FUCK YOU, FOX!
I'm still fuming about "Arrested Development." I hurt all over. I'm pissed and this time, I'm not going to take it when FOX cancels a show I love.
It's time for a rant.
The Top 5 Reasons I Hate FOX
(aka Five Ways FOX Made Me a Loser in 6th Grade and Left Me With Nothing To Show For It)
5. Too Many God Damn Reality Shows
(aka No One Wants Money That Bad... Except For The People Who Would Actually Watch These Shows)
FOX fills its schedule with repeats of repeats of lame ass reality shows that were never really interesting in the first place. I remember reading an article on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" when it premiered and just knowing that the shit was going to hit the fan. Add in "Survivor," and television was well on its way to being nothing but one shit sandwich after another. Anyone remember "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" Oh, clever. Jesus, FOX just had to beat out all of the other shows by adding on the multi-millionaire part. That's just great. Hey, was anyone a fan of "Big Fat Obnoxious Boss"? Probably not. You might have been too busy watching "Married by America." Oh no, wait, you were actually busy cutting off your own oxygen supply with a belt. FUCK YOU, FOX.
4. Hey, let's cancel shit before it can find an audience!
(aka How the Friday Death Slot Gets Rid of Shit FOX Didn't Really Want to Air in the First Place)
I think trading off "The Ben Stiller Show" and "The Critic" for newcomers like "Quintuplets" and "Pauly" was a super idea. Because, let's face it, obviously Pauly Shore's career has been far better than Ben Stiller's over the past decade. And wasn't Andy Richter in "Quintuplets" too? Oh, God, wait. I completely forgot about "Andy Richter Controls the Universe." Yes, and I'm sure you did too. Hell, let's give every sidekick their own show. Meanwhile, I can go rent "Ben Stiller" or "The Critic" anytime I want to. But where are those "Pauly" DVD's? Up Satan's asshole, I do believe.
Not to mention... "Keen Eddie." "Firefly." "Freakylinks." "Wonder Falls." "Greg the Bunny." "VR.5." Countless others. All brilliant, all burned before anyone got the chance to find them, let alone watch them. I think it's hilarious that you can find this stuff on DVD (and it sells amazingly well), yet FOX couldn't give most of these shows more than two months to find viewers. But I can still watch the same rerun of "Nanny 911" four or five times in the span of a few months. Thank baby Jesus for that! FUCK YOU, FOX.
3. Let's take a good idea and beat it until it dies
(aka THAT'S ENOUGH PRETTY PEOPLE)
"North Shore." "Point Pleasant." "Pasadena." "The Heights." "Skin." "Time of Your Life." And how many of those shows has Kirsten Cohen's sister been on? Pretty people were never this interesting. They were cool in Beverly Hills and at Melrose Place, and even in the O.C., but this? Overkill. Thank FOX for knowing how to make a decent show and replicate it to the point of absurdity. We like watching pretty people every once in a while, but if I was looking for a plothole filled shitfest with one-dimensional characters and predictable storylines, I'd turn on "Days of Our Lives."
Oh wait, there's more. "That '80s Show" absolutely needed to be made. It was so witty and funny and original. Did you catch the episode where some girl dressed like Madonna because she thought the outfit looked totally radical, but it wasn't because it was actually crazy and sooooo '80s? HAHAhahahahAhahahaHA!!~! FUCK YOU, FOX.
2. Let's use Smash Mouth in our advertisements
(aka Why 14 Episodes of "Firefly" Are Still Better Than Any Other Drama FOX Ever Aired)
FOX broke my heart with "Firefly." I don't know what was wrong with me, falling in love so hard with a show that was so far from being anything I'd ever watch. There was outer space. There were cowboys. There were huge guns and a spaceship. A hot doctor, a loving mechanic, a quirky pilot, a mildly unbalanced captain, an insane teenage girl, a gun-toting sidekick, a preacher and a whore. They were big damn heroes and FOX killed them all before anything had the chance to even happen. I've read this before and it couldn't be more true: "Buffy" was Joss Whedon getting his feet wet, "Angel" was Joss making his mistakes, but "Firefly" was the show he was always meant to make.
I'll take shit for this show any day. I'll fight for it, because it had the ability to make me hyperventilate one minute and then weep the next. I have never loved television characters the way I love these people. And FOX took an axe to it before I even had the chance to celebrate having found such an amazing show.
I'll give it to "Firefly" -- it never quit. Still on the top sellers list on Amazon, it's one of the highest selling dramatic series DVD's ever. How many cancelled shows went on to have a major motion picture that premiered at number two in theaters and has grossed nearly $40 million? Um, that'd be NONE. That's right, FOX. Go ahead and dump shit into Friday time slots and cancel it after 11 episodes. See how hard we'll fight back. SUCK A FUCK, FOX.
1. Let's fuck Opie as hard as we can. Ehhhhhhh, let's even fuck the Fonz!
(aka Why "Arrested Development" Is The Best Show Ever Made)
So, FOX, what are you thinking here? You think we don't know when to laugh when there isn't a laugh track? Maybe we don't understand innuendos? Maybe we're sick of seeing something different and clever? Or maybe America just isn't ready to understand a comedy about a fucked up family?
This kills me. More than anything. I've loved so many shows over my 21 years of life. I've fallen for everything from ER doctors to FBI agents to survivors on an island. But then, one night while watching Jason Bateman deliver a perfect scene with David Cross, it hit me: "Arrested Development" is the best television show I've ever seen. I laugh harder every time I rewatch an episode. I find something new I missed with every reviewing. I'm actually intellectually challenged while also sort of peeing my pants at the same time. "Arrested Development" gives me the best television half hour I spend every week.
Have you missed this show? Don't worry, I won't club you in the face just yet. You still have a chance to rent the DVDs. To illegally download the episodes. To catch the last 5 shows that FOX is allowing to be shot and aired before they cut apart the Emmy award winning cast. The critics weren't lying, I promise. Watch one episode, one disc, one scene even and you'll understand. It's a show that takes everything clever from the first season and builds on it so much over the next two seasons that, by now, I feel like I'm in on a huge inside joke with the cast. It's the only set of DVD's that I've watched every single second of, from episode commentaries to behind the scenes development of how the show was made. Look for David Cross's most superior rant on how hard FOX fucking blows at life on the second season blooper reel -- trust me, you'll fall in love. You just might be inhuman if you don't.
FOX cancelled "Arrested Development" this week. I thought I was OK with it, but then I saw one of those game machines with the claw arm that picks up crappy stuffed animals, and I kind of wanted to cry.
Do you love this show the way I do? Then let's do something about it. I've never been motivated in my life to actually write a letter to a TV station, but today, the thought crossed my mind that I should photocopy a thousand pictures of my middle finger at work and mail them off to FOX, and it filled me with a fantastic sense of satisfaction.
Let's do it, kids. Let's fuck FOX together.
SaveOurBluths.com has printed the addresses:
A courteous, well-written, professional letter to Fox executives is the most-effective tool for the average, non-Nielsen viewer.
Note that Mr. Liguori and Ms. Ross work at FOX Broadcasting, and are responsible for Fox scheduling; whereas Mr. Newman and Ms. Walden work at Fox Television, and are responsible for producing the show.
Peter Liguori
President of Entertainment
FOX Broadcasting
10201 West Pico Blvd.
Building 100, Room 4450
Los Angeles CA 90035
Marcy Ross
Senior Vice President of Current Programming
FOX Broadcasting
10201 West Pico Blvd
Building 100, Room 4150
Los Angeles, CA 90035
Mr. Gary Newman or Ms. Dana Walden
Twentieth Century Fox Television
10201 West Pico Blvd
Building 88, Room 259
Los Angeles, CA 90035
ETA: For more information on campaigns being arranged by AD fans, check out all of the information listed here!
SIGN THE PETITION: link!
(I'm assuming this is just one of many petitions... if anyone knows of any others, let me know and I'll link it here!)
Love,
Me.
It's time for a rant.
The Top 5 Reasons I Hate FOX
(aka Five Ways FOX Made Me a Loser in 6th Grade and Left Me With Nothing To Show For It)
5. Too Many God Damn Reality Shows
(aka No One Wants Money That Bad... Except For The People Who Would Actually Watch These Shows)
FOX fills its schedule with repeats of repeats of lame ass reality shows that were never really interesting in the first place. I remember reading an article on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" when it premiered and just knowing that the shit was going to hit the fan. Add in "Survivor," and television was well on its way to being nothing but one shit sandwich after another. Anyone remember "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" Oh, clever. Jesus, FOX just had to beat out all of the other shows by adding on the multi-millionaire part. That's just great. Hey, was anyone a fan of "Big Fat Obnoxious Boss"? Probably not. You might have been too busy watching "Married by America." Oh no, wait, you were actually busy cutting off your own oxygen supply with a belt. FUCK YOU, FOX.
4. Hey, let's cancel shit before it can find an audience!
(aka How the Friday Death Slot Gets Rid of Shit FOX Didn't Really Want to Air in the First Place)
I think trading off "The Ben Stiller Show" and "The Critic" for newcomers like "Quintuplets" and "Pauly" was a super idea. Because, let's face it, obviously Pauly Shore's career has been far better than Ben Stiller's over the past decade. And wasn't Andy Richter in "Quintuplets" too? Oh, God, wait. I completely forgot about "Andy Richter Controls the Universe." Yes, and I'm sure you did too. Hell, let's give every sidekick their own show. Meanwhile, I can go rent "Ben Stiller" or "The Critic" anytime I want to. But where are those "Pauly" DVD's? Up Satan's asshole, I do believe.
Not to mention... "Keen Eddie." "Firefly." "Freakylinks." "Wonder Falls." "Greg the Bunny." "VR.5." Countless others. All brilliant, all burned before anyone got the chance to find them, let alone watch them. I think it's hilarious that you can find this stuff on DVD (and it sells amazingly well), yet FOX couldn't give most of these shows more than two months to find viewers. But I can still watch the same rerun of "Nanny 911" four or five times in the span of a few months. Thank baby Jesus for that! FUCK YOU, FOX.
3. Let's take a good idea and beat it until it dies
(aka THAT'S ENOUGH PRETTY PEOPLE)
"North Shore." "Point Pleasant." "Pasadena." "The Heights." "Skin." "Time of Your Life." And how many of those shows has Kirsten Cohen's sister been on? Pretty people were never this interesting. They were cool in Beverly Hills and at Melrose Place, and even in the O.C., but this? Overkill. Thank FOX for knowing how to make a decent show and replicate it to the point of absurdity. We like watching pretty people every once in a while, but if I was looking for a plothole filled shitfest with one-dimensional characters and predictable storylines, I'd turn on "Days of Our Lives."
Oh wait, there's more. "That '80s Show" absolutely needed to be made. It was so witty and funny and original. Did you catch the episode where some girl dressed like Madonna because she thought the outfit looked totally radical, but it wasn't because it was actually crazy and sooooo '80s? HAHAhahahahAhahahaHA!!~! FUCK YOU, FOX.
2. Let's use Smash Mouth in our advertisements
(aka Why 14 Episodes of "Firefly" Are Still Better Than Any Other Drama FOX Ever Aired)
FOX broke my heart with "Firefly." I don't know what was wrong with me, falling in love so hard with a show that was so far from being anything I'd ever watch. There was outer space. There were cowboys. There were huge guns and a spaceship. A hot doctor, a loving mechanic, a quirky pilot, a mildly unbalanced captain, an insane teenage girl, a gun-toting sidekick, a preacher and a whore. They were big damn heroes and FOX killed them all before anything had the chance to even happen. I've read this before and it couldn't be more true: "Buffy" was Joss Whedon getting his feet wet, "Angel" was Joss making his mistakes, but "Firefly" was the show he was always meant to make.
I'll take shit for this show any day. I'll fight for it, because it had the ability to make me hyperventilate one minute and then weep the next. I have never loved television characters the way I love these people. And FOX took an axe to it before I even had the chance to celebrate having found such an amazing show.
I'll give it to "Firefly" -- it never quit. Still on the top sellers list on Amazon, it's one of the highest selling dramatic series DVD's ever. How many cancelled shows went on to have a major motion picture that premiered at number two in theaters and has grossed nearly $40 million? Um, that'd be NONE. That's right, FOX. Go ahead and dump shit into Friday time slots and cancel it after 11 episodes. See how hard we'll fight back. SUCK A FUCK, FOX.
1. Let's fuck Opie as hard as we can. Ehhhhhhh, let's even fuck the Fonz!
(aka Why "Arrested Development" Is The Best Show Ever Made)
So, FOX, what are you thinking here? You think we don't know when to laugh when there isn't a laugh track? Maybe we don't understand innuendos? Maybe we're sick of seeing something different and clever? Or maybe America just isn't ready to understand a comedy about a fucked up family?
This kills me. More than anything. I've loved so many shows over my 21 years of life. I've fallen for everything from ER doctors to FBI agents to survivors on an island. But then, one night while watching Jason Bateman deliver a perfect scene with David Cross, it hit me: "Arrested Development" is the best television show I've ever seen. I laugh harder every time I rewatch an episode. I find something new I missed with every reviewing. I'm actually intellectually challenged while also sort of peeing my pants at the same time. "Arrested Development" gives me the best television half hour I spend every week.
Have you missed this show? Don't worry, I won't club you in the face just yet. You still have a chance to rent the DVDs. To illegally download the episodes. To catch the last 5 shows that FOX is allowing to be shot and aired before they cut apart the Emmy award winning cast. The critics weren't lying, I promise. Watch one episode, one disc, one scene even and you'll understand. It's a show that takes everything clever from the first season and builds on it so much over the next two seasons that, by now, I feel like I'm in on a huge inside joke with the cast. It's the only set of DVD's that I've watched every single second of, from episode commentaries to behind the scenes development of how the show was made. Look for David Cross's most superior rant on how hard FOX fucking blows at life on the second season blooper reel -- trust me, you'll fall in love. You just might be inhuman if you don't.
FOX cancelled "Arrested Development" this week. I thought I was OK with it, but then I saw one of those game machines with the claw arm that picks up crappy stuffed animals, and I kind of wanted to cry.
Do you love this show the way I do? Then let's do something about it. I've never been motivated in my life to actually write a letter to a TV station, but today, the thought crossed my mind that I should photocopy a thousand pictures of my middle finger at work and mail them off to FOX, and it filled me with a fantastic sense of satisfaction.
Let's do it, kids. Let's fuck FOX together.
SaveOurBluths.com has printed the addresses:
A courteous, well-written, professional letter to Fox executives is the most-effective tool for the average, non-Nielsen viewer.
Note that Mr. Liguori and Ms. Ross work at FOX Broadcasting, and are responsible for Fox scheduling; whereas Mr. Newman and Ms. Walden work at Fox Television, and are responsible for producing the show.
Peter Liguori
President of Entertainment
FOX Broadcasting
10201 West Pico Blvd.
Building 100, Room 4450
Los Angeles CA 90035
Marcy Ross
Senior Vice President of Current Programming
FOX Broadcasting
10201 West Pico Blvd
Building 100, Room 4150
Los Angeles, CA 90035
Mr. Gary Newman or Ms. Dana Walden
Twentieth Century Fox Television
10201 West Pico Blvd
Building 88, Room 259
Los Angeles, CA 90035
ETA: For more information on campaigns being arranged by AD fans, check out all of the information listed here!
SIGN THE PETITION: link!
(I'm assuming this is just one of many petitions... if anyone knows of any others, let me know and I'll link it here!)
Love,
Me.