Title: The God within 3/?
Author:Wildannuette
Fandom:Xena/Herc
Permission to archive on Makebelieve:please do
Email:auxilary25248891@aol.com
Website:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/wildannuette/ Rating: FRT
Summary: Cupid starts to realise somethings amiss when he can't grieve for his lost lover and Asyinnitos curses most of the Pantheon.
Warnings: slash, mpreg, angst, mentions of het
Notes: Cheers Jo *hugs* you're a star
Cupid stared down at his pouting son who stared back up at him, baby Bliss; who was almost a miniature copy of his father, screwed up his face and fisted his eyes as he cried. Cupid sighed; Bliss was becoming more and more difficult at night and during the day which was putting even more of a strain on the fragile bond between Psyche and himself. Deep down Cupid knew the worries and increasing rift between himself and Psyche was reflecting back onto Bliss. The baby was just acting out in the confusing changing emotions.
Cupid stared down at his pouting son who stared back up at him, baby Bliss; who was almost a miniature copy of his father, screwed up his face and fisted his eyes as he cried. Cupid sighed; Bliss was becoming more and more difficult at night and during the day which was putting even more of a strain on the fragile bond between Psyche and himself. Deep down Cupid knew the worries and increasing rift between himself and Psyche was reflecting back onto Bliss. The baby was just acting out in the confusing changing emotions.
He scooped up his whining son and walked up and down the nursery with him, jiggling him gently in his arms. He tried to tune out Bliss’s unhappy cries knowing that he was in part responsible for them. Cupid had been more then slightly inattentive recently preferring to immerse himself in his work then face the troubles at home. He stroked Bliss’s back gently, carefully avoiding his wings, the action seemed to soothe the Godling slightly and Cupid looked down into Bliss’s tearstreaked face “It’s okay, daddy’s not going anywhere. Go to sleep.” He murmured softly to him. He kept up his slow pacing and continued stroking Bliss’s back, the baby slightly soothed and calmed pressed his head against Cupids neck and clung onto him tightly as he tried to nuzzle deeper.
Cupid wasn’t sure why things had changed, why everything had gone so wrong but he knew when it had happened; just after he’d felt Strifes death. He’d felt the hot burning pain lance through him, he’d dropped to his knees just before Olympus shook and shuddered. Aphrodite had clutched her head also feeling the terrifyingly odd feeling. Cupid had clung to her, the same way he used to when he was a Godling, as the dreadful certainty swept through him as it did every other God and Goddess. That a God had died. *Not just anyone either, Strife* Cupid thought as he clutched Bliss a little too tightly and the baby whimpered in response; Cupid relaxed his hold and Bliss quieted as he slowly drifted into a troubled sleep.
Cupid continued to pace, not just to make sure his son was asleep and settled for the night but also to avoid the talk with Psyche; the talk that had been building for the last month. Cupid had been to everyone he could think of for advice finally settling to disregard his mother’s pleas to stick with it and try to ignore it and go with his Hephaestus’ advice instead. The older God had listened patiently to Cupid before suggesting that whilst they try and work things out maybe they should admit what they truly felt. The Fire God had told it wasn’t worth ignoring your own feelings and playing along, not only were both Bliss and Psyche already sensing the problems but Cupid would grow to resent them if he tried to play along. Aphrodite had been furious at Hephaestus' suggestion and Cupids decision. She had tried her best to convince him over dinner and some very odd tasting drinks. Cupid frowned remembering the sweet aftertaste, a familiar one he could almost identify, and it was almost on the tip of his tongue…
He stopped pacing and slowly walked over the arm of arranged cushions which served as Bliss’s bed. Since the third month Bliss had taken to flashing himself out of his basket and onto cushions on the nursery floor and after many repeats of putting him back in the basket they had opted for making a swarm of cushions for him to sleep on. The cushions came complete with spells, courtesy of Hecate, to stop Bliss rolling about. Cupid gently set his son down and tucked the blankets around him; he smiled wondering how his son could look so innocent and cherub-like when only an hour before he’d been screaming and refusing to sleep. Cupid took a deep breath knowing that it was now or never and glanced towards the door, he had to tell Psyche the truth, that he didn’t love her anymore. He wasn’t sure how he could have loved her so passionately and intensely in the first place, though she was extremely beautiful and had a heart to match she wasn’t his type at all. He swallowed hard and looked down at his son, Cupid was glad they had been together because he got Bliss out of their marriage but he was still confused why he fell in love with Psyche. It felt like his brain had been almost clouded and he’d been living in a dream world for the last two years, now that world was slowly crumbling and everything was starting to come back. Cupid was starting to remember the heartache he’d felt before Psyche, the heartache caused by Psyche. Cupid shook his head and rubbed his temple, which was why he couldn’t understand it how could he have loved someone he’d once intensely hated? He didn’t hate her anymore but he didn’t love her either and everytime he looked at her instead of seeing the woman he’d been so madly in love with all he saw was Strife.
Cupid clenched his fists, trying not to mimic one of his ex-lovers patented insane giggles. It was more then completely screwed up; it was more then just chaos! He stood up and watched Bliss roll over and hug the pillows, the baby whimpered slightly in his sleep and Cupid walked out of the nursery not wanting Bliss to pick up on his confused emotions as he snapped his fingers and shut the nursery door he briefly slumped against it. How could he have fallen so passionately for Psyche when he’d been so heartbroken over Strife? Cupid grimaced as a remnant of feeling crossed his chest; he couldn’t remember the heartache properly it was almost as though it had been ripped from him but he’d been getting twinges, fleeting feelings which jogged his memory. He couldn’t feel what he knew he should be feeling, what he desperately wanted to feel; the pain and heartache at his ex-lover’s death. Cupid clenched his fists; he should feel something other then fleeting twinges. He and Strife had been friends for nearly a hundred years and lovers for well over fifty before the whole ‘Psyche mess’ happened. They’d been closer then two people could ever be; soulmates they’d both believed. He and Strife had had so many plans, they’d wanted to get married, start a family; not a night went by when the two hadn’t been in each others arms, whether it was making love or for comfort.
Cupid clenched his fists harder and slammed the, into the wall, he didn’t understand why he felt nothing when he remembered their times together it was almost like he was detached from it, he didn’t even feel grief for Strifes death though he desperately wanted to. At the very least he should feel the anger and heartache he’d felt at Strifes betrayal, he should remember the pain he felt when Hera announced one of her priestesses was carrying a demigod fathered by Strife and the fury he’d felt when his lover had vehemently denied the claims that the baby was his. He remembered volley upon volley of fireballs he’d blasted at Strife as the mischief god had lied to him, begging and pleading for Cupid to believe him. The mischief God had never once tried to defend himself and in the end Ares had had to drag Strife away. Cupid knew Ares had given Strife the hiding of his life for betraying his son but all Cupid had felt was anger and pain because of the betrayal from God he’d loved. The night before Hera’s news both he and Strife had decided to try for a baby of their own and yet all the time Strife had known that a mortal was already carrying his.
Cupid slumped back against the wall in frustration not understanding why he couldn’t feel the rage he’d once felt, he was getting angrier over that then the betrayal that had happened. Cupid remembered how he’d been a mess for years afterwards, he refused to come out of his temples except for ceremonies and refused to be anywhere near Strife, Cupid had spent practically everyday in tears and if not being sick then throwing bad temper tantrums. He’d even felt satisfaction at hearing all the Gods turned their back on the once popular God, much to Discord’s glee, although he’d been more then slightly pissed off when he heard Ares had taken the traitorous bastard back. When his emotions had started reflecting on the mortals, the other Gods had put up with it but when they affected them they’d ganged up on him and forced him to start doing his job properly and socialising.
Cupid snorted, forced being the right word. His Mum, Dad and two of his uncles had dragged him out of his temple, forced ambrosia and food down his throat and then proceeded to scrub him and his home clean before dumping him at his mortal temple to receive his priests and priestesses. It was only a year later that he’d fallen in love with Psyche, straight out of the blue, and realised she was the demigod Strife had fathered. Cupid frowned; he didn’t know why it hadn’t bothered him that he was sleeping with his ex-lover’s daughter. It had bothered Strife greatly, he had tried to break if off but he’d been rejected at every turn even by his own daughter and despite his pleas he’d never been allowed to go near his grandson.
Cupid sighed, something was definitely wrong he needed to find out why he felt the way he did and why he didn’t feel the way he should, he kept sensing Strife though he knew the God was dead and in oblivion. He’d have to talk to his mother and get some answers, he had a suspicious feeling that he knew the answer but the idea was so horrific he tried to repress it. He strode towards his bedroom; first he had to talk to his wife.
*********
Bliss wasn’t the only one having a troubled sleep; Joxer had been tossing and turning all night, mumbling in his sleep and even whimpering. Asyinnitos placed a soothing hand on his head as she tried to draw the mortal into a deeper sleep away from the memories emanating from the embryo inside him. She couldn’t suppress the embryo Gods memories and although she knew the embryo couldn’t experience or feel them they were transmitting loud and clear into Joxer’s unconscious. From Strife’s death backwards, Joxer was experiencing snippets of the mischief Gods old life, some of which Asyinnitos was sure wouldn’t be pleasant especially those involving Discord. One thing Asyinnitos was glad of was the rising feelings of fury rising in the mortal. Though his waking mind didn’t realize it, subconsciously he was projecting the need to protect Strife, which the embryo was picking up on and reveling in.
Asyinnitos gently pressed her ear against Joxers stomach, she whispered to the tiny God to sleep, exerting her power over it in combination with that which Gaia had given her to protect Strife and Joxer. Her eyes widened as she caught the end of Joxer’s dream and she pushed into the memories, careful not to upset Strife she didn’t push too far back, and saw what he had been through in the last few months. The pain and rejection from the other Gods, the abandonment he’d felt from Ares and his Mothers constant gibes and taunts. Asyinnitos rubbed Joxer’s belly gently as she whispered to calm the now agitated Strife to sleep. Her eyes filled with tears at the memories she’d seen and she knew she’d barely scratched the surface, the gods distress was firmly rooted in his childhood something the embryo was too tiny to remember just yet. Asyinnitos was unaware of the depth of the fury emanating from her until she felt the light touch of Adrasteia on her shoulder. She turned and for the first time in decades allowed her mother to take her into her arms as if she were a Godling again. She used her powers to transfer the brief knowledge she’d gathered from Strife’s mind and Adrasteia almost staggered under the weight of the anger flowing from her daughter. As mother and daughter stared at each other Adrasteia saw in her eldest daughter more of herself then she ever had before.
Asyinnitos looked her directly in the eye “Do you know how hard I had to work just to keep Strife alive when Discord was carrying him?” her voice was soft and deadly calm as she spoke “She tried trick after trick to get rid of him and I had to keep using my powers to force her to eat ambrosia. She went on the battlefield when she was eight months pregnant, I think if it hadn’t of been for the baby Ares would have blasted her to Tartarus for that, the close calls she had.” The Goddess shook her head speaking more in a minute then she had in the last few months “when he was born I lost my protection on him and I couldn’t help him. I wish I’d stood my ground and made more of a fuss before he was born, maybe if they’d taken him away then he would have had a better time of it.”
In her eyes a fury deeper them both the Godhoods of her mother and sister shone brightly and as she spoke Adrasteia felt a chill run through her realizing her eldest was using her godly powers to curse.
“From this moment on Discord will never conceive of another child nor raise one” Asyinnitos spoke quietly but her power was reflected in her voice “and all those who wronged Strife shall be denied the privilege of bearing children until the consequences of their actions are seen and they truly realize what they’ve done.”
Adrasteia shivered slightly as her daughter’s curse passed though her rendering herself and most of the Gods on Olympus barren and infertile. Her body screamed to reject the curse and remove it but she merely nodded accepting Asyinnitos’ decision.
Asyinnitos bit her lip, grinding her teeth over it as she felt the curse spreading even through herself “I forgot about him until he became a father, at least one of sorts,” She sighed “and then when his grandson was conceived I focussed more on the children and tried not to think about what must have happened to him.”
Adrasteia wasn’t sure what to say to help her daughters’ guilt anymore then she could help her own. Many a time she’d heard the Godling Strife call out for revenge on his mother but she’d written his pleas off as a normal child’s tantrum, even without seeing that far back she was certain he’d suffered greatly as a child as well as an adult. She should have helped get to the truth of Strifes offspring instead of going with the pantheons vote and believing the worst in Strife, bringing retribution down upon him. Adrasteia herself had a lot to make up for with Strife and with the rest of her family, those who needed retribution would get it Olympian politics be damned. She’d already failed the children once she wasn’t willing to do it again. Without consulting any of the other Gods involved she released the bonds she’d once helped place on Cupid and waited for all Tartarus to break lose.
TBC