(no subject)
Recently it feels like my whole world is crumbling around me. All aspects of my life have quite honestly gone to shit, and theres so much I could do about it, and I know I should, but Im having a problem doing it. Whats worse is I really need to talk to someone right now, I dont care who, as long as its a person, but no one is online, and its like as soon as I need help, theres no one around, but as soon as I say, "well fuck it" its like im the most popular boy in the world.
Theres something terribly wrong that Its almost 1am when I will submit this post, and Im having huge stomach pains and I cant sleep because Im afraid for my future, short term, and long. Its already April 11 and I have YET to submit a THING to Temple Uni, and Im afraid to as well. Im afraid that I wont get accepted for a whole SHITLOAD of reasons. Some reasons are completely unwarranted, stupid, and I may be blowing it out of proportion, others are legitimate and carry some weight on my psyche.
A lot of it has to do with the bar of "excellece" I set for myself. Also it goes with the perception people, primarily my parents and realitives, have of me. I had a cumulative gpa last year of 3.6, I recieved a ton of awards, all of the faculty spoke so highly of me, blah blah blah. I guaranteed myself acceptance into any college I wanted to transfer to, but with that plaguing my conscience day in and day out, it seems to have played a negative affect on my schoowork. Ive slacked off considerably, and now Im worried even If I will get into Temple. Dont get me wrong, Temple is a great school, has a solid curriculum, whatever, but when everyone around you constantly baragges you with "you can do so much better'', its hard not to think. Im so worried that if I dont get in, that its like, "wow, you came this far to fail, good job Rory." Then what?
I feel like Ive worked so hard these past 2 years here at valley forge, only to have it all slip through my fingers 36 days before graduation (yes that was my plug for my grad countdown). At the same time, I dont think Ive really done anything special, and that I wont get into Temple because I suck horribly. (for a lack of better terms). The fact that I bombed my semester in London, coupled with how late my application is being submitted, my stomach is in knots and I cant even sleep. I keep telling myself "I'll get it done tommorow, I'll do it tommorow" when tommorow comes, I never get around to it. Its not that Im busy, its just that I feign interest. Which brings me to my next point.
Ive been sleeping a lot lately. A LOT. Ive been slacking off on my classwork, and I skipped all of thursday and fridays classes. I have so much homework, and studying to do, but I havent done a thing lately. No matter how much it stacks up, and how close the deadlines get, i keep putitng things off. This will of course land me in considerable trouble come tommorow, but at even though Im really nervous about it, it still didnt prevent me from not going to class those days anyway.
In conclusion, maybe they're right. Maybe its not just some weird funk i go into at times. Maybe they were right when I said there was something wrong with me. Manic depression, bi-polar ADD, ADHD, Rage, you name it, they have suggested that I got it. Maybe I should go see a doctor and get checked out. It may help a bit. Suggestions?
Theres something terribly wrong that Its almost 1am when I will submit this post, and Im having huge stomach pains and I cant sleep because Im afraid for my future, short term, and long. Its already April 11 and I have YET to submit a THING to Temple Uni, and Im afraid to as well. Im afraid that I wont get accepted for a whole SHITLOAD of reasons. Some reasons are completely unwarranted, stupid, and I may be blowing it out of proportion, others are legitimate and carry some weight on my psyche.
A lot of it has to do with the bar of "excellece" I set for myself. Also it goes with the perception people, primarily my parents and realitives, have of me. I had a cumulative gpa last year of 3.6, I recieved a ton of awards, all of the faculty spoke so highly of me, blah blah blah. I guaranteed myself acceptance into any college I wanted to transfer to, but with that plaguing my conscience day in and day out, it seems to have played a negative affect on my schoowork. Ive slacked off considerably, and now Im worried even If I will get into Temple. Dont get me wrong, Temple is a great school, has a solid curriculum, whatever, but when everyone around you constantly baragges you with "you can do so much better'', its hard not to think. Im so worried that if I dont get in, that its like, "wow, you came this far to fail, good job Rory." Then what?
I feel like Ive worked so hard these past 2 years here at valley forge, only to have it all slip through my fingers 36 days before graduation (yes that was my plug for my grad countdown). At the same time, I dont think Ive really done anything special, and that I wont get into Temple because I suck horribly. (for a lack of better terms). The fact that I bombed my semester in London, coupled with how late my application is being submitted, my stomach is in knots and I cant even sleep. I keep telling myself "I'll get it done tommorow, I'll do it tommorow" when tommorow comes, I never get around to it. Its not that Im busy, its just that I feign interest. Which brings me to my next point.
Ive been sleeping a lot lately. A LOT. Ive been slacking off on my classwork, and I skipped all of thursday and fridays classes. I have so much homework, and studying to do, but I havent done a thing lately. No matter how much it stacks up, and how close the deadlines get, i keep putitng things off. This will of course land me in considerable trouble come tommorow, but at even though Im really nervous about it, it still didnt prevent me from not going to class those days anyway.
In conclusion, maybe they're right. Maybe its not just some weird funk i go into at times. Maybe they were right when I said there was something wrong with me. Manic depression, bi-polar ADD, ADHD, Rage, you name it, they have suggested that I got it. Maybe I should go see a doctor and get checked out. It may help a bit. Suggestions?