Sep 16, 2008 02:00
You know, as much as I would love to have a social life, every time I go out with people I can't help but feel it was a waste of time. Tonight consisted of going to chad erin and steves apartment with amanda and keith, and a freshman named kellen. It was pretty obvious amanda and kellen had a thing for each other, and she chose him as her acting partner for an upcoming competition (She told me it was because they were both very youthful looking, skinny and blonde but i'm not stupid). Now, as I said before, we really are just friends, i'm not jealous or anything like that. (Well maybe a smidge). The problem becomes this...
I am always devils advocate. When people are all being quiet, I do all I can to break people out of their shells. When people are partying and having a good time, I end up being very... sober, and making sure no one does anything stupid. For example, I will be the one to drive if we have to go anywhere, stuff like that, even though no one is drunk... they're just acting stupid. What bothered me tonight, was the fact that there's a girl that I am friends with, with whom I still care about being... well, a hypocrit I suppose. When we broke up she told me how much she was looking to change in her life, get rid of the bad influences, stop dating guys at random just to fill a void in her life, and start thinking for herself more. Absolutley none of those things seem to have changed and it's sort of a fine line of what I can say and do in my position. I'm just settling with "Say nothing unless asked" because... well, I figure that's the smartest thing right now to do!
Other than that my life is a constant round robin of school and stress. I've met a lot of nice people but just no one I can really sit down and have much of a... relationship with I suppose. Everyone runs around with their pretense and facade, it's hard to get to know ANYBODY. Other than that, some fellow theatre folk want to start a band with me and name it "Bad Randall". Now, I wont join a band with my OWN NAME in it, for fear of feeling like the worlds biggest cunt, but if this takes off it will be a much needed emotional release for me, and I couldn't be excited more. Also, I should mention, this girl I was flirting with slightly in my comm class told me about doing an internship down at disney one of these days... I guess she does it and is going to tell me a little more about it at a later date. Wink wink nudge nudge. I think it'd be fun acting in the shows at disney world, who knows?