Echo of Dusk - Chap XVIII (FINAL)
"Oh no, you're not still writing 'fan-shit'. I don't even need to read it to know what it's about. Tragedies & Korean boys touching each other in a romantic setting."
Congratulations bro, you just summed up my whole fic without reading any of it XD
FINAL OST:
Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion (6.29MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
For all those times you stood by me
For all the joy you brought to my life
You were always there for me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
I'm everything I am, because you loved me….
The rest of May passed relatively quickly. Often I found myself reflecting on this year of 1953. Me and Yunho were twenty-six now… Even though we were still young, I somehow felt so much older. I wondered if it showed on my face. Had war weathered my features until I looked middle aged? It certainly felt like it had but I hadn’t looked at my reflection for a very long time - I’d been too afraid of what I’d find… I suppose whatever I’d find wouldn’t be too dramatically terrifying if my Yunho still remained to be as devastatingly handsome as the day I met him. Well maybe he did look a little older…
All my energy had been used up a few hours earlier when Yunho had woken up early, fuelling my decision to give him another treat. I was becoming strangely addicted to the feel of him withering under me, begging me for more. He’d tried going down on me as well once I’d finished with him but I’d firmly blocked him. I still didn’t feel like it…especially on an empty stomach.
And now he was gone for most of the day and as always I was already missing him.
After Yunho’s indulgence, I had promised him as he was leaving that I’d redress…but in the end I had succumbed to laziness and hadn’t quite gotten around to doing it before I fell asleep - I’d really given Yunho a lot of my energy.
It frustrated me beyond belief that I still couldn’t feel aroused by Yunho. I know his charm hadn’t been lost so I couldn’t understand why I remained limp. I was beginning to feel petrified that I was starting to grow immune to him. I didn’t want him to be redundant!
I had originally hoped that lying naked and feeling his soft skin under me would cause something to stir. But it never did despite all my perseverance.
Despite this shift, we were still polar opposites - he was getting some sexual attention from me finally, whilst I was now the one completely celibate. It was crazy! Were we destined to never have anything in common anymore? What a curse!
I had started drifting off again until a cold hand touched my shoulder. In a panic I tried to throw the assaulter off me but he fell harder onto me instead. My wide eyes gazed up at Changmin for a long, long time; neither of us could move.
Eventually he got off me, spouting several apologies - it had been the second time he’d scared me shitless like that.
“I’m so sorry, hyung! I keep forgetting!”
My breath was stolen from me as my head snapped up to stare at him in shock. Kept forgetting what?! That no-one could touch me?
He…knew?!
“H-How did…” I choked out.
“It wasn’t too hard to figure out, hyung. I’ve rolled onto you before in my sleep and you never ever reacted so strongly. I’m genius Changmin, remember...”
I didn’t known what to feel… I didn’t like other people’s awareness of what happened. It just resurrected my humiliation. And if it was obvious to Changmin then how would I fare against my family?!
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Changmin forlornly repeated.
“Thanks…” I looked down awkwardly only to find myself immersed in even more embarrassment - the cover had started slipping off me, now barely covering my privates.
Changmin tried to hide his smile as he watched my paranoid squirming to pull the cover up right over me. So this was why Yunho had been so insistent for me to redress! Why oh why did I always have to learn my lessons the hard way?! I could even hear Yunho’s know-it-all voice in my head telling me: ‘I told ya so.”
“It’s n-not what it… We didn’t… I’m…” I choked out.
“It’s okay, hyung, what you and your boyfriend choose to do is none of my business, I don’t judge nor assume. And I have seen you naked plenty of times before if you’ll recall,” he pointed out with a smile.
A vague, nostalgic flash of my energetic bathing sessions with Changmin came to me like an old movie I hadn’t seen for a long time. I missed the chasing, the laughing, and the innocence. Part of me wished I had the ability to somehow jump back into that movie…but I knew some things just weren’t so easily accessible anymore…
“Okay, well since you’re up…” Changmin teased. “How about a game? Like old times.”
“Any suggestions?”
“Strip poker.”
I stared at him, trying to remain unamused. “Har har.”
“No, this definitely could work!” he grinned. “Every time you lose you can just lower the sheet a couple of inches.”
“You are so confident in my loss!”
“Well, they say history repeats itself…” he coughed out, bursting into laughter as I reached behind me to peg my pillow at him.
“Okay, okay,” he chuckled. “What about Black Jack…or non-strip poker?”
“Whatever…” I sighed.
As soon as Changmin left to grab the cards, I used the opportunity to dress myself properly. I had a hard time locating where my pants had fallen, becoming completely mystified once I found them hanging half-hidden off the fixed newspaper stand. How the hell did they get all the way up there?!
Strangely enough, when Changmin returned, we didn’t even end up playing sophisticated, intelligent games. Instead we chose to immerse ourselves with constructing card houses...
Every now and then I would glance at Changmin’s sophisticated structure, feeling slightly bitter that mine looked like the equivalent of a small child’s effort. Trying to be as inconspicuous as I could manage, I reached over for Yunho’s cigarette pack, hiding it behind me until Changmin was too absorbed by his concentration.
He flew into an outrage as his lovingly and carefully constructed house of cards collapsed, spreading the old cards across the tent.
“Hyung!” he exclaimed as if I’d personally wounded him. “Why! How could you disturb the intricate balance! That took so much effort!”
“Why are you yelling at me for? Blame gravity!”
“Gravity was helping me! Revise your physics!”
“Einstein is of no interest to me,” I declared, defensively.
“It was Newton, you peasant.”
“It’s all the same.”
“Not in the world of science it’s not. Have you never been educated?!” he laughed.
“Nup.”
Changmin’s smile faded in embarrassment. “Oh…sorry hyung I assumed…”
“That everyone was as fortunate as you were? Sure why not. So much for being the man of no assumptions.”
“Sorry…” he repeated quietly.
Feeling a little guilty that I had destroyed the peaceful atmosphere, I grabbed a pile of cards and flung them at Changmin with a smirk.
Changmin spluttered in surprise, trying to get his composure back to send the retaliation over.
I dived away, trying to dodge the attack, picking more up simultaneously.
Soon enough, there was a rainfall of cards as we manoeuvred ourselves around the tent, throwing the tiny bits of plastic at each other.
When Changmin bent to pick up more ammo I quickly leapt forward to shove my handful down his shirt. He let out an insulted exclamation, causing me to quickly dodge him.
“Come and get it,” I taunted with an evil smirk.
He growled playfully before charging at me. At the last minute I innocently stepped aside, laughing as Changmin barrelled out of the tent, falling down roughly outside.
“How do you like Newton now!” I teased triumphantly.
“Oh very clever,” he growled, trying to rub the dirt off his pants.
Both of us froze as the gusts of wind sent half a dozen cards flying out of the unfastened tent and towards the river.
We gazed at each other silently before the reality sunk in and Changmin’s wail of distress filled the air as he started chasing after the cards. But the breeze was flinging them in all sorts of directions.
I quickly sat down at the tent’s entrance, my legs weakening from laughter as I continued to observe my friend dramatically leaping around to try and save his collection from being ruined in the river or skewed on tree branches.
The happiness I felt in that simple situation was more than I’d felt in awhile. I had felt like the carefree, unburdened JaeJoong rather than the solemn, abused man I had become. I hadn’t believed I’d ever feel so light-hearted with my friends like in the past. I had assumed those experiences would be scarce for me now. I was relieved to realise that I had been wrong; it was possible to feel comfortable and stable again.
But now, after all that excitement, I was back to lying bored to tears on my bed, waiting for the day to pass until Yunho came back.
With a bored groan I reached behind me to grab our pillow from under my head and slapped it down over my face.
“What are you doing?” I heard Changmin enquire in the distance.
“I dunno,” I replied from under the pillow.
“I see…” he drawled. He’d been sitting cross-legged on the ground near the entrance starting to write a letter to his parents.
“Well Pillow Man, I’m sick of my stomach speaking back to me; I’m gonna go get us some lunch.”
“How grand.”
After his footsteps faded away I lazily reached back up to fling the pillow off me. It landed nearby the fold-up table, bringing Yunho’s treasured candle down with it.
“FUCK!” I hissed, looking sideways at the mess I’d caused, paling at the sight of the broken wax that had chipped off the candle as it had crashed onto the ground. I was too lazy to move though.
Loud yells suddenly sounded from somewhere outside the tent and I snapped into a sitting position in shock. There were more strange yells and even unexpected splashing in the river.
I tried to swallow as my heart rate accelerated in anxiety. What the hell was going on? Had North Korea started another battle in our camp?!
I started shaking, unable to move from my seated position on the bed. After all of Yunho’s talks lately about his safety fears, I had become subconsciously even more fearful of his safety. He was out there running around still; the perfect target for such an attack. If he got hurt…I think my own heart would get crushed as well.
Please don’t get hurt.
Please don’t let them hurt you.
Please be okay!
I need you.
I wanted to run out and find him. Even though I hadn’t left this tent for a very long time and felt that the world outside was much too chilling to witness, I would still run out for him.
The last time I ran out without him to find him…the world had turned against me and I was taken even further away from him without even being able to say my goodbyes. But even if there was a chance of that happening again right now…I’d still go to him.
Where are you, Yunnie?
Are you alright?
Do you need help? Do you need me?
I’m scared Yunnie. Come back.
Please come back to me.
Despite the chills I was starting to feel and the panic that was curling around my organs I continued to sit paralysed in fear, waiting for at least Changmin to come back. But he was taking such a long time getting the food…
Every second without Changmin felt like minutes.
Every second without Yunho felt like hours.
All I could concentrate on was the strange yelling and commotion outside.
Tic toc…
Tic toc…
Tic toc…
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
I ran outside into all the commotion, my stomach’s hunger long forgotten. I couldn’t believe what was happening… I could hear the yelling, see all their faces and yet I was having trouble believing it.
JaeJoong!
I urgently ran towards Yunho’s tent, trying to dodge everyone blocking my path.
I found him cowering on the corner of the bed, absolutely petrified of the loud disarray of our normally quiet, well behaved camp. He gazed at me with wild, anxious eyes like a baby possum afraid of all the headlights passing by him. I wanted to grab him and cuddle him but I knew it would only make me want him more - something detrimental to the success of my self-proposed JaeJoong Detoxification.
“JaeJoong-hyung!” I called. “You need to come with me.”
“W-Why? What’s going on, Min?”
“I think you should see for yourself.”
He still looked bemused by my cryptic responses.
“I want to show something to you. Something you should really see,” I smiled. “Now come on. Trust me.”
He held onto my hand warily as I tried convincing him to come with me out of the tent. He’d never really stepped out of it before - only the odd occasion when Yunho made sure no-one was around so that JaeJoong could take a leak or bathe himself. I knew that this would be a remarkable step for him and that he’d probably feel more comfortable if Yunho was the one holding his hand but…if the cause of this commotion was really happening then JaeJoong would have to get used to things like this.
I let him take his time walking out of the tent. He had always been so strong-willed in my eyes so I knew he’d be able to do it eventually.
I watched his face closely as we finally wandered into the daylight. He was soaking up everything around us - the shapes of all the trees, the arrangement of the tents, the sun sparkling off the river instead of shy moonlight. And now he was taking in the strange atmosphere that had transformed the camp. Soldiers who were acting like animals in the river, cheering strangely and energetically…
“A little while ago, Yunho-sshi was informed that an armistice was declared,” I tried to explain to him as calmly as I could whilst he continued trying to comprehend what had started altering everyone’s morale.
“JaeJoong,” I could barely dare to breathe. “The war for now is…over.”
We stared at each other for a long, long time, both of us trying to get our heads around this piece of news. For what seemed like eternity it was all we had ever hoped for. We had so desperately longed to say farewell to the injuries, death, smell of blood, despair, desperation, loneliness, boredom…
I was so happy that I could be the one to break the news to my hyung. His happiness was my happiness.
“Over, hyung. Over. OVER~. O.V.E.R. So gimme a friggen O!” I cheered, pumping my hands into the air.
“O!” he suddenly yelled back, snapping out of his long moment of disbelief.
“Gimme a V!”
“V!”
We started laughing merrily and grabbed each other’s hands, jumping around like idiots.
“Gimme an E!” I demanded, starting my own little ridiculous jig.
“E~!” he laughed, creating an ever scarier jig to go in time with mine.”
“Gimme an R~.”
“R~…” he growled like a pirate before cracking himself up.
“YES!” I laughed and grabbed his hand again, both of us running with our arms outstretched like an aeroplane. I closed my eyes briefly, focusing on the sensation of the breeze ripping through my hair as we ran forward.
“Hangeng-hyung!”
I opened my eyes in surprise, the disappointment flowing through me as he let go of my hand to run over to the Chinese doctor even faster like a small, energetic child.
As I watched him jumping around the doctor excitedly I couldn’t help but smile at him. JaeJoong was such a friendly guy. Despite his day-to-day quietness, once he trusted you he’d give you his whole heart. Well…not his whole heart; the parts that weren’t already dedicated to Jung Yunho.
Even though we live in separate towns in South Korea, I refuse to lose contact with him once we leave this place.
With my first male love…
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
“Hangeng-hyung!”
I looked around through the crowd of overexcited soldiers, trying to locate who had been calling me.
I saw JaeJoong flying at me from my left and prepared myself for the impact. I could see his tall, scary friend walking more slowly after the JaeJoong cannon ball, smiling at him. But I didn’t think there could be anyone who wasn’t smiling on a day such as this.
“It’s over! We’re free!” he was yelling in excitement and I couldn’t help but bounce alongside him.
“I knew something good was gonna happen today!” he started telling me.
“Why, little one?”
“I was happy enough to give Yunho a blow job again this morning!”
I watched in confusion as the younger boy suddenly stood stiffly, looking upset and…red-faced? I couldn’t understand his embarrassment because I hadn’t quite understood the last portion of his sentence. There were still a lot of holes in my Korean.
“Oh my god. That just slipped out. I should not have said that!” he whined.
I smiled and nodded politely, hoping it would be of some comfort.
Once he had left to reaccompany his friend in the celebrations, I pushed the flap of the medical tent back and slipped inside. The moment I saw my fellow doctor I couldn’t help but start up a conversation - he was the youngest South Korean doctor here but he was always the most willing to chat with me.
JaeJoong’s embarrassment was slightly concerning me. I was the doctor he relied on…if this embarrassing topic wasn’t properly acknowledged he might go on suffering through it silently. I didn’t want him to keep the things worrying him bottled up again in case another accident occurred like the one several months ago.
“Excuse me…what does…umm…” I frowned, trying to recall JaeJoong’s fast wording.
“‘Bow job’ mean?”
“A what?” the doctor stared at me oddly.
“Bow job?” I repeated slower.
“You mean blow job?”
“Perhaps, yes?”
I frowned in confusion as he suddenly threw his head back to laugh.
“Out of everything we have taught you, I can’t believe that you haven’t even learnt that! Remember it well, it could come in handy,” he snickered.
“But what is it?”
“In a male or female context?”
“Male?”
“The munchies.”
I blinked, trying to understand what he meant.
“…Dining on the old willy!” he explained, staring at me as if I was supposed to understand what he was talking about.
As my face continued to remain blank he let out a sigh. “Hangeng-sshi… Have you ever had sex before?”
My eyes widened in horror at the sudden inquisition. “Of course…”
“Ever had your penis sucked before?”
It took a short moment for me to register what he was asking me. And then it hit me and I felt my own cheeks bursting into flame.
“Oh no no no!” I exclaimed in shock, turning away from the amused doctor to try and stop picturing my innocent JaeJoong doing such a thing already. And he had said ‘again’…. Oh my…
The continual roar of the soldiers’ celebration of their impending freedom outside the medical tent re-entered my subconscious, slowly giving me a headache. It distracted me from my embarrassment a little as the curiosity refilled me.
I stepped out of the tent once more to continue watching the soldiers cheering and carrying on. It was so nice to see all the South Koreans rejoicing in this armistice.
I too was rejoicing at seeing my favourite patient smiling so deeply again. He had really come a long way. I was so proud of him. That boy had become my little brother and I wondered sadly whether I’d be able to keep in contact with him. I was so confused as to what I’d be doing in the future… Yunho had sworn that he’d help me sort everything out if I wished to remain in South Korea after the war. We had debated over two options: claiming myself to be a POW whom Yunho had kidnapped from North Korea (which would allow myself easy entrance back into China with no charges of treason), or become an illegal immigrant in South Korea…
I hadn’t decided what I’d do yet, afraid of the repercussions I’d receive from the Chinese government either way.
But today there was no time to worry about such things. I wanted to contribute to the many joyous smiles I was seeing around me, having seen so few of them recently.
But the disorganisation eventually ended as everyone was rounded up for a meeting by the surly captain.
We were all waiting for the Major to fill everyone in properly. Everyone was awaiting the information eagerly - so eagerly in fact that as soon as Yunho appeared, there was lots of cheering.
I looked beside me at JaeJoong and his friend who had rejoined me and couldn’t help but beam at the proud smile on JaeJoong’s face as he watched the soldiers welcoming his boyfriend in such a way.
They were such an adorable couple, I was so relieved that things finally seemed to be working out for them again…what with JaeJoong and his involvement in the blow job…
I coughed, ignoring the return of my flaming cheeks and tried to avoid looking at the Major as he tried to calm the crowd down. The last thing I needed was for my imagination to take over. I wanted to remember this day as everyone, despite what country they came from, feeling joyous and relieved. I however, did not want to remember this day as the day my JaeJoong got on his knees and…
Think innocently, Hangeng! INNOCENT!
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
I dropped the phone back onto the phone boy’s backpack and slowly exhaled. I was a little surprised when the boy turned around to hug me in his excitement. Poor boy was so used to hearing my sombre conversations, it was no wonder he was so ecstatic to finally hear a more hopeful one.
Yes. The call that would soon change everyone’s lives.
I watched as the phone boy ran out after I had relieved him of his presence. With a small smile I looked down to add some more details onto the paper in front of me.
I could hear almost instantaneous yelling… Word sure spread fast - especially words of the positive kind.
I tried ignoring the commotion outside as I tiredly sat down to finish sorting out my notes. It was taking longer than normal to record the data…apart from the noise outside, I found thoughts of my lover equally distracting. I wanted to wave my hands and freeze time for just one moment - didn’t we deserve a moment to ourselves?
If that were possible, I wanted to run past the temporarily frozen figures, their hands stuck in a raised position of cheers and relief, towards my love. I wanted to sit beside him and hold his warm hands in my own, stroking them devotedly and gaze into his exquisite eyes. I wanted to bring this gift of freedom to him with soft words. I wanted to see his face mirroring my own relief and bathe in the warmth of hope.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him and that now I’d be able to say it to him everyday without the fear of one of us dying.
But… I couldn’t freeze time. I couldn’t do all that. I couldn’t be with him right now. My heart would have to wait…as it always does.
Eventually I found myself walking back out towards the group of assembled soldiers waiting for my official verdict. They had even found a fallen log and prepared it for me out the front as my grand announcement stage.
As soon as I carefully stepped onto it my ears were deafened by the cheering from my excited men.
“Yeh, nice touch guys,” I laughed with the men standing closest to me in the front of the thick log. I couldn’t help but continue smiling a little at the joyous atmosphere.
But still that little part of me was aching, longing to be rid of my duty if only for just five minutes, in order to be with JaeJoong and share my excitement with him.
I loved seeing all my soldiers’ grinning faces, but there was one I craved seeing most of all.
Taking a deep breath, I looked down at the scrap of paper in my hands. As I began informing the men whom I had been fighting alongside for three long years, of their freedom, I scanned the crowd.
To my immense surprise and joy I found that my beloved was no longer in my tent but amongst the sea of faces, towards the back of the crowd. He was standing in-between Changmin and Hangeng like the leader of a tiny gang. But he wasn’t cheering like the rest of the men; he was smiling so beautifully at me. I smiled back at him, unable to help myself from such a reaction.
I still really wished that I could have told JaeJoong in person about our emancipation but I knew that it was really not my gift to give him. I was just the messenger.
I knew people wanted me to finish my speech but I was too temporarily captivated by JaeJoong’s angelic face, the sunlight finally bathing it again with its gentle rays.
God…how could I ever hope to free myself from the captivation of his beautiful smile?
As I finally got a hold of myself again, I continued to read out the details I had received from the armistice report. I knew that not one single grinning face in front of me would ever mean so much as the one illuminating from the scrawny man, whose face was half hidden by the long locks of his shining black hair.
Finally JaeJoong, we can truly be happy again.
///TBC in Echo of Dawn///
A/N: Ack. Did you hear that? Hear what you say? Exactly. There is nothing but silence. I feel so weird that that is the end… And I know right now you probably feel like things are completely unfinished and unsatisfying - OH I KNOW, that’s why I’m writing the sequel, hehe.
But before I go…I’d REALLY like to thank all of you again. JaeHo wasn’t the only reason why I was so motivated with this thing. As you all know, some parts of Echo of Dusk were so UNBEARABLE and heartbreaking and yadda yadda…imagine how hard it was for me to actually write the darn things when I’m normally such a fluff lover. But what kept me going was YOU. Many of you being writers yourselves, I don’t need to explain the appreciation one has for reader’s commentary.
And to my dear, inevitable silent readers…thank you as well for taking the time out to read it even if you didn’t feel comfortable in commenting.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT - NEW BANNER & SEQUEL:
The war has ended, and so has the banner! So now, please look out for the new title and banner: Echo of Dawn
(I know it’s hard to see in its mini form but…)
So…even though I’ll miss it terribly, don’t look out for the old DUSK banner ^^;;
I hate writing sequels, I don’t know why… So Echo of Dawn is more like ‘the 2nd half’ to me rather than a sequel but… I suppose in theory it IS a sequel in a way… gah.
In a few days, I’ll be posting up some information about the sequel and a reflection on this part of the fic. I’ll be able to answer any questions you have about this fic and the sequel over there.
I think it’s pointless to post it up at Detox so if you wanna read it I’m afraid you’ll have to come to this journal on your own… Sorry if that’s inconvenient. T_T
...I hope all of you will stay with me and keep cheering me on as I write the sequel. Feeling warm and fuzzy? Yeh that’s me hugging you :)
BYE BYE.
SEE YOU SOON.
Edit: GO HERE for the sequel info etc.
Congratulations bro, you just summed up my whole fic without reading any of it XD
FINAL OST:
Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion (6.29MB) - DOWNLOAD!!
For all those times you stood by me
For all the joy you brought to my life
You were always there for me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
I'm everything I am, because you loved me….
The rest of May passed relatively quickly. Often I found myself reflecting on this year of 1953. Me and Yunho were twenty-six now… Even though we were still young, I somehow felt so much older. I wondered if it showed on my face. Had war weathered my features until I looked middle aged? It certainly felt like it had but I hadn’t looked at my reflection for a very long time - I’d been too afraid of what I’d find… I suppose whatever I’d find wouldn’t be too dramatically terrifying if my Yunho still remained to be as devastatingly handsome as the day I met him. Well maybe he did look a little older…
All my energy had been used up a few hours earlier when Yunho had woken up early, fuelling my decision to give him another treat. I was becoming strangely addicted to the feel of him withering under me, begging me for more. He’d tried going down on me as well once I’d finished with him but I’d firmly blocked him. I still didn’t feel like it…especially on an empty stomach.
And now he was gone for most of the day and as always I was already missing him.
After Yunho’s indulgence, I had promised him as he was leaving that I’d redress…but in the end I had succumbed to laziness and hadn’t quite gotten around to doing it before I fell asleep - I’d really given Yunho a lot of my energy.
It frustrated me beyond belief that I still couldn’t feel aroused by Yunho. I know his charm hadn’t been lost so I couldn’t understand why I remained limp. I was beginning to feel petrified that I was starting to grow immune to him. I didn’t want him to be redundant!
I had originally hoped that lying naked and feeling his soft skin under me would cause something to stir. But it never did despite all my perseverance.
Despite this shift, we were still polar opposites - he was getting some sexual attention from me finally, whilst I was now the one completely celibate. It was crazy! Were we destined to never have anything in common anymore? What a curse!
I had started drifting off again until a cold hand touched my shoulder. In a panic I tried to throw the assaulter off me but he fell harder onto me instead. My wide eyes gazed up at Changmin for a long, long time; neither of us could move.
Eventually he got off me, spouting several apologies - it had been the second time he’d scared me shitless like that.
“I’m so sorry, hyung! I keep forgetting!”
My breath was stolen from me as my head snapped up to stare at him in shock. Kept forgetting what?! That no-one could touch me?
He…knew?!
“H-How did…” I choked out.
“It wasn’t too hard to figure out, hyung. I’ve rolled onto you before in my sleep and you never ever reacted so strongly. I’m genius Changmin, remember...”
I didn’t known what to feel… I didn’t like other people’s awareness of what happened. It just resurrected my humiliation. And if it was obvious to Changmin then how would I fare against my family?!
“I’m sorry, hyung,” Changmin forlornly repeated.
“Thanks…” I looked down awkwardly only to find myself immersed in even more embarrassment - the cover had started slipping off me, now barely covering my privates.
Changmin tried to hide his smile as he watched my paranoid squirming to pull the cover up right over me. So this was why Yunho had been so insistent for me to redress! Why oh why did I always have to learn my lessons the hard way?! I could even hear Yunho’s know-it-all voice in my head telling me: ‘I told ya so.”
“It’s n-not what it… We didn’t… I’m…” I choked out.
“It’s okay, hyung, what you and your boyfriend choose to do is none of my business, I don’t judge nor assume. And I have seen you naked plenty of times before if you’ll recall,” he pointed out with a smile.
A vague, nostalgic flash of my energetic bathing sessions with Changmin came to me like an old movie I hadn’t seen for a long time. I missed the chasing, the laughing, and the innocence. Part of me wished I had the ability to somehow jump back into that movie…but I knew some things just weren’t so easily accessible anymore…
“Okay, well since you’re up…” Changmin teased. “How about a game? Like old times.”
“Any suggestions?”
“Strip poker.”
I stared at him, trying to remain unamused. “Har har.”
“No, this definitely could work!” he grinned. “Every time you lose you can just lower the sheet a couple of inches.”
“You are so confident in my loss!”
“Well, they say history repeats itself…” he coughed out, bursting into laughter as I reached behind me to peg my pillow at him.
“Okay, okay,” he chuckled. “What about Black Jack…or non-strip poker?”
“Whatever…” I sighed.
As soon as Changmin left to grab the cards, I used the opportunity to dress myself properly. I had a hard time locating where my pants had fallen, becoming completely mystified once I found them hanging half-hidden off the fixed newspaper stand. How the hell did they get all the way up there?!
Strangely enough, when Changmin returned, we didn’t even end up playing sophisticated, intelligent games. Instead we chose to immerse ourselves with constructing card houses...
Every now and then I would glance at Changmin’s sophisticated structure, feeling slightly bitter that mine looked like the equivalent of a small child’s effort. Trying to be as inconspicuous as I could manage, I reached over for Yunho’s cigarette pack, hiding it behind me until Changmin was too absorbed by his concentration.
He flew into an outrage as his lovingly and carefully constructed house of cards collapsed, spreading the old cards across the tent.
“Hyung!” he exclaimed as if I’d personally wounded him. “Why! How could you disturb the intricate balance! That took so much effort!”
“Why are you yelling at me for? Blame gravity!”
“Gravity was helping me! Revise your physics!”
“Einstein is of no interest to me,” I declared, defensively.
“It was Newton, you peasant.”
“It’s all the same.”
“Not in the world of science it’s not. Have you never been educated?!” he laughed.
“Nup.”
Changmin’s smile faded in embarrassment. “Oh…sorry hyung I assumed…”
“That everyone was as fortunate as you were? Sure why not. So much for being the man of no assumptions.”
“Sorry…” he repeated quietly.
Feeling a little guilty that I had destroyed the peaceful atmosphere, I grabbed a pile of cards and flung them at Changmin with a smirk.
Changmin spluttered in surprise, trying to get his composure back to send the retaliation over.
I dived away, trying to dodge the attack, picking more up simultaneously.
Soon enough, there was a rainfall of cards as we manoeuvred ourselves around the tent, throwing the tiny bits of plastic at each other.
When Changmin bent to pick up more ammo I quickly leapt forward to shove my handful down his shirt. He let out an insulted exclamation, causing me to quickly dodge him.
“Come and get it,” I taunted with an evil smirk.
He growled playfully before charging at me. At the last minute I innocently stepped aside, laughing as Changmin barrelled out of the tent, falling down roughly outside.
“How do you like Newton now!” I teased triumphantly.
“Oh very clever,” he growled, trying to rub the dirt off his pants.
Both of us froze as the gusts of wind sent half a dozen cards flying out of the unfastened tent and towards the river.
We gazed at each other silently before the reality sunk in and Changmin’s wail of distress filled the air as he started chasing after the cards. But the breeze was flinging them in all sorts of directions.
I quickly sat down at the tent’s entrance, my legs weakening from laughter as I continued to observe my friend dramatically leaping around to try and save his collection from being ruined in the river or skewed on tree branches.
The happiness I felt in that simple situation was more than I’d felt in awhile. I had felt like the carefree, unburdened JaeJoong rather than the solemn, abused man I had become. I hadn’t believed I’d ever feel so light-hearted with my friends like in the past. I had assumed those experiences would be scarce for me now. I was relieved to realise that I had been wrong; it was possible to feel comfortable and stable again.
But now, after all that excitement, I was back to lying bored to tears on my bed, waiting for the day to pass until Yunho came back.
With a bored groan I reached behind me to grab our pillow from under my head and slapped it down over my face.
“What are you doing?” I heard Changmin enquire in the distance.
“I dunno,” I replied from under the pillow.
“I see…” he drawled. He’d been sitting cross-legged on the ground near the entrance starting to write a letter to his parents.
“Well Pillow Man, I’m sick of my stomach speaking back to me; I’m gonna go get us some lunch.”
“How grand.”
After his footsteps faded away I lazily reached back up to fling the pillow off me. It landed nearby the fold-up table, bringing Yunho’s treasured candle down with it.
“FUCK!” I hissed, looking sideways at the mess I’d caused, paling at the sight of the broken wax that had chipped off the candle as it had crashed onto the ground. I was too lazy to move though.
Loud yells suddenly sounded from somewhere outside the tent and I snapped into a sitting position in shock. There were more strange yells and even unexpected splashing in the river.
I tried to swallow as my heart rate accelerated in anxiety. What the hell was going on? Had North Korea started another battle in our camp?!
I started shaking, unable to move from my seated position on the bed. After all of Yunho’s talks lately about his safety fears, I had become subconsciously even more fearful of his safety. He was out there running around still; the perfect target for such an attack. If he got hurt…I think my own heart would get crushed as well.
Please don’t get hurt.
Please don’t let them hurt you.
Please be okay!
I need you.
I wanted to run out and find him. Even though I hadn’t left this tent for a very long time and felt that the world outside was much too chilling to witness, I would still run out for him.
The last time I ran out without him to find him…the world had turned against me and I was taken even further away from him without even being able to say my goodbyes. But even if there was a chance of that happening again right now…I’d still go to him.
Where are you, Yunnie?
Are you alright?
Do you need help? Do you need me?
I’m scared Yunnie. Come back.
Please come back to me.
Despite the chills I was starting to feel and the panic that was curling around my organs I continued to sit paralysed in fear, waiting for at least Changmin to come back. But he was taking such a long time getting the food…
Every second without Changmin felt like minutes.
Every second without Yunho felt like hours.
All I could concentrate on was the strange yelling and commotion outside.
Tic toc…
Tic toc…
Tic toc…
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
I ran outside into all the commotion, my stomach’s hunger long forgotten. I couldn’t believe what was happening… I could hear the yelling, see all their faces and yet I was having trouble believing it.
JaeJoong!
I urgently ran towards Yunho’s tent, trying to dodge everyone blocking my path.
I found him cowering on the corner of the bed, absolutely petrified of the loud disarray of our normally quiet, well behaved camp. He gazed at me with wild, anxious eyes like a baby possum afraid of all the headlights passing by him. I wanted to grab him and cuddle him but I knew it would only make me want him more - something detrimental to the success of my self-proposed JaeJoong Detoxification.
“JaeJoong-hyung!” I called. “You need to come with me.”
“W-Why? What’s going on, Min?”
“I think you should see for yourself.”
He still looked bemused by my cryptic responses.
“I want to show something to you. Something you should really see,” I smiled. “Now come on. Trust me.”
He held onto my hand warily as I tried convincing him to come with me out of the tent. He’d never really stepped out of it before - only the odd occasion when Yunho made sure no-one was around so that JaeJoong could take a leak or bathe himself. I knew that this would be a remarkable step for him and that he’d probably feel more comfortable if Yunho was the one holding his hand but…if the cause of this commotion was really happening then JaeJoong would have to get used to things like this.
I let him take his time walking out of the tent. He had always been so strong-willed in my eyes so I knew he’d be able to do it eventually.
I watched his face closely as we finally wandered into the daylight. He was soaking up everything around us - the shapes of all the trees, the arrangement of the tents, the sun sparkling off the river instead of shy moonlight. And now he was taking in the strange atmosphere that had transformed the camp. Soldiers who were acting like animals in the river, cheering strangely and energetically…
“A little while ago, Yunho-sshi was informed that an armistice was declared,” I tried to explain to him as calmly as I could whilst he continued trying to comprehend what had started altering everyone’s morale.
“JaeJoong,” I could barely dare to breathe. “The war for now is…over.”
We stared at each other for a long, long time, both of us trying to get our heads around this piece of news. For what seemed like eternity it was all we had ever hoped for. We had so desperately longed to say farewell to the injuries, death, smell of blood, despair, desperation, loneliness, boredom…
I was so happy that I could be the one to break the news to my hyung. His happiness was my happiness.
“Over, hyung. Over. OVER~. O.V.E.R. So gimme a friggen O!” I cheered, pumping my hands into the air.
“O!” he suddenly yelled back, snapping out of his long moment of disbelief.
“Gimme a V!”
“V!”
We started laughing merrily and grabbed each other’s hands, jumping around like idiots.
“Gimme an E!” I demanded, starting my own little ridiculous jig.
“E~!” he laughed, creating an ever scarier jig to go in time with mine.”
“Gimme an R~.”
“R~…” he growled like a pirate before cracking himself up.
“YES!” I laughed and grabbed his hand again, both of us running with our arms outstretched like an aeroplane. I closed my eyes briefly, focusing on the sensation of the breeze ripping through my hair as we ran forward.
“Hangeng-hyung!”
I opened my eyes in surprise, the disappointment flowing through me as he let go of my hand to run over to the Chinese doctor even faster like a small, energetic child.
As I watched him jumping around the doctor excitedly I couldn’t help but smile at him. JaeJoong was such a friendly guy. Despite his day-to-day quietness, once he trusted you he’d give you his whole heart. Well…not his whole heart; the parts that weren’t already dedicated to Jung Yunho.
Even though we live in separate towns in South Korea, I refuse to lose contact with him once we leave this place.
With my first male love…
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
“Hangeng-hyung!”
I looked around through the crowd of overexcited soldiers, trying to locate who had been calling me.
I saw JaeJoong flying at me from my left and prepared myself for the impact. I could see his tall, scary friend walking more slowly after the JaeJoong cannon ball, smiling at him. But I didn’t think there could be anyone who wasn’t smiling on a day such as this.
“It’s over! We’re free!” he was yelling in excitement and I couldn’t help but bounce alongside him.
“I knew something good was gonna happen today!” he started telling me.
“Why, little one?”
“I was happy enough to give Yunho a blow job again this morning!”
I watched in confusion as the younger boy suddenly stood stiffly, looking upset and…red-faced? I couldn’t understand his embarrassment because I hadn’t quite understood the last portion of his sentence. There were still a lot of holes in my Korean.
“Oh my god. That just slipped out. I should not have said that!” he whined.
I smiled and nodded politely, hoping it would be of some comfort.
Once he had left to reaccompany his friend in the celebrations, I pushed the flap of the medical tent back and slipped inside. The moment I saw my fellow doctor I couldn’t help but start up a conversation - he was the youngest South Korean doctor here but he was always the most willing to chat with me.
JaeJoong’s embarrassment was slightly concerning me. I was the doctor he relied on…if this embarrassing topic wasn’t properly acknowledged he might go on suffering through it silently. I didn’t want him to keep the things worrying him bottled up again in case another accident occurred like the one several months ago.
“Excuse me…what does…umm…” I frowned, trying to recall JaeJoong’s fast wording.
“‘Bow job’ mean?”
“A what?” the doctor stared at me oddly.
“Bow job?” I repeated slower.
“You mean blow job?”
“Perhaps, yes?”
I frowned in confusion as he suddenly threw his head back to laugh.
“Out of everything we have taught you, I can’t believe that you haven’t even learnt that! Remember it well, it could come in handy,” he snickered.
“But what is it?”
“In a male or female context?”
“Male?”
“The munchies.”
I blinked, trying to understand what he meant.
“…Dining on the old willy!” he explained, staring at me as if I was supposed to understand what he was talking about.
As my face continued to remain blank he let out a sigh. “Hangeng-sshi… Have you ever had sex before?”
My eyes widened in horror at the sudden inquisition. “Of course…”
“Ever had your penis sucked before?”
It took a short moment for me to register what he was asking me. And then it hit me and I felt my own cheeks bursting into flame.
“Oh no no no!” I exclaimed in shock, turning away from the amused doctor to try and stop picturing my innocent JaeJoong doing such a thing already. And he had said ‘again’…. Oh my…
The continual roar of the soldiers’ celebration of their impending freedom outside the medical tent re-entered my subconscious, slowly giving me a headache. It distracted me from my embarrassment a little as the curiosity refilled me.
I stepped out of the tent once more to continue watching the soldiers cheering and carrying on. It was so nice to see all the South Koreans rejoicing in this armistice.
I too was rejoicing at seeing my favourite patient smiling so deeply again. He had really come a long way. I was so proud of him. That boy had become my little brother and I wondered sadly whether I’d be able to keep in contact with him. I was so confused as to what I’d be doing in the future… Yunho had sworn that he’d help me sort everything out if I wished to remain in South Korea after the war. We had debated over two options: claiming myself to be a POW whom Yunho had kidnapped from North Korea (which would allow myself easy entrance back into China with no charges of treason), or become an illegal immigrant in South Korea…
I hadn’t decided what I’d do yet, afraid of the repercussions I’d receive from the Chinese government either way.
But today there was no time to worry about such things. I wanted to contribute to the many joyous smiles I was seeing around me, having seen so few of them recently.
But the disorganisation eventually ended as everyone was rounded up for a meeting by the surly captain.
We were all waiting for the Major to fill everyone in properly. Everyone was awaiting the information eagerly - so eagerly in fact that as soon as Yunho appeared, there was lots of cheering.
I looked beside me at JaeJoong and his friend who had rejoined me and couldn’t help but beam at the proud smile on JaeJoong’s face as he watched the soldiers welcoming his boyfriend in such a way.
They were such an adorable couple, I was so relieved that things finally seemed to be working out for them again…what with JaeJoong and his involvement in the blow job…
I coughed, ignoring the return of my flaming cheeks and tried to avoid looking at the Major as he tried to calm the crowd down. The last thing I needed was for my imagination to take over. I wanted to remember this day as everyone, despite what country they came from, feeling joyous and relieved. I however, did not want to remember this day as the day my JaeJoong got on his knees and…
Think innocently, Hangeng! INNOCENT!
~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~
I dropped the phone back onto the phone boy’s backpack and slowly exhaled. I was a little surprised when the boy turned around to hug me in his excitement. Poor boy was so used to hearing my sombre conversations, it was no wonder he was so ecstatic to finally hear a more hopeful one.
Yes. The call that would soon change everyone’s lives.
I watched as the phone boy ran out after I had relieved him of his presence. With a small smile I looked down to add some more details onto the paper in front of me.
I could hear almost instantaneous yelling… Word sure spread fast - especially words of the positive kind.
I tried ignoring the commotion outside as I tiredly sat down to finish sorting out my notes. It was taking longer than normal to record the data…apart from the noise outside, I found thoughts of my lover equally distracting. I wanted to wave my hands and freeze time for just one moment - didn’t we deserve a moment to ourselves?
If that were possible, I wanted to run past the temporarily frozen figures, their hands stuck in a raised position of cheers and relief, towards my love. I wanted to sit beside him and hold his warm hands in my own, stroking them devotedly and gaze into his exquisite eyes. I wanted to bring this gift of freedom to him with soft words. I wanted to see his face mirroring my own relief and bathe in the warmth of hope.
I wanted to tell him that I loved him and that now I’d be able to say it to him everyday without the fear of one of us dying.
But… I couldn’t freeze time. I couldn’t do all that. I couldn’t be with him right now. My heart would have to wait…as it always does.
Eventually I found myself walking back out towards the group of assembled soldiers waiting for my official verdict. They had even found a fallen log and prepared it for me out the front as my grand announcement stage.
As soon as I carefully stepped onto it my ears were deafened by the cheering from my excited men.
“Yeh, nice touch guys,” I laughed with the men standing closest to me in the front of the thick log. I couldn’t help but continue smiling a little at the joyous atmosphere.
But still that little part of me was aching, longing to be rid of my duty if only for just five minutes, in order to be with JaeJoong and share my excitement with him.
I loved seeing all my soldiers’ grinning faces, but there was one I craved seeing most of all.
Taking a deep breath, I looked down at the scrap of paper in my hands. As I began informing the men whom I had been fighting alongside for three long years, of their freedom, I scanned the crowd.
To my immense surprise and joy I found that my beloved was no longer in my tent but amongst the sea of faces, towards the back of the crowd. He was standing in-between Changmin and Hangeng like the leader of a tiny gang. But he wasn’t cheering like the rest of the men; he was smiling so beautifully at me. I smiled back at him, unable to help myself from such a reaction.
I still really wished that I could have told JaeJoong in person about our emancipation but I knew that it was really not my gift to give him. I was just the messenger.
I knew people wanted me to finish my speech but I was too temporarily captivated by JaeJoong’s angelic face, the sunlight finally bathing it again with its gentle rays.
God…how could I ever hope to free myself from the captivation of his beautiful smile?
As I finally got a hold of myself again, I continued to read out the details I had received from the armistice report. I knew that not one single grinning face in front of me would ever mean so much as the one illuminating from the scrawny man, whose face was half hidden by the long locks of his shining black hair.
Finally JaeJoong, we can truly be happy again.
///TBC in Echo of Dawn///
A/N: Ack. Did you hear that? Hear what you say? Exactly. There is nothing but silence. I feel so weird that that is the end… And I know right now you probably feel like things are completely unfinished and unsatisfying - OH I KNOW, that’s why I’m writing the sequel, hehe.
But before I go…I’d REALLY like to thank all of you again. JaeHo wasn’t the only reason why I was so motivated with this thing. As you all know, some parts of Echo of Dusk were so UNBEARABLE and heartbreaking and yadda yadda…imagine how hard it was for me to actually write the darn things when I’m normally such a fluff lover. But what kept me going was YOU. Many of you being writers yourselves, I don’t need to explain the appreciation one has for reader’s commentary.
And to my dear, inevitable silent readers…thank you as well for taking the time out to read it even if you didn’t feel comfortable in commenting.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT - NEW BANNER & SEQUEL:
The war has ended, and so has the banner! So now, please look out for the new title and banner: Echo of Dawn
(I know it’s hard to see in its mini form but…)
So…even though I’ll miss it terribly, don’t look out for the old DUSK banner ^^;;
I hate writing sequels, I don’t know why… So Echo of Dawn is more like ‘the 2nd half’ to me rather than a sequel but… I suppose in theory it IS a sequel in a way… gah.
In a few days, I’ll be posting up some information about the sequel and a reflection on this part of the fic. I’ll be able to answer any questions you have about this fic and the sequel over there.
I think it’s pointless to post it up at Detox so if you wanna read it I’m afraid you’ll have to come to this journal on your own… Sorry if that’s inconvenient. T_T
...I hope all of you will stay with me and keep cheering me on as I write the sequel. Feeling warm and fuzzy? Yeh that’s me hugging you :)
BYE BYE.
SEE YOU SOON.
Edit: GO HERE for the sequel info etc.