defeat and acceptance

[wildchild4]

so yesterday sucked a lot. i went to the doctor and found out the joints and cartilidge between my ribs is inflamed and its not gonna go away for a while and if it does go away, it will most likely come back. when i got home from the doctor there was a letter from Kubert at my house. I went up to my room and opened it, it stated "Based on your portfolio and the ensued interviews we feel like your effort and work is not what we are looking for at the Kubert school. We are sorry to inform you, we will not be accepting your application at this time."...... I broke on the spot, I couldnt stop crying, it hurt so fucking bad. If a dinky little school like that wont even accept me, how am i suppose to succeed somewhere like SVA or anywhere else. I dont know, i really just wanted to get in, prove i was a good artist to myself and everyone else but instead i was rejected and told my portfolio wasnt good enough. im never good enough. never..... so i stopped crying long enough to go to robbies, i showed him the letter and he tried to make me feel better (i had begun crying again, couldnt hold it back), telling me im talented and im SVA material and who cares about a stupid school like that. he did make me feel better but im still pretty bummed. to make me smile he gave me my valentines present early, its a beautiful card that im looking at right now (i brought it to school to show everyone, hehehe.), it says "Someone like you happens once in a lifetime... I'm so glad you happened in mine. Happy Valentine's Day. I love you." and its super pretty and i love it. i love him so much, im so lucky to have him in my life, hes so good to me, hes just wonderful. im buying him a gram for valentines day, thats a good present, lol. so yea anyway, yesterday sucked. i had to pick up my mom from work at 7 and i was sitting in the parking lot and i was looking at the letter and i decided i wanted it gone. i sat outside of my car listening to "hear you me" by jimmy eat world and i burned it, it burned til it was just black ash, it was pretty to watch. it was kinda over dramatic but it helped, i just watched my lost future burn away into nothing and i know its gonne be ok. i hope its gonna be ok, i dont wanna give up, but i dont know if i can deal with another rejection, i have never felt such pain like that. it was terrible, just fucking awful. im gonna go look at the gibbs website and see what i can do to get in, i have to get in, im not being rejected ever again, its not happening again.
happy friday the 13th. :)
bye.