Fic: Captain B’Elanna Torres - Session Eight
Fic: Captain B’Elanna Torres - Session Eight
Author: Widdy
Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek or Seven and B’Elanna unfortunately; Paramount does so I'm just borrowing them I will return them after I'm done.
Feedback: Yes feel free to feed me.
Pairing: B’Elanna/Seven
A/N: I would first like to say that I am in no way a psychologist, and I have never been to one so I have no experience with that, so this story purely comes for research and what I have read about the subject. So if there are any discrepancies or any glaring mistakes upon how this situation would be handled then know that I am exercising my artistic licence. However, if you have any problems with anything contained within this series of fiction then please feel free to inform me. This story will be a little dark in parts, and it will hopefully be uplifting in others.
This part contains some rather choice language, and mention of character death.
Session Eight
Plumbs of white swirled from B’Elanna’s mouth and nose, as she exhaled loudly. B’Elanna took a deep breath as she looked up at the exterior of the white Victorian villa. It was a sight that had greeted her every time she had visited here.
It was an impressive, and at the moment intimidating sight. The house which was usually so welcoming was nestled in-between old oak trees. The brows which had once held lush green leaves now held nothing but snow.
The path had been cleared once more, and B’Elanna could see the tell tale signs of grit that had been applied to the ground to stop a layer of ice forming. A warm glow radiated out from the lights of the house and B’Elanna could detect movement from the upper windows.
Her first instinct was to turn away. Her session last week had been particularly painful. She had only spoken to few people about that day. Some she had willingly spoken to others she had been forced to speak to. Diana didn’t really fall into either group, while she had willingly spoken to the auburn haired therapist she had also had been reluctant to do so.
Before she could do anything the front door of the villa opened. B’Elanna felt her heart stop as a small dog came bounding out of the open door and down the wooden steps. The dog was followed by a small girl who was wrapped up tightly against the cold. B’Elanna could see an expanse of dark red hair escaping from a white woollen hat that was pulled tightly over her head.
She turned and called back into the villa as a tall man with blonde hair dressed in a navy blue pea coat appeared with a leash in hand. He quickly moved forward with a smile and grasped the dog by its collar before it could run away.
B’Elanna knew that they must be Diana’s husband and daughter. She felt her eyes track upwards as the man rose from his crouch and held out his hand towards his daughter with another smile. The little redhead quickly grasped it and started to pull him away from the house along with the dog.
B’Elanna quickly looked away from the scene which reminded her of what she didn’t have, what she could never have.
B’Elanna waited for the sound of Diana’s family to fade before she looked up again. When her eyes landed upon the house once more, B’Elanna made her decision and crossed the street.
B’Elanna made her way through the gate at the front of the house and then through the gate that leaded to the garden at the rear of the house. She quickly stepped down the winding path that lead around the side of the house and reached the door that lead to Diana’s waiting room.
No sooner had she stepped into the waiting room, the door that lead to Diana’s office opened and the therapist appeared with a small smile upon her face.
“B’Elanna.” Diana said as her smile grew.
“Hey.” B’Elanna replied with a small nod of her head.
Diana held out her arm for B’Elanna to enter her office.
“How are you? How have you been?” Diana asked as B’Elanna moved through the door way into the room where she had bared her heart.
“After my meltdown you mean?” B’Elanna responded as she glanced over her shoulder.
Dianna’s head tilted to one side, “I wouldn’t call it a meltdown.”
B’Elanna laughed, “No, I doubted that you would. But, I’m good.”
“Good, I’m glad to hear that.” Diana replied with a nod, “can I take you coat?”
B’Elanna shrugged the heavy black wool coat from her shoulders and handed it to her therapist, along with her scarf and gloves.
B’Elanna turned away from Diana as the other woman started to hang her belongings upon her coat stand and swiftly made her way towards Diana’s sofa.
“I didn’t know you had a dog.” B’Elanna commented as she sank into the soft cushions of the floral sofa.
“Ah you saw Sparkle.” Diana smirked.
“Sparkle?” B’Elanna asked with a bewildered smile.
Diana rolled her eyes, “My daughter named him. He was her birthday present; he has a bright white patch in-between his eyes. That sparkles, hence the name.”
“It’s cute.” B’Elanna chuckled.
“It is,” Diana agreed, “although my husband tried in vain to get her to change her mind. I don’t think he enjoyed the prospect of having to shout ‘Sparkle’ when he runs away. However, David was the one who insisted upon buying Ally the dog, so its justice that he should be the one to endure the name. ”
“I can’t agree more.” B’Elanna responded.
A small silence filled the air and B’Elanna watched Diana as she sipped her tea slowly.
“Did Katy have any pets?” Diana asked as she blew upon the top of the hot liquid in her small cup.
“Straight in there this time?” B’Elanna countered.
“You know me well.” Diana smiled.
“I suppose you want to finish what we started last week?” B’Elanna asked with a sigh.
“Only if you feel up to it.” Diana responded, her face serious.
“I do.” B’Elanna replied.
B’Elanna tilted her head as she thought about the words Diana had just spoken. Did she feel up to it? She didn’t know why, but she trusted Diana, and at some point, she had begun to look forward to her hour of retrospective time.
She had begun to look forward to talking to the other woman. While she still felt pushed and prodded at times to talk about certain things, she knew Diana was only trying to help her confront that which she wished to run away from.
While it pained her to talk about Katy at times, it also pained her not to talk about Katy. She needed to talk to Diana, because she was sick and tired of trying to deny what happened, she wanted to celebrate Katy’s life. Because right now she felt like she was hurting her daughter, and disrespecting her memory by not rejoicing in her short life.
“Katy had a Halo Fish.” B’Elanna suddenly said.
“Really?” Diana asked with a small quirk of her lips.
B’Elanna nodded her eyes alight, “Yes, it was a present from the Doctor; he rescued it from some decrepit Starfleet lab and decided that Katy would be the perfect person to look after it.”
“Was she?” Diana inquired.
“Oh yeah, she loved it. She called him Urim.” B’Elanna replied.
“As in Urim, the Angel of Light?” Diana asked gently.
B’Elanna moved her head up and down, “Yes, the Doctor helped her chose the name.”
“It was appropriate.” Diana responded.
“I guess.” B’Elanna said with a small shrug of her shoulders. She hadn’t really liked the name but it wasn’t her pet.
B'Elanna watched Diana closed her eyes and released a deep breath of air as she shook her head from side to side. She gently slapped the arms of her chair and pushed herself up. She paused half way and looked in B’Elanna’s direction.
“Oh, where are my manners, would you like something to drink?”
“Yes.” B’Elanna nodded.
“Coffee, raktajino, tea?” Diana inquired.
“I shall try your beverage of choice, tea.” B’Elanna threw over her shoulder towards the therapist.
Diana smiled in response, “And it will be my pleasure to make a cup for you.”
B’Elanna watched as Diana rose from her chair and quickly made her way to the back of the room. Her eyes followed Diana before they returned forward. B’Elanna didn’t really want a drink, but she knew that Diana was going to make her relive some of her darkest days, and the longer it took to get to that the better.
The sound of clinking cutlery and crockery filled the air as Diana made her a cup of green tea. It didn’t take long for Diana to return. B’Elanna accepted the small cup with a smile and allowed the hot ceramic to warm her cold hands.
“Are you just going to wait for me to speak?” B’Elanna asked impatiently after Diana didn’t utter a word after sitting down.
“Do you want me to push you?” Diana asked patiently.
B’Elanna narrowed her eyes, “I am sure that that is part of my complex personality.”
“I don’t know, I think you just like a fight.” Diana replied with a smirk.
B’Elanna laughed as Diana took a sip of her tea, “You might just be right about that one, I have always been confrontational.”
“It’s a part of you.”
“Too late to change?” B’Elanna asked Diana with genuine interest.
“Would you want to?” Diana countered.
B’Elanna twisted her lips as she considered the question.
“Sometimes I get tired of fighting.” B’Elanna answered softly as she removed a coaster from a small holder and placed her own tea cup down.
“Why?”
B’Elanna shrugged, “I don’t know. I must be getting old.”
“You’re not old.” Diana insisted.
“Maybe not, but I feel old.” B’Elanna sighed as she retrieved her tea cup.
B’Elanna noticed that Diana’s eyes closed momentarily, and then they focused upon her face.
“What are you fighting B’Elanna?” Diana enquired.
“I have no idea anymore. I used to fight my Mother, myself, Kathryn, Chakotay, Tom, Seven,” B’Elanna’s eyes moistened as she looked down at her feet. “Anything, everything, and nothing.”
B’Elanna suddenly laughed and took a sip of her tea. She glanced upwards and tried to read Diana’s thoughts, as usual the therapist wore a look of absolute serenity.
“Do you believe in an afterlife?” B’Elanna asked.
“Like Heaven?” Diana frowned, a slightly uncomfortable look upon her face.
“Yes.”
“That’s a complicated question.”
“One you’re not going to answer right?” B’Elanna asked with a smile.
She knew that Diana would not answer her the moment she had asked the question. Ones faith or lack of it was something most people like to keep private.
Diana ran a hand through her auburn hair, “I accept that there are things in this universe that can’t be easily defined.”
“It’s a good response, well thought out and evasive. Still, that’s not really an answer though is it?” B’Elanna smirked.
“Do you believe in an afterlife?” Diana asked with a quirk of her lips.
B’Elanna sighed heavily, “Believing in an afterlife is something that is intrinsically Klingon. It’s drilled into you from a young age, you become a warrior, you live a life of honour and valour and you die. If you succeed in this you are honoured by obtaining a place in Sto-Vo-Kor. If you fail, then your travel with Kortar to Gre’thor, were the pit of despair is a welcome change from Fek'lhr’s torture.”
“Where do you believe you will go B’Elanna?” Diana asked evenly
“Who knows?” B’Elanna licked her lips, “Did I ever tell you about my trip to the Barge of the Dead?”
B’Elanna almost laughed as Diana’s eyebrows nearly crawled of her forehead. She had to give the human woman credit as she quickly recovered from her shock her shook her head.
“No, I don’t believe you ever did.” Diana asked.
B’Elanna took a deep breath and picked up her tea cup from the coffee table. She took a small sip and then returned it to its former resting place.
“When I was still on Voyager I went on a solo away mission...”
“I didn’t know you were allowed to do that?” Diana interrupted.
“You’re generally not.” B’Elanna answered. “It was just that I had to retrieve Voyager's multi spatial probe, it was the only one we had. Being stuck in the Delta quadrant, we couldn’t afford to lose it.”
“What happened?” Diana asked as she took another sip of her green tea.
B’Elanna ran her hands through her hair. She quickly looked at the strands still tangled in her fingers and mentally reminded herself to book an appointment for a haircut.
“The probe drifted into an ion storm, and I tried to follow it, but it was a mistake. The shuttle was ripped to shreds, luckily I managed to contact Voyager and they got to me just in time.”
“That was fortunate.”
“It was, but that’s where the story takes a supernatural turn.” B’Elanna informed Diana with a smile. She still didn’t know if what she had experienced that day was real.
“How so?” Diana inquired.
“In the real world I was in a coma, but my consciousness was somewhere else. I was on Voyager, but I didn’t know it really wasn’t Voyager. To me everything was real. Everything was the same, everyone was the same. Chakotay even came to see me in my quarters.”
B’Elanna watched as Diana picked up her PADD while mumbling the name Chakotay. After she had discovered who the owner of the name was she nodded and indicated that B’Elanna should continue.
“He brought me an artefact that had been lodged in the shuttles damaged port nacelle.” B’Elanna said.
“What was it?” Diana asked as she titled her head downwards and scanned her PADD again.
B’Elanna shrugged, “I have no idea, but it was Klingon and it was old.”
“What did you do with it?” Diana frowned.
“Nothing,” B’Elanna paused, “I just placed it down and... and it started it bleed and I started to hear voices, Klingon voices.”
“That must have been, disconcerting.” Diana concluded.
“You think? Harry, Voyager’s communications officer,” B’Elanna interjected before Diana could search for the name. “We analysed the artefact, but didn’t discover anything.”
“How did that make you feel?” Diana asked.
B’Elanna looked up sharply at the standard line.
Diana suddenly laughed and held up her hands, “Sorry.”
“I felt frustrated, why would an inanimate object bleed? Anyway, while we were investigating my little trinket Neelix invited me to a Klingon party.” B’Elanna closed her eyes as the corners of her mouth twitched.
“I take it that was unusual?” Diana asked with a smile.
B’Elanna snorted, “Yeah, everyone knows I wasn’t the greatest Klingon. I had desperately tried to erase every shred of my heritage from my mind.”
Diana nodded, “Did you attend the party?”
“Reluctantly. It was a nightmare; it was like I had been thrust back in time. I remember confessing to Tom that my Mother actually sent me to a Klingon monastery so I could learn ‘honour’.” B’Elanna said with a twist of her lips.
“How old were you?” Diana inquired.
“I was twelve; it was the same year my Father left. I was being difficult and she thought it would be good for me.” B’Elanna shook her head to dislodge the memory of her time spent in the monastery up top that snowy mountain peak. “Anyway, during the party, these Klingon’s arrived and started to kill the crew. Then I was on the Barge, and branded. I could hear the voices of my friends, calling out to me from Voyager. This tall dark Klingon told me not to follow them. That there are things there worse than death.”
“Did you know who he was?”
“Oh yeah, it was Kortar, the first Klingon, who with his mate destroyed the Gods and turned the Heavens to ashes. Whose punishment was to ferry the souls of the dishonoured to Gre’thor.”
“Did you believe him?”
B’Elanna nodded slowly, “Yes, but I had no intention of staying there. He told me that it wasn’t my time to be on the Barge, but that I had come close several times.”
“What did you do?” Diana asked.
“I fought. I ceased a bat'leth, and I tried to escape. Then she appeared.” B’Elanna said her face slightly pale.
“Who? Who appeared B’Elanna?” Diana asked when B’Elanna didn’t continue.
“My Mother.” B’Elanna responded faintly. She shook her head to dislodge the unpleasant memory and then continued. “Then I woke up in sickbay Tom was there, told me that I had slipped into a coma while on the shuttle. They had managed to get me back onboard but I had nearly died. I started to ask him questions. I asked him about the artefact and he told me there wasn’t one.”
“It must have been a disturbing experience.” Diana concluded as she crossed her legs and raised her tea cup to her lips.
“What that I had been on the Barge of the Dead? Or the fact that my Mother was there?” B’Elanna asked sarcastically.
“Both.” Diana quickly replied.
B’Elanna shook her head, “Well you would be right, it scared me, it played on my mind. I kept thinking about my Mother, I kept thinking was it real? Was she really dead? Or was it just a figment of my imagination?”
“All natural reactions and questions.”
“I started to research, it was the only thing I could do. I scoured every Klingon document in the data base, every story, every myth and I discovered it was my fault.”
“What was your fault?” Diana asked confused.
“That my Mother was on the Barge of the Dead.”
“B’Elanna...” Diana started
B'Elanna held up her hand, “No, it was. I had to accept responsibility for Mother being there, and I had to go back.”
“To the Barge?”
B'Elanna nodded her head once, “Yes, I convinced Janeway to let the Doctor put me in a drug educed coma.”
“You must have been very persuasive.”
“Oh I was, she didn’t want to, but I would have done it on my own if she hadn’t allowed the Doctor to help. So she had to agree.”
“What happened?”
“I went back. I found myself standing on the deck of the rotten wooden Barge in full Klingon Regalia.”
“Did you find your Mother?” Diana asked.
“I did,” B’Elanna nodded, “I found her in the bowls of the Barge. I told her I had come to lift her dishonour, but we just ended up arguing about the past. We argued about everything, we even argued about my rescue attempt.”
Diana was silent as B’Elanna took a deep breath and then continued her story.
“We were found and dragged above decks before we could do anything. Then this over whelming wave of guilt washed over me. I couldn’t let my Mother go to Gre’thor because I was a lousy Klingon. I loved my Mother; I would do anything for her. I pleaded for her; I even agreed to die for her, to go to Gre’thor in her place.”
“How did your Mother react?” Diana asked as B’Elanna watched her placed her teacup and her PADD upon the small table that sat to the right of her chair.
“She was furious, she objected to my offer most strongly. But it didn’t matter. It had been accepted.” B’Elanna responded.
“You went to Gre’thor?”
B’Elanna jerked her head up and down twice, “I did. It was Voyager.”
“Hell is the USS Voyager?” Diana asked with a bewildered smile.
B’Elanna returned her smile, “Well my hell was anyway. An eternity on Voyager, surrounded by everyone I love her, ridiculing me. My Mother even appeared telling me that everything I did was meaningless. I remember thinking, 'well whats the fucking point?' I didn’t know what the hell I should do. If everything I did was meaningless, then what was I suppose to do?”
“Did you receive an answer?” Diana questioned.
“Yeah, my Mother told me that it wasn’t my time and that I must choose to live.” B’Elanna answered with a nod.
“And did you?”
B’Elanna sighed at the memory of hacking into anyone and everything she saw until she threw her bat’letH into the River of Blood.
“Yes, I did. My Mother told me that I had taken my first step and that we would see each other in Sto-Vo-Kor, or when I got home. Then I woke up in sickbay.” B’Elanna suddenly smirked, “Try and analyse that one doc.”
Diana smiled, “I thought I told you to call me Diana.”
“So you did. Do you think I really went to Gre’thor?” B’Elanna asked eager to hear what the other woman thought.
“I don’t know. Your Mother clearly isn’t dead.” Diana responded calmly.
“She was ill, very close to death at the time of my trip to the Barge.” B’Elanna countered.
Dian looked thoughtful, “Did she experience the same?”
“She saw me. Had visions about me, but her experience wasn’t the same as mine.” B’Elanna admitted.
“Why did you tell me this story B’Elanna?” Diana asked.
B’Elanna rolled her eyes as Diana effectively dodged her question.
“I want you to analyse my experience. You can do that cant you?”
Diana suddenly shifted forward in her chair,
“I don’t think you do. I have no doubt you have questions about what happened to you, but I also know that isn't the reason you mentioned this experience of yours.”
“Don’t.” B’Elanna warned.
B’Elanna sighed; Diana seemed to have a way of seeing through everything she did. Every word she used, every gesture she made, it was like a torrent of information to Diana. B’Elanna guessed that it was a product of her training and experience, seeing the clues that people provided and then testing the boundary which they lived within.
“Why?” Diana asked.
“Just don’t.” B’Elanna said as she held up her hand.
Diana continued heedless of B’Elanna’s warning, “It’s a natural part of the healing process to wonder about what happens after we are dead B’Elanna.”
B’Elanna suddenly pushed herself up and walked towards the window at the back of Diana’s desk. “What if nothing happens?”
Diana paused, “Did you have crises of faith B’Elanna?”
B’Elanna ignored her as she rounded Diana’s desk.
“It worries you doesn’t it? That you lost your faith?” B’Elanna heard Diana say her voice soft and soothing.
B’Elanna nodded.
“Why?”
B’Elanna turned, her eyes glistening, “What if my doubt dishonoured Katy like I dishonoured my Mother? What if it sent her to Gre’thor? It did for my Mother.”
“Do you really believe that? You yourself said it was the accumulation of your rejection of your heritage that caused your Mother’s dishonour.”
“I know.” B’Elanna replied faintly.
“It’s natural for you to doubt, to question your faith B’Elanna. You lost your only child.”
B’Elanna knew she was right, but it was still hard for her to accept. B’Elanna felt her face slacken as Diana’s words stopped. She had begun this discussion because she wanted to talk about the afterlife, because she knew it would lead back to her daughter. B’Elanna chuckled humourlessly as she stopped by Diana’s office window. A crisis of faith was the polite way of putting what had happened. Others found solace in faith, were she had rejected it.
B’Elanna knew that she had allowed Diana to see behind her walls. She had sat and asked herself when she returned home last week. Why? Why had she told Diana about Katy? Why had she let her see? She had only let two people see her pain since her daughter’s death; she had only allowed two others to confront her. So why had she allowed a third, a woman who she had only known for a short time. The only answer she had been able to give herself was that she wanted the pain to stop.
“What happened after the crash B’Elanna?” Diana asked.
“After?” B’Elanna turned and crossed her arms over her chest.
Diana folded her hands within her lap, “Yes after Katy was recovered from the shuttle.”
B’Elanna winced, “I howled for her.”
“To warn of her coming to Sto-Vo-Kor?”
B’Elanna nodded as she looked everywhere but Diana. “Yes, then they took her away from me. They took my baby.”
“Who took her away B’Elanna?” Diana asked gently.
“Men, just men I don’t remember who they were.” B’Elanna said her voice flat.
B’Elanna squeezed her eyes shut tight as the image of her lifeless daughter flashed behind her eyes. It pained B’Elanna that she couldn’t remember her daughters scent, but she could still recall that the hair clip Katy had won in her hair that morning had been absent when she had held her in her arms.
“Did you try to stop them?” Diana inquired breaking the silence that had fallen.
B’Elanna’s eyes snapped open at the question.
“What do you think? Kathryn managed to pull me away with the help of Tom’s Father. I watched them place her body in a medical shuttle and I truly lost it then, I tried to kill him.” B’Elanna answered angrily.
“Tom.” Diana guessed.
“Yes, Tom. He was just standing there watching. I felt all my anger bubble and boil over and I ran at him screaming. I wanted to break him. I wanted to rip him limb from limb, I wanted to plunge my hand into his chest and rip out his heart and I wanted to bath in his blood.” B’Elanna spat, her lip curled back. She could feel a growl of fury building in her throat as she recalled wanting to kill her ex-husband.
“Did he try to stop you?” Diana asked as she inhaled.
B’Elanna shook her head, “He let me beat him. I just hit him and hit him and hit him. It took three of the rescue team to restrain me while one of them sedated me.”
“What happened then?” Diana inquired.
“I woke up in a medical facility?” B’Elanna closed her eyes and released a shuddering breath of air. “It was horrible.”
“The medical facility?” Diana asked with a frown.
“No, waking up. I had forgotten. For a split second there was peace. Sleep had taken away all my worries and then just as soon, they came back. While I slept my daughter was alive in my dreams, and when I awoke my mind relived her death all over again.” B’Elanna replied with a shudder.
“Did they want you to stay in the medical facility?”
“Yeah.” B’Elanna wet her lips as she slowly made her way back to Diana’s sofa.
She knew that they had been concerned for her health. She had overheard muttered voices while she struggled to wake discussing suicide.
“You didn’t want to stay.” Diana guessed.
B’Elanna shook her head, “No, but they wouldn’t let me leave, they told me they were concerned for my safety. I just wanted to know where my baby was.”
“How long did they keep you in the medical facility?” Diana asked as B’Elanna dropped heavily onto the soft flora cushions.
“A day.” B’Elanna replied.
“Why only a day?” Diana inquired.
B’Elanna smiled slightly, “I contacted my Mother.”
“Was anyone else there when you awoke?”
“My Father.” B’Elanna could still remember the tears that had fallen down her Father’s face as he had held her hand.
“Was he the only one?”
“No, the Doctor was there as well.” B’Elanna replied, “He was Katy’s Godfather, did I tell you that?”
“No B’Elanna you didn’t.” Diana answered with a small quirk of her lips.
B’Elanna returned her smile as she looked towards the other woman. “He used to spoil her rotten; every time he visited he would bring her something.”
“Like the halo fish?” Diana asked.
“Yeah.” B’Elanna said with a small nod.
“What happened when you contacted your Mother?” Diana asked.
“She just told me she would come. She didn’t ask me what was wrong; she just said she was leaving now.” B’Elanna replied with a sigh, as she recalled how her Father had begged her to let him make the call. She had told him no. She wanted to hold her daughter, and since that would never be, she wanted one other thing, and that wanted was to have her own Mother hold her.
“Did your Father stay with you?”
B’Elanna nodded, “Yes, he stayed with me all that night. He disappeared when my Mother came.”
“Because of your Mother?” Diana asked gently.
B’Elanna shook her head, “No, he went to my home. He told me that he wanted to check that everything was ok. But I overheard him muttering to my Mother that he wanted to and make sure Tom wasn’t there and to clean any mess.”
“Was Tom there?” Diana asked with a frown.
“No, he wasn’t. When he returned he gave my Mother a strange look and when they thought I was sleeping I heard him telling her that everything had gone. My room had looked like a tornado had hit it, all his clothes had gone, some of his things, and his private shuttle.” B’Elanna felt her nostrils flare as she tried to quell the anger that had settled in the pit of her stomach.
“Where is Tom B’Elanna?” Diana suddenly asked.
B’Elanna’s head snapped up at the question. It was one she knew Diana would eventually ask. It was one that many people have asked.
“I have no fucking clue, and its best that way, because I think... I think I’d kill him, if I saw him. I know my Mother would, she promised me that if she ever finds where he is she will rip him apart with her bare hands.”
Diana frowned, “When was the last time you saw him?”
“On the lake shore. I spat in his face as they dragged me away, I told him I don’t ever want to see him again, and I told him everyone would be better off if he was dead.” B’Elanna said her jaw clenched.
“And you haven’t seen him since?” Diana inquired as she ran her thumb over her lower lip.
“No.” B’Elanna answered bluntly.
“Did he come to Katy’s Funeral?”
“No. He had no right.” B’Elanna said as she shifted upon the sofa and looked down.
“He was her Father.” Diana replied.
“She is dead because of her Father.” B’Elanna looked up and stared into Diana’s eyes.
B’Elanna watched as her eyes narrowed for a second. She could see that the therapist was choosing her words carefully.
“I know, but it was an accident.” Diana said softly, as she blinked once, slowly.
“I know that, and I think part of me has started to forgive Tom, but there is a part of me that will always despise him.”
“I understand.” Diana paused, and then asked, “Where is Katy buried B’Elanna?”
B’Elanna folded her arms and leaned back into the cushions at the back of the sofa. She threw her head backwards and stared at Diana’s ceiling. She could see a crack that had formed, and began to track its path.
“B’Elanna.” Diana called.
“Your ceiling is cracked.” B’Elanna said as she brought her head back down from its observation
“Where is Katy buried B’Elanna?” Diana asked once more, her voice steady.
B’Elanna allowed her head to drop onto her chest. “Next to my Grandparents.”
“Your Father’s?”
“Yes, Klingon’s don’t bury their dead.” B’Elanna lifted her head slightly. “They just dispose of the body, because it’s just an empty shell after all. The sprit has left. She’s buried with my Grandparents in a little cemetery in the Town of Taüll at the bottom of the Valley of Boí. Both my Grandparents were born there, I used to go and stay with my Grandmother in Taüll when I was little. My Father organised everything, while my Mother did her best to take care of me. I know it must have been difficult for her.”
“How so?”Diana asked as she folded her hands within her lap.
“I’m only half-Klingon. Klingon’s don’t cry. She could deal with my anger, my rage, but I know she struggled when I would just sob for hours.” B’Elanna said with a twist of her lips.
“Did she mention how it affected her?”
B’Elanna took a deep breath and then shook her head. “No, she was my strength. She just held me most of the time, some days she never left my side. Other times she would drag me out of bed, throw me in the shower fully clothed, force me to eat. I think she even forced me hearts to beat in those first few days.”
B'Elanna suddenly laughed, “She wanted to be a warrior you know?”
“Who?” Diana asked confused at B’Elanna’s sudden change in tone.
B’Elanna looked up.
“Katy, she thought it was cool. She had it all planned.” B'Elanna smiled, “She was going to take the Rite of Ascension when she was of age. She had even started to prepare, I helped where I could, but she mainly contacted my Mother if she had any questions. They adored each other.”
“Your Mother and Katy?”
“Yes, she spent most of her summers between my Mother and Tom’s parents. She would spend two week’s with the Paris’ and the rest of her holiday time on Qo’noS.”
Diana nodded.
“How did you feel about her taking the Rite of Ascension?” Diana inquired.
B’Elanna frowned, “I was concerned; she was only one third Klingon. I worried for her.”
“How did you help her prepare?”
“My Mother gave her a bat’letH for her birthday that year, she was so excited. I had started to teach her moQ'bara. It’s an essential part of the Rite.”
“Was she excited?” Diana asked with a smile.
“Very much so.” B’Elanna said as she returned Diana’s smile.
B’Elanna closed her eyes and smiled ruefully. She knew what was coming next. She knew Diana eventually steer the conversation back to her daughter’s death. She felt a momentary flash of triumph intermindled with pain as seconds later as Diana spoke.
“Do you remember Katy’s funeral B’Elanna?”Diana asked her voice gentle/
“Back again are we?” B’Elanna countered with her eyebrows raised.
“You do insist upon changing the subject.” Diana answered with a small smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
You have me all figured out.” B’Elanna said with a sigh, she knew there was really no point in not answering Diana’s question. By doing so she only delayed the inevitable.
“Hardly.” Diana responded.
B’Elanna crossed her arms, “No, I don’t really remember anything, just that tiny coffin, it just looked so wrong. So... unjust.”
The sound of a squeal and heavy, rapid footsteps quickly followed by a bang and several tiny barks filled the air causing B’Elanna’s head to snap upwards.
Diana’s eyes followed B’Elanna’s as they both looked towards the third door that lead into the room.
“I’m so sorry, I have told her...” Diana started.
B’Elanna shook her head, “its ok. That’s kids for you. She’s beautiful, she looks like you.”
“Thank you.” Diana said with a small smile.
“You’re very lucky.”
“B’Elanna...”
B’Elanna quickly looked away as Diana called out her name. She shook her head as another squeal ripped through the air. B’Elanna looked towards the exit. She needed air. She had the sudden need to escape. It wasn’t that she hadn’t been around children since her daughter’s death, because she had. It was just too sudden after what they had been talking about.
“My times up right?” B’Elanna asked as she pushed herself up onto her feet.
Diana glanced at the clock upon the wall, “You still have a few minutes, B’Elanna...”
“I'd rather go if you don’t mind.” B’Elanna said as she walked towards her coat.
“If that’s what you want.” Diana relented as she too rose to her feet.
“It is,” B’Elanna said with a nod. “I’ll see you same time next week?” B’Elanna wrapped her scarf around her neck, threw her coat on and pulled her leather gloves over her hands.
“Yes, goodbye B’Elanna.”
B’Elanna nodded once to Diana, pulled open the door and fled down the grit covered garden path.
Session Nine