What's new?
I haven't written in so long. Usually it means good things have been happening.
My trip in Hawaii was fun. The freedom and the sun did me good, but I was still having doubts about the whole relationship. At the end of the trip though, I felt good. It wasn't until after I came back and I had one week of honeymoon with Vancouver time that I felt the best.
Soon after a crisis hit me - involving my cousin and his misjudgement or mutual misunderstanding about what happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii. It drove me into a turmoil, but only for two days or so. I realized with that incident that I have made my choice. This puts me somewhat at ease, though my future will certainly not be a bed of roses. Or maybe that is exactly what it will be...beauty filled with thorns.
After that the monotony set in. Living downtown was really nice, but I had no free time because of all the commuting that I had to do. The pressures of learning how to drive was already high for me, but made higher because we are rushing my exam date. I am a nervous wreck about it...because the rules of the road are still so foreign to me.
My judgement is not backed up by enough experience or knowledge.
So now it is the time of extreme vulnerability. All the pressures of the driving needs, the new job, changes with living locations, new commitment to my relationship, lack of money, and the coming fall is combing to drive me a little off.
Getting high never works. Getting very dazed is all I can achieve. Being very tired is too easy.
Above all, I've been gorging myself so much since work has started. I think that I never realized just how much stress I was under until I think about it now...all that eating has made me weigh more than I ever did in my life so far. And I am so out of shape - mind and body.
I need a refresher. I need to settle things or get away or move on soon or else I will implode.
Good news is that the holidays are coming, and I'm going sailing next week and then Church camp after. Finally - I get to go to camp!
My trip in Hawaii was fun. The freedom and the sun did me good, but I was still having doubts about the whole relationship. At the end of the trip though, I felt good. It wasn't until after I came back and I had one week of honeymoon with Vancouver time that I felt the best.
Soon after a crisis hit me - involving my cousin and his misjudgement or mutual misunderstanding about what happens in Hawaii stays in Hawaii. It drove me into a turmoil, but only for two days or so. I realized with that incident that I have made my choice. This puts me somewhat at ease, though my future will certainly not be a bed of roses. Or maybe that is exactly what it will be...beauty filled with thorns.
After that the monotony set in. Living downtown was really nice, but I had no free time because of all the commuting that I had to do. The pressures of learning how to drive was already high for me, but made higher because we are rushing my exam date. I am a nervous wreck about it...because the rules of the road are still so foreign to me.
My judgement is not backed up by enough experience or knowledge.
So now it is the time of extreme vulnerability. All the pressures of the driving needs, the new job, changes with living locations, new commitment to my relationship, lack of money, and the coming fall is combing to drive me a little off.
Getting high never works. Getting very dazed is all I can achieve. Being very tired is too easy.
Above all, I've been gorging myself so much since work has started. I think that I never realized just how much stress I was under until I think about it now...all that eating has made me weigh more than I ever did in my life so far. And I am so out of shape - mind and body.
I need a refresher. I need to settle things or get away or move on soon or else I will implode.
Good news is that the holidays are coming, and I'm going sailing next week and then Church camp after. Finally - I get to go to camp!