Maybe we all need to move on...
I feel it's time for my almost annual "proper" livejournal update. I seem to only update when I move house these days!
So yes, I'm moving again. This time though I'm moving into a flat where I can literally walk up the road to work. Also, I'll be living by myself. I got asked a couple of weeks ago, if I'd like to go and manage our Guisborough shop. It was a really tough decision for me. I feel like I've only just got settled into where I was. We'd finally started achieving, and I've been getting the respect and praise that I feel I deserve. Also, I've never done anything at all solely for my benefit. Basically my boss knew they needed to get a manager in, she wants someone who has a lot of dedication to put into the shop to help it perform (which she thinks I can do), and also she knows I drive over 50 miles a day to and from work, and how much it would improve my life overall if I didn't have to.
I decided in the end to take the job, because maybe it is about time I do something for myself. I know it's going to be really hard work, I don't doubt that for a second, but I know I'm willing to give it everything I've got. Then because I don't do anything by halves I decided to look for a place in Guisborough. I thought why not treat this as a chance to really gain some independence, and do things my way. It's going to cost me a lot of money, there's no denying that at all, but I'm never going to have the best paid job anyway, and if I don't do it now then when will I? Luckily, I've just been informed I'm also being given a pay rise, which is lovely! So everything's pretty much fitting into place. I move into the flat tomorrow, and the girls are going to come over on Saturday night, which will be nice.
I just wish everything was working so well with the rest of my life. I went out on Saturday for the first time in ages, and I did have a really good night, until I came home and ended up crying from about 4am til 6am. I woke up the next day and my eyes were so puffed up and sore. I miss one of my friends more than anything. It's all just so pathetic. We hadn't spoken for months until I got home and we spoke on facebook. Basically, one of my friends text me saying she'd heard a rumour he'd been cheating on his girlfriend, with his friend's girlfriend. Now, I could've chose to either not mention anything, and let everyone deal with it once the rumour had done even more damage, or tell him what I'd heard so he could set it straight. So I did what I thought any good friend would do, and told him. Then everyone thinks that I've made this rumour up because I'm trying to split them up. Now if I was going to start a rumour about someone, would I really then go tell them the rumour!? I don't know what he believes, I hope he knows me better than to believe that shite. He reckons we haven't spoken in a long time because he's busy, but then also mentioned it was because it's "difficult", as his girlfriend thinks I've made this rumour up. I know for a fact that she's probably been warned about me too. I just find it very unfair for someone to make an instant judgement without even knowing me, or the situation. So I've said to him that if he values anything about our last 5 years friendship, then he'll get in touch. If he wants to throw it all away, then don't. I won't understand it, but I will accept it and move on. It's just such a horrible shame. The amount of times I've been there for him when he's needed me, and it hasn't amounted to anything.
One thing that was said to me, when everything kicked off, was something like "I really feel for you, it must be really hard seeing him so happy with someone else". That hurt me more than anything, because I don't feel like that at all. If he's happy, then I'm more than happy. We were exes, a long long time ago, I don't refer to him like that anyway, and I don't expect to be referred to as that anymore. I just miss his company. Maybe I miss being someone who's relied on too. I suppose there's no point in caring about somebody who clearly doesn't feel the same, because if they did, things would be different.
I love the start of Bloc Party - So Here We Are. I think it's possibly my favourite song ever. I just don't get sick of it. Whenever I hear the start of it I get goosebumps. I was watching a film today and it came on, and I couldn't help but want to cry.
x
So yes, I'm moving again. This time though I'm moving into a flat where I can literally walk up the road to work. Also, I'll be living by myself. I got asked a couple of weeks ago, if I'd like to go and manage our Guisborough shop. It was a really tough decision for me. I feel like I've only just got settled into where I was. We'd finally started achieving, and I've been getting the respect and praise that I feel I deserve. Also, I've never done anything at all solely for my benefit. Basically my boss knew they needed to get a manager in, she wants someone who has a lot of dedication to put into the shop to help it perform (which she thinks I can do), and also she knows I drive over 50 miles a day to and from work, and how much it would improve my life overall if I didn't have to.
I decided in the end to take the job, because maybe it is about time I do something for myself. I know it's going to be really hard work, I don't doubt that for a second, but I know I'm willing to give it everything I've got. Then because I don't do anything by halves I decided to look for a place in Guisborough. I thought why not treat this as a chance to really gain some independence, and do things my way. It's going to cost me a lot of money, there's no denying that at all, but I'm never going to have the best paid job anyway, and if I don't do it now then when will I? Luckily, I've just been informed I'm also being given a pay rise, which is lovely! So everything's pretty much fitting into place. I move into the flat tomorrow, and the girls are going to come over on Saturday night, which will be nice.
I just wish everything was working so well with the rest of my life. I went out on Saturday for the first time in ages, and I did have a really good night, until I came home and ended up crying from about 4am til 6am. I woke up the next day and my eyes were so puffed up and sore. I miss one of my friends more than anything. It's all just so pathetic. We hadn't spoken for months until I got home and we spoke on facebook. Basically, one of my friends text me saying she'd heard a rumour he'd been cheating on his girlfriend, with his friend's girlfriend. Now, I could've chose to either not mention anything, and let everyone deal with it once the rumour had done even more damage, or tell him what I'd heard so he could set it straight. So I did what I thought any good friend would do, and told him. Then everyone thinks that I've made this rumour up because I'm trying to split them up. Now if I was going to start a rumour about someone, would I really then go tell them the rumour!? I don't know what he believes, I hope he knows me better than to believe that shite. He reckons we haven't spoken in a long time because he's busy, but then also mentioned it was because it's "difficult", as his girlfriend thinks I've made this rumour up. I know for a fact that she's probably been warned about me too. I just find it very unfair for someone to make an instant judgement without even knowing me, or the situation. So I've said to him that if he values anything about our last 5 years friendship, then he'll get in touch. If he wants to throw it all away, then don't. I won't understand it, but I will accept it and move on. It's just such a horrible shame. The amount of times I've been there for him when he's needed me, and it hasn't amounted to anything.
One thing that was said to me, when everything kicked off, was something like "I really feel for you, it must be really hard seeing him so happy with someone else". That hurt me more than anything, because I don't feel like that at all. If he's happy, then I'm more than happy. We were exes, a long long time ago, I don't refer to him like that anyway, and I don't expect to be referred to as that anymore. I just miss his company. Maybe I miss being someone who's relied on too. I suppose there's no point in caring about somebody who clearly doesn't feel the same, because if they did, things would be different.
I love the start of Bloc Party - So Here We Are. I think it's possibly my favourite song ever. I just don't get sick of it. Whenever I hear the start of it I get goosebumps. I was watching a film today and it came on, and I couldn't help but want to cry.
x