Esme meta
There's an awful lot I've wanted to say about Esme for the last year or so (I really should get my updates done a little more quickly) and haven't been able to because of it being hugely spoilery. Now that I've finally reached the point in the story that I did in chapter 23 I can write about her. I want to talk about both why my characters did what they did and why I wrote the story that I did, especially why I chose the ending that I did in chapter 23.
This will be very spoilery for chapters 17 to 23. It's also a little disjointed as I have so many thoughts about this plot.
What happened to Esme
Esme was changed into a witch by Aaron Pons, but he didn't just turn her into a witch. I hinted pretty heavily at what else he had done in chapter 19 when he was instructing Esme on how to deal with Dorian:
"I know this seems strange, you would think making your target into a witch would give him more power, but that doesn’t have to be true. You can use the transfer of power to take control of his will, make him your puppet. Remember that if your target wants to be changed this is the easiest spell you have, if he doesn’t you’ll have to break his defences first, but I’m sure that won’t be a problem for you.
“With this power you can be as subtle as you wish, if you choose even the victim need not be aware that he is no longer in control of his life. Or you may choose to break his mind and make yourself a mindless slave. I shall leave it to you what you choose.”
Aaron spotted the potential power that teen Esme held and used the opportunity changing her into a witch presented to take control of her will. He didn't exactly control her every action but he did replace her morality with his own and made it so she acted more like he would than like herself. He chose to take the subtle path; Esme wouldn't have been aware of what was happening to her until it was too late.
Esme left home because Aaron didn't think she was ready to be everything he wanted her to be in front of her family. His take over wasn't quite complete; there was a still a core of the true Esme lurking and he didn't want to risk the rest of the family discovering his plan before he could wipe that core out.
University
Esme at university was everything that Aaron wanted. Her actions towards the dormies weren't about enjoying their suffering but more about seeing them as things for her to use; they were so far beneath her what did their feelings matter to her. Of course her meeting with Aaron again was entirely set up by him; he wasn't going to go to all that trouble and not have direct access to her. The fact that he basically told her what he did to her means that he was pretty certain that Esme was entirely under his control. Of course knowing that Aaron was in almost total control of Esme their relationship is very definitely squicky, that's something that will have an effect on Esme for some time to come.
(Who Aaron is, why he did this and what's going to happen with him is something I intend to cover in the future)
Edward turning up proved that he was wrong. That little core of the true Esme was still lurking underneath Aaron's will. The plight of the dormies wasn't enough to set it free - much as she hated what she was doing to them there was no emotional connection and Aaron's control was very strong. However, seeing the pain she was causing all over Edward's, the person she loves most in the world's, face was more powerful.
That's when the shame and the guilt combined with the control Aaron still had made her run. How could she face her brother after everything she'd done? How could she face any of her family ever again?
Esme's wandering
That feeling of shame and the fact that she knew she wasn't in total control and knew that she might revert back to Aaron's control is what drove her as far from her family as she could get. Edward was wrong about her seeking out supernatural being, she wasn't actively going anywhere but away, but that research would have subconsciously driven the direction she went and led her to the Wise Old Man.
Once the Wise Old Man had helped her clear the remains of Aaron's control from her mind it was the shame that kept her away from her family. It was also the fact that she had no idea how to use her powers, all that knowledge had been lost with Aaron's control, the very last thing Esme wanted was to cause more harm because she couldn't control her magic.
The Witch Doctor offered to train Esme in her powers fully but she turned him down because of how much her powers scare her. At the moment she only sees her powers as a source of unhappiness and of harm; she has no interest in ever using them again (I haven't cured her though, I'm not finished with witch!Esme). Then finally she went to Bigfoot: to hide. Esme is deeply ashamed of what she's done; she didn't feel like she could ever face anyone again, especially the people she's hurt and her family is right at the top of that list.
That last scene
The ending of the chapter is one that has worried me ever since I fully formed my ideas for this plot. Not because I didn't like it or because I think it's tacked on (actually the very last slide is an image that's been in my head since July 2009) but because I was afraid readers would find it anti-climatic and disappointing. After all Edward has been on his grand quest, has geared himself up for what he might have to do when he finally finds Esme, and when he does find her she's fine and they sit down to talk.
For me this was always how this plot strand had to end. That final scene is the first I wrote for the chapter and, as I said, the visuals are over a year old. What Aaron did to Esme, fundamentally when you take away all the details, is take away her choice over who she was and she did, he was in control of her. If Edward had saved her he would have been in control. Now, Edward is 100 times better than Aaron but he's still not the right person to be in control of Esme - Esme is.
Having Esme save herself put her back in control and that is just as important as having her turn away from what she had become.
Edward's importance
This doesn't mean that Edward's search was completely pointless. For a start it was something he had to do for himself; he would never have been able to move on with his own life knowing his sister was out there somewhere and not doing anything to try and find her. But it's more than that; Edward finding Esme, while not what saved her, is what will eventually bring her back to her family.
Bigfoot said to Edward "No one find sister unless sister want to be found.” and yet he found her anyway. Bigfoot wasn't wrong nor is Edward somehow special, making him able to bypass the magic of Three Lakes and Bigfoot and find her. No, Esme wanted to be found, maybe specifically by Edward or maybe just by anyone who cared enough to look for her.
Esme hid because she is terribly ashamed of what she has done and doesn't believe that she deserves forgiveness for it. To her, Edward finding her means that despite everything she has done there is still someone out there that cares about her. It means that maybe she's wrong about forgiveness and maybe she can go home, which is what she most wants and most fears.
Final slide
That last slide is rather symbolic of how both Esme and Edward have changed in the years they last met and since she left home. He's sitting tall and confident, she's hunched and uncertain they're both in a very different place now to where they were.
Why this plot
I'd be surprised if there's no one wondering why I went the route I did for this plot. I essentially set Esme up as a legacy villain and then redeemed her before she really had a chance to do anything. There are two basic reasons for this - Esme and Edward.
Esme
I really love playing sim!Esme - she's an adorable sim in both her looks and her actions - and she has developed a very strong personality in my head. The problem is that sim!Esme's personality is very different from the one I've been writing for nearly two years for story!Esme. Part of the aim of chapter 23 was to start to bring them closer together.
Generally I much prefer to write my characters more-or-less how they appear in-game, both with their personality points and how they act (because we all know those points can be a lie). Sim!Esme is shy and nice and she certainly acts the niceness (not so much the shyness though). At the point that I did the rebuild Esme was still at 100/100 with Dorfl, Roxy, Edward, Errol, Evadne, Eric and Esk (they other siblings were too young to have known her). Story!Esme doesn't even know Eric and Esk at all - they were born just before she became a witch and she had nothing to do with them - but real!Esme spent a lot of time looking after them.
I've said before that I had to lock teenage Esme in her room to stop her from intruding on scenes with the rest of the family. The same is true with YA and adult Esme. There have been a number of times I had to delete her from a lot I was filming on. It goes the other way as well - other family members are constantly calling her up or stopping by her lot. I really don't want to have to keep her as isolated any more. It's still going to be some time before Esme can really be a part of her family again, but that is what I am aiming for in the long run.
Edward
The second reason is basically that for Edward to be the heir I want he had to find his sister and she had to saveable. For Esme to remain a villain (or really, to actually be a villain because I see her as more a victim than a villain) Edward would have to be broken, possibly irreversibly. Edward failing in his search would mean that he would have given up and that's not something I can see Edward doing easily or without the feeling of failure following him the rest of his life. Therefore, Edward had to find Esme and, if she wasn't to be saved, would either have to beat her or be beaten. Either option would be completely devastating to Edward - he set out to find his sister AND bring her home as his sister. If he had to fight her he would have failed.
I've already broken Edward as a child, built him up as a teen, broken him again as a YA and finally built him up to a place where he'd be a good heir I didn't want to do that again. I don't want a broken Edward as my heir, I want to be able to move with the next generation and an Edward in any of the other for this plot line would not be pregnant right now. If I'd gone with keeping Esme as evil I would either have had to have chosen a different heir or have a very different Edward as heir. Neither option appealed so good Esme it is.
Amsterdam
I do sometime wonder whether this plot would have been different if I hadn't been to Amsterdam, probably not but it might have been. I went to Amsterdam about a scene short of pictures for what I needed for the chapter 19 I was planning to write while I was away. That meant that instead of spending the seven weeks I was separated from my simming computer writing I spent it planning. That's when I decided exactly what would happen between Edward, Esme and Dorian from chapter 19 to chapter 23 and also when the image that is the final slide in chapter 23 first presented itself to me.
The chapter 19 that I wrote when I came home was quite different from the one I had been planning to write (and required rather more than one more scene of pictures). I'm glad for that change, I really like what I've done with Edward and Esme and I don't honestly think I could have done it better any other way.
The next thing on my list to do is a behind the scenes picspam that will probably contain even more blathering about Esme and Edward, but at least there'll be more pictures.
This will be very spoilery for chapters 17 to 23. It's also a little disjointed as I have so many thoughts about this plot.
What happened to Esme
Esme was changed into a witch by Aaron Pons, but he didn't just turn her into a witch. I hinted pretty heavily at what else he had done in chapter 19 when he was instructing Esme on how to deal with Dorian:
"I know this seems strange, you would think making your target into a witch would give him more power, but that doesn’t have to be true. You can use the transfer of power to take control of his will, make him your puppet. Remember that if your target wants to be changed this is the easiest spell you have, if he doesn’t you’ll have to break his defences first, but I’m sure that won’t be a problem for you.
“With this power you can be as subtle as you wish, if you choose even the victim need not be aware that he is no longer in control of his life. Or you may choose to break his mind and make yourself a mindless slave. I shall leave it to you what you choose.”
Aaron spotted the potential power that teen Esme held and used the opportunity changing her into a witch presented to take control of her will. He didn't exactly control her every action but he did replace her morality with his own and made it so she acted more like he would than like herself. He chose to take the subtle path; Esme wouldn't have been aware of what was happening to her until it was too late.
Esme left home because Aaron didn't think she was ready to be everything he wanted her to be in front of her family. His take over wasn't quite complete; there was a still a core of the true Esme lurking and he didn't want to risk the rest of the family discovering his plan before he could wipe that core out.
University
Esme at university was everything that Aaron wanted. Her actions towards the dormies weren't about enjoying their suffering but more about seeing them as things for her to use; they were so far beneath her what did their feelings matter to her. Of course her meeting with Aaron again was entirely set up by him; he wasn't going to go to all that trouble and not have direct access to her. The fact that he basically told her what he did to her means that he was pretty certain that Esme was entirely under his control. Of course knowing that Aaron was in almost total control of Esme their relationship is very definitely squicky, that's something that will have an effect on Esme for some time to come.
(Who Aaron is, why he did this and what's going to happen with him is something I intend to cover in the future)
Edward turning up proved that he was wrong. That little core of the true Esme was still lurking underneath Aaron's will. The plight of the dormies wasn't enough to set it free - much as she hated what she was doing to them there was no emotional connection and Aaron's control was very strong. However, seeing the pain she was causing all over Edward's, the person she loves most in the world's, face was more powerful.
That's when the shame and the guilt combined with the control Aaron still had made her run. How could she face her brother after everything she'd done? How could she face any of her family ever again?
Esme's wandering
That feeling of shame and the fact that she knew she wasn't in total control and knew that she might revert back to Aaron's control is what drove her as far from her family as she could get. Edward was wrong about her seeking out supernatural being, she wasn't actively going anywhere but away, but that research would have subconsciously driven the direction she went and led her to the Wise Old Man.
Once the Wise Old Man had helped her clear the remains of Aaron's control from her mind it was the shame that kept her away from her family. It was also the fact that she had no idea how to use her powers, all that knowledge had been lost with Aaron's control, the very last thing Esme wanted was to cause more harm because she couldn't control her magic.
The Witch Doctor offered to train Esme in her powers fully but she turned him down because of how much her powers scare her. At the moment she only sees her powers as a source of unhappiness and of harm; she has no interest in ever using them again (I haven't cured her though, I'm not finished with witch!Esme). Then finally she went to Bigfoot: to hide. Esme is deeply ashamed of what she's done; she didn't feel like she could ever face anyone again, especially the people she's hurt and her family is right at the top of that list.
That last scene
The ending of the chapter is one that has worried me ever since I fully formed my ideas for this plot. Not because I didn't like it or because I think it's tacked on (actually the very last slide is an image that's been in my head since July 2009) but because I was afraid readers would find it anti-climatic and disappointing. After all Edward has been on his grand quest, has geared himself up for what he might have to do when he finally finds Esme, and when he does find her she's fine and they sit down to talk.
For me this was always how this plot strand had to end. That final scene is the first I wrote for the chapter and, as I said, the visuals are over a year old. What Aaron did to Esme, fundamentally when you take away all the details, is take away her choice over who she was and she did, he was in control of her. If Edward had saved her he would have been in control. Now, Edward is 100 times better than Aaron but he's still not the right person to be in control of Esme - Esme is.
Having Esme save herself put her back in control and that is just as important as having her turn away from what she had become.
Edward's importance
This doesn't mean that Edward's search was completely pointless. For a start it was something he had to do for himself; he would never have been able to move on with his own life knowing his sister was out there somewhere and not doing anything to try and find her. But it's more than that; Edward finding Esme, while not what saved her, is what will eventually bring her back to her family.
Bigfoot said to Edward "No one find sister unless sister want to be found.” and yet he found her anyway. Bigfoot wasn't wrong nor is Edward somehow special, making him able to bypass the magic of Three Lakes and Bigfoot and find her. No, Esme wanted to be found, maybe specifically by Edward or maybe just by anyone who cared enough to look for her.
Esme hid because she is terribly ashamed of what she has done and doesn't believe that she deserves forgiveness for it. To her, Edward finding her means that despite everything she has done there is still someone out there that cares about her. It means that maybe she's wrong about forgiveness and maybe she can go home, which is what she most wants and most fears.
Final slide
That last slide is rather symbolic of how both Esme and Edward have changed in the years they last met and since she left home. He's sitting tall and confident, she's hunched and uncertain they're both in a very different place now to where they were.
Why this plot
I'd be surprised if there's no one wondering why I went the route I did for this plot. I essentially set Esme up as a legacy villain and then redeemed her before she really had a chance to do anything. There are two basic reasons for this - Esme and Edward.
Esme
I really love playing sim!Esme - she's an adorable sim in both her looks and her actions - and she has developed a very strong personality in my head. The problem is that sim!Esme's personality is very different from the one I've been writing for nearly two years for story!Esme. Part of the aim of chapter 23 was to start to bring them closer together.
Generally I much prefer to write my characters more-or-less how they appear in-game, both with their personality points and how they act (because we all know those points can be a lie). Sim!Esme is shy and nice and she certainly acts the niceness (not so much the shyness though). At the point that I did the rebuild Esme was still at 100/100 with Dorfl, Roxy, Edward, Errol, Evadne, Eric and Esk (they other siblings were too young to have known her). Story!Esme doesn't even know Eric and Esk at all - they were born just before she became a witch and she had nothing to do with them - but real!Esme spent a lot of time looking after them.
I've said before that I had to lock teenage Esme in her room to stop her from intruding on scenes with the rest of the family. The same is true with YA and adult Esme. There have been a number of times I had to delete her from a lot I was filming on. It goes the other way as well - other family members are constantly calling her up or stopping by her lot. I really don't want to have to keep her as isolated any more. It's still going to be some time before Esme can really be a part of her family again, but that is what I am aiming for in the long run.
Edward
The second reason is basically that for Edward to be the heir I want he had to find his sister and she had to saveable. For Esme to remain a villain (or really, to actually be a villain because I see her as more a victim than a villain) Edward would have to be broken, possibly irreversibly. Edward failing in his search would mean that he would have given up and that's not something I can see Edward doing easily or without the feeling of failure following him the rest of his life. Therefore, Edward had to find Esme and, if she wasn't to be saved, would either have to beat her or be beaten. Either option would be completely devastating to Edward - he set out to find his sister AND bring her home as his sister. If he had to fight her he would have failed.
I've already broken Edward as a child, built him up as a teen, broken him again as a YA and finally built him up to a place where he'd be a good heir I didn't want to do that again. I don't want a broken Edward as my heir, I want to be able to move with the next generation and an Edward in any of the other for this plot line would not be pregnant right now. If I'd gone with keeping Esme as evil I would either have had to have chosen a different heir or have a very different Edward as heir. Neither option appealed so good Esme it is.
Amsterdam
I do sometime wonder whether this plot would have been different if I hadn't been to Amsterdam, probably not but it might have been. I went to Amsterdam about a scene short of pictures for what I needed for the chapter 19 I was planning to write while I was away. That meant that instead of spending the seven weeks I was separated from my simming computer writing I spent it planning. That's when I decided exactly what would happen between Edward, Esme and Dorian from chapter 19 to chapter 23 and also when the image that is the final slide in chapter 23 first presented itself to me.
The chapter 19 that I wrote when I came home was quite different from the one I had been planning to write (and required rather more than one more scene of pictures). I'm glad for that change, I really like what I've done with Edward and Esme and I don't honestly think I could have done it better any other way.
The next thing on my list to do is a behind the scenes picspam that will probably contain even more blathering about Esme and Edward, but at least there'll be more pictures.