Echo of Dusk - Chapter III (SECTION 1)
A/N: And welcome to the longest chapter yet!You’ll be relieved to hear that this chapter marks the start of Yunho’s search for JaeJoong, whoo! XD
But…the last little section is not for the faint-hearted…soooo, please heed my warning that there is angst in this chapter that is particularly dark. It has to happen sometime… better to get it over with now, in order for the rainbows and bunnies to come back, ne?
UNFORTUNETLY LJ is being an arse and saying it’s too long to post…so I’ve had to cut it into two parts. Bare with me here haha.
HERE IS THE FIRST PART ^___^
OST songs for Chapter Three:
- My Immortal - Evanescence (4.06MB) DOWNLOAD!
Yunho:
Your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But you still have, all of me.
- Kissing You - Desree (4.58MB) DOWNLOAD!
Yunho:
Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall.
But watching stars without you, my soul cries.
Ooh the aching …Where are you now?
- Whisper (2004 ver.) - Evanescence (6.47MB) DOWNLOAD!
JaeJoong:
I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know that there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will it all away…
SECTION ONE
“Major?”
I stared warily at the twenty-two year-old’s face, observing his dark complexion whilst the familiar pricks of jealousy invaded my cold heart despite all this time. It still felt weird hearing the term ‘Major’ applied to me…I felt like I didn’t deserve the promotion. And hearing him call me that…just made me feel worse.
“Am I disturbing anything?”
I said nothing as I continued to stare coldly at the robber in front of me…the one who stole my lover’s virgin lips; the one who stole his safety over 12 months ago that resulted in his indefinite disappearance.
The one I hate.
“Have you heard anything yet?” he asked me, used to my cold reception of him.
His quiet question lingered in the air as I tried to ignore my inner annoyance. Almost every friggen day for the past year Shim Changmin would ask the same question, reminding me uncomfortably of my loss…pah, as if I needed reminding. Everyday I would give him the same answer and today would certainly be no different.
Sometimes when I was exceptionally shaken by the war and he would ask that simple question, my fears and concerns would mix together into a messy goop and create an ugly substance called paranoia. Why do you always ask me this? I’d silently question. Are you mocking me? Do you think you could do better? Do you think you’re more intellectual then me and more cunning? Do you think that I should know the answer to that question by now because a Major should have enough authority to access the special intelligence records and information? Do you think I’m asking the wrong people? Do you think I’m incompetent?!
But then he’d remain staring at me with those desperation-filled eyes and for a second I would think that I was staring at myself in a mirror. In those times, my paranoia would dissolve and I’d finally answer him. “No. Nothing still.”
I’d watch him walk away dejectedly as if I’d selfishly crushed all his hope in my rough fingers despite him already anticipating what my answer would be.
As I continued to watch him walk away I couldn’t help but wonder if we were both more alike then I wanted to admit. Were both of us in love with someone already lost?
Shaking my head I begrudgingly turned back to the large map propped up against my bed. Our situation now involved several weeks of dreary stalemates but I continued to mark our progress on the well-worn map anyway. There was nothing much else to do but wait. Wait for peace. Wait for armistice. Wait to live in safety. Wait for reunification with our loved ones.
“Major Jung?”
I turned again, a little annoyed by the sudden disruption to my carefully constructed peace. I really didn’t have any right to be annoyed at those people in my unit. If anyone had the right to be pissed off it would be those soldiers of mine already older than my twenty-four years who were forced to obey the youngest Major in the ROKA. I was admittedly a little tired of people spewing out their admiration for my early achievements. Wouldn’t they risk their lives for others if they were desperate to lose everything in order to find their missing half, too?
Oh, I had much to complain about these days it seemed. What a lovely person I had turned out to be. What would my JaeJoong have said? Probably would have rolled those beautifully large eyes at me and shoved me a little, just to prove his twelve days of existence before my birth still made me subordinate to him despite everyone-else’s admiration and compliments.
I smiled bravely a little at the daydream and focused my attention back to the man who had called out to me.
“I brought you some coffee, Major,” the younger man calmly announced, holding out a steaming, dark blue mug.
Ah, a new one.
Most of my men already knew that I had lost the taste for the steaming brown liquid almost as soon as I had lost the boy who fueled my joy for such a beverage. It reminded me too much of that blissful place all those many months ago when an amusing older man would try to impress me outside a newspaper stand. Those sorts of memories hurt too much to recall.
“Enjoy it soldier,” I barked, feeling my heart shriveling up in inevitable pain. “It’s the last thing you’ll drink for a week.”
“P-Pardon, Major?” the bewildered soldier stuttered in confusion, obviously trying to pin-point where exactly he went wrong. I decided to help him out a bit.
“I don’t drink coffee. I haven’t a damn clue why you’d think I did. I didn’t realize I had men in my unit as dimwitted as you. My men all pay attention to detail. You must have been brought here by mistake?”
Why could I never stop insulting the poor guy for such a simple, harmless mistake? Why could I never stop insulting everyone now?
“I-I’m so sorry Major Jung!”
I turned my back to him, trying desperately to curb my acidic tongue before I could pointlessly crush his spirit any further. This war was already hard enough on everyone let alone them having to experience the pain of the person they could count upon and trust, stepping over their confidence and grinding it into the ground like a dirty cigarette butt.
When I next turned back around I found I was once again alone in my tent. Alone…such a horrid concept.
Who was I now? I thought I used to know myself once but… Had I always been this empty shell coated with bitterness? Had I been like that when I was a lawyer or had war done this to me? It was hard to remember back to those days when I was a newly graduated law student stepping into that lawyers firm. It had been so long ago.
War was so incomparable to normal days. One day in war was surely equivalent to a whole week of regular days. And yet one day in war without JaeJoong was definitely equivalent to one whole month of ordinary time. How much time had passed since he left me? Who cares to calculate such gloom…? All I cared about now was going back to those wonderful days when I donned a black suit and drank coffee next to a timid little thing radiating such beauty and joy at that seemingly insignificant newspaper stand. The stand which would now lay empty and eternally taken for granted. Was life really just a whole lot of events which were to be taken for granted? Were we forever cursed to live only in our memories?
“Did you see that?!” I demanded in excitement.
"See what.”
“What do you mean ‘see what’!” I exclaimed, amazed at the complete contrast in our attitudes. “The shooting star! What else!”
“There was a shooting star?”
“Of course there was!” I felt like smacking him. “How could you have missed it? It made the most distinct line in the sky~.”
“Ah. I wasn’t looking.”
“Where pray tell, were you looking then, Kim?”
“At that empty corner of your tent.”
“Why..?” Of all places JaeJoong could have been looking, why on earth was it an empty space in a boring, humid tent?!
“I was wondering if I could set up some sort of kitchen area. I hate the rations they give us. I could definitely make something better out of everything. I have confidence. But I’d need a kitchen area.”
“You were thinking about food when the most romantic phenomenon happened at this precious time of night?”
“Sure. What’s wrong with that?”
“You are the worst romantic, Kim JaeJoong. I demand you leave this tent at once in shame.”
“Fine.”
“Woahh, wait. Where are you going? COME BACK JOONGIE!” I reached out half laughing to desperately grab onto his ends of his shirt.
“I need to go wash up. That hike today made me dirtier than if I was playing in a puddle of mud.”
“But I like you dirty, JaeJoongie,” I grinned.
“I know you do, you filthy pervert,” he laughed. “Did you want to come with me?”
"Ahh, to scrub your back and what not?”
“Something like that.”
“You have odd needs, sweets. Childish needs. Very childish.”
“Says the guy fixated over a brief flash of light in the sky.”
I grinned up at him and pulled myself upright with the help of his strong hands. But before he could exit the tent I stealthily wrapped my arms around his chest and pulled him backwards against me in a tight clasp. Before he could completely register what was going on I hurriedly bent downwards and knocked his knees so that he’d tumble into my awaiting arms like a newly wed.
“You’re so manipulative,” I heard him growl as his resistance dissolved and he swung his arms around my neck in complete defeat. “Stop treating me like a girl.”
“Stop wanting me to treat you like a girl,” I countered smugly. He rolled his eyes but rested his head against my neck anyway.
“But…I guess I can’t exactly march down to the river in this suggestive position,” I sighed, enjoying the sensation of JaeJoong’s spiky hair against my bare neck.
“Then what was the point of it, exactly?”
“I just wanted to hold you,” I admitted.
“Aww,” he laughed. “Well holding time is over. If you don’t let me go, I’m going to have to start charging.”
“What’s the going rate?”
“I’ll tell you when I figure it out.”
“Be careful Kim, if you go about this the wrong way and create an unethical contract I’ll have to sue you when we get back.”
“Hah. I’d like to see you try.”
“Hello, you’re in the hands of a lawyer…literally.”
“And your hands are touching a poor cook’s assistant who has not consented. That’s sexual abuse. That’s a crime.”
“You consent to this, don’t lie. Lying is a crime too.”
“I’m not lying! You’re the one who made me fall over!”
“Nah. Say that you, Kim JaeJoong, solemnly swear on the bible and promise to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.”
“I….don’t….want to…be held by you. HAH!”
“’ERROR ERROR. MEEEEP.’ Oh look Joongie, the lie detector is going crazy over there! Guess you’re guilty as charged.”
"I need a proper attorney! Someone get me a lawyer!”
“Hello, baby,” I purred. We both started laughing. ”You know you’re the worst liar in the world, right?” I teased, kissing his cheek affectionately.
“Hmph.”
After a few seconds I finally let him jump down from my hold and stretch out his back.
“So are you coming with me?” he asked once more.
“Of course. Wait…who’s on duty tonight? MinWoo?”
“Maybe…Dunno.”
“Yeh I think it’s MinWoo,” I pondered out loud, following JaeJoong out into the cool night air. “Well, tonight MinWoo can be relieved of his duty. I think he’s much too innocent to see boy love.”
“Boy love?!” JaeJoong questioned in surprise. “Who said you were going to be getting any tonight? There ain’t going to be any boy love.”
“JaeJoong,” I sighed in mock-seriousness. “I told you to stop lying.”
“Oh ho!” He exclaimed. “The Captain’s laying off his men for a quick root! So irresponsible. What if the communists come and our designated spy is no where to be seen because of a certain selfish Captain?”
“Well then at least the communists can see what they are missing.”
“Sex in a river? Yeh, that’s what’s wrong with their constitution. They left out unhygienic, demonic acts.”
“Making love to you is unhygienic?” I slowed my walk in order to melodramatically sniff his neck. He pushed my head away indignantly.
“Say, Captain?” JaeJoong started to lower his voice as he leaned forward to whisper into my ear, “Is that a rifle sir, or are you just happy to see me?”
“Yeh, good going, I brought my M1 Garand.” I teased. “Say, Private?”
“Mm?” He did not sound impressed at all.
“Is that a pistol, or are you just happy to see me?”
"A PISTOL?!” He roared. “A PISTOL! I complement you with a rifle and you give me a PISTOL?!”
“Fine fine, I’m sorry. How about a hand grenade - small but explosive.”
“YUNHO!” He groaned. “Are you blind? I’m clearly a M20 3.5inch Rocket Launcher.
“Wow, now look who’s getting a…erm… big head.”
“YUNHO!” JaeJoong’s loud laughter echoed all throughout the campsite. “Stop making dirty puns! I’m going to wee myself silly!”
“Ahh, ‘JaeJoong the Unhygienic’ makes a come back.”
“GO BACK TO THE HOLE YOU CAME FROM!” JaeJoong mock-yelled, grinning as I ran back to him and twirled him around, happily.
"I love you.” I whispered into his neck.
“Yeh, well I don’t love you.”
“JaeJoong, for the third time tonight, stop lying.”
He was silent for a little while as we both stood close to each other. I could feel the wind brushing the leaves of the trees next to the river against our faces. “Okay.”
“Okay what?” I quietly asked, kissing the tip of his nose.
“I’ll stop lying.”
“Good to hear,” I smiled, kissing his nose again cutely. My smile widened slowly as I felt the smaller man keenly lean into my body and wrap his hands around my neck.
“I do love you. You’re the world to me. I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone because I was just fooling myself about being with you.” He didn’t say anything else in that low, melodious voice of his. He was still much too shy for elaborated confessions. But there was really no need - I already understood him completely.
ON TO SECTION TWO!
But…the last little section is not for the faint-hearted…soooo, please heed my warning that there is angst in this chapter that is particularly dark. It has to happen sometime… better to get it over with now, in order for the rainbows and bunnies to come back, ne?
UNFORTUNETLY LJ is being an arse and saying it’s too long to post…so I’ve had to cut it into two parts. Bare with me here haha.
HERE IS THE FIRST PART ^___^
OST songs for Chapter Three:
- My Immortal - Evanescence (4.06MB) DOWNLOAD!
Yunho:
Your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But you still have, all of me.
- Kissing You - Desree (4.58MB) DOWNLOAD!
Yunho:
Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall.
But watching stars without you, my soul cries.
Ooh the aching …Where are you now?
- Whisper (2004 ver.) - Evanescence (6.47MB) DOWNLOAD!
JaeJoong:
I'm frightened by what I see
But somehow I know that there's much more to come
Immobilized by my fear
And soon to be blinded by tears
I can stop the pain if I will it all away…
SECTION ONE
“Major?”
I stared warily at the twenty-two year-old’s face, observing his dark complexion whilst the familiar pricks of jealousy invaded my cold heart despite all this time. It still felt weird hearing the term ‘Major’ applied to me…I felt like I didn’t deserve the promotion. And hearing him call me that…just made me feel worse.
“Am I disturbing anything?”
I said nothing as I continued to stare coldly at the robber in front of me…the one who stole my lover’s virgin lips; the one who stole his safety over 12 months ago that resulted in his indefinite disappearance.
The one I hate.
“Have you heard anything yet?” he asked me, used to my cold reception of him.
His quiet question lingered in the air as I tried to ignore my inner annoyance. Almost every friggen day for the past year Shim Changmin would ask the same question, reminding me uncomfortably of my loss…pah, as if I needed reminding. Everyday I would give him the same answer and today would certainly be no different.
Sometimes when I was exceptionally shaken by the war and he would ask that simple question, my fears and concerns would mix together into a messy goop and create an ugly substance called paranoia. Why do you always ask me this? I’d silently question. Are you mocking me? Do you think you could do better? Do you think you’re more intellectual then me and more cunning? Do you think that I should know the answer to that question by now because a Major should have enough authority to access the special intelligence records and information? Do you think I’m asking the wrong people? Do you think I’m incompetent?!
But then he’d remain staring at me with those desperation-filled eyes and for a second I would think that I was staring at myself in a mirror. In those times, my paranoia would dissolve and I’d finally answer him. “No. Nothing still.”
I’d watch him walk away dejectedly as if I’d selfishly crushed all his hope in my rough fingers despite him already anticipating what my answer would be.
As I continued to watch him walk away I couldn’t help but wonder if we were both more alike then I wanted to admit. Were both of us in love with someone already lost?
Shaking my head I begrudgingly turned back to the large map propped up against my bed. Our situation now involved several weeks of dreary stalemates but I continued to mark our progress on the well-worn map anyway. There was nothing much else to do but wait. Wait for peace. Wait for armistice. Wait to live in safety. Wait for reunification with our loved ones.
“Major Jung?”
I turned again, a little annoyed by the sudden disruption to my carefully constructed peace. I really didn’t have any right to be annoyed at those people in my unit. If anyone had the right to be pissed off it would be those soldiers of mine already older than my twenty-four years who were forced to obey the youngest Major in the ROKA. I was admittedly a little tired of people spewing out their admiration for my early achievements. Wouldn’t they risk their lives for others if they were desperate to lose everything in order to find their missing half, too?
Oh, I had much to complain about these days it seemed. What a lovely person I had turned out to be. What would my JaeJoong have said? Probably would have rolled those beautifully large eyes at me and shoved me a little, just to prove his twelve days of existence before my birth still made me subordinate to him despite everyone-else’s admiration and compliments.
I smiled bravely a little at the daydream and focused my attention back to the man who had called out to me.
“I brought you some coffee, Major,” the younger man calmly announced, holding out a steaming, dark blue mug.
Ah, a new one.
Most of my men already knew that I had lost the taste for the steaming brown liquid almost as soon as I had lost the boy who fueled my joy for such a beverage. It reminded me too much of that blissful place all those many months ago when an amusing older man would try to impress me outside a newspaper stand. Those sorts of memories hurt too much to recall.
“Enjoy it soldier,” I barked, feeling my heart shriveling up in inevitable pain. “It’s the last thing you’ll drink for a week.”
“P-Pardon, Major?” the bewildered soldier stuttered in confusion, obviously trying to pin-point where exactly he went wrong. I decided to help him out a bit.
“I don’t drink coffee. I haven’t a damn clue why you’d think I did. I didn’t realize I had men in my unit as dimwitted as you. My men all pay attention to detail. You must have been brought here by mistake?”
Why could I never stop insulting the poor guy for such a simple, harmless mistake? Why could I never stop insulting everyone now?
“I-I’m so sorry Major Jung!”
I turned my back to him, trying desperately to curb my acidic tongue before I could pointlessly crush his spirit any further. This war was already hard enough on everyone let alone them having to experience the pain of the person they could count upon and trust, stepping over their confidence and grinding it into the ground like a dirty cigarette butt.
When I next turned back around I found I was once again alone in my tent. Alone…such a horrid concept.
Who was I now? I thought I used to know myself once but… Had I always been this empty shell coated with bitterness? Had I been like that when I was a lawyer or had war done this to me? It was hard to remember back to those days when I was a newly graduated law student stepping into that lawyers firm. It had been so long ago.
War was so incomparable to normal days. One day in war was surely equivalent to a whole week of regular days. And yet one day in war without JaeJoong was definitely equivalent to one whole month of ordinary time. How much time had passed since he left me? Who cares to calculate such gloom…? All I cared about now was going back to those wonderful days when I donned a black suit and drank coffee next to a timid little thing radiating such beauty and joy at that seemingly insignificant newspaper stand. The stand which would now lay empty and eternally taken for granted. Was life really just a whole lot of events which were to be taken for granted? Were we forever cursed to live only in our memories?
“Did you see that?!” I demanded in excitement.
"See what.”
“What do you mean ‘see what’!” I exclaimed, amazed at the complete contrast in our attitudes. “The shooting star! What else!”
“There was a shooting star?”
“Of course there was!” I felt like smacking him. “How could you have missed it? It made the most distinct line in the sky~.”
“Ah. I wasn’t looking.”
“Where pray tell, were you looking then, Kim?”
“At that empty corner of your tent.”
“Why..?” Of all places JaeJoong could have been looking, why on earth was it an empty space in a boring, humid tent?!
“I was wondering if I could set up some sort of kitchen area. I hate the rations they give us. I could definitely make something better out of everything. I have confidence. But I’d need a kitchen area.”
“You were thinking about food when the most romantic phenomenon happened at this precious time of night?”
“Sure. What’s wrong with that?”
“You are the worst romantic, Kim JaeJoong. I demand you leave this tent at once in shame.”
“Fine.”
“Woahh, wait. Where are you going? COME BACK JOONGIE!” I reached out half laughing to desperately grab onto his ends of his shirt.
“I need to go wash up. That hike today made me dirtier than if I was playing in a puddle of mud.”
“But I like you dirty, JaeJoongie,” I grinned.
“I know you do, you filthy pervert,” he laughed. “Did you want to come with me?”
"Ahh, to scrub your back and what not?”
“Something like that.”
“You have odd needs, sweets. Childish needs. Very childish.”
“Says the guy fixated over a brief flash of light in the sky.”
I grinned up at him and pulled myself upright with the help of his strong hands. But before he could exit the tent I stealthily wrapped my arms around his chest and pulled him backwards against me in a tight clasp. Before he could completely register what was going on I hurriedly bent downwards and knocked his knees so that he’d tumble into my awaiting arms like a newly wed.
“You’re so manipulative,” I heard him growl as his resistance dissolved and he swung his arms around my neck in complete defeat. “Stop treating me like a girl.”
“Stop wanting me to treat you like a girl,” I countered smugly. He rolled his eyes but rested his head against my neck anyway.
“But…I guess I can’t exactly march down to the river in this suggestive position,” I sighed, enjoying the sensation of JaeJoong’s spiky hair against my bare neck.
“Then what was the point of it, exactly?”
“I just wanted to hold you,” I admitted.
“Aww,” he laughed. “Well holding time is over. If you don’t let me go, I’m going to have to start charging.”
“What’s the going rate?”
“I’ll tell you when I figure it out.”
“Be careful Kim, if you go about this the wrong way and create an unethical contract I’ll have to sue you when we get back.”
“Hah. I’d like to see you try.”
“Hello, you’re in the hands of a lawyer…literally.”
“And your hands are touching a poor cook’s assistant who has not consented. That’s sexual abuse. That’s a crime.”
“You consent to this, don’t lie. Lying is a crime too.”
“I’m not lying! You’re the one who made me fall over!”
“Nah. Say that you, Kim JaeJoong, solemnly swear on the bible and promise to tell the truth and nothing but the truth.”
“I….don’t….want to…be held by you. HAH!”
“’ERROR ERROR. MEEEEP.’ Oh look Joongie, the lie detector is going crazy over there! Guess you’re guilty as charged.”
"I need a proper attorney! Someone get me a lawyer!”
“Hello, baby,” I purred. We both started laughing. ”You know you’re the worst liar in the world, right?” I teased, kissing his cheek affectionately.
“Hmph.”
After a few seconds I finally let him jump down from my hold and stretch out his back.
“So are you coming with me?” he asked once more.
“Of course. Wait…who’s on duty tonight? MinWoo?”
“Maybe…Dunno.”
“Yeh I think it’s MinWoo,” I pondered out loud, following JaeJoong out into the cool night air. “Well, tonight MinWoo can be relieved of his duty. I think he’s much too innocent to see boy love.”
“Boy love?!” JaeJoong questioned in surprise. “Who said you were going to be getting any tonight? There ain’t going to be any boy love.”
“JaeJoong,” I sighed in mock-seriousness. “I told you to stop lying.”
“Oh ho!” He exclaimed. “The Captain’s laying off his men for a quick root! So irresponsible. What if the communists come and our designated spy is no where to be seen because of a certain selfish Captain?”
“Well then at least the communists can see what they are missing.”
“Sex in a river? Yeh, that’s what’s wrong with their constitution. They left out unhygienic, demonic acts.”
“Making love to you is unhygienic?” I slowed my walk in order to melodramatically sniff his neck. He pushed my head away indignantly.
“Say, Captain?” JaeJoong started to lower his voice as he leaned forward to whisper into my ear, “Is that a rifle sir, or are you just happy to see me?”
“Yeh, good going, I brought my M1 Garand.” I teased. “Say, Private?”
“Mm?” He did not sound impressed at all.
“Is that a pistol, or are you just happy to see me?”
"A PISTOL?!” He roared. “A PISTOL! I complement you with a rifle and you give me a PISTOL?!”
“Fine fine, I’m sorry. How about a hand grenade - small but explosive.”
“YUNHO!” He groaned. “Are you blind? I’m clearly a M20 3.5inch Rocket Launcher.
“Wow, now look who’s getting a…erm… big head.”
“YUNHO!” JaeJoong’s loud laughter echoed all throughout the campsite. “Stop making dirty puns! I’m going to wee myself silly!”
“Ahh, ‘JaeJoong the Unhygienic’ makes a come back.”
“GO BACK TO THE HOLE YOU CAME FROM!” JaeJoong mock-yelled, grinning as I ran back to him and twirled him around, happily.
"I love you.” I whispered into his neck.
“Yeh, well I don’t love you.”
“JaeJoong, for the third time tonight, stop lying.”
He was silent for a little while as we both stood close to each other. I could feel the wind brushing the leaves of the trees next to the river against our faces. “Okay.”
“Okay what?” I quietly asked, kissing the tip of his nose.
“I’ll stop lying.”
“Good to hear,” I smiled, kissing his nose again cutely. My smile widened slowly as I felt the smaller man keenly lean into my body and wrap his hands around my neck.
“I do love you. You’re the world to me. I’m scared that one day I’ll wake up and you’ll be gone because I was just fooling myself about being with you.” He didn’t say anything else in that low, melodious voice of his. He was still much too shy for elaborated confessions. But there was really no need - I already understood him completely.
ON TO SECTION TWO!