actually the devil sitting next to me in disguise or an angel testing me and then I realized, I was going to not do so well on this test. I apologized to God in my head, and then made the lady upset. Sorry to say this, but it felt great!