Not as bad as it sounds
Current Book: San Manuel Bueno Martir by Miguel de Unamumo
Current Movie: A Clockwork Orange
I feel like the greatest reflection of my current situation lies in the cleaniness of my room. Barring the occassional parental insistence despite personal apathy, my life can be reduced to the orderliness of my book shevles, the work space on my desk, and the ability to walk from my bed to my door without fear of tripping on some haphazardly placed oject.
As I type this, my room is a fucking mess.
I find myself heading everywhere but never getting anywhere. I seem to be taking hundreds of separate paths simultaneously. Yet, when I take a moment to figure out where I am, I haven't taken a step out of my front door. I'm desperate for this year to be over. I need to find something that'll get me out of this perpetual state of melancholy. I find myself being the diligent soldier (taking commands and never stopping to ask whethere they should be carried out in the first place). I used to view homework as a means to an end. I did homework because I realized it was a necessity. Now, it seems as if I do homework for the sake of doing it. Not that its enjoyable, but I no longer see what the end result will be.
I need something for this myopia I've developed for personal situations. Bring me back to the time where I saw everything clearly-where my actions had some greater meaning in the big scheme of things. Hopefully, I'll find that path soon enough and be redirected to the optimism I used to have.
And, if all this fails, at least let me clean this room.
Current Movie: A Clockwork Orange
I feel like the greatest reflection of my current situation lies in the cleaniness of my room. Barring the occassional parental insistence despite personal apathy, my life can be reduced to the orderliness of my book shevles, the work space on my desk, and the ability to walk from my bed to my door without fear of tripping on some haphazardly placed oject.
As I type this, my room is a fucking mess.
I find myself heading everywhere but never getting anywhere. I seem to be taking hundreds of separate paths simultaneously. Yet, when I take a moment to figure out where I am, I haven't taken a step out of my front door. I'm desperate for this year to be over. I need to find something that'll get me out of this perpetual state of melancholy. I find myself being the diligent soldier (taking commands and never stopping to ask whethere they should be carried out in the first place). I used to view homework as a means to an end. I did homework because I realized it was a necessity. Now, it seems as if I do homework for the sake of doing it. Not that its enjoyable, but I no longer see what the end result will be.
I need something for this myopia I've developed for personal situations. Bring me back to the time where I saw everything clearly-where my actions had some greater meaning in the big scheme of things. Hopefully, I'll find that path soon enough and be redirected to the optimism I used to have.
And, if all this fails, at least let me clean this room.