streamofconsciousness
spiders are spinning away in the trees buggies are bouncing around on the breeze...
that's the song from miss spider's sunny patch friends on nickelodeon. the kids really like it and i like the music - it's so cute. there's this one song that goes la-la-la-la-la-ladybugs, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-butterflies, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doodlebugs - and it is just a really pretty tune and a cute song and when i sing it to nicholas he coos with delight and smiles at me and cuddles up to me - the boy is capable of so much love - it amazes me - he is my little lover boy, he is!
yesterday i think i had a panic attack. i started feeling a little dizzy then got these sharp pains through my shoulders - all over, really - like around my shoulders and upper back - then I suddenly felt like my bra was WAY too tight - like I was being SQUEEZED by a boa constrictor - it was the strangest feeling - almost like suffocating - but more like claustrophobia and not so much like I was short of breath or anything - I have had a problem with panic attacks before and was taking Xanax for a while - so it was either that or something else is seriously physically wrong with me. after speaking with my sister on the telephone last night, she seems to think it could have something to do with my gall bladder - i don't know. i hate doctors and will go to great lengths to avoid them - so although she is worried, i'm holding out until i know that it is something i can't remedy with improved nutrition, increasing my water intake and a little exercise. wow, my brain must be fried because i had a hard time spelling exercise just then. took me 3 tries to get it right. huh. Anyway - today I feel much better.
i think i'm just getting old and things are starting to fall apart - my brian - that was supposed to be BRAIN - and my body are both going to hell.
maybe i just need to go back to work. i need adult interaction, stimulating conversation (not that i'll get anymore of that at a "job" than i get at home) and some kind of intellectual challenge. i also need to get some more physical activity. i think that lack of sex makes women stupid. remember that seinfeld episode where george got smarter by not having sex and elaine got dumber - that is SO me right now - elaine staring at that spinning tire going "wooo wooo wooo" and giggling. i feel THAT dull.
okay, i have some leftover pizza in the oven for the kids and i'm going to have myself a salad and big glass of water for lunch.
then we're out for a walk.
that's the song from miss spider's sunny patch friends on nickelodeon. the kids really like it and i like the music - it's so cute. there's this one song that goes la-la-la-la-la-ladybugs, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah-butterflies, doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doodlebugs - and it is just a really pretty tune and a cute song and when i sing it to nicholas he coos with delight and smiles at me and cuddles up to me - the boy is capable of so much love - it amazes me - he is my little lover boy, he is!
yesterday i think i had a panic attack. i started feeling a little dizzy then got these sharp pains through my shoulders - all over, really - like around my shoulders and upper back - then I suddenly felt like my bra was WAY too tight - like I was being SQUEEZED by a boa constrictor - it was the strangest feeling - almost like suffocating - but more like claustrophobia and not so much like I was short of breath or anything - I have had a problem with panic attacks before and was taking Xanax for a while - so it was either that or something else is seriously physically wrong with me. after speaking with my sister on the telephone last night, she seems to think it could have something to do with my gall bladder - i don't know. i hate doctors and will go to great lengths to avoid them - so although she is worried, i'm holding out until i know that it is something i can't remedy with improved nutrition, increasing my water intake and a little exercise. wow, my brain must be fried because i had a hard time spelling exercise just then. took me 3 tries to get it right. huh. Anyway - today I feel much better.
i think i'm just getting old and things are starting to fall apart - my brian - that was supposed to be BRAIN - and my body are both going to hell.
maybe i just need to go back to work. i need adult interaction, stimulating conversation (not that i'll get anymore of that at a "job" than i get at home) and some kind of intellectual challenge. i also need to get some more physical activity. i think that lack of sex makes women stupid. remember that seinfeld episode where george got smarter by not having sex and elaine got dumber - that is SO me right now - elaine staring at that spinning tire going "wooo wooo wooo" and giggling. i feel THAT dull.
okay, i have some leftover pizza in the oven for the kids and i'm going to have myself a salad and big glass of water for lunch.
then we're out for a walk.