Parasite- Week 1 Brigits Flame

[wierdauntie]

Parasite

A long day

tired

I curl on my couch

TV montage in front of

Unseeing eyes

my dog with me.

Stroke, stroke

the silky coat

Soothes me.

There’s something there

A warty bump

I feel deeper, grab hold

Pull

Can’t believe I’m holding

Fat bulb of blood

With legs-

"YUCK!"

Not tired anymore

Running to the bathroom

Comments

[covenmouse]

*snickers and claps* that was cute

[wierdauntie]

Wish it were cute in real life. *shudders*

[rephen]

Awww. I hope your actual doggie's not having a case of ticks?

That was adorable!

[wierdauntie]

Yes. There are ticks. Supremely gross ticks. The only good thing is they don't jump like fleas.

[innana88]

Fat bulb of blood
with legs.

"With legs" is most awesome line! Sooooo disgusting.

My only suggestions are to drop the "TICK!" That's already apparent. Keep the rhythm of the penultimate stanza (sorry, I never get to use that word and it friggin' rocks) flowing into the final stanza by dropping the "I'm"s of the first two lines.

Congrats on a fun and daring (outside your comfort zone) entry. I enjoyed it!

[wierdauntie]

Im going to take your suggestions- right now! Thanks, nanna!

[toxic_apiaceae]

UGH! God, I had that happen to me when I was petting a friend's dog! The thing was seriously the size of a grape. **SHUDDERS** Awesome job.

[cedarwolfsinger]

YUCK, indeed. Well done.