The Beacon; My Siren - Chap 17
Title: The Beacon; My Siren
Author: wild_terrain (ie. fi_chan)
Banner (Made beautifully by love_cassiopeia):
Chapter: [17 / ?]
Rating: MA15+
Genre: AU [FLANGST, mystery, spirituality, romance]
Summary: Philophobia… The fear of falling in love or being in love. I didn’t know such a thing existed until I met him… Kim JaeJoong was my age-a youthful 25 years-and the owner of a popular café, yet he was already known around town as the mysterious hermit who had chosen to completely withdraw from the world. How on earth could someone so young be afraid of loving others to the point of secluding themselves from all human beings? What was he afraid of? What was he hiding? I just didn’t understand it. And by that stage, the need to understand it was all I could think about... In fact, he was all I could think about…
Jung Yunho… For all of my life I had grown up away from the limelight. I couldn’t stand being noticed by anybody, and for a long time I thankfully never was. But then you came and suddenly you were everywhere - waving to me as I swept the café after closing, saying hello to me as you cycled past the bench I was sitting on, helping me carry my groceries inside whilst talking non-stop to me as if we were actually friends… Why are you always around making my heart thump erratically? Why do you even care? The more you try to explore this town, the more I need to step up and protect you from your own curiosity, because I know It is out there and I know It wants to harm you…
Trailer: CLICK TO WATCH~~
A/N: Okay, okay, phew, it's here! It's unbeta-ed though, coz I wanted to get this up ASAP since I am way behind in my posting schedule. Anyhoos, to refresh our memories, Yun just told Jae that he dreamt about someone called Jayden etc.
I couldn’t take my eyes off Yunho as the sickening feeling of fear mixed with dread bubbled inside my stomach. The beginnings of anxiety seemed to peek through Yunho’s expression as well, most likely a direct response from the tension he was sensing from me.
I couldn’t even begin to accept the words that had just come out of Yunho’s mouth. Maybe I was overreacting to something minor and coincidental, but the deepening feeling of dread within me suggested otherwise.
“What do you mean you dreamt it?” I cautiously asked.
“Just that - I dreamt it. Actually, I have been dreaming it more than once,” he confessed. “Different things happen, but in every dream a boy-I think your brother-tells me to help a Jayden. ‘Help Jayden’ he always tells me and…then he points at you.”
“That just…doesn’t make sense,” I insisted, the words lying heavy over my tongue, needing to be pushed out with force.
“Why doesn’t it make sense? A boy who matches the description of your brother has been stalking me in my dreams. I’d never seen that kid before so why would my imagination conjure him up out of nowhere? He is half-Western, has piercing blue eyes and wavy brown hair, around five or six years old. What’s more, he kept saying ‘Jayden’, which just happens to be your English name. If it was just a coincidence in my brain then why did I keep dreaming of two elements that match you and have nothing at all to do with me?” he huffed out. He was looking less anxious now, his worry replaced by a jubilant, excited expression.
“These dreams have been driving me crazy, JaeJoong! They really have. I kept wondering and wondering why a young kid obsessed with a Jayden would revisit me practically every time I closed my eyes, but now it is finally making sense to me!”
“It’s still not making sense to me,” I spat out, my angry words causing Yunho’s glee to shrivel back up again. “Why would my dead brother come to you talking about me? You have nothing to do with him, nothing. It’s ridiculous! And as far as all that ‘help Jayden’ crap goes, that makes even less sense. I don’t need help. I’m perfectly fine.”
“Maybe, but-”
“-But nothing! How can you not see the utter absurdity of what you are telling me? My brother is dead. Damien is dead and he’s never met you. If some weird spirit is out there sensing danger I’d be in then he’d be talking directly to me, not you. You have nothing to do with anything!”
As I sought to catch my breath from the string of bitter words that had been spat out of my moth, Yunho’s gaze cooled down my fire. He wasn’t angry at my attack - at least I didn’t think his was; rather, he was sad. He looked so hurt that for a second I couldn’t believe any monster had the gall to hurt him like that. I had hurt him like that. I needed to apologize-and quickly-but no words would come out.
“I see,” he eventually said, turning away from me to get off the bed.
I watched with remorse as he walked across the room, bent to pick up his boots and then slowly walked down the stairs barefoot. He was gone from view and the strong sense of victory and satisfaction that I felt at his absence frightened me. I’d hurt him terribly but I was glad? What awful monster was I?
No… I wasn’t a monster; I was a protector. Sometimes I had to do anything to get the message across, even if that involved me hurting someone. If I had to hurt someone, mentally or physically, I would do it. The ends justified the means.
I had thought that Yunho was safe, but I’d been terribly wrong. He was prey.
Throwing my sketchbook down, I jumped from the bed as well and glared across the room, trying to burn a hole through the dark window with my fiery gaze.
Very funny, you.
I slowly made my way forwards across the room one step at a time.
I bet you think you’re funny, don’t you? Playing with his mind like that.
I pushed aside a chair that had been left out from the small dinner table and kept walking, my fists clenched.
The one person I foolishly let myself get close to, let myself kiss, let myself be happy with… And all along you were just playing around with him behind my back. I thought things were okay finally, but no, there you were secretly fucking them up!
I reached the large window and flung the curtain aside the whole way, almost ripping the material from their holders until the whole window was exposed.
“Leave…him…alone,” I growled, trying to keep my breathing under control from all the rage that was constricting my chest. “Stop fucking with his mind and LEAVE HIM ALONE!”
My vision shattered and pain swept over my arm until it felt like it was on fire. I looked away from the broken window onto my bleeding arm, the rivers of red pouring down my skin from my knuckles to my elbow.
I had wanted so badly to hurt that curse, that evil thing out there, but instead I had only injured myself. Typical. It was probably laughing even louder at me right now, clutching its side and roaring. Well fuck it! I could handle blood and I could handle Yunho. Yunho wasn’t lost, I still had him safely with me and I’d make damn sure it stayed that way.
I was so sick of It trying to play with me until all I could feel was fear and misery. Preying on my Yunho was the last straw! I wouldn’t sit back any longer letting It ruin my life and other people’s lives. Too long had I attempted limited damage control against Its power, spreading rumors with the help of Yoochun to ward off visitors to that island, and isolating myself in the hopes that It would only play around with me and no new victim.
First and foremost, though, I needed to protect Yunho now that It had successfully lured him into Its sick game. When he came back I’d keep trying to convince him that his dreams meant nothing until he stopped having them altogether. I’d have to go about it more calmly, though, so that Yunho would understand everything better.
Right now Yunho believed that Damien had been coming to him in his dreams like some grand prophet, baring an important message to help me… God, I had thought I had heard him mumbling out my English name in his sleep the other day, but I had managed to convince myself that I’d heard it all wrong - there had been no reason for Yunho to be calling out that name! Guess I’d been too hopeful…
I didn’t quite understand it myself-I’d have to find out just what Yunho had been dreaming-but one thing was still very clear to me - this was a very bad sign. Yunho was probably right when he said he’d felt the dreams had been significant rather than something concocted from his imagination at random, but unlike his belief those dreams were not angelic in nature at all.
The sooner he saw the truth, the better.
A cold breeze made me shiver and I glanced up at the shattered window again. There was a great big hole where my fist had gone through it that would be hard to cover up tonight. Maybe punching through my window hadn’t been the smartest of reactions…
With a long sigh, I moved away from the cold breeze and turned my bathroom light on. I really needed to clean my arm up. I had been so caught up in my outrage before that the excruciating pain from my cut up arm hadn’t completely registered. Now it was, though, and the pain was so strong I was worried I was going to pass out.
Sitting down on the toilet lid, I tried to take in deep breaths and stick my head in-between my knees to ease some of the nausea. How was I going to clean myself up when I could barely stop my dizziness and nausea?
There were patches of blood all over my floor and it looked awful. The pain was awful too. The loneliness, even more so.
I wanted my Yunho here…
I wanted my Yunho…
I thought it had been a good idea to tell JaeJoong about the stressful reoccurring dreams that I’d been having since my last visit. I’d thought wrong. JaeJoong’s severe reaction to my explanation was still making me nervous. Like I wasn’t already nervous enough having bizarre dreams that just would not leave me alone!
I had been so relieved to finally make some sense of them, but now I was more concerned than ever. JaeJoong was clearly freaked out - either that or just crazy pissed at my assumption that I was so wonderful I had some sort of power to help him out. He had made it quite clear, though, that he didn’t want me interfering with his life regardless of the matching characters in my dreams. He had been really mad… It felt awful hearing him talk to me like that.
After he had shouted at me, I’d had to leave the café for some fresh air. Apart from wanting to leave JaeJoong alone to simmer over his anger by himself, I’d needed to recover from our argument, myself.
A walk along the silent, dark beach seemed to comfort my battered soul, as well as allow me to confront my latest dream with a conscious mind. I stood by the water’s edge with my boots off and gazed out to the horizon.
“Jayden doesn’t want my help…” I told the crashing waves. “In fact, Jayden thinks I’m crazy and is currently mad as hell at me. You got your message across and he has rejected it. Will you leave me alone now and let me sleep in peace?”
Okay, now I just felt stupid. I was talking to the ocean. Maybe I really was just a big bag of ridiculousness.
The beach seemed to agree - there was a cold breeze continually chilling my skin until goosebumps started popping up everywhere. It clearly didn’t want to have to put up with my sulking either. We had picked one hell of a bad night to fight. The conditions outside were nowhere near sufficient for hiding away outdoors for a long period of time. I’d have to go back.
I realized as I trudged back up the sand with my boots in hand that I was tired. Mentally exhausted. I hadn’t done that much exercise today compared to my past routines, but right now I felt like I needed to sleep for hours. This town was too exhausting.
Thank god I had to return home tomorrow anyway. I’d booked an early train so that I’d have plenty of time to unwind at home and prepare myself for three consecutive days of dealing with children at their school camp. I had a feeling that I’d be sleeping the whole way back in the train. Hopefully that sleep would not involve those awful dreams sneaking into my head, though. I think I had finally had enough of those. One more reoccurring dream and I’d have to book myself into a psychologist!
I felt even more exhausted walking back through the café. If JaeJoong was still angry with me I didn’t think I’d have the energy to deal with it. I definitely didn’t think I’d be able to handle more scathing words from him. If it was just the sudden onslaught of anger that had provoked him to insinuate that he didn’t trust me enough nor care for me enough to let me deeper into his life, I’d be able to handle it, but if deep down he really felt that way about me I didn’t want to find out about it tonight.
His living quarters were quiet when I ascended up the stairs. The only sound I could make out was distant running water. The lights were still on as well, spilling over the staircase like a golden path. I took that as a good sign that JaeJoong hadn’t just gone to bed in a rage, switching the lights off to warn me that he didn’t want to talk any further with me.
The first thing I noticed as I reached the top step were the shards of glass scattered across the floor like an icy river. After a blink, the drop of red swam into my vision as well, and I was frozen to the spot. Normally I would have snapped right into action, but the thick confusion weighed down my limbs and stalled my thinking pattern. Glass and blood didn’t belong in this room. This wasn’t some dodgy alleyway with graffiti and broken glass bottles dominating the landscape, this was a civilized room where a very quiet, neat man resided.
It was like I was dreaming again, seeing strange images that made no sense and didn’t belong anywhere near where I stood. Had I fallen asleep before I’d gotten back to JaeJoong’s flat? Was I sleepwalking into Damien’s world again despite all of my unwillingness?
Crying… Someone was crying…
Snapping out of blurry reverie, I bolted across the room, following the splashes of blood until I passed through the bathroom doorway, leaving a nightmare behind but entering into hell.
“JaeJoong!” I yelled, almost slipping over a nearby patch of blood in my hurry to get to him.
He was kneeling beside the bathtub, his right arm under the running water. The water started off clear as it left the tap, but as soon as it touched JaeJoong’s arm it was transformed into a horrid shade of crimson. Part of the drain was stained red. I did not like that one bit.
When I’d rushed into the bathroom, his shoulders had been shaking from his sobs, but at the sound of my frantic yell they paused, his head turning to gaze at me with watery eyes. “Yunho?”
“JaeJoong, what happened? Are you alright?” I demanded, crouching down beside him and staring at his bleeding arm.
“I cut my arm when I broke the window.”
“Broke the window?” Images of a glass shard river flashed into my memory. My stomach clenched. “Why did you break the window?”
”I can’t explain it. The only way other people would understand it would be if I said I got lost in my emotion.”
“Jesus Christ!” I cried out, not so much at his explanation, but in pure bewilderment over the whole situation I had walked in on tonight.
“I’m sorry!”
“Why are you apologizing to me for?” I sighed, leaning over to kiss the side of his head. “Let me look at you. I need to assess the damage.”
JaeJoong obediently let me touch his arm and gently turn it until all the cuts were visible. Apart from some light scrapes there were at least four gashes running horizontal up his arm from his fingers to his elbow. They all looked painful, but there were two in particular that looked like his skin had been sliced through rather deeply. No wonder the bathtub had been stained red! I was surprised the poor guy was even still conscious.
“JaeJoongie, you’re going to need stitches,” I sighed out, squeezing his shoulder in sympathy. “And it’s gonna leave a scar. I’ve been a bad influence on you.”
He smiled weakly at my teasing, leaning his head against my shoulder for support after I carefully wrapped a towel around his arm.
“The last time I had to patch you up in here, it was just a few scratches on your hand. This is one hell of a mofo wound in comparison. I can’t fix this up by myself. Neither of us have a car though, so…”
“No,” he groaned, closing his eyes.
“Oh yes. Eiiiii orrrr eiiii orrrr.”
“No,” he repeated.
“You have to, JaeJoong. This is a bad wound you’ve got here.”
“No ambulances! I don’t want to draw attention to myself!”
“Should have thought about that before you used your arm to break a hole through your window, shouldn’t’ve you?”
“Yunho, no! Please!” he begged loudly as I brought out my cellphone.
“JaeJoongie, it’ll be okay.”
“No! I want to stay here. I want to talk with you…”
“JaeJoong, you’ll bleed to death. We’re already wasting time. I need to ring for help. You can still talk to me, I’m not going anywhere,” I promised firmly, already punching in the number for emergency assistance.
“Liar!” he screamed, pushing my phone roughly until it slipped from my fingers and clattered onto the tiles. “I know how these things work! They won’t be able to help me until tomorrow. I’ll have to sit in some disgusting room by myself all night until visiting hours commence in the morning. You won’t even be there at that time anyway, because you’re going home tomorrow! I hate hospitals! I hate the smell in them, I hate the architecture, I hate the staff, and I really hate the wait that just leads to nothing in the end!”
I stared at him in aghast, my fingers still curled over an invisible cellphone. “Of course I’d be there. I’ll catch the lunchtime train home instead… And the wait won’t be so bad…”
“I want to stay with you tonight. You’re leaving tomorrow and I want to be with you.”
He was staring up at me so intensely I knew at that moment that I’d have to let him get his way. Besides, I couldn’t deny that everything he was saying was true; I knew I wouldn’t be allowed to stay with him at the hospital. Was it really safe to stand down and let him get his way, though?
“Does it hurt?” I wearily asked.
“Yes. But it doesn’t matter, I can handle it.”
I sighed again, glancing down at my knees. “I’ll bandage you up as best I can tonight then. That ought to work for you until morning. Thank god I always keep first aid equipment with me in my backpack. As soon as we are finished here, you must lie down carefully on your bed. I’ll get you some medicine and clean up this mess.”
“Thank you.”
I grunted, standing up to my full height and giving his shoulder another comforting squeeze in spite of myself.
“Sorry about tonight,” JaeJoong whispered to me later that night, our bodies cuddled up close to one another in the darkness. “But I am serious. Don’t pay any attention to those dreams.”
“It’s kind of hard not to, JaeJoongie.”
“I know, but you have to. They’re not important and they are stressing you out for no reason.”
“What if there is a reason, though? Why would I be dreaming them at all if there wasn’t a reason for it?”
He fell silent for a long time. I presumed that meant that for the time being I had won the argument. My presumption was proved wrong, though. “Yunho…” he finally whispered.
“Mm?”
“Are you going to come back?”
“What do you mean?”
“Here. Are you going to come back here again?”
“Of course,” I smiled, holding him closer, my hand hugging his waist, careful to avoid touching his bandaged arm. “Next weekend I’ll be back waiting outside your door. If you’ll let me stay here again for a few days, of course.”
“This flat is pretty small but I want you to feel welcome here whenever you need it.”
I smiled wider, searching for his lips in the darkness. He kissed me back for a pleasant period of time, before gently pushing me from him. I felt myself pouting at the loss of his silky lips.
“If that is the case…” he murmured, his breath warming up my cheek. “If you do come back here… I’ll…” I frowned as I listened to him struggling to get the sentence out. “I’ll tell you something I think you need to know about why Damien died… Maybe then you’ll finally be able to see why you should ignore those dreams about him and not let them be a significant factor in your thoughts…”
Why Damien died? It had been an accident; JaeJoong had told me that himself. Unless he had been lying before…
Had he really lied to me? I felt my chest growing heavier at the very thought.
///TBC///
A/N: LOL and the plot thickens. Sort of a sucky chapter, I know, but I kind of needed to happen to advance parts of the story. ^^;;
Okay, I am tired as heck. No real reason, I just overslept like heck and now can't function. Tricky body, very tricky.... *pouts*
Btw, holy moly, I never expected people to like last chapter as much as they did! I was pleasantly surprised by all the feedback. I'll try to my best to reply to the comments tomorrow! I'll be feeling guilty for the rest of the week if I don't. ^^;; *hugs you guys*