The Beacon; My Siren - Chap 24A

[wild_terrain]

Title: The Beacon; My Siren
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner (Made beautifully by love_cassiopeia):



Chapter: [24A / ?]
Rating: MA15+
Genre: AU [FLANGST, mystery, spirituality, romance]
Summary: Philophobia… The fear of falling in love or being in love. I didn’t know such a thing existed until I met him… Kim JaeJoong was my age-a youthful 25 years-and the owner of a popular café, yet he was already known around town as the mysterious hermit who had chosen to completely withdraw from the world. How on earth could someone so young be afraid of loving others to the point of secluding themselves from all human beings? What was he afraid of? What was he hiding? I just didn’t understand it. And by that stage, the need to understand it was all I could think about... In fact, he was all I could think about…

Jung Yunho… For all of my life I had grown up away from the limelight. I couldn’t stand being noticed by anybody, and for a long time I thankfully never was. But then you came and suddenly you were everywhere - waving to me as I swept the café after closing, saying hello to me as you cycled past the bench I was sitting on, helping me carry my groceries inside whilst talking non-stop to me as if we were actually friends… Why are you always around making my heart thump erratically? Why do you even care? The more you try to explore this town, the more I need to step up and protect you from your own curiosity, because I know It is out there and I know It wants to harm you…

Trailer: CLICK TO WATCH~~

Beta =  moon1084 <3

A/N: Disregarding my oneshot and crack pic fic, I realised that it's been almost four fricken months since I updated TB;MS. Almost had a heart attack when I realised, haha. As you'll know if you've read my recent post, I am hoping to update this fic regularly again if my muse is kind. And to kick us off, and to apologise for the hiatus, I'm going to post two at the same time (plus, my beta and I discussed it and decided it's best to update these two parts together anyway so we can get back into the main plot of the fic quickly ^^). Hope you enjoy! And I apologise in advance if you don't. ^^;;







I looked at my watch and almost had a heart attack. The combination of digits was starting to look dangerous. If we weren’t careful, JaeJoong and I were going to nap through the dinner we’d planned to share with Junsu and Eunbi. It wouldn’t matter so much if all JaeJoong and I had to do was get up, grab a jacket and head down to the proposed restaurant, but JaeJoong and I were completely naked and smelling of each other.

I looked sideways at JaeJoong and then smiled. I hadn’t just dreamt it all; we really had had sex together. That was just… Wow.

No, I had to concentrate on the disaster at hand. There would be time to marvel at it later and grin like a fool. Right now I had to make sure we got up and looked presentable for my gang’s last night together.

“JaeJoongie!” The gorgeous man was still napping beside me on the mattress. I really wanted to kick myself for not waking up sooner and actually having some time to gaze properly at him. He stirred and looked up at me with messy hair and a laugh escaped me. “JaeJoongie, our group dinner starts in fifteen minutes and we look like we’ve just had sex.”

“We did just have sex…”

I laughed again at his half-awake, matter-of-fact logic. “All the more reason to get out of bed and get cleaned up. I’ll have a super speed shower first and then I’ll grab you and throw you in next, okay?” I grinned and gently ran my fingers across his jaw. I needed my fix of him before I’d have to erase this perfect moment under gushing water.

He stared back at me with soft eyes as he let himself enjoy my caress. I bent down to softly and slowly kiss him. Selfishness brewed within me, telling me to stay where I was and indulge myself with the gift from heaven lying next to me.

Moments of real happiness needed to be appreciated and treasured. Surely they were more important to experience than the trivial set of obligations one had to do throughout the day. I loved my friends very much but I saw them every week. This moment with JaeJoong, the enigma who had given me a sense of purpose and helped me feel what it was like to be loved and adored, was something that couldn’t be recreated again.

We had just made love for the first time and experienced each other in ways that left very little boundaries between us. The weeks of paying expensive train fares could never add up to the priceless experience I’d just had with JaeJoong. Everything had been worth it. I had no regrets about constantly bugging him until he finally looked at me and trusted me. The days I felt like I was wasting my energy talking to a brick wall were in the past now. The doubts I’d had about why I was wasting my time and effort and money on someone who refused to be helped felt almost non-existent now.

This moment between us was more important right now than any dinner. We needed to reflect on what our lovemaking meant for our relationship and how it had made everything different now for the better. But I knew that there would be that little guilty voice ruining the moment and reminding me that my other friends were waiting and it wouldn’t be fair to stand them up. Surely dinner wouldn’t even last that long and then I’d have JaeJoong all to myself again.

My hand slid down his body as I finished kissing him and came to a rest just above his waist. I stroked his belly a few times with my thumb and briefly wondered how long it would take to be filled with delicious food.

I tried not to sigh too loudly as I left the warm cocoon of his body to have a quick shower. When I came back out, I made a beeline to where my bag sat across the other side of the room. I started to rummage through it to keep my hands busy when JaeJoong emerged from the sheets in all his beauty. If I hadn’t, I couldn’t be so sure that I wouldn’t try and tackle him back down onto the bed like a football player on a mission.

By the time he came back into the room and tried to dry his hair to the best of his ability, we were only five minutes late-an almost perfect score in my opinion.

“You okay?” I quickly checked as we made our way down the stairs and into the noisy throng of the café’s night crowd.

“I’m fine.”

“Coz I might not have done things right when we…”

“Yunho, I’m fine,” he assured me, taking my hand into his and squeezing it gently.

With a smile, I kept our hands linked as we walked out of the café and down the street. I still had so much energy after my nap and used some of it to swing our arms back and forth. I didn’t care if it looked immature; it was fun and it was with JaeJoong.

Junsu and Eunbi were already inside the restaurant when we arrived. Our hands parted as we took our seats opposite each other. I accepted the menu from Junsu and sobered a little as I tried to pick between two equally appetizing dishes.

“Hey, hey,” I called out to JaeJoong and nudged his leg with my foot under the table. “Can you decide what you want?”

“Nope.”

I nodded, feeling relieved as I looked back at my two choices and went through the pros and cons again in my head.

“Hey, hey.” My knee was hit by JaeJoong’s foot. “I’ve decided; have you?” He grinned cheekily at me.

I admitted defeat. “Nope. But have you decided what dessert you’re getting?”

“Ahh…”

“Ahh,” I teased, giving him a playful kick to his shin. I grinned victoriously back at the large menu in my hands and picked all of my food and drink quickly so that I’d be able to rub it in JaeJoong’s face again when I won.

I glanced up when I felt Junsu nudging my arm from beside me. He gave me a funny look that I couldn’t decipher. When I cocked my head to the side he nudged his head towards JaeJoong and then looked back at me with raised eyebrows. I looked over at JaeJoong in confusion. He was just sitting there like normal, smiling into the menu. I looked back at Junsu and raised both of my eyebrows. He narrowed his and nudged his head two more times in JaeJoong’s direction.

“What?” I mouthed.

Junsu rolled his eyes and gave a small shake of his head to dismiss me. I was apparently too dumb to waste anymore energy over.

I looked over at Eunbi and found her smiling at me. To my frustration, she also nudged her head towards JaeJoong and then nudged her head slightly towards me. Her smile widened as she looked at me expectantly. I gave the same confused stare I’d given to my best friend seconds ago. She thankfully didn’t grow impatient at my denseness like Junsu had, but sat back in her chair, smiling to herself over some joke I clearly wasn’t getting.

I forgot all about their strange antics after our food arrived and I was able to dig in. My stomach was as empty as the streets on a FIFA World Cup night and I was willing to fill myself up with every grain of rice on the plate.

I heard JaeJoong laughing at me. When I looked up from the plate, he was patting the side of his mouth and chin. “Alright, alright, so I’m a messy eater,” I chuckled with food still in my mouth. JaeJoong passed me a napkin and I hid behind it.

“And hungry,” JaeJoong noted. I looked up in pleasant surprise as his chopsticks disappeared into his bowl and resurfaced with a nice chunk of meat, which he carefully placed on the side of my plate.

It looked so yummy. I was going to save it for until the very end and told JaeJoong just that.

“It’s fine; do whatever,” he smiled back.

“You’re eyeing that meat like my dog eyes his tennis ball,” Eunbi laughed.

“If I had a tail, it would be wagging,” I laughed back.

“Well, that isn’t completely inaccurate.”

My laughing petered out and I looked at Junsu in confusion.

“Ow,” Junsu mumbled, seemingly kicked under the table by Eunbi.

It’s kind of funny how one comment can sometimes cause so many reactions. Eunbi looked half embarrassed, half angry, whilst Junsu looked as disgruntled as he’d sounded when he first made the strange and slightly snide remark. I probably looked as uncertain and perplexed as I felt, and JaeJoong… Well, he just looked confused in an entirely innocent way, as if he hadn’t even been able to properly hear what Junsu had said. He looked over at me for answers but I just shrugged with a small smile. If Junsu’s connotation had been what I thought it was about, JaeJoong didn’t need to know-even if Junsu’s comment had only been directed at me.

The minute JaeJoong became distracted by a conversation with Eunbi, I took the opportunity to go one-on-one with my best friend. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Huh?”

”You seem a bit…unsettled…tonight.”

“Oh. Really? No, I’m fine.”

I nodded slowly. I didn’t believe him for a second but didn’t know how to go about getting it out of him. This conversation could become too inappropriate to have in public.

“Just think you should be careful, you know?” he muttered.

“Careful of what?”

“Being too obvious. Abusing the accepted amount of PDAs.”

“How have we been abusing public displays of affection? We’re sitting here eating with a table between us. It’s kind of hard to do any PDAs right now.” I was trying not to get angry but Junsu’s complete overreaction and indirect demands were starting to offend me.

“Actually Yunho”-Oh, I did not like his tone there-“the table makes you all the more obvious. You think coz it’s there you can hide behind it, but it moves every time you kick each other. It’s bad enough that your faces are like an open books. You’re all over each other physically and emotionally and I just don’t think it’s suitable behavior for where we are right now.”

“Junsu, we’re just having fun.” I sighed in frustration. “Kicking each other under the table when we first arrived is hardly going to disrupt the other people here.”

“No, but the leg-stroking might!”

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not blind. I could see your thigh moving. It was distracting.”

“What on earth are you talking about? My thigh is allowed to move. It’s called tapping my foot to get rid of excess energy.”

“Yeah, but you weren’t tapping your foot that often. I’ve been your best friend for how long? I’m used to your foot tapping. You weren’t foot tapping a lot of those times tonight.”

I remained silent. He was technically right. “Fine, I’ll keep my legs still.”

“Hey, don’t get all pissy. I’m just looking out for you.”

“No,” I countered. “You’re looking out for yourself because my being with JaeJoong makes you uncomfortable.” I hated saying it or loud. It hurt.

“N-No, I-”

“Junsu,” I silenced him. “I’m not stupid. I’m not as clueless as you think I am tonight. You’ve been in a bad mood ever since I got here and then you slip crude sexual connotations into our conversation.”

“I’m sorry, okay? But believe it or not, I am looking out for you. I may have known you too well for most of my life but I wasn’t the only one who noticed you two being too excessive. Keep the bedroom fun separate from a public restaurant.” I almost exploded but Junsu silenced me with a firm hand. “I’m not stupid either, Yunho. It’s kind of obvious what you’ve been doing.”

We held eye contact for a long moment. We were unable to speak, but understood each other all the same.

I broke the gaze to take a long sip of my wine and tried to calm down. Anger was overriding my embarrassment. I had hardly committed a crime by sleeping with JaeJoong, but somehow Junsu made me feel like I had reason to feel guilt or shame. It wasn’t a sin that I had slept with a man and it wasn’t my problem that Junsu had grown up expecting me to sleep with women instead. It seemed highly contradictory that he had given me his blessing when he first noticed I had a crush on JaeJoong but was suddenly taking it back now that we had become a legitimate couple. Did he think deep down that it was just a phase when I started liking JaeJoong? Had he just been humoring me? Because if he’d really meant it, he wouldn’t be biting my head off for being serious enough in my relationship to take it much further and be happy.

The table fell silent again as Eunbi and JaeJoong’s conversation ended too. I ignored the silence as I ate my food without looking up from my plate.

“I better go to the toilet. I think this wine is running right through me,” JaeJoong announced. As he passed me, my shoulder was touched and gently squeezed. I looked up at his retreating back. For some reason I almost got teary. I wasn’t sure if it was because of the hurt Junsu had inflicted or because JaeJoong had recognized my pain and had made effort to comfort me.

I think I loved him.

And Junsu would just have to deal with it.

He and I remained stubbornly sulking until Eunbi performed her magic and lifted the mood up. By then JaeJoong had sat back down and his presence within touching distance calmed me. Our dinner conversations were saved until only a baby elephant remained in the room.

Dessert came and went. JaeJooong let me taste a decent portion of his and in return I gave him some of mine. A few bitter thoughts came in my head-like whether sharing food like friends was subtle enough for Junsu-but I mostly pushed them aside. I didn’t want to be in a bad mood and ruin JaeJoong’s and Eunbi’s night.

Civil goodbyes were said outside the restaurant and then I was free to breathe easy again without worrying if I was accidentally offending anyone by gazing at my boyfriend with everything I felt.

I made small talk with JaeJoong back to the café, but mostly I was just exhausted. When silence interrupted our conversation, I had to vehemently deny that anything was wrong when he asked. I was starting to sound and feel like a parrot, repeating myself over and over.

“Hey, I was thinking…” He stopped in his tracks before starting to walk backwards in front of me on the mostly empty sidewalk. “Would it be okay if we didn’t go straight back to the café right now?”

“Err…sure. Whatever you want.”

“Then…do you want to go to the beach or something?”

“Don’t you kind of detest the beach?”

”I hate the water part but the sand part is okay.” I raised an eyebrow at him but was too tired to question his typically strange train of thoughts. “I’m serious,” he said. “I’ve heard that it’s nice at night and a good place to talk.”

That made me smile. He had tried to say that last part so nonchalantly but was somehow still incredibly obvious. Maybe it was just because I knew him too well these days.

“Sure. Like I said, whatever you want,” I played along.

“Great. Let’s go before it gets too late.” He intertwined our fingers again and led me along the pathway that forked just past Café JaDe.

There was no one else on the beach when we got there-or at least none that we could see in the absence of streetlights. JaeJoong chose to sit down over a space of sand that slanted up into a hill behind us, conveniently far from the noisy waves crashing in front of us. He didn’t seem to be as comfortable as he tried to make out as he sat with his knees in front of him, but I figured that he must have had a good reason to force himself to stay here with me for an undetermined period of time. If it was just to talk to me we could have gone to many other places that didn’t actually scare him.

“What’s up, Mr. Kim?” I smiled.

His mouth twisted in thought but he took a moment to actually speak. “Okay, well, I know you’ve been saying there is nothing wrong, but you’re lying.”

“Wow, why don’t you tell me what you really think, huh?” I laughed. “It’s a joke,” I went on to explain when he looked perplexed. “You were already so blunt when others would beat around the bush more so… Nah, don’t worry.”

“No, I get it now. The sarcasm.”

“Yes. Sorry. Continue,” I chuckled.

“But you are lying and I’m not good at dealing with these things so I guess I lack tact. But I don’t want to pretend that I believe you because that’s not going to solve anything.”

“Honestly, Joongie, I’m doing okay. I just need a good night’s sleep and I’ll get over it.”

“Maybe. I mean, I’m not going to push you to talk about it because I know you’d feel uncomfortable since it’s probably about me…”

“JaeJoong-”

“No, it’s fine, Yunho. I’m not stupid.” What was with that phrase tonight? “I just don’t want to be the reason you and your best friend are fighting. I tend to make a lot of people feel uncomfortable so I’m used to it, but I don’t want you to worry about it.”

“Joongie…” I sighed. “That’s not it. Believe it or not but I’m the one Junsu has a bee in his bonnet about. You’re fine. You’ve done nothing wrong as always.” I reached over to pinch his cheek.

“But I can’t see how you’d have done anything either. He was fine when we were hiking and you haven’t done anything between then and now…”

Only one very big thing, Sweetie, I almost chuckled out loud. Only made love to you and kissed and touched you everywhere. And was somehow really obvious about it when I finally made it to dinner. But I don’t want to tell you that because you’re self-conscious enough without knowing Junsu and Eunbi figured out early on that we had probably had sex after our hike.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is…” JaeJoong continued on, his voice barely heard above the waves, “to me, you are pretty perfect. Well, no one is perfect, but to me you are pretty close and you seemed hurt by whatever Junsu was saying to you and I really don’t want you to feel hurt about anything when you’re such a good person to me.”

The waves crashed loudly against the shore, trying to get our attention, but we ignored them, our eyes locked with each other in a way almost impossible to break.

He could be so socially awkward sometimes but with me he somehow always knew what to say to me to make everything feel better. There was no way I could possibly ever thank him properly for the gift he had just given me-maybe eternal gratitude would do it, but that didn’t come in words; that came in emotions and actions.

My legs uncrossed and took me to him. I held his head gently in both hands and touched my forehead to his. “And I won’t stand anyone hurting you either. I couldn’t stop it in the past because I didn’t know you then, but I’m here now for you, okay?”

“Okay,” he whispered near my mouth, his soft breath warming up my lips.

A few pecks led to a kiss so deep I ended up on top of him on the sand. My hands were probably leaving trails of sand throughout his long and thick hair but he didn’t seem concerned at all and even pulled my lower back down so he could hold me closer. His hands disappeared under my shirt and travelled up to my shoulder blades. The movement half brought my shirt and jacket up with him. The sea breeze felt good against my newly exposed skin and contrasted pleasantly with the caresses his warm hands left all over my back.

We parted for air but I needed more than just oxygen. Nudging JaeJoong’s jaw to the side gently with my own, I let him breathe in the salty air as I pressed my lips along his jaw line and travelled up to his ear until my nose was buried in his soft hair.

The tiniest noise escaped past his lips when I began to kiss his neck and I almost nipped at his skin hard enough to leave a mark, but thought better of it. I had no idea how JaeJoong felt about those kinds of things yet and didn’t want to risk his displeasure.

I took time to rest my head on his shoulder and let his warmth seep into me. As I lay feeling like I fit perfectly under his chin, his hands gently played with my hair and massaged my scalp.

“Mmm,” I slowly breathed out, willing myself not to nap on him.

“As nice as this is, Yun, I think I’m starting to cramp.”

“Oh! Sorry, sweetie,” I chuckled and then lifted my heavy weight off him.

I lay down on the sand on my back and JaeJoong sat up to stretch. “Hey, Yunnie?”

“Mm?”

“If I don’t get this out now I’ll probably just lose my nerve so I’m just going to go ahead and say it.”

I propped myself up onto my elbows to look at him better. In the darkness it was still hard to make out his exact expressions but it at least felt like I was trying.

“The fact that you took a chance on me and never really gave up means so much to me. And I really am trying to be a better person for you and for me. I don’t ever want you to feel like your efforts and patience and guidance were just wasted on me. I want to try even harder to be more like you. You’re so strong and practically invincible, and when I’m with you, I start to get this strange confidence that I can achieve anything too. But there’s still something I’m terrible at and I want to fix it. But the thing is, I don’t feel confident enough trying it on my own… As pathetic as it sounds, I’d really like for you to be there with me.”

I smiled and rubbed his thigh. “Of course I’d support you. I’d be happy to. As long as you get something through that head first.”

“Huh?”

“I’m not invincible!” I sat up properly and gave a little push to his shoulder in protest, enough to make him tip sideways from the impact. I let out a laugh. “Honestly. You’re so silly sometimes. I’m chuffed that you think of me as strong and all that but…” I shook my head in amusement. “Hey, how many scars have you seen on me? Invincible, eh?”

His hands reached out in the dark to find my forehead and his fingers brushed lightly across it with affection. “There are many of those but they’re just like dinks on a coat of armor.”

“Now they may seem like that, but they didn’t look or feel like harmless dinks when the stitches were there.”

“But that kind of injury didn’t happen that often. Most of the time you could fall off a rock and then just roll and get straight back up with only a few bruises. And emotionally you’re the same. You seem to have so many friends who depend on you.”

“What do you call tonight then?” I gave a sad smile.

“Tonight… Although I’m not entirely sure what happened, you got hurt a little when you fell off another rock with Junsu, but you’re already in the process of rolling to avoid some of the impact. But…you just got a tiny bit dizzy on the way down and therefore need a little rest before you get back up.”

“Dizzy?” I grinned.

“You had to roll after a few glasses of wine, no?”

Laughter surged through me and I threw my head back to let it out. In the process, I let gravity pull me onto the sand and continued to laugh on my back. JaeJoong just sat watching me with a smile. If only he knew how funny he was when his one-of-a-kind logic came out in that nonchalant voice. That deserved a big kiss.

“Come here, you.” I grabbed onto his forearm and pulled until he cooperated and knelt half lying over me. I cupped the back of his head and gently lowered it so that my lips could touch his.

I felt at peace as I kissed him and pressed all of my love and adoration for the man against his lips. “You are one-of-a-kind, Kim JaeJoong,” I whispered against his lower lip. “You are so special in all of the right ways and I must be doing something right in my life to get your admiration and affection.”

He didn’t have a chance to answer-and was probably too shy to do so anyway, knowing him-as I slipped my tongue back against his and tasted his love.

The side of my thigh started to vibrate and JaeJoong slowly slipped away from me. The vibration stopped as the long text finished arriving and I sighed out loud. A text was hardly worth stopping anything for, but JaeJoong was JaeJoong. He still shrunk away sometimes when someone else was trying to get my attention, as if he was only second best.

I pulled the dark phone from my jacket pocket and felt it vibrate again against my palm. It was another long text.

Slightly curious now, I opened the message up, half squinting at the sudden bright light shining down onto my face. Both texts were from Eunbi.

Hey Yunho. Junsu told me what
happened at dinner and I’m really
sorry! I’m not trying to make any
excuses for him but I really think
he means well. Our Junsu is really
sensitive & insecure but I think
he’s a little mentally immature and
unable to deal with his feelings in
a more appropriate way.
My eyebrows furrowed at that suggestion as I opened up the second text.

You mean a lot to him and I don’t
think he was 100% mentally
prepared to deal with the thought
of you being completely attached to
another man who isn’t him. Before
I came along, and even then, you
guys were attached at the hip.
That’s a lot of bromance! But don’t
worry, I’ll sort him out over here!
You just concentrate on spending
quality time with JaeJoong-oppa.
Please give him a hug from me.
He’s too cute. =D
I felt myself relax and I re-read her words. I guess I could sort of understand her point. I had gone through something similar the day I realized Junsu was sexually active with Eunbi. Junsu and I… Sometimes it could be scary how emotionally attached we were to each other-although never in anything but a platonic way. We had known each other for too long and apparently we both had trouble sharing each other with other people. Maybe we really were a bit emotionally stupid.

I let out a small chuckle and quickly typed a short reply of thanks.

If Eunbi was right-and she usually was-Junsu was just struggling to get used to all the changes in our lives like I had. He would have probably reacted in the same way to any girl I was serious about. I may have overreacted a tiny bit tonight… Did that make him and me the dumb and dumber duo?

I smiled to myself again as I relocked my phone and slipped it back into my pocket.

“All good?” I heard JaeJoong ask. He was now sitting cross-legged to my right and was studying me patiently. Boy, under that gaze, I felt stupid for making a mountain out of a molehill in front of him.

I pulled myself up into a crouch and then pushed off the sand with my bare toes. I did a forward roll past JaeJoong and jumped up until I was standing victoriously a few feet away.

“Woah…” I heard JaeJoong exclaim, probably thinking I had temporarily become a crazy person.

“I rolled and got back up again.” I grinned and then opened my arms, waiting for him to get up and get close enough for a hug. And hug him I did, lifting him off the ground a little whilst I was at it.

“I’m really glad you’re feeling better.”

I closed my eyes and held him tighter. “I’m glad you’re here with me when I’m feeling better.” I gave a quick kiss to his neck and then untangled myself enough to still be hugging his shoulders but also be able to look directly at his face. “Now, I’m not gonna get sidetracked any further. What did you need help with?”

///TBC///

A/N: Lol Yunho, trying to distract JaeJoong from your fail? XD

Anyways, since this is a double update today, you can go straight to part B here. ^___^