WBY - Ask the Winchesters Night at the Museum
So I’m paraphrasing luvspnl but here it is….she asks boys about a time they were specifically told not to go on a hunt and they did…what happened. There’s a museum and Dad wearing Clark Kent glasses incognito and of course discussion of an ass kicking.
Hope you like!
XXX
Dean: Well, there was more than one time that we disobeyed Dad by going on a hunt he didn’t want us to go on.
Sam: And more than one time he kicked our asses for it.
Dean: Sammy, I don’t think that Luvspnl wants to hear about how we got our asses kicked.
Sam: I think she does, Dean. It’s okay. I’m an open book.
Dean: The only kind of book you are is a girly diary. You know, all pink and fuzzy with a key that is attached with a silver chain.
Sam: You sure seem to know a lot about girly diaries.
Dean: That’s ‘cause I’ve lived with you all my life.
John: Boys, are you going to answer the nice lady or do you want me to answer? Do really need me to jog your memory?
Dean: No, of course not. I can remember a few times.
John: A few? I can come up with so many times you and your brother disobeyed me that we would need to have a court reporter document it. I got all night.
Dean: Jeesh, Dad. You make it sound like that was all we did. Besides Luv didn’t just ask about disobey, she asked about disobeying you by going on a hunt when you told us not to.
John: Like when I told you to back off with those Vamps.
Sam: Well, we were grown up then and even you agreed that we saved your ass on that time.
John: Point still stands. Neither one of you can let a potential hunt go. I blame myself for that, heredity, damn Winchester cussedness, I don’t know. But just because I understand it, it doesn’t mean that I condone it. And yeah, I let it go when you two took off after those Vamps. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I like to think you’ve managed to learn a little through the years. I have to admit, you’ve got good instincts now, but when you were kids, you were still learning the ropes. You knew damn well if I told you to lay low I sure as hell meant it.
Sam: What do you mean, kids? You still tell us to lay low and expect us to listen.
John: You got a problem with that?
Dean: ‘Course not, Dad. I think Sam’s just trying to say that you’ve always impressed upon us to, you know, use our initiative.
John: Hmmppf
Sam: Great. Now he’s only grunting. Thanks, Dean.
Dean: Me? You’re the one who started with the bitching.
Sam: That was not bitching, Dean. That was simply being accurate. Dad, always expects us to listen, expects us to follow his orders and when we don’t he tends to get a little…irritated.
John: Not irritated, pissed off. Let’s be clear though, if I tell you to lay low, no matter how old your are, I do expect you to listen.
Dean: But laying low is boring.
John: How damn bored were you when I found out you boys snuck into that museum when I was working on that case with those cursed doubloons.
Sam: Great, Dean. Now you’ve got him remembering those damned doubloons.
Dean: You’re the one who is a friggin’ open book.
Sam: Yeah I maybe an open book but there’s a chapter or two I’d like to forget and the chapter containing those doubloons is one I don’t even want to speed re-read.
Dean: Awe, c’mon Sammy. It wasn’t that bad. In fact it was kinda cool until Dad caught us.
Sam: The key phrase is “caught us.”
John: Well, catching isn’t even the right phrase, you two were like bulls in a china shop.
Dean: I’m offended, Dad. We weren’t that bad. We made it past the guards and a security system. A crappy security system, true but you were the only one who noticed us.
Sam: Yeah, but he was the only one who counted.
John: Smart boy, Sammy.
Dean: Well, Sammy isn’t always the smart one. I can be smart too.
Sam: Smart Ass…not quite the same thing.
Dean: I’m offended, Sammy-boy. Besides, being smart and acting smart are two different things. What about you, Dad? You certainly looked “smart” for that museum gig. Dad, you had a cheap suite, a tie even I wouldn’t wear and those goofy Clark Kent glasses. You have to admit, Sammy, Dad looked like a geek.
Sam: I admit nothing.
John: It was part of my cover, Dean. I was supposed to be a reporter.
Dean: Well maybe but, you really did looked pretty lame, Dad.
John: This isn’t about how damn lame I looked or not. This is about how you and your brother, followed me on a hunt when I told you not to. Yeah, you were smart enough to avoid the guards but you were stupid enough for me to see you skulking around that museum.
Dean: Totally Sammy’s fault. He had his museum geek on. He was, “Dean look, Grecian vaassses, Dean, look Egyptian mummies!”
Sam: Sarcophagi moron.
Dean: Whatever. The boy was losing his mind. I couldn’t shut him up.
Sam: Me? What about you and DUDDE, NAKED LADIES.
Dean: I prefer to think of it as ancient erotica.
Sam: Some things never change, even then all he had to see was a nude anything and he’d lose his mind.
Dean: Who da thought those Greeks liked to decorated their vases with frisky pictures!
Sam: Well, you know, Dean. They were Greek. They had a totally different outlook on sexuality
Dean: Ohhh. Wasn’t thinking that. I’m pretty sure there were boobs on at least some of those pictures.
John: Enough.
Sam: Yeah, Dean. Listen to Dad.
Dean: Listen to Dad? Since when do you want to ever listen to anybody!
John: Do not make me say it again.
Dean: Sorry, Dad.
Sam: Yeah, sorry.
John: Now, where were we?
Sam: Dean was blaming me for getting us caught at the museum.
John: Unfortunately, it was both of you that got yourselves caught and both of you that almost blew my cover. I was lucky to get you two out of there without raising any suspicions. You boys, on the other hand, were lucky I didn’t spank the hell out of you before we made it back to the Impala.
Dean: I don’t know about that, Dad. I think I would have preferred a spanking before we got to the Impala than the ride back to the motel.
Sam: I have to agree with Dean. That ride probably only took about fifteen minutes but it felt like fifteen hours.
John: That’s because you two were both as guilty as hell.
Dean: I don’t think that had anything to do with it Dad. It wasn’t about being guilty, it was because we knew you were gonna beat our asses when we got back.
John: Well, that wasn’t an inaccurate assumption.
Sam: Inaccurate assumption? If anything it was an understatement!
John: Not denying it.
Sam: You sound pretty proud of the fact!
John: Not proud, Not anything. Just…not arguing about it. Besides, if I recall correctly, that is exactly what happened.
Sam: Your recollections would be accurate.
Dean: Sam? Remember the whole way back to the motel you and I didn’t say a word, didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t even riding shotgun! Dad had kicked us both into the back seat. We were scared shitless.
Sam: Scared shitless sounds about right, plus I think he actually kicked us into the back seat.
John: I did not! I booted you to the back seat.
Sam: Semantics.
Dean: I’m not sure about the ass kicking into the car but I do remember the ass kicking back at the motel.
Sam: Me too. I don’t think I sat down for a week after.
John: Good.
Sam: Doesn’t it bother you that because of your antiquated belief that spanking your kids is appropriate, I will never forget getting my butt roasted that night?
John: Nope. That’s exactly what I wanted. It made you think twice about disobeying me on a hunt again.
Sam: True, but it didn’t stop us completely.
John: Not my fault you and your brother are a little slow on the uptake sometimes.
Sam: I got a full ride to Stanford! That’s not a dumb kid!
John: Never said dumb, just sometimes too stubborn to follow directions. Besides, almost everyone needs a couple of practice sessions before the actual lesson actually sinks in.
Dean: Yeah, Sammy. Practice makes perfect!
Sam: So every ass whippin’ we got was a “practice session”?
John: Not at all, sometimes they were just plain therapeutic for me.
Sam: I think that’s even worse - you used our butts as your own personal stress reliever?
John: I didn’t say that. You guys earned each and every butt spanking you ever got. Every single time. In fact, if you can truthfully say that either one of you ever got a spanking and didn’t deserve it, I’ll apologize, right here, right now.
Sam: Really?
John: Sure.
Sam: Well, what about…? I mean, there was that time…? I’m sure it happened! A little help here, Dean!
Dean: I got nothin’.
John: Thought so.
Sam: Hmmppff.
Dean: Great, now you are talking in mono-grunts.
Sam: Am not. I just can’t come up with a word that fits how I feel.
John: How about I help you. Would the word be “wrong?”
Dean: Ha! Good one, Dad. So much for that Stanford education, Sammy.
Sam: Shut up.
End.
Hope you like!
XXX
Dean: Well, there was more than one time that we disobeyed Dad by going on a hunt he didn’t want us to go on.
Sam: And more than one time he kicked our asses for it.
Dean: Sammy, I don’t think that Luvspnl wants to hear about how we got our asses kicked.
Sam: I think she does, Dean. It’s okay. I’m an open book.
Dean: The only kind of book you are is a girly diary. You know, all pink and fuzzy with a key that is attached with a silver chain.
Sam: You sure seem to know a lot about girly diaries.
Dean: That’s ‘cause I’ve lived with you all my life.
John: Boys, are you going to answer the nice lady or do you want me to answer? Do really need me to jog your memory?
Dean: No, of course not. I can remember a few times.
John: A few? I can come up with so many times you and your brother disobeyed me that we would need to have a court reporter document it. I got all night.
Dean: Jeesh, Dad. You make it sound like that was all we did. Besides Luv didn’t just ask about disobey, she asked about disobeying you by going on a hunt when you told us not to.
John: Like when I told you to back off with those Vamps.
Sam: Well, we were grown up then and even you agreed that we saved your ass on that time.
John: Point still stands. Neither one of you can let a potential hunt go. I blame myself for that, heredity, damn Winchester cussedness, I don’t know. But just because I understand it, it doesn’t mean that I condone it. And yeah, I let it go when you two took off after those Vamps. Maybe I shouldn’t have but I like to think you’ve managed to learn a little through the years. I have to admit, you’ve got good instincts now, but when you were kids, you were still learning the ropes. You knew damn well if I told you to lay low I sure as hell meant it.
Sam: What do you mean, kids? You still tell us to lay low and expect us to listen.
John: You got a problem with that?
Dean: ‘Course not, Dad. I think Sam’s just trying to say that you’ve always impressed upon us to, you know, use our initiative.
John: Hmmppf
Sam: Great. Now he’s only grunting. Thanks, Dean.
Dean: Me? You’re the one who started with the bitching.
Sam: That was not bitching, Dean. That was simply being accurate. Dad, always expects us to listen, expects us to follow his orders and when we don’t he tends to get a little…irritated.
John: Not irritated, pissed off. Let’s be clear though, if I tell you to lay low, no matter how old your are, I do expect you to listen.
Dean: But laying low is boring.
John: How damn bored were you when I found out you boys snuck into that museum when I was working on that case with those cursed doubloons.
Sam: Great, Dean. Now you’ve got him remembering those damned doubloons.
Dean: You’re the one who is a friggin’ open book.
Sam: Yeah I maybe an open book but there’s a chapter or two I’d like to forget and the chapter containing those doubloons is one I don’t even want to speed re-read.
Dean: Awe, c’mon Sammy. It wasn’t that bad. In fact it was kinda cool until Dad caught us.
Sam: The key phrase is “caught us.”
John: Well, catching isn’t even the right phrase, you two were like bulls in a china shop.
Dean: I’m offended, Dad. We weren’t that bad. We made it past the guards and a security system. A crappy security system, true but you were the only one who noticed us.
Sam: Yeah, but he was the only one who counted.
John: Smart boy, Sammy.
Dean: Well, Sammy isn’t always the smart one. I can be smart too.
Sam: Smart Ass…not quite the same thing.
Dean: I’m offended, Sammy-boy. Besides, being smart and acting smart are two different things. What about you, Dad? You certainly looked “smart” for that museum gig. Dad, you had a cheap suite, a tie even I wouldn’t wear and those goofy Clark Kent glasses. You have to admit, Sammy, Dad looked like a geek.
Sam: I admit nothing.
John: It was part of my cover, Dean. I was supposed to be a reporter.
Dean: Well maybe but, you really did looked pretty lame, Dad.
John: This isn’t about how damn lame I looked or not. This is about how you and your brother, followed me on a hunt when I told you not to. Yeah, you were smart enough to avoid the guards but you were stupid enough for me to see you skulking around that museum.
Dean: Totally Sammy’s fault. He had his museum geek on. He was, “Dean look, Grecian vaassses, Dean, look Egyptian mummies!”
Sam: Sarcophagi moron.
Dean: Whatever. The boy was losing his mind. I couldn’t shut him up.
Sam: Me? What about you and DUDDE, NAKED LADIES.
Dean: I prefer to think of it as ancient erotica.
Sam: Some things never change, even then all he had to see was a nude anything and he’d lose his mind.
Dean: Who da thought those Greeks liked to decorated their vases with frisky pictures!
Sam: Well, you know, Dean. They were Greek. They had a totally different outlook on sexuality
Dean: Ohhh. Wasn’t thinking that. I’m pretty sure there were boobs on at least some of those pictures.
John: Enough.
Sam: Yeah, Dean. Listen to Dad.
Dean: Listen to Dad? Since when do you want to ever listen to anybody!
John: Do not make me say it again.
Dean: Sorry, Dad.
Sam: Yeah, sorry.
John: Now, where were we?
Sam: Dean was blaming me for getting us caught at the museum.
John: Unfortunately, it was both of you that got yourselves caught and both of you that almost blew my cover. I was lucky to get you two out of there without raising any suspicions. You boys, on the other hand, were lucky I didn’t spank the hell out of you before we made it back to the Impala.
Dean: I don’t know about that, Dad. I think I would have preferred a spanking before we got to the Impala than the ride back to the motel.
Sam: I have to agree with Dean. That ride probably only took about fifteen minutes but it felt like fifteen hours.
John: That’s because you two were both as guilty as hell.
Dean: I don’t think that had anything to do with it Dad. It wasn’t about being guilty, it was because we knew you were gonna beat our asses when we got back.
John: Well, that wasn’t an inaccurate assumption.
Sam: Inaccurate assumption? If anything it was an understatement!
John: Not denying it.
Sam: You sound pretty proud of the fact!
John: Not proud, Not anything. Just…not arguing about it. Besides, if I recall correctly, that is exactly what happened.
Sam: Your recollections would be accurate.
Dean: Sam? Remember the whole way back to the motel you and I didn’t say a word, didn’t move a muscle. I wasn’t even riding shotgun! Dad had kicked us both into the back seat. We were scared shitless.
Sam: Scared shitless sounds about right, plus I think he actually kicked us into the back seat.
John: I did not! I booted you to the back seat.
Sam: Semantics.
Dean: I’m not sure about the ass kicking into the car but I do remember the ass kicking back at the motel.
Sam: Me too. I don’t think I sat down for a week after.
John: Good.
Sam: Doesn’t it bother you that because of your antiquated belief that spanking your kids is appropriate, I will never forget getting my butt roasted that night?
John: Nope. That’s exactly what I wanted. It made you think twice about disobeying me on a hunt again.
Sam: True, but it didn’t stop us completely.
John: Not my fault you and your brother are a little slow on the uptake sometimes.
Sam: I got a full ride to Stanford! That’s not a dumb kid!
John: Never said dumb, just sometimes too stubborn to follow directions. Besides, almost everyone needs a couple of practice sessions before the actual lesson actually sinks in.
Dean: Yeah, Sammy. Practice makes perfect!
Sam: So every ass whippin’ we got was a “practice session”?
John: Not at all, sometimes they were just plain therapeutic for me.
Sam: I think that’s even worse - you used our butts as your own personal stress reliever?
John: I didn’t say that. You guys earned each and every butt spanking you ever got. Every single time. In fact, if you can truthfully say that either one of you ever got a spanking and didn’t deserve it, I’ll apologize, right here, right now.
Sam: Really?
John: Sure.
Sam: Well, what about…? I mean, there was that time…? I’m sure it happened! A little help here, Dean!
Dean: I got nothin’.
John: Thought so.
Sam: Hmmppff.
Dean: Great, now you are talking in mono-grunts.
Sam: Am not. I just can’t come up with a word that fits how I feel.
John: How about I help you. Would the word be “wrong?”
Dean: Ha! Good one, Dad. So much for that Stanford education, Sammy.
Sam: Shut up.
End.