Scared Thoughts
So, we found out in a meeting yesterday that our company is in "dire financial straits", and they're cutting back everybody's hours. Again. We don't have the magic number yet, but somewhere between 25 and 32 hours a week is going to be the range. Which... really, I have no idea how I can live on. That's about $100 a week paycut for me, and I ALREADY struggle to get by, and I'm broke all the time. And this is just a desperate measure that management is hoping will work before they have to resort to even MORE desperate measures and cut two people from my department. And I have a pretty good feeling that I'd be one of them.
Unfortunately we're a software company, and nobody buys software anymore. The economy is too bad, especially when people can just click a link on a webpage and download whatever they want without having to wait up to four weeks for snail mail. At this point, we've been struggling just to hang on, and we don't if the company will even be around much longer.
My sister made a comment about "maybe you really will have to move into our basement", and unfortunately I've been thinking about that too much. My parents have been looking to buy a house, and I've been going with them to look at places the last few weeks, and they've found some really cute ones. My sister started thinking, "if you were here, you could help watch Jack, and I could get a part-time job, and yadda yadda yadda". Which... isn't really a bad thought. If I could work 25 hours at my job I would still keep my benefits, and make enough to pay for my own food and gas so that my parents weren't supporting me. And if I DID lose my job, maybe I could even go back to school like I always wanted and make an ACTUAL change in my life. I'm just sick of always being one of the expendable ones, because I don't have a college degree and I'm always bounced from place to place. I don't want to live my life like this. It's too stressful and depressing. And maybe I could even save to buy my own house someday.
Don't get me wrong. These are just things moving around in my brain. I don't WANT to move, and I don't want to lose my apartment, and I don't really want to stop living with my roommate or anything like that. I'm just scared. I honestly don't know how I'm going to pay my rent and bills and still be able to eat and drive and buy... well, ANYTHING with this pay cut. And I'm scared what will happen if I DO lose my job and I HAVE to leave.
And on top of everything else, we're supposed to sign our lease extension for another year this weekend. It's just... a really bad time for that to come up, especially when I'm feeling so worried and uncertain. :(
Unfortunately we're a software company, and nobody buys software anymore. The economy is too bad, especially when people can just click a link on a webpage and download whatever they want without having to wait up to four weeks for snail mail. At this point, we've been struggling just to hang on, and we don't if the company will even be around much longer.
My sister made a comment about "maybe you really will have to move into our basement", and unfortunately I've been thinking about that too much. My parents have been looking to buy a house, and I've been going with them to look at places the last few weeks, and they've found some really cute ones. My sister started thinking, "if you were here, you could help watch Jack, and I could get a part-time job, and yadda yadda yadda". Which... isn't really a bad thought. If I could work 25 hours at my job I would still keep my benefits, and make enough to pay for my own food and gas so that my parents weren't supporting me. And if I DID lose my job, maybe I could even go back to school like I always wanted and make an ACTUAL change in my life. I'm just sick of always being one of the expendable ones, because I don't have a college degree and I'm always bounced from place to place. I don't want to live my life like this. It's too stressful and depressing. And maybe I could even save to buy my own house someday.
Don't get me wrong. These are just things moving around in my brain. I don't WANT to move, and I don't want to lose my apartment, and I don't really want to stop living with my roommate or anything like that. I'm just scared. I honestly don't know how I'm going to pay my rent and bills and still be able to eat and drive and buy... well, ANYTHING with this pay cut. And I'm scared what will happen if I DO lose my job and I HAVE to leave.
And on top of everything else, we're supposed to sign our lease extension for another year this weekend. It's just... a really bad time for that to come up, especially when I'm feeling so worried and uncertain. :(