The Beacon; My Siren - Chap 8
Title: The Beacon; My Siren
Author: wild_terrain (ie.
fi_chan )
Special Banner (Made beautifully by:
love_cassiopeia )
Chapter: [08 / ?]
Rating: MA15+
Genre: AU [FLANGST, mystery, spirituality, romance]
Summary:
Philophobia… The fear of falling in love or being in love. I didn’t know such a thing existed until I met him… Kim JaeJoong was my age-a youthful 25 years-and the owner of a popular café, yet he was already known around town as the mysterious hermit who had chosen to completely withdraw from the world. How on earth could someone so young be afraid of loving others to the point of secluding themselves from all human beings? What was he afraid of? What was he hiding? I just didn’t understand it. And by that stage, the need to understand it was all I could think about... In fact, he was all I could think about…
Jung Yunho… For all of my life I had grown up away from the limelight. I couldn’t stand being noticed by anybody, and for a long time I thankfully never was. But then you came and suddenly you were everywhere - waving to me as I swept the café after closing, saying hello to me as you cycled past the bench I was sitting on, helping me carry my groceries inside whilst talking non-stop to me as if we were actually friends… Why are you always around making my heart thump erratically? Why do you even care? The more you try to explore this town, the more I need to step up and protect you from your own curiosity, because I know It is out there and I know It wants to harm you…
Trailer: CLICK TO WATCH~~
BETA = moon1084 <3
A/N: Time for Jae's POV! Whoo whoo! From now on I hope you'll find things are getting more interesting. ^_~ *rubs hands together*
“Jay!”
A child’s voice.
“Jayyyyyyden!”
Sorrow. Loneliness. Pain. I could feel it all.
“I love you, Jay.”
Longing. Regret. Frustration. Please don’t tell me that now.
“Look at this, Jay! We’ve found treasure!”
The sound of a child’s delighted laugh filled my ears. But I wanted to cry.
A tremendous amount of pain burst out from the top of my scalp, sending smaller ripples of hurt around the rest of my head as it smashed against the headboard of my bed. The harsh impact flung me back into consciousness, the throbbing of my tender skull wrenching my eyes open from the dream.
Sitting up begrudgingly to massage my aching head, I glanced at my alarm clock and sighed loudly when I saw how early it was. 5am. The sun hadn’t even risen.
Glancing out the dark window directly in front of my bed (very bad feng shui, I know) I tried to make out the lumps of islands in front of me and failed. It was still too dark outside, as dark as the insides of my head where the child’s laughter still echoed.
Jayden… I couldn’t remember the last time someone had called me that. It could possibly have been Papa before he went into the garden and never returned.
The delicate ring of syllables of that name echoing inside of my head was torturous. I could hear the voices clearly, but remembering the visuals…that was getting harder and harder each day. Papa’s face was already a blur. But then again, I didn’t know if I even cared enough to remember their faces.
Maybe Damien’s, but no one else’s.
No, that wasn’t true. I did care. I didn’t want to ever forget any of their faces. It was such a shame that the more I tried to remember their faces, the more blurred they would become. If I wanted to remember their faces, I would have to put the paintbrush down and step away from the blank canvas propped up inside of my mind.
Rolling my spine outwards until I was sitting on top of the mattress in a tight ball, I clung onto my bent knees and hugged myself. I couldn’t afford to think about them today. They weren’t going to come back, and no amount of wishing that I had the power to erase the past was going to change that. What had happened at that island was set into stone already. I had to stop torturing myself by focusing on the what ifs. Instead, I should concentrate on the here and now - this place was my home now. My refuge. I was safe here. I shouldn’t let myself get so easily intimidated by those dreams.
Unable to move from where I sat, I waited patiently for the sun to rise. Its glowing yellow presence slowly floated up from the ocean’s horizon, causing lines of sparkles to shoot out across the water. Everything looked bright and calm. Well, everything but the shapes of two islands towards the side, that are still cowering in darkness. How it made my blood curl.
There was no point napping now that the sun had gotten up out of its bed. I’d have to bathe myself and then open up the café doors downstairs for the chefs and waiters to come in and start working. Soon there would be a lively buzz rumbling from below these floorboards of early risers chattering amongst themselves, whilst I was left here in this isolation, just barely out of reach from the happy townspeople that chose to eat at my café.
I had done most of the week’s paperwork already and the financial matters were already being taken care of by the rest of my staff. I had the option to stay up here and continue lying in bed, go downstairs and help the chefs with meal preparation, or I could go to the park again. But Yunho wouldn’t be there today - he was too determined to go on his hiking trip.
God, the hiking trip…
I didn’t know all that much about hiking but from what I had heard here and there over the years, most hikers seemed to prefer starting their trek nice and early before the sun beat too fiercely against their backs. Not many people hiked in this town, too caught up in the surrounding beaches. I had absolutely no idea how safe it was to hike around here, but from what I had seen there were so many large rocks and steep cliffs that were cleverly concealed from view by the mass of spindly trees and scrub bushes. A foot in the wrong patch of ground could be disastrous! I didn’t care how much Yunho had insisted he was experienced in hiking, he certainly wasn’t experienced in these particular lands! Besides, accidents happened to even the most experienced! I heard so many stories of that happening…
If something happened to Yunho, his sister would be devastated. She’d never be able to say goodbye to him… Never be able to take a hold of his hand again… All that would be left of him would be his blood marring the ground and sinking into the dirt and twigs. I didn’t want her to experience the pain of losing someone to a wretched accident. It would be too awful!
Besides, I’d be left cradling my guilt for not taking the time to properly warn him about the dangers of these areas. I had managed to convince him to forget about exploring that island, but I couldn’t convince him to just stay put and avoid looking elsewhere… I wouldn’t even bother; I knew his type, unable to sit still for even a minute - his legs probably already twitched from the left over jolts of energy surging around his body without a means of being released. People with too much energy and pigheaded determination could never be swayed to live a peaceful life.
Just like Damien…
With a sharp grunt I pushed myself off the bed and plodded onto the tiles of the tiny bathroom that sat beside the giant window overlooking my bed. As I stripped down and turned the taps around a couple of times I couldn’t help but wonder if Yunho had gotten up yet for his hiking trip. Maybe he was somewhere in town scrubbing himself down inside of the shower as well…
Yunho…Such a strange man. He’d come to this town with his best friend and sister on holidays, and yet insisted on trying out my company and struck up conversations with me whenever he saw me. His conversations never really had much point either… Just strings of strange thoughts rolled into one, his brain unable to keep up with his mouth. He really did have so much pent up energy within his body constantly trying to burst out at any given opportunity… He couldn’t just talk - he had to sweep and talk, or eat and talk, or kick around a ball and talk. Just like Damien…
Not to mention, his eyes always crinkled upwards when he smiled, he always hid his face when he was embarrassed, and he could never properly control his laughter - just like Damien. Maybe that was why I found myself strangely compelled to avoid pushing away his eager presence like I had done to everyone else whilst growing up. I really had no way of explaining it, but whenever Yunho came up to me to talk I felt comfortable around him. Sometimes I didn’t know how to react to him, it was true, but I never felt like I had to guard myself as much.
After Gran died I hadn’t been able to feel warmth in someone else’s presence. I never thought I would again until Yunho burst through my café every day, bringing an unnamed emotion with him. As sweet and nice as Yoochun was, there had still been something within me trying to build up a steady barrier against him. He was my ears and my voice in this town, and I was extremely grateful to him for both accepting such a role and being a cheerful, hospitable presence for my customers. However, beyond that I found it a little difficult to spend time with him normally. Becoming friends with people… Opening up to people… Letting down your guard with people… Growing attached to people… It just wasn’t something I could do. Loving people was something I couldn’t do. Not anymore, at least.
Allowing yourself to accept the warmth that other people offered up to you never ended well. There was always pain hidden deep within that warm offering, invisible to the blind eye but lurking none-the-less in wait of the day when it can spring out at you and bring tears to your eyes. It was far better to be alone than to have to witness over and over again the people around you are hurting because you just couldn’t offer up a hug or a smile or an ‘I love you’ when they needed it the most. When all you did was hurt the people who got too close, how could you possibly ever consider getting involved with the community surrounding you? Solitude was the key to everything. The less interaction between people, the less chance there would be for them to misinterpret your inability to love.
I had barely even opened up the door to the kitchens downstairs when a loud greeting was flung at me. “JaeJoong-hyung! Good morning!”
“Good morning, Yoochun,” I nodded back, buttoning up my chef’s uniform.
“Doing a bit of work in the kitchens today then?” the grinning waiter inquired, glancing at the white uniform I donned.
“Yes.”
“And if I overhear any conversations regarding that island do you still want me to inform you immediately?”
I nodded slowly, watching Yoochun give me a quick salute before scampering off to tend to the bundle of customers that had just entered the café.
I really hoped that today would be free of any unwanted murmurings. After the dream I had woken up to this morning I was certainly not in the mood to have to deal with any more curiosity popping up about that damn island.
When Yoochun had first come to me a few days ago to inform me about Yunho’s persistent inquiries into the rumors surrounding that island, I hadn’t been all that surprised. In fact, I had been expecting it to come up eventually. After all, Yunho really seemed to share Damien’s attitude towards adventure - or at least, what I could remember of Damien’s attitude. Yet, despite expecting his inquisitiveness to eventually flare up as the whirlwind of rumors blew the flame of his curiosity into a roaring fire, I couldn’t deny that it still startled me how soon he had become interested in that island. I had tried to step on his fire before his curiosity grew out of hand, and he seemed to be content enough to substitute his desire to explore that particular island with different activities around town, but even so I knew I’d have to keep an eye out on him.
For now he was distracted enough with the alternate suggestions I had made, not to mention his hiking trip, but once those activities had been completed I shuddered to think how I’d be able to distract his mind away from craving the feel of that island’s soil beneath his boots. I hadn’t even wanted him to go on that hiking trip in the first place, the land being dangerous enough, but if I had to choose between him hiking in the forest areas or wandering around that island, I would gladly keep my mouth shut and let him enjoy his hiking trip. A filled mind was a happy mind…
God dammit, that guy was slowly driving me to insanity! I’d never had to worry so much before about a tourist’s eagerness to explore the islands! I’d been able to slack off a bit lately, with mostly elderly tourists coming into town in the off-peak holiday season, but Yunho was really going to keep me on my toes. Until the very day of his departure I’d have to make sure he didn’t get too carried away by his desire to explore. He was a good guy and he was a good brother to HyunAe, so I wanted to protect him even if it meant I’d lose a bit of sleep getting the task done.
“Ah! JaeJoong-hyung!” I looked up from the oven at the smiling waiter as he pushed through the kitchen door. “I’ve got an order!”
I accepted the piece of paper Yoochun had ripped from his pad and glanced down at the scribbled order. From the corner of my eye I could see Yoochun about to slip away through the door again and found myself suddenly calling out to him to stagger his progress. “Yoochun! Can you do me another favor?”
“Sure,” he nodded, stopping in his tracks and looking over at me with that never-ending smile of his. He was always smiling. It made me sometimes wonder whether his cheeks ever hurt after his shifts ended.
“Erm… You know that young group that often come here for lunch? There’s three of them. Two guys and a girl…”
“Yep. The city folk who were wondering about those old rumors?”
“That would be them,” I nodded. “If you happen to see the girl come into the café…alone, would you let me know? Her brother and his friend are going hiking today and they asked me to keep an eye out for her.”
“Will do, boss!” Yoochun promised, bowing slightly. “I’ll keep my eyes peeled.”
I nodded again, turning back to the breakfast order I held in my hands. Admittedly I was feeling a little stunned for even asking that new favor from Yoochun. HyunAe was none of my business… The townspeople were nice enough and wouldn’t cause her any harm if she was wandering around these parts of town by herself. So why did I even care?
A few hours later I was notified of Yunho’s sister’s arrival at the café. I could have continued on getting through the morning’s orders, but instead I opted to take a break from the warm kitchens and check on the young lady. She was fairly easy to spot, sitting alone at a table towards the front of the room. It was an odd sight seeing her studying the menu, nothing but empty seats surrounding her. I was so used to seeing Yunho and his best friend talking loudly together beside her. The area seemed emptier than usual without the men’s laughter and chatter.
Stop it, JaeJoong! Don’t even go there! I reprimanded myself. I could feel myself on the brink of slipping into dangerous territory with my thoughts. I had caught myself just in time though, thankfully - I was sure I had almost started craving for Yunho’s company. But he and his friends would only be here for one more week. Their friendliness wouldn’t last. I could not start to get used to their presence around town. All of this was just temporary - they were going to leave soon, just like everyone else always had.
Closing my eyes for a few seconds to settle my thoughts back down, I took a deep breath before focusing my attention on the young lady sitting alone.
Walking over to her with mild trepidation, I softly greeted her and slid into the seat opposite her. Her brother should have occupied this seat, but he was still out somewhere unknown to me. I couldn’t deny that I felt nervous being unaware of the lands Yunho was hiking through, but there was nothing I could do about it.
He said he was a professional, I scolded myself. Stop worrying!
“Good morning, JaeJoong-sshi!” Yunho’s sister greeted me back cheerfully. Her smile was beautiful. It really reached her eyes, just like her brother’s did.
“How are you, HyunAe-sshi?”
“I’m good, thank you! Whatcha doing out here?” Her smile really was beautiful. I could imagine she’d have lots of loyal friends back home.
“I’m taking a break from cooking. Actually, your brother wanted me to keep an eye out for you in his absence…”
She rolled her eyes, scowling a little as she listened to her thoughts. Even her eyes resembled her brother’s; you could easily tell that they were siblings. They weren’t exactly twins, their difference in age somewhat apparent, but they still resembled one another quite a lot. It must be nice for them… It would be really lovely to know that someone in this world looked like you. That you weren’t alone. That you had something in common. That you belonged…
“Besides, I-I wanted to make sure you weren’t lonely,” I quickly added before HyunAe could start grumbling about her brother. “This town is foreign to you and you don’t really know anyone here so…”
“Thank you, JaeJoong-sshi,” HyunAe beamed up at me. “You’re just as sweet as my brother said.”
“P-Pardon?”
“He told me and Junsu-oppa before about how you sort of look after him when he needs a break from jogging in the evenings. That guy is so hopeless!” she grumbled. “He’s constantly forgetful and sponges off people a lot, and yet you can’t help but look at his apologetic frown and forgive him for it. He gets away with too much… It’s burdensome for his sister.”
I was at a loss of what to say. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure how I even felt knowing that Yunho had told his sister and best friend about the times he had wandered into the café after hours to talk to me.
“No one is perfect,” I murmured.
“That’s for sure!” she scoffed. “And Oppa is the epitome of that statement. But… I love him.”
I nodded, recalling some of his hopeless moments, like the time he had gone on one of his tangents, accidentally distracting himself from sweeping my floors. I started to smile at the image before my mind hurriedly leapt to attention and blocked the rest of the memories from showing up. I had trained myself well in the art of thought stopping.
“When did your brother leave this morning?” I’d been curious about that all morning and apparently it was a question I couldn’t swallow down.
“Oh, I was half asleep at the time. I think he and Junsu-oppa left around 6am. Normally they like to leave even earlier so that they can fit a lot of hiking in before the sun gets too unmanageable, but since they don’t know the area and have a responsibility to look after me they decided to hold back a bit. They didn’t want to have to start the hike when it was still too dark outside or something. They’re both mad, regardless.”
I nodded in agreement. That, they were. I understood that madness though, having been around Damien at the peak of his curiosity.
“Hello, hello, hello!” a cheerful voice interrupted us. I looked upwards and was met with Yoochun’s cheery smile. “What can I get you guys?”
“Erm, a Caesar Salad Wrap for me please, as well as a lemon soda,” HyunAe slowly said, studying the menu carefully.
“And what about you, lovely gentleman?”
I raised an eyebrow upwards, staring at the younger man with a mixture of confusion and disgust.
“If you give the boss enough compliments he might hand out a cash bonus or a pay-rise,” Yoochun winked at HyunAe.
“Excuse me?” I exclaimed.
“We all live in hope, boss. Kind boss. Lovely boss. Handsome boss. Thoughtful b-”
“Enough!” I cried out.
“You look a little flustered, boss. How about some nice, soothing peppermint tea?”
“Just go!” I groaned, closing my eyes and rubbing them. “But on second thoughts, make that peppermint tea extra strong.”
“Of course,” he grinned down at me. “It would be my pleasure, your majesty.”
I let out a long sigh as soon as the energetic waiter bounded off to harass some more diners. The muscles around my shoulders eased up as I sat back and glanced at HyunAe’s joyful smile.
“He’s really funny,” she softly uttered.
“Don’t tell him that, please,” I sighed. “It’s the worst thing you could do. He thrives on compliments. I’d never hear the end of it.”
“You two are close then?”
I sat quietly for a moment, mulling over her question. “No… Not really.”
“You seem close though!”
“I suppose… Maybe we are? I don’t know…”
My response was strange and vague but HyunAe seemed not to question it any further. Pure politeness on her end, I assumed.
“He actually reminds me a little bit of my brother.”
“Yoochun does? Why?” I asked in surprise.
“The endless smiles, the cheerfulness, the energy, the sort of constantly-in-your-face behaviour…”
I nodded slowly, mentally checking off each attribute that HyunAe voiced out loud. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. They are kind of similar.”
“You know what?” she began, leaning forward across the table with a mischievous smirk. “I have this theory that my brother secretly has a slight grudge against Yoochun-sshi.”
“Really?” I asked in surprise. I couldn’t imagine Yunho ever disliking anyone. Not that I knew him all that well… “Why is that?”
“Because they are so alike! I think Oppa can see himself in Yoochun-shii a lot and so it annoys him. Not in a jealous, rivalry sort of way, but in a ‘god you’re so irritating just like me’ kind of way. Do you know what I mean?”
“Kind of like your brother is getting a taste of his own medicine?”
“Exactly!” she started laughing.
I couldn’t help but smile as well, a little regretful that I couldn’t hide it behind my teacup yet. I wasn’t too used to smiling in front of people…
I stayed a little longer with HyunAe while she ate the lunch that was served up for her. She was practically finished with her meal by the time it reached 1:30pm. I wouldn’t even have looked at the time had it not been for the sudden music that burst out of her phone all of a sudden.
“Oppa!” she’d called out by way of greeting and it didn’t take long for me to realize that it was Yunho on the other end of her phone.
At first I felt a little excited to hear a soft echo of his voice floating out of the phone’s tiny speaker, but as the conversation drew on between the two siblings I began to feel more and more uneasy - and not for any real reason either. Yunho wasn’t in danger, nor was he alarmed by anything - he was just the same old perky Yunho. That made me uneasy. Since when did I feel excited about hearing the familiar voice of an acquaintance-or ‘friend’ at best-over a phone call? A phone call that wasn’t even directed towards me…
“Oppa, of course I’ve been able to look after myself,” HyunAe groaned. “I just finished my lunch at Café JaDe. Where are you? Ahh yeah, that’s cool. I don’t mind waiting here whilst you guys have your lunch. See you soon, Smelly.”
She smiled at me as she slid her pink phone back into her handbag - there were no pockets in the tiny skirt she was wearing. “That was my brother and Junsu-oppa. They got back from their hike and decided to both have showers before they made their public appearance. A wise move - no offence, but men sweat as often as a leaky faucet drips water!”
I smiled back and nodded.
“So they are at our unit beautifying themselves before they meet me here for lunch.”
“Ah,” I nodded again. “No doubt they will be hungry from their hike. I guess it would be best if I went back to work and gave the other chefs a hand… They’ll need it after your brother makes his order.”
“Oh, sure,” HyunAe nodded, looking a little sad to see me go. If anything that made me want to disappear into the kitchen even faster. It was looks like that which I didn’t understand. She barely knew me and yet she enjoyed my mostly silent company - as pathetic as it was. Too strange…
She was just like Yoochun. He was always interested in talking to me even though I barely ever gave anything back to him. I always felt a little guilty being so reserved in front of him despite his good intentions of constantly talking to me. But regardless of how nice Yoochun was to me, I had to keep my distance. I’d decided a long time ago to stick to myself, rely only on myself, and talk to no one but myself. It was always better that way. I couldn’t hurt people that way.
But in the end I’d had to break that law of mine to become allies with Yoochun. It was a personal sacrifice against my policy that I had to make for the benefit of helping others. There were still people curious about that awful island and I needed to persuade them to rethink their curiosity. The only problem-and what a big problem it was-was that I had no voice in this town. I only had my eyes and my ears.
When I first employed the bubbly Yoochun I’d immediately recognized his potential to be my voice. His personality was extremely extroverted and his smile and eagerness to meet new people was perfect for my cause.
It had been hard and a little awkward at first to explain to Yoochun why I needed him to be my voice and be on the prowl to notice when guests had their eyes set on that god forsaken island, but it had all been worth it.
Yoochun had seen my unwillingness to explain too much about the island, and avoided asking questions about it which he knew I’d struggle to answer. He’d accepted his mission and trusted me.
I supposed if I sat down and thought about it, I’d be really chuffed that Yoochun seemed to care enough about me and my concern regarding the island to help me out, but I couldn’t focus on that fact. I needed to keep my emotional distance. I couldn’t let anyone into my world-not after everything that had happened-and my inability to do so was always misinterpreted for the worse.
I couldn’t let HyunAe’s smile affect me either. Or Yunho’s warmth. Why else had I run away so quickly into the shelter of the kitchen? Yunho would be coming here soon and I couldn’t be around him. It was too dangerous. The smile I could always feel just under the surface, dying to rise and show itself to him was too dangerous. He would be leaving in a week. Why was that fact beginning to be so easily ignored by my subconscious, dammit?! It was my head I needed to listen to. It knew what was right for me. It knew the boundaries I needed to put up, and it knew the type of people I needed to stay away from.
In summary, my heart (well, what was left of it) wanted to stay with HyunAe and talk to Yunho, but my head knew I shouldn’t. Unless I was required to talk to Yunho in the instance that his eagerness to explore that island was revived, there was no need to have any casual conversation with him.
Burying myself in pots and pans, I hurriedly started to make some of the incoming lunch orders in order to distract myself from the pesky urge to push through the kitchen doors and see how Yunho was today.
It had been at least half an hour since I’d locked myself away in the steamy kitchens when I left my work area to grab some more ingredients from the refrigerated section. However, on my way out of the chilly room that housed the products needing to remain cold, I found myself walking past the small round window on the main kitchen door. Depending on your angle you could see right into the main dining area and glimpse at least half of the tables. Unfortunately for me, in that brief glimpse out of the small window-a stupid move when my heart temporarily took control over my brain-I found what I had been most curious about - HyunAe and her gang.
Even after experiencing the quick jolt of recognition I could have easily looked away, but I didn’t. HyunAe was sitting facing the kitchen, exactly where I had left her. The two men were sitting with their backs to me as they ate their food, thank god, but for a brief moment Yunho turned his head to point out something funny beside him (no doubt caught up in his own story as always) and the sight of his face made me stop breathing for a second. He looked so happy talking to his gang… It almost made me wish that I could be apart of it somehow.
I knew it was a stupid yearning. Most likely, a week after their return home I’d finally be free of the temptation gnawing away at me to spend time with them. The more time I spent with them now, the more difficult it would be to see them leave. Simple fact. Thank you, common sense.
Nope, I definitely couldn’t go out to them now and sit in the spare seat at their table. Thank goodness for the thick door blocking me from escaping the kitchen…
Walking back to my bench space I laid the new ingredients out and tried to make everything organized. I could never work at a messy bench space - especially if there was the risk of cross-contamination. Picking up the bag of flour at the edge of the counter I moved to put it away, but found myself pausing at the last minute. Glancing down at the array of merry ingredients in front of me I felt my breath leaving me again.
In front of me was almost everything I needed to make the cookies that Yunho loved so much. Baking powder… Icing sugar… Brown sugar… Butter… Eggs… Everything was all here except for coffee and pecans. All I’d need was twenty minutes or so to mix everything together and bake it. He was bound to call Yoochun over at any moment to order his precious Pecan Coffee Drizzles, anyway.
With a resigned sigh I put the bag of flour back down on the counter and got out a fresh mixing bowl. Before I knew it, my gloved hands had plunged themselves into the sticky mess and began kneading the coffee mixture through the flour, butter, eggs and sugar.
I was still in my own little world by the time the cookie cutters were out and the oven was filling up with warmth. All I needed to do was melt the chocolate and locate the pecan stock. Walking back towards the cool room to grab some chocolate to melt, my eyes instinctively flicked back through the little kitchen door window.
Nothing. Emptiness. Bareness… I could feel the disappointment crashing down upon me at the realization that there was nobody there anymore. Their table had already been wiped clean, and by the time I was able to pull myself together and look away, new people were settling down at the table.
Wow… They had already left and I hadn’t even realized it. I’d been baking cookies for no damn reason. Yunho had left without ordering them. Great, already it seemed I was being humiliated by my own stupid presumptions. Of course Yunho didn’t have to rely on eating stupid cookies for my café every day. Who was I kidding - those cookies were nothing special. He’d probably already grown sick of eating them.
Wandering back over to my cooking space without the chocolate, I grabbed the bowl I had been using and tossed it into the washing up stack. The cookie cutters, eggbeaters and mixing spatula followed it. I was tempted to take the half-baked cookies out of the oven and thrown them away, but my policy of never tossing away good food stopped me. There was still the chance that someone else would order the coffee-flavored cookie. If not, I’d give them to my staff or Yoochun.
Leaning my elbows on top of the counter and burrowing my head in my hands I took a deep breath and tried to will away my bitterness. Okay, I admit it - I was a little disappointed. I liked that Yunho was so fond of my cookies; I liked knowing he was in the café, just a door away. So when it turned out that he wasn’t here anymore, it just felt strange… Maybe even a little lonely. God…
And then when Yunho never showed up that night either-to linger with a glass of cool water pressed against his lips whilst I cleaned the tables and floors-I really felt strange. It was true that sometimes a part of me felt nervous around him, but even despite that discomfort I had liked having the loud man around for company whilst I finished my evening chores. The past few nights had kind of been fun when he was there…
As I slipped under my bedcover and reached over to turn the lamp off, an unnerving thought came to me - this was the first day this week that I hadn’t had any face-to-face contact with Jung Yunho. Sheesh, I’d lived alone by myself for six years after my grandmother died without having a single conversation with Yunho, so it shouldn’t bug me now that one mere day had already passed relatively Yunho-free. In theory I should even be relieved that things were starting to go back to the way they were, with my bland but comforting daily routine of solitude filling up my day. But I didn’t think I was happy or relieved…
Huh.
I waited patiently for my eyes to get used to the dark as I watched the pale moonlight dance upon the waves. In the distance I could make out a large lump of headland forever noticeable and constantly mocking me even when I wasn’t trying to see it.
It was that damn island that stole my soul and my family.
Maybe it was a bad thing after all that my contact with Yunho and his friends was diminishing. If they ever changed their minds and decided to go against my warnings and explore that island, I’d need to know about it. One step on that island and they wouldn’t be the same… I was the only one left that could stop them.
///TBC///
A/N: Nyahha fiiiiinally I was able to bring JaeJoong’s POV back. Gosh, it was so darn hard having to restrain myself from giving away evvvverything but I couldn’t *slaps hands*. So hopefully you got a better idea of Jae and weren’t even more confused by the vagueness I had to use in order not to give all the secrets away. ^^;;
Oh btw, a few weeks ago I was reading an interview with Yunho that was done for the Bigeast mag, and my eyes practically popped out when I saw Yunho saying he wanted to go to an uninhabited island. I was like what on earrrth, is my fic coming alive or something?!! LMAOO!! So cool, so cool.
Staff: Please tell me where you want to go, a place you’ve never been to!
YH: An uninhabited island. (Immediate reply)
Staff: …What? An uninhabited island??! Why??
YH: I think that life is an uninhabited island.
Staff: What? Please explain.
YH: During your lifetime, you will have troubles and come upon big hurdles. When you are in an uninhabited island, there should be many hurdles, so I thought it would be the same.
Source: Bigeast Magazine Volume 14
Translation: smiley @ OneTVXQ.com
Credits: OneTVXQ.com { One World. One Red Ocean. One TVXQ! }
Hehe, but yush, comments are very helpful and appreciated, my lovelies. ^__^
Author: wild_terrain (ie.
fi_chan )
Special Banner (Made beautifully by:
love_cassiopeia )
Chapter: [08 / ?]
Rating: MA15+
Genre: AU [FLANGST, mystery, spirituality, romance]
Summary:
Philophobia… The fear of falling in love or being in love. I didn’t know such a thing existed until I met him… Kim JaeJoong was my age-a youthful 25 years-and the owner of a popular café, yet he was already known around town as the mysterious hermit who had chosen to completely withdraw from the world. How on earth could someone so young be afraid of loving others to the point of secluding themselves from all human beings? What was he afraid of? What was he hiding? I just didn’t understand it. And by that stage, the need to understand it was all I could think about... In fact, he was all I could think about…
Jung Yunho… For all of my life I had grown up away from the limelight. I couldn’t stand being noticed by anybody, and for a long time I thankfully never was. But then you came and suddenly you were everywhere - waving to me as I swept the café after closing, saying hello to me as you cycled past the bench I was sitting on, helping me carry my groceries inside whilst talking non-stop to me as if we were actually friends… Why are you always around making my heart thump erratically? Why do you even care? The more you try to explore this town, the more I need to step up and protect you from your own curiosity, because I know It is out there and I know It wants to harm you…
Trailer: CLICK TO WATCH~~
BETA = moon1084 <3
A/N: Time for Jae's POV! Whoo whoo! From now on I hope you'll find things are getting more interesting. ^_~ *rubs hands together*
“Jay!”
A child’s voice.
“Jayyyyyyden!”
Sorrow. Loneliness. Pain. I could feel it all.
“I love you, Jay.”
Longing. Regret. Frustration. Please don’t tell me that now.
“Look at this, Jay! We’ve found treasure!”
The sound of a child’s delighted laugh filled my ears. But I wanted to cry.
A tremendous amount of pain burst out from the top of my scalp, sending smaller ripples of hurt around the rest of my head as it smashed against the headboard of my bed. The harsh impact flung me back into consciousness, the throbbing of my tender skull wrenching my eyes open from the dream.
Sitting up begrudgingly to massage my aching head, I glanced at my alarm clock and sighed loudly when I saw how early it was. 5am. The sun hadn’t even risen.
Glancing out the dark window directly in front of my bed (very bad feng shui, I know) I tried to make out the lumps of islands in front of me and failed. It was still too dark outside, as dark as the insides of my head where the child’s laughter still echoed.
Jayden… I couldn’t remember the last time someone had called me that. It could possibly have been Papa before he went into the garden and never returned.
The delicate ring of syllables of that name echoing inside of my head was torturous. I could hear the voices clearly, but remembering the visuals…that was getting harder and harder each day. Papa’s face was already a blur. But then again, I didn’t know if I even cared enough to remember their faces.
Maybe Damien’s, but no one else’s.
No, that wasn’t true. I did care. I didn’t want to ever forget any of their faces. It was such a shame that the more I tried to remember their faces, the more blurred they would become. If I wanted to remember their faces, I would have to put the paintbrush down and step away from the blank canvas propped up inside of my mind.
Rolling my spine outwards until I was sitting on top of the mattress in a tight ball, I clung onto my bent knees and hugged myself. I couldn’t afford to think about them today. They weren’t going to come back, and no amount of wishing that I had the power to erase the past was going to change that. What had happened at that island was set into stone already. I had to stop torturing myself by focusing on the what ifs. Instead, I should concentrate on the here and now - this place was my home now. My refuge. I was safe here. I shouldn’t let myself get so easily intimidated by those dreams.
Unable to move from where I sat, I waited patiently for the sun to rise. Its glowing yellow presence slowly floated up from the ocean’s horizon, causing lines of sparkles to shoot out across the water. Everything looked bright and calm. Well, everything but the shapes of two islands towards the side, that are still cowering in darkness. How it made my blood curl.
There was no point napping now that the sun had gotten up out of its bed. I’d have to bathe myself and then open up the café doors downstairs for the chefs and waiters to come in and start working. Soon there would be a lively buzz rumbling from below these floorboards of early risers chattering amongst themselves, whilst I was left here in this isolation, just barely out of reach from the happy townspeople that chose to eat at my café.
I had done most of the week’s paperwork already and the financial matters were already being taken care of by the rest of my staff. I had the option to stay up here and continue lying in bed, go downstairs and help the chefs with meal preparation, or I could go to the park again. But Yunho wouldn’t be there today - he was too determined to go on his hiking trip.
God, the hiking trip…
I didn’t know all that much about hiking but from what I had heard here and there over the years, most hikers seemed to prefer starting their trek nice and early before the sun beat too fiercely against their backs. Not many people hiked in this town, too caught up in the surrounding beaches. I had absolutely no idea how safe it was to hike around here, but from what I had seen there were so many large rocks and steep cliffs that were cleverly concealed from view by the mass of spindly trees and scrub bushes. A foot in the wrong patch of ground could be disastrous! I didn’t care how much Yunho had insisted he was experienced in hiking, he certainly wasn’t experienced in these particular lands! Besides, accidents happened to even the most experienced! I heard so many stories of that happening…
If something happened to Yunho, his sister would be devastated. She’d never be able to say goodbye to him… Never be able to take a hold of his hand again… All that would be left of him would be his blood marring the ground and sinking into the dirt and twigs. I didn’t want her to experience the pain of losing someone to a wretched accident. It would be too awful!
Besides, I’d be left cradling my guilt for not taking the time to properly warn him about the dangers of these areas. I had managed to convince him to forget about exploring that island, but I couldn’t convince him to just stay put and avoid looking elsewhere… I wouldn’t even bother; I knew his type, unable to sit still for even a minute - his legs probably already twitched from the left over jolts of energy surging around his body without a means of being released. People with too much energy and pigheaded determination could never be swayed to live a peaceful life.
Just like Damien…
With a sharp grunt I pushed myself off the bed and plodded onto the tiles of the tiny bathroom that sat beside the giant window overlooking my bed. As I stripped down and turned the taps around a couple of times I couldn’t help but wonder if Yunho had gotten up yet for his hiking trip. Maybe he was somewhere in town scrubbing himself down inside of the shower as well…
Yunho…Such a strange man. He’d come to this town with his best friend and sister on holidays, and yet insisted on trying out my company and struck up conversations with me whenever he saw me. His conversations never really had much point either… Just strings of strange thoughts rolled into one, his brain unable to keep up with his mouth. He really did have so much pent up energy within his body constantly trying to burst out at any given opportunity… He couldn’t just talk - he had to sweep and talk, or eat and talk, or kick around a ball and talk. Just like Damien…
Not to mention, his eyes always crinkled upwards when he smiled, he always hid his face when he was embarrassed, and he could never properly control his laughter - just like Damien. Maybe that was why I found myself strangely compelled to avoid pushing away his eager presence like I had done to everyone else whilst growing up. I really had no way of explaining it, but whenever Yunho came up to me to talk I felt comfortable around him. Sometimes I didn’t know how to react to him, it was true, but I never felt like I had to guard myself as much.
After Gran died I hadn’t been able to feel warmth in someone else’s presence. I never thought I would again until Yunho burst through my café every day, bringing an unnamed emotion with him. As sweet and nice as Yoochun was, there had still been something within me trying to build up a steady barrier against him. He was my ears and my voice in this town, and I was extremely grateful to him for both accepting such a role and being a cheerful, hospitable presence for my customers. However, beyond that I found it a little difficult to spend time with him normally. Becoming friends with people… Opening up to people… Letting down your guard with people… Growing attached to people… It just wasn’t something I could do. Loving people was something I couldn’t do. Not anymore, at least.
Allowing yourself to accept the warmth that other people offered up to you never ended well. There was always pain hidden deep within that warm offering, invisible to the blind eye but lurking none-the-less in wait of the day when it can spring out at you and bring tears to your eyes. It was far better to be alone than to have to witness over and over again the people around you are hurting because you just couldn’t offer up a hug or a smile or an ‘I love you’ when they needed it the most. When all you did was hurt the people who got too close, how could you possibly ever consider getting involved with the community surrounding you? Solitude was the key to everything. The less interaction between people, the less chance there would be for them to misinterpret your inability to love.
I had barely even opened up the door to the kitchens downstairs when a loud greeting was flung at me. “JaeJoong-hyung! Good morning!”
“Good morning, Yoochun,” I nodded back, buttoning up my chef’s uniform.
“Doing a bit of work in the kitchens today then?” the grinning waiter inquired, glancing at the white uniform I donned.
“Yes.”
“And if I overhear any conversations regarding that island do you still want me to inform you immediately?”
I nodded slowly, watching Yoochun give me a quick salute before scampering off to tend to the bundle of customers that had just entered the café.
I really hoped that today would be free of any unwanted murmurings. After the dream I had woken up to this morning I was certainly not in the mood to have to deal with any more curiosity popping up about that damn island.
When Yoochun had first come to me a few days ago to inform me about Yunho’s persistent inquiries into the rumors surrounding that island, I hadn’t been all that surprised. In fact, I had been expecting it to come up eventually. After all, Yunho really seemed to share Damien’s attitude towards adventure - or at least, what I could remember of Damien’s attitude. Yet, despite expecting his inquisitiveness to eventually flare up as the whirlwind of rumors blew the flame of his curiosity into a roaring fire, I couldn’t deny that it still startled me how soon he had become interested in that island. I had tried to step on his fire before his curiosity grew out of hand, and he seemed to be content enough to substitute his desire to explore that particular island with different activities around town, but even so I knew I’d have to keep an eye out on him.
For now he was distracted enough with the alternate suggestions I had made, not to mention his hiking trip, but once those activities had been completed I shuddered to think how I’d be able to distract his mind away from craving the feel of that island’s soil beneath his boots. I hadn’t even wanted him to go on that hiking trip in the first place, the land being dangerous enough, but if I had to choose between him hiking in the forest areas or wandering around that island, I would gladly keep my mouth shut and let him enjoy his hiking trip. A filled mind was a happy mind…
God dammit, that guy was slowly driving me to insanity! I’d never had to worry so much before about a tourist’s eagerness to explore the islands! I’d been able to slack off a bit lately, with mostly elderly tourists coming into town in the off-peak holiday season, but Yunho was really going to keep me on my toes. Until the very day of his departure I’d have to make sure he didn’t get too carried away by his desire to explore. He was a good guy and he was a good brother to HyunAe, so I wanted to protect him even if it meant I’d lose a bit of sleep getting the task done.
“Ah! JaeJoong-hyung!” I looked up from the oven at the smiling waiter as he pushed through the kitchen door. “I’ve got an order!”
I accepted the piece of paper Yoochun had ripped from his pad and glanced down at the scribbled order. From the corner of my eye I could see Yoochun about to slip away through the door again and found myself suddenly calling out to him to stagger his progress. “Yoochun! Can you do me another favor?”
“Sure,” he nodded, stopping in his tracks and looking over at me with that never-ending smile of his. He was always smiling. It made me sometimes wonder whether his cheeks ever hurt after his shifts ended.
“Erm… You know that young group that often come here for lunch? There’s three of them. Two guys and a girl…”
“Yep. The city folk who were wondering about those old rumors?”
“That would be them,” I nodded. “If you happen to see the girl come into the café…alone, would you let me know? Her brother and his friend are going hiking today and they asked me to keep an eye out for her.”
“Will do, boss!” Yoochun promised, bowing slightly. “I’ll keep my eyes peeled.”
I nodded again, turning back to the breakfast order I held in my hands. Admittedly I was feeling a little stunned for even asking that new favor from Yoochun. HyunAe was none of my business… The townspeople were nice enough and wouldn’t cause her any harm if she was wandering around these parts of town by herself. So why did I even care?
A few hours later I was notified of Yunho’s sister’s arrival at the café. I could have continued on getting through the morning’s orders, but instead I opted to take a break from the warm kitchens and check on the young lady. She was fairly easy to spot, sitting alone at a table towards the front of the room. It was an odd sight seeing her studying the menu, nothing but empty seats surrounding her. I was so used to seeing Yunho and his best friend talking loudly together beside her. The area seemed emptier than usual without the men’s laughter and chatter.
Stop it, JaeJoong! Don’t even go there! I reprimanded myself. I could feel myself on the brink of slipping into dangerous territory with my thoughts. I had caught myself just in time though, thankfully - I was sure I had almost started craving for Yunho’s company. But he and his friends would only be here for one more week. Their friendliness wouldn’t last. I could not start to get used to their presence around town. All of this was just temporary - they were going to leave soon, just like everyone else always had.
Closing my eyes for a few seconds to settle my thoughts back down, I took a deep breath before focusing my attention on the young lady sitting alone.
Walking over to her with mild trepidation, I softly greeted her and slid into the seat opposite her. Her brother should have occupied this seat, but he was still out somewhere unknown to me. I couldn’t deny that I felt nervous being unaware of the lands Yunho was hiking through, but there was nothing I could do about it.
He said he was a professional, I scolded myself. Stop worrying!
“Good morning, JaeJoong-sshi!” Yunho’s sister greeted me back cheerfully. Her smile was beautiful. It really reached her eyes, just like her brother’s did.
“How are you, HyunAe-sshi?”
“I’m good, thank you! Whatcha doing out here?” Her smile really was beautiful. I could imagine she’d have lots of loyal friends back home.
“I’m taking a break from cooking. Actually, your brother wanted me to keep an eye out for you in his absence…”
She rolled her eyes, scowling a little as she listened to her thoughts. Even her eyes resembled her brother’s; you could easily tell that they were siblings. They weren’t exactly twins, their difference in age somewhat apparent, but they still resembled one another quite a lot. It must be nice for them… It would be really lovely to know that someone in this world looked like you. That you weren’t alone. That you had something in common. That you belonged…
“Besides, I-I wanted to make sure you weren’t lonely,” I quickly added before HyunAe could start grumbling about her brother. “This town is foreign to you and you don’t really know anyone here so…”
“Thank you, JaeJoong-sshi,” HyunAe beamed up at me. “You’re just as sweet as my brother said.”
“P-Pardon?”
“He told me and Junsu-oppa before about how you sort of look after him when he needs a break from jogging in the evenings. That guy is so hopeless!” she grumbled. “He’s constantly forgetful and sponges off people a lot, and yet you can’t help but look at his apologetic frown and forgive him for it. He gets away with too much… It’s burdensome for his sister.”
I was at a loss of what to say. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely sure how I even felt knowing that Yunho had told his sister and best friend about the times he had wandered into the café after hours to talk to me.
“No one is perfect,” I murmured.
“That’s for sure!” she scoffed. “And Oppa is the epitome of that statement. But… I love him.”
I nodded, recalling some of his hopeless moments, like the time he had gone on one of his tangents, accidentally distracting himself from sweeping my floors. I started to smile at the image before my mind hurriedly leapt to attention and blocked the rest of the memories from showing up. I had trained myself well in the art of thought stopping.
“When did your brother leave this morning?” I’d been curious about that all morning and apparently it was a question I couldn’t swallow down.
“Oh, I was half asleep at the time. I think he and Junsu-oppa left around 6am. Normally they like to leave even earlier so that they can fit a lot of hiking in before the sun gets too unmanageable, but since they don’t know the area and have a responsibility to look after me they decided to hold back a bit. They didn’t want to have to start the hike when it was still too dark outside or something. They’re both mad, regardless.”
I nodded in agreement. That, they were. I understood that madness though, having been around Damien at the peak of his curiosity.
“Hello, hello, hello!” a cheerful voice interrupted us. I looked upwards and was met with Yoochun’s cheery smile. “What can I get you guys?”
“Erm, a Caesar Salad Wrap for me please, as well as a lemon soda,” HyunAe slowly said, studying the menu carefully.
“And what about you, lovely gentleman?”
I raised an eyebrow upwards, staring at the younger man with a mixture of confusion and disgust.
“If you give the boss enough compliments he might hand out a cash bonus or a pay-rise,” Yoochun winked at HyunAe.
“Excuse me?” I exclaimed.
“We all live in hope, boss. Kind boss. Lovely boss. Handsome boss. Thoughtful b-”
“Enough!” I cried out.
“You look a little flustered, boss. How about some nice, soothing peppermint tea?”
“Just go!” I groaned, closing my eyes and rubbing them. “But on second thoughts, make that peppermint tea extra strong.”
“Of course,” he grinned down at me. “It would be my pleasure, your majesty.”
I let out a long sigh as soon as the energetic waiter bounded off to harass some more diners. The muscles around my shoulders eased up as I sat back and glanced at HyunAe’s joyful smile.
“He’s really funny,” she softly uttered.
“Don’t tell him that, please,” I sighed. “It’s the worst thing you could do. He thrives on compliments. I’d never hear the end of it.”
“You two are close then?”
I sat quietly for a moment, mulling over her question. “No… Not really.”
“You seem close though!”
“I suppose… Maybe we are? I don’t know…”
My response was strange and vague but HyunAe seemed not to question it any further. Pure politeness on her end, I assumed.
“He actually reminds me a little bit of my brother.”
“Yoochun does? Why?” I asked in surprise.
“The endless smiles, the cheerfulness, the energy, the sort of constantly-in-your-face behaviour…”
I nodded slowly, mentally checking off each attribute that HyunAe voiced out loud. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. They are kind of similar.”
“You know what?” she began, leaning forward across the table with a mischievous smirk. “I have this theory that my brother secretly has a slight grudge against Yoochun-sshi.”
“Really?” I asked in surprise. I couldn’t imagine Yunho ever disliking anyone. Not that I knew him all that well… “Why is that?”
“Because they are so alike! I think Oppa can see himself in Yoochun-shii a lot and so it annoys him. Not in a jealous, rivalry sort of way, but in a ‘god you’re so irritating just like me’ kind of way. Do you know what I mean?”
“Kind of like your brother is getting a taste of his own medicine?”
“Exactly!” she started laughing.
I couldn’t help but smile as well, a little regretful that I couldn’t hide it behind my teacup yet. I wasn’t too used to smiling in front of people…
I stayed a little longer with HyunAe while she ate the lunch that was served up for her. She was practically finished with her meal by the time it reached 1:30pm. I wouldn’t even have looked at the time had it not been for the sudden music that burst out of her phone all of a sudden.
“Oppa!” she’d called out by way of greeting and it didn’t take long for me to realize that it was Yunho on the other end of her phone.
At first I felt a little excited to hear a soft echo of his voice floating out of the phone’s tiny speaker, but as the conversation drew on between the two siblings I began to feel more and more uneasy - and not for any real reason either. Yunho wasn’t in danger, nor was he alarmed by anything - he was just the same old perky Yunho. That made me uneasy. Since when did I feel excited about hearing the familiar voice of an acquaintance-or ‘friend’ at best-over a phone call? A phone call that wasn’t even directed towards me…
“Oppa, of course I’ve been able to look after myself,” HyunAe groaned. “I just finished my lunch at Café JaDe. Where are you? Ahh yeah, that’s cool. I don’t mind waiting here whilst you guys have your lunch. See you soon, Smelly.”
She smiled at me as she slid her pink phone back into her handbag - there were no pockets in the tiny skirt she was wearing. “That was my brother and Junsu-oppa. They got back from their hike and decided to both have showers before they made their public appearance. A wise move - no offence, but men sweat as often as a leaky faucet drips water!”
I smiled back and nodded.
“So they are at our unit beautifying themselves before they meet me here for lunch.”
“Ah,” I nodded again. “No doubt they will be hungry from their hike. I guess it would be best if I went back to work and gave the other chefs a hand… They’ll need it after your brother makes his order.”
“Oh, sure,” HyunAe nodded, looking a little sad to see me go. If anything that made me want to disappear into the kitchen even faster. It was looks like that which I didn’t understand. She barely knew me and yet she enjoyed my mostly silent company - as pathetic as it was. Too strange…
She was just like Yoochun. He was always interested in talking to me even though I barely ever gave anything back to him. I always felt a little guilty being so reserved in front of him despite his good intentions of constantly talking to me. But regardless of how nice Yoochun was to me, I had to keep my distance. I’d decided a long time ago to stick to myself, rely only on myself, and talk to no one but myself. It was always better that way. I couldn’t hurt people that way.
But in the end I’d had to break that law of mine to become allies with Yoochun. It was a personal sacrifice against my policy that I had to make for the benefit of helping others. There were still people curious about that awful island and I needed to persuade them to rethink their curiosity. The only problem-and what a big problem it was-was that I had no voice in this town. I only had my eyes and my ears.
When I first employed the bubbly Yoochun I’d immediately recognized his potential to be my voice. His personality was extremely extroverted and his smile and eagerness to meet new people was perfect for my cause.
It had been hard and a little awkward at first to explain to Yoochun why I needed him to be my voice and be on the prowl to notice when guests had their eyes set on that god forsaken island, but it had all been worth it.
Yoochun had seen my unwillingness to explain too much about the island, and avoided asking questions about it which he knew I’d struggle to answer. He’d accepted his mission and trusted me.
I supposed if I sat down and thought about it, I’d be really chuffed that Yoochun seemed to care enough about me and my concern regarding the island to help me out, but I couldn’t focus on that fact. I needed to keep my emotional distance. I couldn’t let anyone into my world-not after everything that had happened-and my inability to do so was always misinterpreted for the worse.
I couldn’t let HyunAe’s smile affect me either. Or Yunho’s warmth. Why else had I run away so quickly into the shelter of the kitchen? Yunho would be coming here soon and I couldn’t be around him. It was too dangerous. The smile I could always feel just under the surface, dying to rise and show itself to him was too dangerous. He would be leaving in a week. Why was that fact beginning to be so easily ignored by my subconscious, dammit?! It was my head I needed to listen to. It knew what was right for me. It knew the boundaries I needed to put up, and it knew the type of people I needed to stay away from.
In summary, my heart (well, what was left of it) wanted to stay with HyunAe and talk to Yunho, but my head knew I shouldn’t. Unless I was required to talk to Yunho in the instance that his eagerness to explore that island was revived, there was no need to have any casual conversation with him.
Burying myself in pots and pans, I hurriedly started to make some of the incoming lunch orders in order to distract myself from the pesky urge to push through the kitchen doors and see how Yunho was today.
It had been at least half an hour since I’d locked myself away in the steamy kitchens when I left my work area to grab some more ingredients from the refrigerated section. However, on my way out of the chilly room that housed the products needing to remain cold, I found myself walking past the small round window on the main kitchen door. Depending on your angle you could see right into the main dining area and glimpse at least half of the tables. Unfortunately for me, in that brief glimpse out of the small window-a stupid move when my heart temporarily took control over my brain-I found what I had been most curious about - HyunAe and her gang.
Even after experiencing the quick jolt of recognition I could have easily looked away, but I didn’t. HyunAe was sitting facing the kitchen, exactly where I had left her. The two men were sitting with their backs to me as they ate their food, thank god, but for a brief moment Yunho turned his head to point out something funny beside him (no doubt caught up in his own story as always) and the sight of his face made me stop breathing for a second. He looked so happy talking to his gang… It almost made me wish that I could be apart of it somehow.
I knew it was a stupid yearning. Most likely, a week after their return home I’d finally be free of the temptation gnawing away at me to spend time with them. The more time I spent with them now, the more difficult it would be to see them leave. Simple fact. Thank you, common sense.
Nope, I definitely couldn’t go out to them now and sit in the spare seat at their table. Thank goodness for the thick door blocking me from escaping the kitchen…
Walking back to my bench space I laid the new ingredients out and tried to make everything organized. I could never work at a messy bench space - especially if there was the risk of cross-contamination. Picking up the bag of flour at the edge of the counter I moved to put it away, but found myself pausing at the last minute. Glancing down at the array of merry ingredients in front of me I felt my breath leaving me again.
In front of me was almost everything I needed to make the cookies that Yunho loved so much. Baking powder… Icing sugar… Brown sugar… Butter… Eggs… Everything was all here except for coffee and pecans. All I’d need was twenty minutes or so to mix everything together and bake it. He was bound to call Yoochun over at any moment to order his precious Pecan Coffee Drizzles, anyway.
With a resigned sigh I put the bag of flour back down on the counter and got out a fresh mixing bowl. Before I knew it, my gloved hands had plunged themselves into the sticky mess and began kneading the coffee mixture through the flour, butter, eggs and sugar.
I was still in my own little world by the time the cookie cutters were out and the oven was filling up with warmth. All I needed to do was melt the chocolate and locate the pecan stock. Walking back towards the cool room to grab some chocolate to melt, my eyes instinctively flicked back through the little kitchen door window.
Nothing. Emptiness. Bareness… I could feel the disappointment crashing down upon me at the realization that there was nobody there anymore. Their table had already been wiped clean, and by the time I was able to pull myself together and look away, new people were settling down at the table.
Wow… They had already left and I hadn’t even realized it. I’d been baking cookies for no damn reason. Yunho had left without ordering them. Great, already it seemed I was being humiliated by my own stupid presumptions. Of course Yunho didn’t have to rely on eating stupid cookies for my café every day. Who was I kidding - those cookies were nothing special. He’d probably already grown sick of eating them.
Wandering back over to my cooking space without the chocolate, I grabbed the bowl I had been using and tossed it into the washing up stack. The cookie cutters, eggbeaters and mixing spatula followed it. I was tempted to take the half-baked cookies out of the oven and thrown them away, but my policy of never tossing away good food stopped me. There was still the chance that someone else would order the coffee-flavored cookie. If not, I’d give them to my staff or Yoochun.
Leaning my elbows on top of the counter and burrowing my head in my hands I took a deep breath and tried to will away my bitterness. Okay, I admit it - I was a little disappointed. I liked that Yunho was so fond of my cookies; I liked knowing he was in the café, just a door away. So when it turned out that he wasn’t here anymore, it just felt strange… Maybe even a little lonely. God…
And then when Yunho never showed up that night either-to linger with a glass of cool water pressed against his lips whilst I cleaned the tables and floors-I really felt strange. It was true that sometimes a part of me felt nervous around him, but even despite that discomfort I had liked having the loud man around for company whilst I finished my evening chores. The past few nights had kind of been fun when he was there…
As I slipped under my bedcover and reached over to turn the lamp off, an unnerving thought came to me - this was the first day this week that I hadn’t had any face-to-face contact with Jung Yunho. Sheesh, I’d lived alone by myself for six years after my grandmother died without having a single conversation with Yunho, so it shouldn’t bug me now that one mere day had already passed relatively Yunho-free. In theory I should even be relieved that things were starting to go back to the way they were, with my bland but comforting daily routine of solitude filling up my day. But I didn’t think I was happy or relieved…
Huh.
I waited patiently for my eyes to get used to the dark as I watched the pale moonlight dance upon the waves. In the distance I could make out a large lump of headland forever noticeable and constantly mocking me even when I wasn’t trying to see it.
It was that damn island that stole my soul and my family.
Maybe it was a bad thing after all that my contact with Yunho and his friends was diminishing. If they ever changed their minds and decided to go against my warnings and explore that island, I’d need to know about it. One step on that island and they wouldn’t be the same… I was the only one left that could stop them.
///TBC///
A/N: Nyahha fiiiiinally I was able to bring JaeJoong’s POV back. Gosh, it was so darn hard having to restrain myself from giving away evvvverything but I couldn’t *slaps hands*. So hopefully you got a better idea of Jae and weren’t even more confused by the vagueness I had to use in order not to give all the secrets away. ^^;;
Oh btw, a few weeks ago I was reading an interview with Yunho that was done for the Bigeast mag, and my eyes practically popped out when I saw Yunho saying he wanted to go to an uninhabited island. I was like what on earrrth, is my fic coming alive or something?!! LMAOO!! So cool, so cool.
Staff: Please tell me where you want to go, a place you’ve never been to!
YH: An uninhabited island. (Immediate reply)
Staff: …What? An uninhabited island??! Why??
YH: I think that life is an uninhabited island.
Staff: What? Please explain.
YH: During your lifetime, you will have troubles and come upon big hurdles. When you are in an uninhabited island, there should be many hurdles, so I thought it would be the same.
Source: Bigeast Magazine Volume 14
Translation: smiley @ OneTVXQ.com
Credits: OneTVXQ.com { One World. One Red Ocean. One TVXQ! }
Hehe, but yush, comments are very helpful and appreciated, my lovelies. ^__^