Ramblings + About Moi + Plans
Diary: Week of 15/10: Jobs, Games, Dungeon and Hobbit
Things are starting to look a bit better job-wise. Still haven't had much correspondence other than letters of rejection but I do have an interview with an agency coming this Tuesday who should be able to get me work before the end of next week. With Christmas coming on it's way that is seeming more and more important.
Driving lessons are going well too *nods* :o)
Also had plenty of time to get out and play as well :o)
Went down my brother's on the Tuesday to play some Starcraft custom maps (did try to play same-time Risk but we had trouble getting it to work through the network). Ended up watching Hitcher's Guide (film) through the night :o)
Wednesday I went down to Dungeon and met up with lots of people, including Fraggleonspeed, chrisie1979, Danea IamnotGemma and Laura :o)
A girl on the dancefloor seemed rather intent on getting me dancing with two other boys who were all over each other, not sure where the presumption that I was gay came from but oh well. Worked out in the end because the three of us boys surrounded her instead :oD
Thursday I went to visit chrisie1979 and Friday my brother and his other half came down to help me rewrite my CV, thus I have a more condensed CV that looks a mite more professional now. Let's see if it helps :o)
Saturday was Heathers at the Hobbit (Goth Night) which was brilliant. Good music and a great crowd, I'll be sure to be at the next one too :o) Slept over at nemtri's that night as Dan didn't have the taxi money to get back there alone (and it was slightly cheaper than going all the way back to Weston...)
I slept on the sofa in what turned out to be the coldest student living room ever... :oP
Slunk away come morning to sleep through most of Sunday in my own bed :o)
Thoughts: Guide to Jamies
A recent post reminded me of a discussion on a poly list that involved the idea of creating 'user manuals' to explain to lovers and friends how to interact with oneself. The idea is mostly tongue-in-cheek but got me thinking of some of the common mistakes people at least appear to make about me.
Introversion
Most people who know me at all realise I'm an introvert. I mostly think before I speak, and I think at least ten times as much as I speak even when around other people. This means I spend a lot of time silent and thinking about what people have said.
Also, I'm not very expressive. My thoughts and emotions are mostly inside rather than expressed through facial expression, gesture or speech. Most people will have very little idea of what is going on inside my head. Occasionally even my lovers have said to me that I'm hard to figuire out, so if you are not a romantically involved with me and you think you know what is going on in my head you are probably too sure of yourself.
The problem is that this leaves people without social cues. A lot of people need reassurance. They want me to express that I like them, or enjoy their company, or approve of what they said, and often I don't express these things. I think it was put best when someone confessed a fear of me 'silently judging them inside my head'.
This is a particular problem with people of low self-esteem, who will tend to assume the worst.
The best way to judge me though is by my actions. If I'm not interested in speaking to you I won't, so if I do then the conversation must interest me somewhat. If I don't like you then I won't likely be coming over to speak to you, or inviting you out to social occasions et cetera. Obvious really.
Aversion to Small Talk
Carrying straight on from the above I am very bad at small talk. By 'Small Talk' I mean that stuff people aren't really interested in but use to fill up quiet spaces in conversation. It's vacuous and pointless and I guess only done as the sort of social cue and reassurance that I've admitted I'm not good at.
This is one of the reasons why I don't identify as 'shy'. My level of 'social anxiety' is not actually that high. I'm not phobic of speaking my mind nor too worried about what people think of me.
I mostly just lack anything to say, which results in a slight social awkwardness as I feel like I'm supposed to say something but have no idea what. I guess I could learn to fake it but the idea of being socially fake really displeases me.
I can be encouraged to talk more if I hit upon a subject I want to speak about in a familiar context, then you might have trouble shutting me up. Teachers of subjects I liked in at college often believed me to be extroverted due to being one of the loudest students in the room who was always volunteering his opinion.
The problem is... finding that common-ground, but perhaps that's not such an unusual problem.
Aversion to big groups
When I started school as a child it was quickly discovered I couldn't cope with it and the teachers seemed to believe I was sub-par intelligence, but it was quickly worked out the problem was mostly being in a large room with lots of other children with lots of other noises. Moved into smaller 'special needs' sets with smaller amounts of children I was fine, and of course now I'm a university graduate.
In a way I never really got to like large groups. I also still don't like unfocused noise.
Don't get me wrong, I like nightclubs, but I will typically wonder around looking for small groups or one-to-one conversations, which is where I feel most comfortable.
Meanwhile if I'm at a table with lots of people, even if they are people I know a number of, I will sometimes find it hard to interact with people and become very quiet until I can start interacting with people on my own terms again.
With large groups of people I don't know at all I am likely to be deadly silent.
My Private Life
Is private.
I am reserved and I don't give much away. I like it and am comfortable this way.
I can talk about a lot of sensitive issues in the abstract. I can waffle about my preferances in romance, or the best way to deal with troubling emotions or situations, or the importance of using protection during sex. I'm much less comfortable with talking about actual instances with anyone other than very, very close personal friends and lovers (and even they may find me closed off)
The truth is you don't need to know, and I don't need you to know.
If I have a personal problem I will choose someone to speak to, or, more likely, create a filtered livejournal entry with at most a handful of people on it, and usually only one or two. I am very low-maintenance so even the people who I am inclined to share these with will not see them often, and even those will not be cries for sympathy or hugs, but for advice.
Good solid advice I can appreciate. One of the things I like about thepussykat is she gives very good, very direct, very blunt advice on what you should practically do or not do. That I find useful.
Less useful is 'have a hug' type support. The truth is that if I have a problem I'm likely to retreat inwards and deal with it intellectually. I won't be found crying, or in need of a hug, or 'acting out', or getting drunk at a nightclub to solve my problems.
There have been a number of things lately I could have acted out. I didn't get the grade I wanted at university, I've failed to get a job as of yet, my relationship with Elegy_Of_Flames ended, and those things are personal difficulties, but they're not something I require other people's comfort for, or feel a need to act out publically. No emotional outbursts, nor change in public behavior, no getting drunk to solve my problems, no melodrama.
In short, I deal with it, and I get on with it.
If you are a friend and insist on wanting to be helpful and be 'there for me', here is what I advise.
If you really must feel free to present me with an opening to talk about these issues if I want to, do not press the conversation and ideally only suggest the conversation and do not outright ask me. If I do enter into the conversation then what I am probably looking for is advice and straight answers.
Do not presume that I need emotional support, or hugs, or sympathy, or your pity in any regard, if you do then I will likely feel patronised and insulted. I am not an emotional invalid, and I am not a teenager, do not treat me like one.
As far as the emotional side of things goes, what is much better for my emotional health is if you could spend time with me and be your merry selves and have a very good time. I enjoy being around people when they are being positive and having fun; it's infectious and helps me move past my own problems.
Dwelling on the issue and other people raising them in conversation, or being 'sad for me' will only remind me of them, and that's no use at all.
So do the other easier and more enjoyable thing; have a good time. I prefer it when I'm around people having a good time.
Contacting me
I'm always happy to be invited out places and for people to let me know what they are upto so I can come along. In most cases I will try to make it as long as I can.
Best bet is email, livejournal, facebook, or text message.
Ringing me works as long as your brief. I hate rambling phone calls that don't come to the point and just use up my time.
Arguing with me
My intellect is one of the things that I have most confidence in. My ability to think rationally, to dissect what people have written, and my conceptual understanding are pet strengths.
And I like to keep them active in the same way some people like to keep their body muscles active.
Disagreeing with me is no bad thing and will possibly make me like you more.
If someone with genuine interest and the intellect to carry them through the conversation can hold conversation with me, particularly online, then I do enjoy it and you shouldn't take the adversarial nature of the conversation to heart.
The exception to this is when people try to hard, don't know what they are talking about, possibly aren't even that bright, but insist on spouting their mouth of anyway. We all make mistakes but please know your limits.
I'm a philosophy student, I'll have plenty to say on most basic subjects, but I also know that past the basics I can become lost and I recognise that. I can chat away about the philosophy of science and epistemology, as well as clarification of basic theories and ideas used in science, but I don't know squat about advanced scientific theory and discovery. I can hold a debate on the nature of aesthetic value, but I don't know anything about art history or trends, and I don't pretend to.
When people cross that line then it starts to bother me.
If you state an opinion, expect it to be taken as fact by other people, and fail to be able to back it up I will not approve.
If you state an opinion, and try to back it up with obviously flimsy argument that shows you don't understand the basics of logic then I won't be impressed.
It's pretty much that simple.
Morality
I am actually a subjectivist. I believe moral values are parts of our psychologies and thus our own, rather like what we hunger for or what we find beautiful.
However, that doesn't mean I don't think there are things that are immoral and moral and that the phrase 'it's all relative' washes everything away. My aesthetic values determine what I find beautiful and thus I call it so and admire it, my dietary preferances tell me what I want to eat and so I eat it, and my moral values tell me what I find admirable and so I admire it, and also what and who I should condemn, and condemn them and their actions so I shall.
Yes, other people may not have my moral values, but I do and I'll act on them just as sure as I will my hunger.
Fortunately my moral practice isn't so that is should bother people.
To simplify my main moral value is nothing other than the preservation of the happiness of other people and the minimalisation of suffering.
I personally only partially live up to this as my morality is only one part of my psychology and not all-domineering. Minor sins might include spending money on myself rather than giving it to where it may create more happiness. I guess I'm not morally perfect, no surprise.
All the same I admire people that live up to it, and disprove of people who don't, to the degree appropriate.
However, I realise that condemning people and expressing judgement of them all the time just pisses them off and rarely results in change so I'm not outspoken. Further, only rather serious cruelty or callousness will make me inclined not to want to associate with people at all anymore.
Thoughts: Drama
There's a certain extent where I have a morbid fascination with watching drama unfold as long as I'm not involved. Of course I don't encourage it but I'll observe and take in the experience.
Yet I don't tend to find myself involved in Drama, or find it hard to avoid. I'm always surprised when other people have room to complain about such things because it always feels like it must mostly come down to them.
I think what it comes down to is three things:
1) Learn to deal with and contain your own life and problems first
2) Respect other people's space and privacy
3) Don't add extra emotions and fuss to already dramatic situations
(1): This is obviously a person's own responsibility.
I don't think it's about not having serious issues and problems in one's life, just about how you treat those problems. If you're constantly making them into a big fuss and drama and putting them on display for people then you are the one trying to introduce drama in to other people's life and can't complain when it happens.
(2): Don't poke your nose into other people's drama.
If someone hasn't invited you to be involved with their personal issues and emotional problems then it's your own fault if you decide to be a fusspot about it anyway. Ironically you will often only make it worse anyway as people will often get angry and resent you for poking your nose in other people's business.
So, even if other people appear to be having serious emotional issues that may even seem needless from outside, don't poke your nose in; it isn't any of your business.
(3): What drama comes down to is 'making a fuss'.
Most things that form the basis of drama can be discussed and dealt with in a non-dramatic way. Someone just broke up, someone is having a serious life change, someone just cheated on someone else... none of these things should cause drama if people are mature and civilised about things.
If I find myself surrounded by someone's drama I'll be sure to remain calm and preferably somewhat disconnected. It's already a 'dramatic' and volatile situation and no one needs me pouring fuel on the fire by being a fusspot.
So, if you want to help dissolve a dramatic situation it is very important that you don't let yourself get stressed or emotional, and it's very important you don't make the problem worse by exaggerating the issue or being melodramatic in the way you perceive or describe the situation.
This is why I tend to find that it's dramatic people that complain the most and loudest about drama. Making a song and dance about other people's drama is in itself dramatic. Telling us your 'tales of woe' about other people's drama is in itself dramatic.
Because drama isn't about what life problems people go through, it's about the attitude which they deal with those life problems with.
Which is why if you are always looking for drama you will find it because you've entered into things with a very dramatic attitude.
Link: This is Wrong
Link: Glam Guns
Link: Altered version of that spining dancer test
Link: Dumbledore is Gay
Plans: Soton Events
I hear there is rumour of a Vampire night this Friday at Dungeon. Not sure what to wear, although I guess I could always drag out a black frilly shirt from somewhere in my wardrobe. Guess that is about adequate.
The first PhilSoc social is this Thursday, so I might turn up to that.
Got a friend's birthday party on the Saturday I probably ought to turn up to, but it's got a 'comedy' fancy dress theme. Having said that, Wrenny_bum is apparently thinking of doing a Rocky Horror dress-up for the day, which I could follow suit with.
I'm also imagining there must be a ton of Halloween parties coming up quickly, anyone know what people are doing for that? I'm sure people have mentioned to me but I've forgotten and not all of them seem to have been put up onto facebook.
Anyone else up to anything or want to tag along to something? :o)
Things are starting to look a bit better job-wise. Still haven't had much correspondence other than letters of rejection but I do have an interview with an agency coming this Tuesday who should be able to get me work before the end of next week. With Christmas coming on it's way that is seeming more and more important.
Driving lessons are going well too *nods* :o)
Also had plenty of time to get out and play as well :o)
Went down my brother's on the Tuesday to play some Starcraft custom maps (did try to play same-time Risk but we had trouble getting it to work through the network). Ended up watching Hitcher's Guide (film) through the night :o)
Wednesday I went down to Dungeon and met up with lots of people, including Fraggleonspeed, chrisie1979, Danea IamnotGemma and Laura :o)
A girl on the dancefloor seemed rather intent on getting me dancing with two other boys who were all over each other, not sure where the presumption that I was gay came from but oh well. Worked out in the end because the three of us boys surrounded her instead :oD
Thursday I went to visit chrisie1979 and Friday my brother and his other half came down to help me rewrite my CV, thus I have a more condensed CV that looks a mite more professional now. Let's see if it helps :o)
Saturday was Heathers at the Hobbit (Goth Night) which was brilliant. Good music and a great crowd, I'll be sure to be at the next one too :o) Slept over at nemtri's that night as Dan didn't have the taxi money to get back there alone (and it was slightly cheaper than going all the way back to Weston...)
I slept on the sofa in what turned out to be the coldest student living room ever... :oP
Slunk away come morning to sleep through most of Sunday in my own bed :o)
Thoughts: Guide to Jamies
A recent post reminded me of a discussion on a poly list that involved the idea of creating 'user manuals' to explain to lovers and friends how to interact with oneself. The idea is mostly tongue-in-cheek but got me thinking of some of the common mistakes people at least appear to make about me.
Introversion
Most people who know me at all realise I'm an introvert. I mostly think before I speak, and I think at least ten times as much as I speak even when around other people. This means I spend a lot of time silent and thinking about what people have said.
Also, I'm not very expressive. My thoughts and emotions are mostly inside rather than expressed through facial expression, gesture or speech. Most people will have very little idea of what is going on inside my head. Occasionally even my lovers have said to me that I'm hard to figuire out, so if you are not a romantically involved with me and you think you know what is going on in my head you are probably too sure of yourself.
The problem is that this leaves people without social cues. A lot of people need reassurance. They want me to express that I like them, or enjoy their company, or approve of what they said, and often I don't express these things. I think it was put best when someone confessed a fear of me 'silently judging them inside my head'.
This is a particular problem with people of low self-esteem, who will tend to assume the worst.
The best way to judge me though is by my actions. If I'm not interested in speaking to you I won't, so if I do then the conversation must interest me somewhat. If I don't like you then I won't likely be coming over to speak to you, or inviting you out to social occasions et cetera. Obvious really.
Aversion to Small Talk
Carrying straight on from the above I am very bad at small talk. By 'Small Talk' I mean that stuff people aren't really interested in but use to fill up quiet spaces in conversation. It's vacuous and pointless and I guess only done as the sort of social cue and reassurance that I've admitted I'm not good at.
This is one of the reasons why I don't identify as 'shy'. My level of 'social anxiety' is not actually that high. I'm not phobic of speaking my mind nor too worried about what people think of me.
I mostly just lack anything to say, which results in a slight social awkwardness as I feel like I'm supposed to say something but have no idea what. I guess I could learn to fake it but the idea of being socially fake really displeases me.
I can be encouraged to talk more if I hit upon a subject I want to speak about in a familiar context, then you might have trouble shutting me up. Teachers of subjects I liked in at college often believed me to be extroverted due to being one of the loudest students in the room who was always volunteering his opinion.
The problem is... finding that common-ground, but perhaps that's not such an unusual problem.
Aversion to big groups
When I started school as a child it was quickly discovered I couldn't cope with it and the teachers seemed to believe I was sub-par intelligence, but it was quickly worked out the problem was mostly being in a large room with lots of other children with lots of other noises. Moved into smaller 'special needs' sets with smaller amounts of children I was fine, and of course now I'm a university graduate.
In a way I never really got to like large groups. I also still don't like unfocused noise.
Don't get me wrong, I like nightclubs, but I will typically wonder around looking for small groups or one-to-one conversations, which is where I feel most comfortable.
Meanwhile if I'm at a table with lots of people, even if they are people I know a number of, I will sometimes find it hard to interact with people and become very quiet until I can start interacting with people on my own terms again.
With large groups of people I don't know at all I am likely to be deadly silent.
My Private Life
Is private.
I am reserved and I don't give much away. I like it and am comfortable this way.
I can talk about a lot of sensitive issues in the abstract. I can waffle about my preferances in romance, or the best way to deal with troubling emotions or situations, or the importance of using protection during sex. I'm much less comfortable with talking about actual instances with anyone other than very, very close personal friends and lovers (and even they may find me closed off)
The truth is you don't need to know, and I don't need you to know.
If I have a personal problem I will choose someone to speak to, or, more likely, create a filtered livejournal entry with at most a handful of people on it, and usually only one or two. I am very low-maintenance so even the people who I am inclined to share these with will not see them often, and even those will not be cries for sympathy or hugs, but for advice.
Good solid advice I can appreciate. One of the things I like about thepussykat is she gives very good, very direct, very blunt advice on what you should practically do or not do. That I find useful.
Less useful is 'have a hug' type support. The truth is that if I have a problem I'm likely to retreat inwards and deal with it intellectually. I won't be found crying, or in need of a hug, or 'acting out', or getting drunk at a nightclub to solve my problems.
There have been a number of things lately I could have acted out. I didn't get the grade I wanted at university, I've failed to get a job as of yet, my relationship with Elegy_Of_Flames ended, and those things are personal difficulties, but they're not something I require other people's comfort for, or feel a need to act out publically. No emotional outbursts, nor change in public behavior, no getting drunk to solve my problems, no melodrama.
In short, I deal with it, and I get on with it.
If you are a friend and insist on wanting to be helpful and be 'there for me', here is what I advise.
If you really must feel free to present me with an opening to talk about these issues if I want to, do not press the conversation and ideally only suggest the conversation and do not outright ask me. If I do enter into the conversation then what I am probably looking for is advice and straight answers.
Do not presume that I need emotional support, or hugs, or sympathy, or your pity in any regard, if you do then I will likely feel patronised and insulted. I am not an emotional invalid, and I am not a teenager, do not treat me like one.
As far as the emotional side of things goes, what is much better for my emotional health is if you could spend time with me and be your merry selves and have a very good time. I enjoy being around people when they are being positive and having fun; it's infectious and helps me move past my own problems.
Dwelling on the issue and other people raising them in conversation, or being 'sad for me' will only remind me of them, and that's no use at all.
So do the other easier and more enjoyable thing; have a good time. I prefer it when I'm around people having a good time.
Contacting me
I'm always happy to be invited out places and for people to let me know what they are upto so I can come along. In most cases I will try to make it as long as I can.
Best bet is email, livejournal, facebook, or text message.
Ringing me works as long as your brief. I hate rambling phone calls that don't come to the point and just use up my time.
Arguing with me
My intellect is one of the things that I have most confidence in. My ability to think rationally, to dissect what people have written, and my conceptual understanding are pet strengths.
And I like to keep them active in the same way some people like to keep their body muscles active.
Disagreeing with me is no bad thing and will possibly make me like you more.
If someone with genuine interest and the intellect to carry them through the conversation can hold conversation with me, particularly online, then I do enjoy it and you shouldn't take the adversarial nature of the conversation to heart.
The exception to this is when people try to hard, don't know what they are talking about, possibly aren't even that bright, but insist on spouting their mouth of anyway. We all make mistakes but please know your limits.
I'm a philosophy student, I'll have plenty to say on most basic subjects, but I also know that past the basics I can become lost and I recognise that. I can chat away about the philosophy of science and epistemology, as well as clarification of basic theories and ideas used in science, but I don't know squat about advanced scientific theory and discovery. I can hold a debate on the nature of aesthetic value, but I don't know anything about art history or trends, and I don't pretend to.
When people cross that line then it starts to bother me.
If you state an opinion, expect it to be taken as fact by other people, and fail to be able to back it up I will not approve.
If you state an opinion, and try to back it up with obviously flimsy argument that shows you don't understand the basics of logic then I won't be impressed.
It's pretty much that simple.
Morality
I am actually a subjectivist. I believe moral values are parts of our psychologies and thus our own, rather like what we hunger for or what we find beautiful.
However, that doesn't mean I don't think there are things that are immoral and moral and that the phrase 'it's all relative' washes everything away. My aesthetic values determine what I find beautiful and thus I call it so and admire it, my dietary preferances tell me what I want to eat and so I eat it, and my moral values tell me what I find admirable and so I admire it, and also what and who I should condemn, and condemn them and their actions so I shall.
Yes, other people may not have my moral values, but I do and I'll act on them just as sure as I will my hunger.
Fortunately my moral practice isn't so that is should bother people.
To simplify my main moral value is nothing other than the preservation of the happiness of other people and the minimalisation of suffering.
I personally only partially live up to this as my morality is only one part of my psychology and not all-domineering. Minor sins might include spending money on myself rather than giving it to where it may create more happiness. I guess I'm not morally perfect, no surprise.
All the same I admire people that live up to it, and disprove of people who don't, to the degree appropriate.
However, I realise that condemning people and expressing judgement of them all the time just pisses them off and rarely results in change so I'm not outspoken. Further, only rather serious cruelty or callousness will make me inclined not to want to associate with people at all anymore.
Thoughts: Drama
There's a certain extent where I have a morbid fascination with watching drama unfold as long as I'm not involved. Of course I don't encourage it but I'll observe and take in the experience.
Yet I don't tend to find myself involved in Drama, or find it hard to avoid. I'm always surprised when other people have room to complain about such things because it always feels like it must mostly come down to them.
I think what it comes down to is three things:
1) Learn to deal with and contain your own life and problems first
2) Respect other people's space and privacy
3) Don't add extra emotions and fuss to already dramatic situations
(1): This is obviously a person's own responsibility.
I don't think it's about not having serious issues and problems in one's life, just about how you treat those problems. If you're constantly making them into a big fuss and drama and putting them on display for people then you are the one trying to introduce drama in to other people's life and can't complain when it happens.
(2): Don't poke your nose into other people's drama.
If someone hasn't invited you to be involved with their personal issues and emotional problems then it's your own fault if you decide to be a fusspot about it anyway. Ironically you will often only make it worse anyway as people will often get angry and resent you for poking your nose in other people's business.
So, even if other people appear to be having serious emotional issues that may even seem needless from outside, don't poke your nose in; it isn't any of your business.
(3): What drama comes down to is 'making a fuss'.
Most things that form the basis of drama can be discussed and dealt with in a non-dramatic way. Someone just broke up, someone is having a serious life change, someone just cheated on someone else... none of these things should cause drama if people are mature and civilised about things.
If I find myself surrounded by someone's drama I'll be sure to remain calm and preferably somewhat disconnected. It's already a 'dramatic' and volatile situation and no one needs me pouring fuel on the fire by being a fusspot.
So, if you want to help dissolve a dramatic situation it is very important that you don't let yourself get stressed or emotional, and it's very important you don't make the problem worse by exaggerating the issue or being melodramatic in the way you perceive or describe the situation.
This is why I tend to find that it's dramatic people that complain the most and loudest about drama. Making a song and dance about other people's drama is in itself dramatic. Telling us your 'tales of woe' about other people's drama is in itself dramatic.
Because drama isn't about what life problems people go through, it's about the attitude which they deal with those life problems with.
Which is why if you are always looking for drama you will find it because you've entered into things with a very dramatic attitude.
Link: This is Wrong
Link: Glam Guns
Link: Altered version of that spining dancer test
Link: Dumbledore is Gay
Plans: Soton Events
I hear there is rumour of a Vampire night this Friday at Dungeon. Not sure what to wear, although I guess I could always drag out a black frilly shirt from somewhere in my wardrobe. Guess that is about adequate.
The first PhilSoc social is this Thursday, so I might turn up to that.
Got a friend's birthday party on the Saturday I probably ought to turn up to, but it's got a 'comedy' fancy dress theme. Having said that, Wrenny_bum is apparently thinking of doing a Rocky Horror dress-up for the day, which I could follow suit with.
I'm also imagining there must be a ton of Halloween parties coming up quickly, anyone know what people are doing for that? I'm sure people have mentioned to me but I've forgotten and not all of them seem to have been put up onto facebook.
Anyone else up to anything or want to tag along to something? :o)