The Key of Silence -Doctor Who fanfic Part 2
Title: The Key of Silence
Author: wihluta
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Ten, Jack, Simm!Master, Martha
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Character death (bringing one character back to life and killing him off again.)
Spoilers: New Who up to season 3, Classic Who "The Five Doctors" (Peter Davison, fifth Doctor)
Read Part 1
"You have to destroy the planet." Jack said, gravely. The two hours had long passed and they had heard nothing from Diwang Xin the Older.
The Doctor froze where he was still standing at the console.
"You'll have to do it."
Martha looked up at Jack as he raised his voice, and then looked around at the Doctor who still wasn‘t moving.
Jack took a few steps towards him, and Martha looked back at the Captain. She could see him run his tongue over his lips before he spoke again. "It's been easily two hours. The old hermit failed. You'll have to destroy the planet."
The Doctor finally turned around, and Martha could see the abject horror in his eyes as he looked at Jack.
"I can't," he said, his voice choked.
Jack took another step towards him. "You have to." He and the Doctor locked eyes and didn't move for a long moment. Martha could practically see the struggle of will between them. "You have to," Jack repeated.
The Doctor's mouth opened, but no sound came out. The next few seconds were filled with the worst silence of Martha's life. Asking the Doctor to kill the last existing member of his race apart from him. They could just as well ask him to cut one of his hearts out. Martha had seen the Doctor after the Master had died the first time. It had nearly broken him.
Jack never turned his eyes away, fixing the Doctors eyes with his own. Willing him to do what was necessary. Martha hated him for it. She hated herself for not stopping him. Hated all of them for not being able to find a different solution. Most of all she hated the Master.
Finally, a wall seemed to go up around the Doctor, an armour sliding into place, and the Doctor broke eye contact, turning to the TARDIS console. Martha watched him as he began pushing buttons and pulling levers with a brutal, mechanic efficiency. His movements got quicker as the glass tube above the console began to glow, and the TARDIS started to shake, gathering all her immense power to strike and destroy.
Martha watched Jack back away slowly, pressing his back against a pillar and holding on, his eyes on the Doctor who was still in motion, moving with such certainty that he almost seemed to have become one with his ship. She herself held onto the railing with a death grip, as if this might save them all. She heard a hum start in the innermost centre of the TARDIS that soon turned into a growl, and the glow of the glass tube intensified, only to finally explode in a spectrum of blinding colours.
Martha covered her eyes, trying to keep her balance as the TARDIS lurched, the growl turning into a scream as the ship expelled the radiation wave and destroyed the entire planet below, together with every living soul that was still on it.
Silence followed.
Martha lowered her hands and looked up. The movements of the ship had ceased, and so had the glow of the glass tube. Everything was still and silent. Jack was still standing with his back pressed against the pillar, unmoving.
The Doctor was standing next to the console, his long slender fingers resting on its edge. He was completely still as well, his eyes resting on the scanner. His face was devoid of any expression.
Jack took a hesitant step towards him and reached out, but as the Doctor turned his head to look at him, his movements faltered. Martha didn't dare breathe or move. She felt frozen.
The Doctor's eyes were empty, without any expression or emotion. A stone statue's eyes.
Jack opened his mouth, but he did not speak. For a moment, neither of them moved; then the Doctor turned away. He pressed a button on the scanner's frame that made the screen go blank, and then he turned around and walked away, out of the TARDIS' control room, leaving Jack and Martha where they were.
~~~
Martha watched the Doctor leave with a hollow feeling in her stomach. Her hands were still clenched around the railing, but she was barely aware of it, memories playing in her mind.
The Doctor, kneeling on the floor of the Valiant, cradling the lifeless form of the Master, rocking him back and forth and crying helplessly.
None of them had stepped forward then. None of them had tried to comfort him. None of them had known how to. They'd just stood there and watched the Doctor grieve, not daring to interrupt a pain they couldn't even begin to comprehend.
And now, the same had happened again, but this time, the Doctor hadn't broken down. This time, there had been no reaction at all and somehow, this was even more frightening, that seeing him crying on the Valiant.
The Doctor was always so full of emotion. Everything he felt showing clearly on his face. Excitement, anger, grief - you could always read it, right there on his face. But not this time. When he'd looked at her for a moment before he’d left, there had been nothing. Just blankness.
It made her want to curl up and cry like a child.
She had no idea how long she'd stood there, staring after him, before she caught herself and turned to look at Jack. He looked as desperate as she felt.
When their eyes met, Jack went over to her with a few quick strides and pulled her into an embrace. Martha leaned against him, buried her head into his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his middle. They stood like that for a long time, not talking, giving and taking comfort in one another.
Martha wished it were that easy with the Doctor.
"Do you think we should go after him?" she asked when she eventually pulled away.
Jack shook his head slowly, not in negation, but more unsure. "I don't know," he said. She could see her own uncertainty and fear reflected in his eyes.
"Maybe I should go after him," Martha said, looking in the direction where the Doctor had gone. "Or you. Maybe you should."
When he frowned, she explained, "Of all the people in the universe, you are the only one who can at least begin to understand how he must feel." She didn't look at him as she spoke, but she spoke resolutely.
Jack shook his head. "No, I don't think it compares-"
"I'm not saying you're the same," she said quickly, looking up at him. "I just... you're immortal, and you've lost people you loved...” She trailed off helplessly.
Jack turned his head away. "I'm-“ He broke off.
Martha nodded. She couldn't blame him. She herself had no idea how to comfort the Doctor in this. If he even wanted comfort. But there was that nagging feeling inside her that told her to go and try to help. Or have someone help, if she herself couldn't.
"Never mind," she said and shook her head. "I- I don't know. Maybe it's best- "
Jack licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll- I'll see if I can find him." He let his hands drop and exhaled, then looked back at Martha. "You're right, one of us probably should."
Martha smiled weekly. “Thank you.”
Epilogue
The Doctor didn't know or care where he was going. It didn't matter. Nothing did, really. Now that he was thinking about it, he wondered why he'd always thought otherwise. No matter what he did or didn't do, they all ended up dead. And he was alone again.
Alone and running away. Over and over and over.
Somehow he ended up sitting on a chair in one of the recreation areas. He cradled his head in his hands, staring unseeingly at the floor wishing he could just stop it all. He was so tired. So damn tired of losing people. So damn tired of being alone.
When he looked up, he saw Jack standing in the doorway and looking at him, uncertainty painted on his features. He looked down again.
"Go away, Jack."
"It was the only possible way," Jack said quietly after a moment. He wasn't moving.
"I said, go away."
"No." There was a pause. “I'm sorry," Jack continued, his voice still uncharacteristically quiet.
The Doctor interlaced his fingers, his elbows resting on his knees. "You shouldn't be," he said. "It wasn't your fault."
"No," Jack agreed. "It wasn't. I'm still sorry, though."
The Doctor looked up again, but before he could answer, Jack spoke again. "You're not alone, you know. I’m here right now. And Martha too-"
"You don't get it," the Doctor said tiredly, interrupting him. "I am alone. I'm the last of my kind. There's no one left but me."
"You did what was necessary to save the universe."
The Doctor laughed bitterly. "What do you know about it?"
Jack opened his mouth to say something but the Doctor cut him off before he could even start. "I can kill an entire race. I can destroy a whole planet, just by pressing a few buttons. And no one can stop me. What do you think that makes me, Jack? A hero?”
He stood up, glaring at Jack. Anger suddenly burning in his chest. Anger at Jack for making him destroy this planet. Anger at himself for not being able to find another solution. Anger at the universe for never giving him a choice. But anger was good. Anger he could deal with. " You have no idea, Jack. You're just a stupid human who'd had the misfortune to get into the way of bigger things. You know nothing."
He could see his own anger reflected in Jacks eyes, then. He held his gaze.
Jack stared at him. "Oh, you're just so full of yourself!" He yelled back suddenly. "Mister 'high and mighty Time Lord'. Did it ever occur to you that we stupid, ordinary people might have something to offer beyond being an amusing time filler?"
The Doctor turned around again. "I never asked you to come with me. I don't need your pity. I don't need anyone's pity. I'm just fine one my own," he shouted. Yes, he was fine. Always fine. And if he was alone, then at least he couldn't get attached to another person and kill them too.
He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be...
He stormed past Jack, out the door, going nowhere. But a hand roughly gripped his arm, stopping him in his tracks and spinning him around.
"You think I pity you? You think any of your companions travelled with you out of pity?" Jack shook his head, disbelief obvious in his gesture. "I can't speak for the others, but I certainly don't pity you," he went on seriously, looking into the Doctor's eyes.
The Doctor held his gaze for a moment, then lowered his head.
Jack loosened his grip. "You're not alone," he said quietly. "I won't leave you. I couldn't, even if I wanted to."
The Doctor didn't move. He just stood there, in front of Jack, not looking at him. He wanted to shout at Jack. Wanted to hit him. Wanted to hold him close and never let go.
But he couldn't. Instead he stood there, frozen. Still feeling so alone. His hearts aching with the pain of the pointlessness of it all.
Then Jack stepped closer and pulled him into an embrace.
For a moment the Doctor stiffened, every muscle locked, screaming at him to pull away. But then the tension bled out of him and he leaned against Jack; letting Jack wrap his arms around him and hold him.
"It's going to be alright," Jack whispered.
The Doctor buried his face into Jack's shoulder and something inside him loosened. He could feel his shoulders starting to shake as he grabbed a handful of Jack's shirt and held on tight.
There was nothing more he could say. All he could do was hold on and hope against his better judgement, that maybe next time, Time would show them some mercy.
The End.
Author: wihluta
Fandom: Doctor Who
Characters: Ten, Jack, Simm!Master, Martha
Rating: PG 13
Warning: Character death (bringing one character back to life and killing him off again.)
Spoilers: New Who up to season 3, Classic Who "The Five Doctors" (Peter Davison, fifth Doctor)
Read Part 1
"You have to destroy the planet." Jack said, gravely. The two hours had long passed and they had heard nothing from Diwang Xin the Older.
The Doctor froze where he was still standing at the console.
"You'll have to do it."
Martha looked up at Jack as he raised his voice, and then looked around at the Doctor who still wasn‘t moving.
Jack took a few steps towards him, and Martha looked back at the Captain. She could see him run his tongue over his lips before he spoke again. "It's been easily two hours. The old hermit failed. You'll have to destroy the planet."
The Doctor finally turned around, and Martha could see the abject horror in his eyes as he looked at Jack.
"I can't," he said, his voice choked.
Jack took another step towards him. "You have to." He and the Doctor locked eyes and didn't move for a long moment. Martha could practically see the struggle of will between them. "You have to," Jack repeated.
The Doctor's mouth opened, but no sound came out. The next few seconds were filled with the worst silence of Martha's life. Asking the Doctor to kill the last existing member of his race apart from him. They could just as well ask him to cut one of his hearts out. Martha had seen the Doctor after the Master had died the first time. It had nearly broken him.
Jack never turned his eyes away, fixing the Doctors eyes with his own. Willing him to do what was necessary. Martha hated him for it. She hated herself for not stopping him. Hated all of them for not being able to find a different solution. Most of all she hated the Master.
Finally, a wall seemed to go up around the Doctor, an armour sliding into place, and the Doctor broke eye contact, turning to the TARDIS console. Martha watched him as he began pushing buttons and pulling levers with a brutal, mechanic efficiency. His movements got quicker as the glass tube above the console began to glow, and the TARDIS started to shake, gathering all her immense power to strike and destroy.
Martha watched Jack back away slowly, pressing his back against a pillar and holding on, his eyes on the Doctor who was still in motion, moving with such certainty that he almost seemed to have become one with his ship. She herself held onto the railing with a death grip, as if this might save them all. She heard a hum start in the innermost centre of the TARDIS that soon turned into a growl, and the glow of the glass tube intensified, only to finally explode in a spectrum of blinding colours.
Martha covered her eyes, trying to keep her balance as the TARDIS lurched, the growl turning into a scream as the ship expelled the radiation wave and destroyed the entire planet below, together with every living soul that was still on it.
Silence followed.
Martha lowered her hands and looked up. The movements of the ship had ceased, and so had the glow of the glass tube. Everything was still and silent. Jack was still standing with his back pressed against the pillar, unmoving.
The Doctor was standing next to the console, his long slender fingers resting on its edge. He was completely still as well, his eyes resting on the scanner. His face was devoid of any expression.
Jack took a hesitant step towards him and reached out, but as the Doctor turned his head to look at him, his movements faltered. Martha didn't dare breathe or move. She felt frozen.
The Doctor's eyes were empty, without any expression or emotion. A stone statue's eyes.
Jack opened his mouth, but he did not speak. For a moment, neither of them moved; then the Doctor turned away. He pressed a button on the scanner's frame that made the screen go blank, and then he turned around and walked away, out of the TARDIS' control room, leaving Jack and Martha where they were.
~~~
Martha watched the Doctor leave with a hollow feeling in her stomach. Her hands were still clenched around the railing, but she was barely aware of it, memories playing in her mind.
The Doctor, kneeling on the floor of the Valiant, cradling the lifeless form of the Master, rocking him back and forth and crying helplessly.
None of them had stepped forward then. None of them had tried to comfort him. None of them had known how to. They'd just stood there and watched the Doctor grieve, not daring to interrupt a pain they couldn't even begin to comprehend.
And now, the same had happened again, but this time, the Doctor hadn't broken down. This time, there had been no reaction at all and somehow, this was even more frightening, that seeing him crying on the Valiant.
The Doctor was always so full of emotion. Everything he felt showing clearly on his face. Excitement, anger, grief - you could always read it, right there on his face. But not this time. When he'd looked at her for a moment before he’d left, there had been nothing. Just blankness.
It made her want to curl up and cry like a child.
She had no idea how long she'd stood there, staring after him, before she caught herself and turned to look at Jack. He looked as desperate as she felt.
When their eyes met, Jack went over to her with a few quick strides and pulled her into an embrace. Martha leaned against him, buried her head into his shoulder and wrapped her arms around his middle. They stood like that for a long time, not talking, giving and taking comfort in one another.
Martha wished it were that easy with the Doctor.
"Do you think we should go after him?" she asked when she eventually pulled away.
Jack shook his head slowly, not in negation, but more unsure. "I don't know," he said. She could see her own uncertainty and fear reflected in his eyes.
"Maybe I should go after him," Martha said, looking in the direction where the Doctor had gone. "Or you. Maybe you should."
When he frowned, she explained, "Of all the people in the universe, you are the only one who can at least begin to understand how he must feel." She didn't look at him as she spoke, but she spoke resolutely.
Jack shook his head. "No, I don't think it compares-"
"I'm not saying you're the same," she said quickly, looking up at him. "I just... you're immortal, and you've lost people you loved...” She trailed off helplessly.
Jack turned his head away. "I'm-“ He broke off.
Martha nodded. She couldn't blame him. She herself had no idea how to comfort the Doctor in this. If he even wanted comfort. But there was that nagging feeling inside her that told her to go and try to help. Or have someone help, if she herself couldn't.
"Never mind," she said and shook her head. "I- I don't know. Maybe it's best- "
Jack licked his lips and ran a hand through his hair. "I'll- I'll see if I can find him." He let his hands drop and exhaled, then looked back at Martha. "You're right, one of us probably should."
Martha smiled weekly. “Thank you.”
Epilogue
The Doctor didn't know or care where he was going. It didn't matter. Nothing did, really. Now that he was thinking about it, he wondered why he'd always thought otherwise. No matter what he did or didn't do, they all ended up dead. And he was alone again.
Alone and running away. Over and over and over.
Somehow he ended up sitting on a chair in one of the recreation areas. He cradled his head in his hands, staring unseeingly at the floor wishing he could just stop it all. He was so tired. So damn tired of losing people. So damn tired of being alone.
When he looked up, he saw Jack standing in the doorway and looking at him, uncertainty painted on his features. He looked down again.
"Go away, Jack."
"It was the only possible way," Jack said quietly after a moment. He wasn't moving.
"I said, go away."
"No." There was a pause. “I'm sorry," Jack continued, his voice still uncharacteristically quiet.
The Doctor interlaced his fingers, his elbows resting on his knees. "You shouldn't be," he said. "It wasn't your fault."
"No," Jack agreed. "It wasn't. I'm still sorry, though."
The Doctor looked up again, but before he could answer, Jack spoke again. "You're not alone, you know. I’m here right now. And Martha too-"
"You don't get it," the Doctor said tiredly, interrupting him. "I am alone. I'm the last of my kind. There's no one left but me."
"You did what was necessary to save the universe."
The Doctor laughed bitterly. "What do you know about it?"
Jack opened his mouth to say something but the Doctor cut him off before he could even start. "I can kill an entire race. I can destroy a whole planet, just by pressing a few buttons. And no one can stop me. What do you think that makes me, Jack? A hero?”
He stood up, glaring at Jack. Anger suddenly burning in his chest. Anger at Jack for making him destroy this planet. Anger at himself for not being able to find another solution. Anger at the universe for never giving him a choice. But anger was good. Anger he could deal with. " You have no idea, Jack. You're just a stupid human who'd had the misfortune to get into the way of bigger things. You know nothing."
He could see his own anger reflected in Jacks eyes, then. He held his gaze.
Jack stared at him. "Oh, you're just so full of yourself!" He yelled back suddenly. "Mister 'high and mighty Time Lord'. Did it ever occur to you that we stupid, ordinary people might have something to offer beyond being an amusing time filler?"
The Doctor turned around again. "I never asked you to come with me. I don't need your pity. I don't need anyone's pity. I'm just fine one my own," he shouted. Yes, he was fine. Always fine. And if he was alone, then at least he couldn't get attached to another person and kill them too.
He couldn't take it anymore. He wanted to be alone. He wanted to be...
He stormed past Jack, out the door, going nowhere. But a hand roughly gripped his arm, stopping him in his tracks and spinning him around.
"You think I pity you? You think any of your companions travelled with you out of pity?" Jack shook his head, disbelief obvious in his gesture. "I can't speak for the others, but I certainly don't pity you," he went on seriously, looking into the Doctor's eyes.
The Doctor held his gaze for a moment, then lowered his head.
Jack loosened his grip. "You're not alone," he said quietly. "I won't leave you. I couldn't, even if I wanted to."
The Doctor didn't move. He just stood there, in front of Jack, not looking at him. He wanted to shout at Jack. Wanted to hit him. Wanted to hold him close and never let go.
But he couldn't. Instead he stood there, frozen. Still feeling so alone. His hearts aching with the pain of the pointlessness of it all.
Then Jack stepped closer and pulled him into an embrace.
For a moment the Doctor stiffened, every muscle locked, screaming at him to pull away. But then the tension bled out of him and he leaned against Jack; letting Jack wrap his arms around him and hold him.
"It's going to be alright," Jack whispered.
The Doctor buried his face into Jack's shoulder and something inside him loosened. He could feel his shoulders starting to shake as he grabbed a handful of Jack's shirt and held on tight.
There was nothing more he could say. All he could do was hold on and hope against his better judgement, that maybe next time, Time would show them some mercy.
The End.