Destiny's Rules [PART THREE - YUN & JAE]

[wild_terrain]

Title: Destiny's Rules
Author: wild_terrain (ie.
fi_chan )
Chapter: Oneshot - [PART 3/3]
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Summary: It got out of our control… Destiny took control of our relationship and said that enough was enough. We lost. There is nothing left to do but play by the rules. But I do want to say so many things to you if you would listen. If destiny believes that the right thing to do is to talk to you again and explain the things I have kept in my heart for all of this time, then I believe it will happen…

BETA = moon1084 <3


A/N: Here's the final part! Phewwww, it's finally over!! XDD


PART THREE:


~~ JUNG YUNHO ~~

A bright light flashed through the window and temporarily lit up the walls of my living room. A resounding crash soon afterwards marked the familiar uneasiness that could only come from a typical thunderstorm.

The more the thunder boomed around the street, the more unsettled Taehyun became. It was the fifth boom that finally pushed the little boy over the edge to the point of tears.

“Oh, Hyunnie,” I sighed, slipping down from the sofa and onto the carpeted floor where my boy was bawling. “Come here, sweetie.”

I managed to pull the crying toddler onto my lap, trying to comfort the frightened boy with my embrace. As soon as he felt his body shifting off the floor and into my arms he immediately wriggled around until his tiny hands were grasping the edges of my shirt’s collar. I rubbed his back for a little while, murmuring to him that everything was fine.

Taehyun wasn’t always afraid of thunderstorms, but sometimes they just managed to get the better of him. He was only human, after all. There was only so much he could take before breaking point.

Just like his appa.

Sighing against his messy tufts of hair, I continued to rub my son’s back, bouncing him around a bit even though he had already reached the age where such a motion wasn’t necessarily helpful in calming him down, like it had been when he was only a tiny baby.

Holding my son close to me in a warm embrace wasn’t just beneficial for my boy - it was comforting for me too. I really needed a hug today as well…

Kyungmin was out with friends for the day so I was left alone to keep my little boy entertained all on my lonesome. The problem was, unlike the normal times I had enjoyed playing with my son, today I just felt…sad. And I knew exactly what was causing it: my melancholic, nostalgic thoughts regarding the man I once called my best friend and lover: You, Kim JaeJoong.

It was already March, almost approaching three months since I had last seen you at my New Years Eve party. I still hadn’t gotten up the nerve to initiate communication between us since then, nor to invite you over with no other guests around but the two of us. Recently though, I had been haunted by an array of memories that the two of us had once shared. Some may have been somewhat insignificant, but they all had the power to make me smile all the same…

I really did miss you.

I wished I had gotten a chance to speak to you at that party… It was the perfect opportunity to try and resuscitate what was left of our friendship, but I had foolishly let it slip by. Again.

Taehyun’s muffled sobs against my chest were finally starting to grow weaker as the thunder died down as well. With one last reassuring pat I lifted him back off my lap and onto the floor beside me. Pulling a tissue from the box behind me I carefully wiped the snot and tears from his face and gave him a lingering kiss on the forehead.

“Wait here, Hyunnie,” I commanded gently, placing his favorite squeaky dice into his hands to distract him. “Appa will be right back, okay?”

I stretched my cramped legs out and wandered into the next room to grab the cordless phone from the kitchen counter. Sitting back down next to the distracted toddler, I pulled my mobile phone from the back pocket of my jeans and scrolled through the list until I saw your name. Carefully dialing the combination of numbers into my cordless phone I placed my mobile back down on the ground and stretched my legs out, waiting patiently as the dial tone beeped in my ear.

Before you even had a chance to answer, I flung myself forward to grab the shiny piece of plastic I had glimpsed protruding from my son’s tiny fingers. He had found the mobile phone I had discarded and wanted to play with it. Not a good idea.

I quietly wrestled my phone out of Taehyun’s hands, just as you finally picked up, the familiar deep timbre of your voice vibrating through the cordless phone and against my ear. I was immensely relieved that the confiscation of Taehyun’s new and inappropriate play-toy hadn’t caused him to start crying again at the injustice of his loss. It would be hard enough as it was to try and keep up a conversation with you on the phone, let alone having to deal with a little toddler screaming in the background… He was a good boy, my son. I loved him to death.

“Hello?”

“Hey, JaeJoong, it’s Jung Yunho.”

“I know,” I could hear your soft chuckle. “I have Caller ID on my phone, remember?”

“Oh, right,” I let out an embarrassed chuckle as well. “Hey, I’m sorry to be calling at this time, but I figured that the worst of the storm was already over…”

“It’s fine. Getting electrocuted through the phone line has always been on my to-do list of things I want to accomplish before I die.”

“I think you need to make a new list with less life-threatening goals on there,” I laughed, reaching over to quickly ruffle Taehyun’s little tufts of hair as he stared up at me in curiosity, his little eyes wide and unblinking. I had no idea why my talking on the phone was such an interesting phenomena for him, but it was darn cute!

”Maybe. Maybe not. Life needs to be interesting, after all.”

I nodded, tensing up a little at the inevitable awkward silence that I knew I couldn’t avoid. We may have been best friends once upon a time, but that comfortable feeling between us had withered away long ago… “Um, to tell you the truth I’m not entirely sure why I am ringing you… But I’ve been meaning to call for you some time. We didn’t get a chance to really talk at my New Year’s Eve party. I was hoping that maybe we could arrange a time to meet up or something…”

“Oh.”

Such a simple noise you made. It didn’t exactly encourage me on my quest to arrange a meet up, but at the same time it didn’t frighten me away. It was just a noise; it really didn’t mean anything…did it?

“Yeah… I thought it might be nice to catch up. I miss talking to you,” I added, hoping you’d be able to see in your mind the childish pout I currently wore on my face.

“Yeah… Me too…” Your sigh was long and resigned. Did that mean that you were just as fed up with our lack of communication as I was?

“So I guess the next question is would you happen to know when you were free? I can sort of only do weekends, but if that’s too difficult I’m sure I’d be able to arrange something for a week night…” I didn’t want to limit your options because it had already taken so much effort to even get to this stage of mutual understanding.

“Ummm…” You drew out that one meaningless sound for a long time, carefully pondering over your options of availability. “I’m really sorry to say it, but for the next few weekends I’m going to be over in Japan, composing some more songs with Takanori-san.”

“Oh…” Did my disappointment show? It may have seemed a little silly but I really couldn’t accept the thought of not being able to see you for a number of weeks. And, well, maybe I was also a little sad remembering how once upon a time we both knew each other’s schedules fairly well and were always able to make time for each other. It had always been our top priority when we were younger…

“Yeh. You couldn’t have phoned me up last week?” he chuckled.

“Wait, does this mean that you are free this weekend?”

“You mean in the last eight hours left of it? Perhaps.” You were unashamedly making fun of me, just like old times. I was calling you up on a Sunday afternoon asking you if you were free on the weekend… Yeh, I’d probably be laughing at me too.

“I mean, I’ve got nothing on today, and the house is completely free…with the exception of one slightly noisy toddler of course,” I winced a little, almost laughing when Taehyun stop chewing his squeaky toy to look up at me again as if his mysterious radar had somehow picked up that I was talking about him. I pulled a funny face at him and he grinned widely. God, that kid could be distracting…

“Today? At your house? Are you sure?” You seemed hesitant, but by this time I had somehow managed to already completely convince myself that my suggestion was pure genius.

“Yeah, why not? If you’re available then get your ass over here, Kim,” I beamed, absolutely thrilled by the idea that I’d maybe be seeing you even sooner than I had ever anticipated. After all, I’d only just thought of calling you mere minutes ago!

“Okay, if you’re sure… I’ll be over soon.”

I tossed the cordless phone behind me onto the sofa cushion and reached over to sweep Taehyun into my arms. I was so happy; you were going to be here in my living room within half an hour… I was finally going to have a one-on-one conversation with you again like we used to have. Well, obviously not just like we used to, but maybe in time we’d get to that stage again. Or was that too selfish and optimistic of me to even suggest?

“Your appa’s friend is going to come over soon, Hyunnie,” I explained to the rosy-cheeked toddler in my arms, tickling his cheek a little bit. “You’ve never really met him before, but I know you’ll love him.” Could my son understand what I was trying to say to him? Mostly likely he couldn’t, but I was too overwhelmed by my cheerfulness for it to bother me at all.

JaeJoong, I never really had much of an opportunity at my New Year’s Eve party to have a proper look at you. There were too many guests there demanding my attention and I admit that the champagne had been passed around a bit too many times. But now, as you stand here in my living room, I am reminded of the ethereal beauty you possessed during our TVXQ years. Even though we are both older, I have to say that you are still just as handsome as before. Your face may be slightly more lined, your eyes a little less bright, but if the room had been filled to the brim with single homosexual men I have no doubt they would have all been begging for your phone number. But you probably already knew that, having been so proud of your physical attraction in the past.

Taehyun was still seated on the carpet near the sofa, pushing his toy cars around having moved on already from the toys he’d been playing with when I’d been speaking to you on the phone. I’d made sure to lay out a few more of his toys on the ground so that he’d be too amused by them to try and annoy you when you arrived. Even though he was only seventeen months old, I could tell my boy was a real socialite. He was always curious about new people and sometimes it took a lot of effort to control him. But I had a feeling that you’d be pretty okay with dealing with him. In the past you had always been really great with kids. Maybe it was your smile… Maybe they could somehow feel your warmth as well…

Unfortunately though, I noticed that despite the strong feeling I had had about your ability to bring joy to children, you were a little hesitant to get too near to my son. You’d greeted him fine, but chosen to seat yourself on the end of the sofa furthest away from him. As expected, Taehyun took a liking to you, despite your slight avoidance of him. He even tried to walk over to you, but you avoided his gaze and chose instead to look at the paintings beside us on the wall.

Having noticed how uncomfortable you were around Taehyun, I had no choice but to continually get off the sofa to grab onto him before he could continue walking up to you to pester you. He didn’t like me stopping him from his exploration, even verbally complaining a little, but what choice did I have? Clearly you weren’t ready to interact with my kid, and I respected that. I’d been so caught up in my excitement to have you over that it had stupidly slipped my mind that being unable to have a child with me had been a big sore spot in our relationship. Having Taehyun running around my living room was like continually mocking you and flaunting my new life in front of you.

“I’m so sorry,” I eventually apologized to you, after firmly telling Taehyun that he was to sit and play with his cars like a good boy. “He always gets a little too hyped up when there are guests over. But his nap time is coming up soon and I’ll be able to put him to bed.”

“It’s fine…” you insisted, but you didn’t sound too convincing. If anything you sounded like you were on the verge of tears.

I didn’t know what to say. You were getting tears in your eyes and I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

“Hey, um, is it alright if I use your bathroom?” you suddenly questioned, already getting up from the sofa without waiting to hear what my response would be.

I stood up after you in concern, but you had already turned your back to me, asking quietly where the bathroom was located. I gave you the directions and sat back down on the sofa feeling a little stunned and helpless. I sat in silence, watching as Taehyun pushed a few of his cars across the carpet. I wanted to check on you to see if you okay. It was obvious that you had needed a refuge to go to, to cry in peace; I wanted to go to you and figure out what exactly had upset you so much, but I couldn’t leave Taehyun unsupervised.

When you still hadn’t come out of the bathroom five minutes later, I decided that I couldn’t possibly just sit here twiddling my thumbs whilst you suffered alone in a foreign bathroom. I needed to talk to you, to hold you until you felt better, just like I used to in the past.

“Come on Hyunnie,” I called softly. “It’s time for your afternoon nap.”

It wasn’t really. It was a tiny bit early, but Taehyun wasn’t in the position to make a fuss over it. Besides, he couldn’t even read the time…

“Noooo!”

“Yes, Hyunnie. Only for a little bit. When your nap time is over you can come back and play more.”

“Nooo!” he repeated, and I let out a long sigh, sliding myself off the sofa until I was kneeling beside my stubborn son.

“Come on, Taehyun, you can come back later,” I told him firmly, lifting him off the floor before he could try running away.

“Appa! Want to stay! Want you!”

“I’ll just be in the other room, Hyunnie,” I reassured him, kissing his forehead as I slowly walked the both of us out of the living room and towards his bedroom. “If you need me, you can call for me. Yell ‘Apppppa’ and I will come,” I kissed him again and used the side of my leg to push his bedroom door open.

It took a few more minutes to settle him into his crib, but he knew that there was no point fighting me anymore. To my relief he even managed to close his eyes with fairly any fuss. Finally I was free to check up on you now too.

“JaeJoong? Are you alright?” I called out with concern once I was standing outside the bathroom door.

“Yeh, yeh, I’m fine. Just gimme a sec.”

Liar. Of course you weren’t fine. Did you really think that just because we weren’t together anymore I had forgotten everything about you? I knew when you weren’t fine; I knew that the strange expression you used to call out with was how you sounded when you were a little choked up.

“JaeJoong,” I sighed, resting my forehead against the cool wood of the bathroom door. “Can I come in?”

“No, I really am fine!” you called out to me again.

I made a grimace at the door, but stood back all the same. I didn’t want to intrude when you obviously needed your space, but I’d be damned if I’d move away from the bathroom door until you had come out again.

The knob turned and my heart fell when you finally emerged, face tilted downwards, trying to act nonchalant in my presence.

“Oh, Jae…” I couldn’t help but murmur, pulling you into me and holding you close.

The shock of such close proximity between us was enough to make you break again, and this time you had no control over the sobs that wracked your body as you melted into me. It was such a horrible thing to witness - it was so many years after our parting and yet you were still crying in front of me. When would this sorrow ever end?

“Come on,” I softly murmured, steering your trembling body back into the living room where we could sit down again in private.

“I’m so sorry!” you sobbed out, your head in your hands.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about…” I helplessly assured you, my arm protectively wrapped around your side. We may not have been a couple anymore but when it came to you I would always be filled with a sharp need to protect. It killed me knowing that the thing you needed protection from this time was once again something I couldn’t actually protect you from: myself.

“I tried so hard!” you admitted, apparently incredibly frustrated at yourself. “I didn’t want to come here today and do something stupid like this!”

“It’s not stupid…” I softly replied, trying to restrain myself from bending over and doing something inappropriate such as kissing your forehead. You weren’t my kid, after all, nor were you someone I was allowed to kiss anymore, even on the forehead.

“Don’t think I’m not happy for you. I am. I really am. You’re so happy and I’m happy that you’re happy!” you insisted, head still buried in the comfort of your enclosed hands. “It’s just…hard.”

“I know,” I assured him. “It’s hard for me too. I hate it when you cry…”

“I’m sorry…”

“The time for apologizing has already passed, JaeJoong… There is never any need anymore to apologize…”

“I know, but I don’t know what else there is to say…”

And I felt the same way, of course. I, too, had no clue what to say. There were so many things I wanted to say to you, only they all seemed somewhat inappropriate at this moment. I didn’t want you to cry anymore…

“He’s a beautiful kid,” you finally told me, wiping at your eyes as you finally lifted your head up into the afternoon sunlight. “He looks so much like you, and even acts so much like you.”

“What do you mean?” I softly asked, unable to contain my curiosity.

“Wanting to socialize with strangers, wanting to watch exactly what is going on…they are all things you always do. Not to mention trying to constantly run up to me for some attention,” you added with a brave smirk.

“Shuddap,” I chuckled softly.

“You know it’s true…”

I nodded, unsure of what else to say.

“Yunho… I wish I could be happy like you.”

Don’t say things like that to me, JaeJoong... Surely you know how much it hurts to hear you admit that you are often still depressed. I hate thinking of you as someone still stuck alone at the starting line. I want you to be happy too… It almost makes me feel frustrated that things never worked out between us. At least back then I knew you were relatively happy with me… Well, as happy as you allowed yourself to get, at least.

“Sometime soon you will be happy…” I breathed out, reaching out for your hand to hold.

“How do you know that?” you demanded, staring up at me with those fierce, dark eyes.

“I don’t…” I admitted. “But life is always changing… Things arise from the most unexpected places and circumstances. All we can do is just wait for it to happen…”

“What if it never does?” you insisted again.

I swallowed back the lump starting to rise in my throat. “You just need to have faith.”

“You’re very sweet,” you insisted, smiling warmly across at me. “But I know my time is already up.”

“What do you mean?” I could feel the frown on my face creasing the skin above my eyebrows.

“My love already came and went. It’s all I’m gonna get, and I’m fine with that. There’s nothing more out there for me, and to be perfectly honest with you I don’t think I want there to be anybody else out there.”

“JaeJoong…”

“I know, Yunho, and I’m sorry. But it’s true. I don’t want you to feel bad about anything though. I happy enough…”

“You call this happy?!” I scoffed loudly before I could help myself.

“Yes, I do, actually. I know all of you lot used to think of me as a giant masochist, and maybe I am, but I really do mean it when I say I don’t want anybody else in my life right now. As long as you’re here in some form, I’ll be okay.”

“JaeJoong…” Honestly, I didn’t think it was possible but here you go managing to break my heart all over again.

“I’m sorry if that makes you feel awkward, Yunho. I don’t mean it to. And if you’re really freaked out right about now because of the crazy things I am admitting to you, I’m sorry for that too. I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted me to just disappear from your life again because this whole thing is so messed up, but…”

“No, JaeJoong. Not at all. I want you in my life. You have no idea how much I’ve missed you,” I finally admitted, hearing my voice crack. It was embarrassing, but what was the harm of another male in the room letting their vulnerability show? “I know you don’t believe me, but I really do still love you. JaeJoong, you have always been in here!” I insisted loudly, mindlessly hitting my clenched hand against my chest. “There is nothing that could happen to take you away from there! You weren’t just a passing phase to me back then! You mean a lot to me and I’m not willing to try and push you out of my heart either! For gods sake, you certainly earned your spot in there! Who am I to try and force you out?” I laughed bitterly through the large lump in my throat.

“I wanted you to be the best man at my wedding!” I finally admitted, the tears well and truly escaping from my eyelids. “I wanted you to be the godfather of my son! But there was just no way I could have ever asked you! It wouldn’t have been fair on you! I would never have put you in such a sensitive position! Celebrating my new partner… Celebrating my new fatherhood… I never wanted to rub it in your face like that so I asked other people instead…”

You were crying again too, trying to hide your face away once more. This moment was really hard…but we had to continue letting it all out because otherwise all the stale, pent up depression that had remained within us for so long would only continue to fester away and slowly poison us from within.

“I w-want to b-be the godfather to y-your kid.”

“Really?” I questioned, the lump in my throat not getting any softer.

“O-Of course. But y-you’re right, I would never h-have been able to accept it back then. Junsu is fine as godfather…”

“Yeh, he really is, but…would you really want to be one?”

“Yes, I really would, Yunho, because you mean so m-much to me and I want to still be a-apart of your l-life.”

“You c-can be, JaeJoongie! I want you to be too. I really want you in my life. And I really want you to be the godfather.”

“I don’t understand… How is that possible? What are you talking about?”

I couldn’t say anything as I brushed away some of the new tears that were threatening to rush down my cheeks, waiting for you to figure it out because I certainly couldn’t find the strength within me anymore to tell it straight to you in person.

And then it finally dawned on you, and as crazy as it sounded, I almost wished it hadn’t…

“Oh…” Your voice was so quiet again. “You’re expecting again… Congratulations…”

“Thank you…” I whispered, brushing my cheek again the edge of my sleeve to wipe the wetness away again. “It’s still early days, but… If it all continues to go well I want you to be there…”

“If you want me to be its godfather, then I will,” you bravely insisted, and I really did appreciate how hard you were trying to put a smile back onto your face.

“I do…”

“Jiyool…”

“Pardon?” I replied, the meaningless word you suddenly uttered confusing me.

“Jiyool… If it’s a girl you should call her Jiyool. Wasn’t that the name you loved so much?”

”Yeh, it was…” I admitted. “Wow, I can’t believe you remembered that.”

“Yup. And if it’s a boy you do realise that you have to name him Hyunjoong.”

“Why Hyunjoong?” I slowly questioned, trying to figure it out for myself but coming to a complete dead end. As always you remain to be a complete mystery to me sometimes, JaeJoong…

“Well the ‘h’ is silent of course.”

“Yunjoong?” I slowly annunciated in confusion, until it suddenly dawned on me. “Oh, you idiot!”

You let out a string of devious laughter and the sound was so addictive and familiar that I was joining in with you before I could help myself.

It was so nice to be able to laugh with you again, even though the topic of baby names was still such a sensitive topic between us. The fact that you could sit here beside me and make jokes about my unborn child, despite knowing that the future birth would be yet another souvenir from my new relationship with Kyungmin, was truly a testament to our friendship. Not only did I really appreciate your kindness and ability to swallow your own sorrow in order to cheer on my own happiness, but it also gave me faith that our friendship really could survive through all the sad moments and grow warmer again in the future. It might take some time to grow again, but I had faith that eventually we’d both get there. Together.

Because you really are strong, JaeJoong. In fact, sometimes I think that you are unaware of just how strong you are… I used to find myself depending on that strength in the past, and it seems that even now I need that strength of yours in my life. I don’t want to ask too much from you, JaeJoong, but if you, yourself, are really willing to try and overcome the past hurt of our failed relationship in order to make a happier future for the both of us, then I really can die a happy man. With you in my life again, I can feel the small hole that you left in my heart when we had to part already starting to close up again. You are a vital part of me JaeJoong, even if we are no longer together in the romantic sense.

I love my wife, and I love my son, but I can hardly deny that all of this time I have still loved you as well. You are my brother, my best friend, and my confidante…

And you’ll always be special to me.

“Yunho?”

“Yes?” I replied, looking back up to find myself transfixed once more in your beautiful eyes.

“You really are like your son.”

“Pardon?”

“You have a bit of snot, just there…”

My eyes widened in humiliation as I quickly used the end of my sleeve to swipe across the bottom of my nose where JaeJoong was pointing. You sat and laughed at my embarrassment for so long I thought it was a wonder that you hadn’t run out of breath.

“I love you, Yunnie, you douche.”

“I love you too, Joongie.”



A/N Hmm. lol. Sorry if this wasn't what you guys were expecting. Actually, when I first began writing this part even I didn't know where things were gonna lead! I'm sure a lot of you are thinking that Jae is a crazy, masochistic idiot for doing what he did (and, well, I'm not gonna disagree XD) but in the end it was Jae's choice so...if Jae wants to emotionally torture himself it's all his own fault lol. But I guess in the past Jae's constant thoughts on the devastation he felt about his friendship with Yun withering away sort of became a bit obsessive, so maybe now that their friendship (if you could call it that ^^;;) is starting to be reformed it might make Jae less obsessed since that particular regret of his has been seen to. Plus, the more he is exposed to Yun's wife and kids the more he'd be forced to realise and accept that it is foolish to keep hanging onto his love for Yun... I dunno if he's brave or just plain stupid for being so determined to be apart of Yun's life even though it would mock him... *deep sigh*

PFFFT, well this is the last time I'm gonna try writing something so angsty in a long time! I've been depressed each day I wrote these parts so I am so bloody glad to have them over and done with, lol! In fact, I've been mulling over the idea of writing another oneshot but of the fluffier variety in order to cure my achy heart.The only problem is that I have absolutely noooo creativity when it comes to thinking up interesting scenarios fit for oneshots... I don't suppose you guys would have any ideas? Coz I sure don't at the moment! *another sigh*

But before I forget, thank you so much for reading this oneshot!! And thanks a bunch for the comments you guys dropped for part 2! I am so sorry that I haven't had a chance to reply to those comments yet, coz I've been stuck in uni all day. I'll be psyched enough to start replying once I take a nanna nap, LMAO!! YAY for naps, they get my thumbs up! *idiot* XD

Love to you allll! <3